


Not What They Wanted

by BSplendens



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers AU - Fandom, Transformers Prime
Genre: And other issues, Attempt at shrugging off sexual assault, Autobots won, Bad headspace, Basically just a lot of issues, Broken mech, But BY PRIMUS is he gonna try, Coping Mechanisms, Cruelty to a traumatized mech, Ex-gladiators, Failed attempt, Flashbacks, Forced merge, Gang Rape, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Procedures, Megatron's not sure how to be comforting, Mind Games, Multi, Nightmares, Noncon Drug Use, Oil baths, Optimus being a sweetie, Other issues related to that, Rape Recovery, Rapists pretending they aren't doing anything wrong, Scars, Self-Harm, Self-Loathing, Sensory Deprivation, Sex Slave, Sexual Abuse, Shutdown as a coping mechanism, Skewed idea of consent, Soundwave being very confused by that, Spark rape, Tactile fascination, Tell me if I need to add a tag, Very hurt mech, War's over, Who most likely has PTSD, degredation, mental scars, more tags will be added, noncon, physical scars, self-disgust, vaguely suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-31 11:53:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 92,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3977071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BSplendens/pseuds/BSplendens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war is over, and the Autobots won. Megatron has been cured of his dark energon contamination.<br/>Optimus didn't want anybody else hurt, so there are no death sentences. The Decepticons are in a cross between a prison system and a rehabilitation system, an attempt at getting everyone to get along. The more dangerous Decepticons are restrained in some way or another, and most are living with chosen Autobots. Some are doing fairly well, Breakdown for example. Some don't like the situation and are trying to fight, but they can't do much. And it's harder to fight a foe who isn't hurting you.<br/>Megatron and Optimus are attempting to collaborate with repairs. It's working fairly well, since they both have a fair amount of respect for each other.<br/>In all the confusion, though, Soundwave went missing. Turns out there were some mechs who wanted their revenge... and they got what they wanted.<br/>Soundwave, helpless and restrained.<br/>And there's only so much a mech can take before something snaps.<br/>HEED THE TAGS. Bad things have happened and will be happening. <br/>Chapter 7 is particularly nasty. You can skip it if needed, it's entirely made up of a very intense flashback. It just helps explain some things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hurt

He's stopped fighting. 

He can't hide, he can't fight... all he can do is try not to react. 

Sometimes they get bored if he doesn't react. 

It's hard, though... there's no way for him to hide himself. They can see every flinch, hear every involuntary noise of pain... thank Primus he's blindfolded, at least they can't see his optics. 

The only way to make it hurt less is to go completely limp and do whatever they want, like a doll. Or something broken. 

Maybe he's broken. He's not sure how to tell. 

Physically, yes, there are some broken things. 

His leg, for one. Someone wrenched too hard on the joint and knocked it out of place, and didn't bother to put it back. 

Something crunched in his chassis yesterday, and he can feel it grating if someone moves him.

His elbow joints are twisted wrong, and he can't entirely feel all of his fingertips. 

There's energon dripping into his mouth. He's not sure from what. 

There are probably some broken calipers in his valve. 

And there's energon dripping down his thighs.

And his armor is gone, latches torn away. 

The inner armor over his valve has been cut off. They left the inner plating over his spike, but only because no one was interested. His spark chamber, too, is mostly exposed. He can't look down and see, but he can feel the air against delicate inner plating. Sometimes he can feel claws, too, and sometimes...

Sometimes the rest of his frame isn't enough. 

Sometimes someone just has to reach into his chassis and paw at his spark. 

He's starting to wish someone's claw would slip, just a bit, and go too deep. 

He can't feel Laserbeak. 

He can't escape.

He can't fight. 

He can't hide. 

He's starting to wish they'd just kill him. 

The anger is gone. 

He isn't mad any more. 

He's just scared.

And hurting. 

And he wants this to stop. 

 

Soft chuckle nearby, then a weight settles on top of him, servos  gripping his frame.

He knows this mech. Slender build, sharp claws, smells like way too much polish. Likes trying to get a reaction. Manages it sometimes. 

_Just be still. He'll go away if you don't move. Just be still. It'll be okay... he'll leave soon. He'll get bored this time._

He's lying to himself. It's the only thing he can do. 

_Don't move. It'll be worse if you move. Don't move, don't move, don't-_

Outraged snarl from somewhere else, then  **bam** , crunch of metal against metal. 

Mech on top of him is gone, on the floor near him, crying out in pain. 

The ones who can't wait their turn are the more violent ones. He parts his legs a bit more, arches his frame, tries to make it so that the new mech doesn't have a reason to hurt him.

Funny. That sounded like a noise of dismay.

Maybe that's just disgust.

 

Soft servo on his leg, gentle against exposed muscle cables, and why is this mech pushing his legs together? Does he want a fight?

He won't get a fight. Soundwave doesn't move. Inside, he's practically keening in horror, but he doesn't react.

Someone else is undoing his restraints. So there are two of them. Either they want a fight or they're taking him somewhere new, and neither is good.

 

 "Soundwave? Soundwave, can you hear me?" 

 

He can hear, yes. 

And he knows this voice. It's Optimus. 

He's not sure if that's good or bad. The Prime has never seemed like the type to hurt someone for fun, but... why else would he be here? And who else is that?

He opens his optics for a second, trying to see, but it doesn't work. They've coated his optics in something, something like paint. He can't see, even with his optics open and uncovered. So he just closes his optics again and stays limp, hoping

they won't hurt him too badly. He's not going to respond.

 

"Fragging little- why would they- this isn't- little SLAGGER-" 

Someone sputtering in anger, then a noise like the mech on the floor has just been kicked. 

Ratchet. 

That's probably bad. 

He seems mad at the mech on the floor, though. Odd. Maybe he doesn't approve of the damage. Maybe he just wanted a toy to himself.

 

Something soft draped around him, a blanket, then gentle arms wrap around him and pick him up. No new restraints, just soft fabric around him, someone cradling him like a sparkling. 

Groundbridge sound, then the tingling pull as they pass through. He rather likes that feeling, though it's VERY strange against armor-less protoform- particularly his valve. It would probably feel good if not for the pain already there. 

He's on his back again, now, laying on a table. Not surprising. Cool air with a tinge of disinfectant- medbay? He hopes not... that means there are others here. But the smell isn't strong, and there's no energon smell aside from his own. Maybe

it's somewhere that's been cleaned. Maybe for this. 

Maybe someone is planning a dissection. 

Now he moves, slowly, until his arms cover his chassis. They can do whatever they want, as long as they don't touch his spark, as long as Laserbeak's docks are still intact. He needs those, in case he ever sees his little one again. He probably won't, but... he needs the hope. 

 

Someone lifts his arms slightly, then places a blanket gently over his chassis, covering his spark chamber. Not just that, most of him. 

And now his legs are parted again. He knew it. This is going to happen. And he can't help a tiny, tiny whimper, because he was hoping for a second that there wouldn't be any more of this. 

  
"Easy, spook. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just going to repair you. You're bleeding pretty heavily... need to get you patched up. I won't hurt you, I promise..." 

Soft voice. Friendly. Soothing. Must be some kind of trick. Not good. Maybe better than psychopaths, though. 

Then someone slides a needle into the point where his leg meets the rest of him, then does the same on the other side, and the pain in his valve starts to ebb. Painkiller. That's nice. Maybe this won't hurt too much. Could end up with more damage, though, if his interface equipment is numb and can't react. 

He can't quite feel what's happening. But he knows one thing; it's gentle. It's just slow, careful touches. What he can feel of it, given the painkillers, isn't bad at all. Sort of nice, after all the pain. Does he want someone touching him there? No, not at all. But, if it's this or pain, he'd much rather have this. He can't exactly tell what Ratchet is doing, but... that's okay. It can't be worse than what's already been done. 

 

"Soundwave, who-?" 

"Hush. Just get 'im some medical-grade energon. You can talk to him when he stops acting like a doll." 

 

Then servos touching his helm, servo sliding down his back, gently propping him up a bit. And then- energon cube pressed to his mouth. 

Could be drugged. But he doesn't care. He's starving. Biting into the edge of the cube to be sure he can keep ahold of it, he drinks as fast as he can manage, wanting to get his tank full before someone takes the energon away. Ends up sputtering slightly when some of the energon gets into his ventilation system, but he doesn't care. 

He's been tuning Ratchet out for the most part. He's expecting degradation, and he doesn't want to hear it. Something gets his attention, though, as it's accompanied by a gentle stroke to his side. 

 

"Hey, spook... can you feel this?" 

Then one of the medic's fingertips scrapes across something. He's not sure what, probably a point where two of the bio-lights in his valve meet. Whatever Ratchet's touched, it sends a burst of pleasure up through his frame, and he can't stop his legs from twitching. Oh- wow. He's not sure how he feels about that.

"I'm gonna take that twitch as a yes. That's good... the damage here doesn't seem too severe." 

 

Huh. Ratchet seems to be attempting to repair his valve, from the little he can feel... that's a bit odd. But, hmm... maybe they just want to be sure his equipment will still work.

He's not sure he wants that. Healing his wounds will ease his pain, yes, but that means people will hurt him again. At this point, he wouldn't say no to someone who offered to just outright remove his valve. It would keep people from hurting

him again, after all, at least like that. But that's not what Ratchet is doing... 

He briefly considers struggling. But it won't do any good... he might get a kick or two in, but it'll just get him hurt. Besides, Optimus is sort of... basically cradling him. He can't struggle. 

He's finished the cube at this point, and it's gently tugged out from between his denta. Now... if they've refueled him and are planning to repair him... maybe they'll remove the paint from his optics? Soundwave slowly opens his optics, blinking a couple of times, then slowly tilts his helm just a fraction to look up at Optimus. <i>Please? I need to see.</i>

 

"I... Ratchet... his optics. I think someone has painted the lenses. Is there a way to remove that? It looks quite uncomfortable..." 

"Seen that before. Cabinet on the wall, top shelf, small blue box. Surgery prep kit. Silver bottle is a very mild paint remover. Use that and some soft cloth to get most of it off, and his systems should be able to get rid of the rest. Just be gentle, and let him go if he squirms. People are usually pretty uncomfortable with having their optics touched." 

"Excuse me for a moment." Optimus whispers, moving away from Soundwave's awareness for a moment, then returns and slips an arm behind Soundwave's upper back. Moving slightly so that Soundwave's helm is in his lap, he lightly touches near one of the spymaster's optics, then very carefully uses two fingers to slide the spymaster's optic lids out of his way. "Easy... let me know if you are uncomfortable, but please try to stay still otherwise. If you tell me to stop, you have my word I will stop." 

 

His word? Soundwave blinks (sort of, one of his optics is being held open), but otherwise doesn't react. Is that actually... worth anything? Optimus has always seemed an honorable mech, so... maybe it's worth something. Optimus might stop if Soundwave told him to. However... he shouldn't ask. Doesn't want to end up owing someone a favor. Besides... he wants his optics cleaned off. 

He does NOT like having his optics held open and cleaned like this. It's not that it's painful, it's just... very unnerving. But he can put up with it. He's put up with much worse. 

After a few minutes, he can see again. Not well, but he can see. And... Optimus looks worried. His optics are soft and sad, and he keeps... he's petting Soundwave's audio fins, just a little bit, just with two fingers. It's... nice. Soundwave tilts his helm just slightly to the side, leaning into the petting just a fraction, unwilling to resist the first nice attention he's had in quite awhile. At this point, he doesn't care if it's demeaning. It's better than being hurt. 

Wait- Optimus is touching his servo. Is the Prime trying to move his arms away from- no, no, it's okay... it's alright. Optimus isn't trying to uncover his chassis... he's just... holding Soundwave's servo. It's... nice, oddly. There's a tiny flicker of indignation at being treated like a hurt sparkling, but just a bit... he'd much rather have this than what he's normally given. Slowly, he tightens his grip slightly on the Prime's servo, trying to keep ahold of the tiny bit of comfort he's being given.

 

Optimus' optics go even sadder at that, and he strokes his thumb gently over the back of Soundwave's servo, then looks over at Ratchet with the expression of someone watching a hurt puppy try to get up. "Ratchet... this is... who would do this? How can someone think that it's acceptable to-" pausing, he looks down at Soundwave again, at the broken mech laying helpless in front of him. "How could we not know about this?" 

 

"There are horrible people in this world, Optimus." Ratchet sighs, glancing up from his work for a moment. "And... we need to look into how this went unnoticed. Right now, though, you just keep doing whatever you're doing that's making his sparkbeat slow down." he ordered softly, then hummed softly, trying to get Soundwave's attention. "Okay, Soundwave... you're probably going to feel this despite the anesthetic. It shouldn't hurt, but you're going to feel it. Just... try not to move. I'm not going to hurt you or injure you any further... I promise." 

 

Soundwave doesn't trust the medic, but... he's going to hold still anyway. He gains nothing by fighting. 

He does feel it, a firm pressure high up in his valve, but he doesn't move... it's not all that unpleasant. It feels rather like spreading sealant over a cut, just in a place that he doesn't usually let anyone touch.

Hm... this isn't so bad. Ratchet's being very gentle with him, and... now that he's tuned back into what Ratchet's saying, he's realized that the medic isn't saying anything degrading. He's been... explaining. Ratchet has been telling Soundwave what he's about to do, as well as occasionally reassuring him that it won't hurt. Also, he keeps muttering about what he's going to do to the mechs responsible. He's not going into detail, but it sounds... ooh. Ratchet is very angry. Not at Soundwave, though... he's angry at the people responsible. That's... interesting. 

Optimus has that look again. He looks so... sympathetic might not be the right word. It's more than that. He looks like he wants to pick Soundwave up and make everything better. Soundwave almost wants to complain... almost. He's not sure if that's okay. It's just... he's not a helpless little youngling. He's not. 

He's a helpless little adult. 

And he wants Optimus to stop looking at him like that. He wants to curl up and hide away from those sad blue optics, wants to hide from Ratchet, wants to crawl under a blanket somewhere and not come out. And he wants Laserbeak.  _I want to hide. Please. I want to be somewhere else. Please let me leave._

 

Maybe Soundwave had squirmed a bit. Maybe it was something else. Whatever it was, Ratchet caught on. 

"I know you don't want anyone touching you, and I'm sorry. I need to patch you up so you won't bleed out, and I need to get your joints back into place before they start healing wrong. Tell you what... I'll up the dose of anesthetic a bit, and that way you don't have to feel what I'm doing. Just try to relax... I promise, I'm not going to do anything other than repair you." 

 

"I... Soundwave. You have my word... I will not let you be hurt like this again." Optimus whispered, lightly petting the tips of Soundwave's pointed audio fins. "And I will find out who hurt you... they WILL pay for this." 

 

Soundwave slowly blinked up at Optimus, processing exactly how sincere the Prime sounded, then dimmed his optics and tried to tune everything out. It was easier than usual... he was in less pain, and nobody was trying to force a reaction out of him. "He'd just... try to obey. Less pain if he obeyed. That was how it worked. 

Closing his optics, the spymaster did his best to tune out his surroundings, sinking into his own subconscious to get away. 


	2. Scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Optimus is horrified, Ratchet is MAD, and people are going to pay for what happened to Soundwave.  
> Soundwave is essentially trying to hide in a corner of his own mind. It seems to be highly effective. Well- hopefully that's what's going on. Otherwise, that broken act might not be an act.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is where the majority of the physical repair work takes place. Soundwave's out of it and Optimus isn't looking too close, but Ratchet is paying attention to what he's doing, of course. So there will be description of wounds and repairs. However, I will not be going into detail regarding the injuries to Soundwave's interface equipment.  
> Partly because trying to figure out that sort of injury makes me wince. A lot.  
> There might be details about various other things. I'm not certain at this point.  
> So: for anyone squeamish about, shall we say, intimate injuries, there will be very little description of such things. If you're squeamish in general, I do not advise closely reading this chapter. Or this entire fic.

Optimus could barely believe what was in front of him.

He didn't WANT to believe it.

When they'd gotten the tip that someone was keeping Soundwave as a pet, he'd been expecting to find the spymaster wearing a collar and leash, maybe locked in a cage. He'd been rather angry, but he'd understood why someone might want to do such a thing... it had been one of the suggestions of what they should do with the captured Decepticons. He'd been expecting to find an irritated but unhurt spymaster... the Prime hadn't been expecting what he'd discovered. His expectation would have been acceptable, barely... this? This was completely unforgivable.

 

Soundwave had been chained on his back, blindfolded, arms stretched up over his helm and shackled tightly to the berth. He was dripping energon from multiple places, and someone had stripped the majority of the armor from his frame, revealing every mark and wound from everything that had been done to him. Also, most alarmingly, he wasn't struggling in the slightest, despite the fact that someone with alarmingly sharp claws and obvious malicious intent was on top of him.

 

Optimus didn't usually react immediately with violence. He preferred to size up a situation first, decide if there was an alternate solution. In that situation, though, it seemed appropriate to punch the attacker halfway across the room.

And... Soundwave's reaction to Optimus' arrival...

Optimus shakes his helm, not wanting to dwell on it any longer, then resumes gently stroking Soundwave's audio fins with two fingertips. He hadn't been sure at first if it was okay to pet the spymaster like this, but then he'd felt Soundwave lean into him just a bit, and he'd decided that he probably shouldn't stop. At all. "Ratchet... is there anything else I should... is there any other way I can help?" the Prime ventures, looking over at Ratchet but carefully keeping his optics away from what the medic is doing. For one thing, he wants to give Soundwave as much privacy as he can manage. Also... he probably isn't going to be able to keep his lunch down if he looks too closely at Soundwave's injuries, especially what Ratchet is working on right now.

 

"Keep doing what you're already doing. Don't let go of his servo. Maybe switch audio fins now and then, those are probably sensitive and shouldn't be stroked for too long." Ratchet advises, pausing to look over at Optimus. "See if he'll let you open his mouth. Check if his dentae are still reasonably intact, and try to see where that energon is dripping from. He's probably going to cooperate, so... if you feel him tensing up at all, stop. I don't think he's going to tell us if he doesn't like something, so just keep an optic on him and make sure he seems okay with what you're doing. And... I don't think I have to tell you this, but be  _gentle_ with him. Oh, and maybe keep talking. People tend to like your voice."

Ratchet is doing his best to stay calm. He needs to keep himself relaxed, otherwise Soundwave is probably going to hear the anger in his tone. But it's hard... it's very hard. He was the one to run quick exams on all the Decepticons upon capture, including Soundwave. The spymaster had put up quite a struggle upon being hauled into the medbay, and he'd only calmed down after someone thought to explain what was going to happen to him. Even then, he'd kept his gaze locked on Ratchet the entire time, tense and passively defying the medic without actually fighting and getting himself restrained. That hadn't been too surprising. 

This, though... Soundwave wasn't just obeying, he was submitting completely, not even giving any signal that he didn't like what was happening. And there was no way he was enjoying himself... even taking into account the anesthetic he'd already been given, the spymaster had to be in pain. He should have been protesting, or at least reacting... but nothing. 

Ratchet couldn't help but remember practicing repairs on offline mechs, lifetimes ago in med school. Slag, sometimes the cadavers even reacted  _more_ than Soundwave was- at least the recently deceased ones would twitch if someone hit the right nerve cluster. This was... it was pitiful. It made him want to hurt the people responsible. 

 

"Soundwave... I'm not sure if you're listening, but Ratchet would like me to check where that energon in your mouth is coming from. If you are not comfortable with that, you are welcome to resist... I promise, I will not punish you for resisting me. I do not wish to force you into anything you are not comfortable with." Optimus hums, gently attempting to coax Soundwave's mouth open, then sighs when the spymaster doesn't react in the slightest. Either Soundwave is okay with this, which seems unlikely, or he doesn't want to resist... he's probably expecting to be hurt. 

Well... he might as well check for the source of that energon. Optimus shakes his helm slightly, then tilts Soundwave's helm back just a bit so he can see between the spymaster's (pointed) dentae. "I don't see any damage to his dentae, Ratchet. I do see a wound in the back of his throat... it looks like perhaps a claw mark. That appears to be the source of the energon. It does not seem deep, but it does not appear to be healing. Would it be best to apply some form of sealant to this wound?" 

 

"His self-repair is basically shot right now. Given that it's in his mouth, yes, probably best to seal that over. I know you have a first aid kit in your subspace, so get that out and try to treat that cut without getting bitten. And by the way, if he bites your finger off, I'm still gonna treat him first." Ratchet warns, though he isn't very serious. He'd at least stop the bleeding if that happened, but it's very unlikely that Soundwave is going to react violently to anything. Or react, period. 

 

Optimus retrieves the first aid kit, pulling out a small jar of vein sealant, then looks down at Soundwave and tightens his grip slightly on the spymaster's servo. "Try to relax... I promise, I will be gentle." he whispers, not certain if Soundwave is even aware of what he's saying, then carefully eases a sealant-coated fingertip between the spymaster's still-parted dentae in order to reach the wound in the back of his throat. And he's just getting more and more worried about the spymaster... shouldn't Soundwave be reacting, even just a bit? He isn't even- "Ratchet... is it possible for someone's gag reflex to shut off?" the Prime asks softly, carefully applying sealant to the cut in the back of Soundwave's throat. His servos aren't exactly small, and he can't avoid brushing against the roof of the spymaster's mouth now and then. Soundwave should probably be gagging, at least a bit... something has plainly been damaged. 

 

"I've seen it happen before, when the nerves there have been crushed enough that they can't register touch. He's probably got a numb spot in the back of his throat... since he's not going to tell us, though, just clean your servo off and go back to petting him instead of messing with his throat. So long as he can drink, and we saw that he can, that's not a concern right now." Ratchet sighs, then tugs a corner of the blanket over Soundwave's hips, having done what he can to repair the spymaster's interface equipment. "Now, pull him into your lap a bit and brace him as much as you can. I need to get his hip joint back into place, and he's probably not going to help me with that. Are you, spook?" he asks, not really expecting an answer, then begins inspecting an obviously dislocated hip joint. 

Ratchet can't tell if Soundwave was listening to him at all. Probably not. He's going to keep talking, though... just in case. "Alright, Soundwave, I'm going to work on this wrenched joint. I'm going to give you a fairly large dose of local to get the muscle cables relaxed, so you shouldn't feel too much, but do let me know if it starts getting uncomfortable."  _You're not going to tell me if you're uncomfortable, are you? You probably wouldn't react if I was removing your leg with a hacksaw. I wish I had some way to tell if I need to stop, but you're not going to talk to me, and you're very good at not reacting. I'm both somewhat impressed and rather dismayed._

 

Optimus tugs Soundwave into his lap a bit further, then reaches down and carefully braces the slender mech's frame. He's familiar with the procedure for replacing a dislocated limb, and he'd played this role several times before. Usually the mech being repaired is able to offer at least a bit of resistance, though... it's very strange to be handling someone who's alive but is totally limp. It's not the relaxed sort of limpness seen in someone who's deeply recharging, either, it's more like handling a doll. A broken, bleeding doll with a sparkbeat.  _I'd really rather deal with a soldier who's been wounded in battle... at least they don't typically act like they may as well be offline._

"Ratchet... have you discovered any physical reason for Soundwave to be acting like this?" Optimus asks softly, turning his gaze to Ratchet again. "Oh- and I have him braced as much as I can manage." he adds, gently taking the spymaster's servo again in an attempt to offer some comfort. "He is not going to move unless he starts struggling. And I sincerely doubt he intends to struggle." 

 

"Soundwave, I don't know if you're listening, but I need you to keep your leg like this. It helps keep your muscle cables from interfering with this procedure." Ratchet explains softly, coaxing Soundwave's (relatively) uninjured leg to bend, then pauses to inspect the spymaster's joint structure to be sure it won't interfere with this procedure. "Odd joints you got here, spook. Shouldn't get in the way, though." he mutters, firmly gripping the spymaster's dislocated leg in two spots, then twists slightly and presses until a distinctive **pop** is heard. "There. Got it. Now, Soundwave, I need to bandage this up so it won't pop out. Before I can do that, though, I need to get this joint completely cleaned up. I'm not expecting you to protest, and I'm not even sure if you're hearing me. If you are paying attention at all, then please, tell me if I need to stop. I need to do this, but if it's stressing you out too much, I can stop or try to make it less stressful for you. Alright?" he asks, then sighs when he doesn't get any sort of a response. "Optimus, just... tell me if he tenses up." 

 

"Understood." Optimus hums, though he's not looking over at Ratchet. He's watching the spymaster.  _I probably shouldn't mention this to Ratchet... Soundwave seems to be doing his best to be uninteresting._

 

Apparently the popping noise from his hip has managed to startle Soundwave into actually paying attention to what's going on. His optics are open just barely enough to let him see, and he's tilted his helm a fraction in order to watch Ratchet. He hasn't gotten tense or attempted to get away, though, he's just watching. Evidently he's okay with what's happening to him- 

And now he's gone back to the broken-doll act. Either he doesn't like what's happening, or he'd rather not be aware of the world right now. 

 

Optimus sighs, then goes back to gently stroking the spymaster's pointed audio fins, attempting to reassure the slender mech that things are okay now. Well, maybe not okay, but much better than they were. "You have my word, Soundwave, I will not allow you to be hurt again..." he whispers, now focusing on being as soothing as possible. Hopefully Soundwave will notice and open his optics again... the spymaster would probably feel a bit safer if he took a good look around and saw that he wasn't being hurt. "Look around... this is a safe place."

 

Ratchet finishes wrapping Soundwave's newly repaired hip, then looks the slender mech over for a moment before deciding to work on those twisted elbow joints next. Muttering something about cold rooms, he tucks the blanket gently around Soundwave's armor-less frame, making sure he fully covers the spymaster's hips and chassis. No reason to invade the spymaster's privacy any more than he absolutely has to. "Prime, let me know if he starts shivering. His temperature regulation systems don't appear to be active." he cautions, moving around the berth to better reach one of the spymaster's arms. "Soundwave, I need to remove at least one component from this joint in order to get it back into place. I need to keep your arm absolutely still, as well... this is delicate work. I'm not going to fully restrain you, but I need to strap this arm down." the medic cautions gently, using an electromagnet to fix a shackle to the berth beside Soundwave, then gently nudges the slender mech's arm into the shackle and tightens the soft strap. "There. That should keep your arm still, but this latch here can release you immediately if you get too stressed. I wouldn't suggest using it while I'm in the middle of this, but it's up to you." 

The CMO carefully injects a dose of anesthetic into the spymaster's arm, not wanting to cause him any more pain, then carefully cleans the area to remove the dried-on energon.  _Looks like someone twisted his arm around behind his back. These elbow joints aren't exactly durable. Popped the outer layer right off this one... gonna need to replace that later. Bandage will work for now, replacement is simple but might take some time. Shouldn't work on that until later. Best not to touch him any more than I have to._

 

Optimus couldn't quite manage to keep himself awake. He tried, but the day had been tiring, and there wasn't much he could do to keep himself awake. Watching Ratchet was quite disturbing, mostly because it forced him to think about what had happened to the spymaster, and it seemed a bit counterproductive to just be staring down at Soundwave. He ended up accidentally falling into recharge, sitting up and still cradling Soundwave's helm in his lap. Recharging without falling over was a learned skill, but one he'd picked up. 

When he woke up, Ratchet was mostly done, aside from- whoops, better not look. Optimus turns away, but not before accidentally getting a good look at Soundwave's spark chamber- and the damage done to it. There are claw marks inside the slender mech's spark chamber. They weren't meant to damage, though, they looked shallow... like someone had been  _pawing_ at the delicate inner lining. At Soundwave's spark. 

Well. That explained Ratchet's angry cursing. No wonder the medic is mad. To touch a Cybertronian's spark is to touch their very soul, and it is an honor reserved only for those closest to them. Even a medic doesn't touch someone's spark unless it's absolutely necessary, and to have that sort of contact forced... it was one of the biggest taboos in Cybertronian culture, and for good reason. 

 

Ratchet growls something else, then sighs, carefully pressing two thin plates of metal into place over the slender mech's exposed spark chamber. "Re-fabricating the inner plating for your spark chamber is going to take some time. This is just temporary. Those scans I took will let me fabricate new armor for you, and your inner armor is first on the list. Now... I've repaired every problem I've found. Last chance to tell me if something else hurts or needs repair... no? Right, then. Don't move those repaired joints too much, not unless you have to. Your tank is probably still full, so I'm going to give Optimus a cube of medical-grade energon for you. I'd put you on an IV, but if you aren't listening to me, I don't think you'd react well to waking up with a needle in your throat. Try to get some rest... I know you probably don't believe me, Soundwave, but... you're safe here." Ratchet soothes, gently patting the spymaster's servo, then looks over at Optimus. "You awake? Good. Pick Soundwave up and take him somewhere warmer. Do NOT take him to your berthroom. Keep him wrapped in that blanket, and put him on that big couch of yours. He needs to get cleaned up at some point. Let him get some rest, though. He needs to drink this at some point in the morning, so wake him up, GENTLY, and give it to him. After that... see if he'll respond at all. If he won't respond, just stand him under the shower for a bit and rinse him off. If he'll respond at all, ask him what he'd prefer as a method of getting cleaned off. Whatever it is, after he's cleaned up, wrap him in an electric blanket and put him back on the couch. And, if you can, ask him before doing anything to him. I know he isn't likely to answer, but ask anyway. He'll appreciate it if he's conscious enough to listen. And I'm fairly certain he is... he's moved a few times. He's probably awake and just trying to hide." 

 

Optimus nods, quickly going over the instructions again in his mind, then looks down at Soundwave and sighs. He doesn't want to discuss Soundwave with the spymaster possibly listening, so he decides to COMM the medic instead, deciding that he wants to know. .:Ratchet... I know you can't give me any of his medical information, but... can you tell if he's going to recover?:. he asks, gently stroking the spymaster's audio fins for a moment more. .:I... I don't mean physically. It's just... I have never seen someone act like this. Why is he... acting like this?:.

 

.:Well... I've seen this multiple times, and there are two different reasons for someone to act like this. Sometimes it's a coping mechanism of sorts... someone shuts down and retreats into himself in an attempt to get away from what's happening. Also... not responding probably made him less  _interesting_ to the people hurting him. If that's the case, he'll probably gradually stop doing this when he realizes he's safe.The second thing that could be happening is... much less promising. The other reason is... he's broken. Every mech has his limits, and... Soundwave may have been pushed past them. If that's the case... he's going to need a lot of therapy, and even then, he's probably not going to fully recover. But- he's a former gladiator, a Pit fighter. He's got scars practically everywhere, but he's alive, and functional enough to be a very key piece of the Decepticon forces. He went through Hell once before, and survived... he's stronger than most. I don't think he's broken, not completely... he's just... not okay:. Ratchet sighs, gently shifting Soundwave's arms so that his chassis is covered. .:Treat him gently, ask permission even if you don't get an answer, and try not to touch him too much. Except... maybe hold his servo now and then, or pet his audio fins. He seems to like that. Just... if he tenses up, stop whatever you're doing:. "Now... go put him on that couch of your so he'll be warm, and let him get some rest. Call me if anything changes. I'll be back for an exam tomorrow." he orders softly, then begins packing his supplies back up. "Good luck. And, Soundwave... you're going to be alright."  **  
**

 

Optimus looks down at Soundwave for a moment more, then sighs, very gently gathering the spymaster into his arms and being sure to keep the slender mech wrapped in the blanket. "Soundwave, I'm going to take you somewhere warmer. I'll get a room set up for you, but it's late, and you need to recharge. I'm going to put you on a couch where you can recharge, and I'm going to lock the doors so that no one but me will be able to come in." the Prime hums, walking carefully so he doesn't jostle the slender mech in his arms. 

Hmm. He hadn't noticed Soundwave's weight before (he was too busy being horrified), but now that he's not just rushing to get the spymaster to a medbay of some form... should Soundwave be this light? Even taking into account the missing plating, the skinny mech still feels far too light... he weighs less than some younglings. Maybe he's been starved. 

Once in the living room area of the (he thinks) too-large apartment he's been given, Optimus carefully sets Soundwave down on a soft grey couch, then tucks the blanket a bit tighter around him. There... that looks fairly comfortable. The spymaster is curled up on his side, able to protect himself at least somewhat, only his audios and closed optics visible outside of the blanket. Stroking one of the pointed audio fins one last time, the Prime hums softly down at the slender little mech, then turns and quietly heads over to lock the doors. 

 

Soundwave's optics open slightly, the spymaster's keen gaze following him around the room, then slender fingers curl into the soft cloth around him and he finally relaxes, mentally as well as physically. Well. It seems he's safe for tonight... hopefully. 


	3. Confused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soundwave tries to figure out why nobody has hurt him yet. He's not exactly complaining, he's just... confused.  
> Optimus continues trying to be helpful. It's fairly effective. He's good at this, apparently.  
> Ratchet is still mad. Partly because he's dealing with idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, this consists of Soundwave trying to understand his situation and Optimus trying to fix all of the things. Mostly fixing the fact that Soundwave kind of majorly needs a shower.

Well. This is... not what he expected. Soundwave watches the Prime leave, then curls down into the blanket just a tiny bit more, allowing himself to relax. He's not being hurt. He doesn't need to keep his shields up... not completely, anyway. There may be hidden cameras, and he's not going to possibly anger someone by looking for them. Besides, he probably couldn't move if he wanted to. Three of his limbs are at least half-numb, and he is NOT going to use his tentacles. They're delicate, and they're difficult to repair, and... they're about the only place on his body that doesn't hurt, feel disgusting, or both. He needs to keep them safe. 

So it doesn't look like he'll be examining the room any time soon. But he can try to assess his own situation... though the large patches of numbness scattered across his frame will make that tricky. 

Giving a very soft hum in order to focus himself, the spymaster tries something he hasn't wanted to do in quite awhile; he turns his attention inwards, focusing on how things feel instead of trying to tune everything out. He braces himself for pain at first, then relaxes again when he realizes that most of him actually feels... okay. He's still sore in places, but much less so than he was before. And... he's not dripping energon from anywhere. Hmm, now... his joints. He still doesn't want to move, but the spymaster slowly flexes each major joint, then tests his servos. Ankles, sore but working. Knees, same. Hips, one sore, one stiff/numb, both working tolerably well. Midsection, sore and a bit stiff- probably best not to move too much. Shoulders, in decent shape. Elbows, completely numb, both stiff but working. Should probably keep those still. Servos, still partially numb but working just fine. Good... doesn't seem like his servos were damaged in any way. 

Well... he's in better shape than he'd expected. Much better. He's still sore in places, but... he actually feels okay, physically. Even his interface equipment. Well, technically that's completely numb... but he really doesn't mind. Wouldn't mind if it stayed like that forever. There's no energon dripping down his thighs, as well... apparently Ratchet really was just repairing him. Huh. Maybe he hadn't needed to tune out like that... he'd been expecting to be hurt more, or at least toyed with during the repairs, but... apparently that hadn't happened. 

Oh, okay... it seems like he's alright. Well... good. Soundwave hums very softly to himself, then decides to just get some rest. He'll need it tomorrow... he's certain of it. This much repair work can't be something he'll get for free... they'll make him pay, one way or another. 

Reflexively hugging the empty spot on his chassis where Laserbeak should be, Soundwave shutters his optics... 

 

...and then opens them to find Prime standing over him. Well, he's not surprised... but he can't help clinging to the blanket as it's ripped away. No, no... please... he'd really like to keep that. He just... really wants to hide... at least a little bit. He can't stand having so many people  _looking_ at him. He'll obey, he'll be good, he'll be a good little pet like they want... but can he just keep the blanket? Please? 

Soundwave can't stop a tiny little whimper as he's pinned to the couch. He's just been repaired... can't they wait a little bit longer before he has to be in pain again? 

 

"What... did you think there was some other reason I brought you here?" Optimus purrs, trailing a fingertip down one of the exposed (and sensitive!) bio-lights in his prey's sides. "What other reason could I possibly have? Not mercy, you don't  _deserve_ mercy. And it's definitely not for your technical skills... you're useless for that, too. Can't even face the world any more... it isn't enough that you have the visor, no, you hide inside yourself like a sparkling hiding under their berth." 

 

Soundwave attempts to hide again, tightly shuttering his optics, then gives a sharp little gasp when a powerful servo wraps around two of his audio fins and squeezes. Ow, ow- those are sensitive! 

 

Roughly stroking Soundwave's audios in a cruel mockery of the petting from earlier, Optimus purrs, forcing the spymaster's helm to turn towards him. "Look at me while I'm talking to you. Let's see if we can just... break that little habit of hiding. Now... open those pretty optics and watch me." he croons, his other servo trailing down Soundwave's frame and over his already-scarred hips. 

 

He can't even hide? Soundwave bites back another whimper, then just unfocuses his optics a bit, trying to look up at the ceiling. No... Prime is in his way. 

The spymaster bites down on the inside of his cheek in order to stop any noises that might escape him, then goes totally limp and just tries to... pretend. His interface equipment is still essentially numb, so... he can try to pretend that the servo on his audio fins is gentle, that he's not being hurt... he can try to pretend this isn't what it feels like. 

Soundwave instinctively tenses as one powerful servo trails down between his legs- then blinks and stares around in surprise as the world suddenly changes. Wait, why is Optimus next to him instead of on top of him? Why does the Prime look concerned? 

And- and he still has the blanket. It's just lowered a little bit. Soundwave wraps his servos tightly in the cloth, trying to keep ahold of it, then slowly raises his optics to look at the Prime. Wait... was he... oh. He was dreaming. He'd rather that not happen, but... that's much better than actually being hurt. And it's unsurprising, given his worries... though his dreams aren't usually that vivid. And, oh... Optimus' servo is on his shoulder, but gentle, and the Prime looks... genuinely worried.

 

"Soundwave... are you alright? I'm sorry if I startled you, but... you sounded like I should wake you up. Also, Ratchet says you need to drink this... but slowly." Optimus hums, offering Soundwave a cube of what looks like medical-grade energon. He's smiling now, just a bit... why? Does he like having Soundwave's attention on him? Maybe... Soundwave can remember Optimus occasionally trying to get his attention. 

 

Well... if the Prime likes having him not shut down... maybe he should try not to shut down too much. Best to keep the larger mech happy... he's more likely to be gentle if he's happy. 

Soundwave's optics dart down to the cube, but he doesn't reach out and take it... he's not sure he can. Not without dropping it. Glancing down and away, he shutters his optics for a moment, trying to convey the message that that he can't exactly take the cube himself. Well- he could, but Ratchet said something about taking his elbow joints apart. He'd rather not re-break them and make the medic angry. Never make a medic angry. 

 

Optimus tilts his helm slightly, then catches on and gently places a servo behind Soundwave's shoulders, lifting the slender mech slightly so he can sit with Soundwave's helm and shoulders in his lap. "I understand... Ratchet did just take your elbow joints apart." he mutters, opening the cube and holding it where Soundwave can drink from it. After a second's thought, he carefully lifts one of Soundwave's servos, wrapping the slender fingers around the cube in an effort to give him some control. "Here... how's this?" 

 

Interesting. Soundwave blinks, a bit surprised by the Prime offering him some amount of control, then latches his dentae into the corner of the cube and takes a sip. No sense in being afraid it's drugged... he couldn't be much more helpless. Besides... he really wants this energon. But he needs to drink slowly... his midsection is sore, mostly due to quite a lot of bruising, and he REALLY doesn't want to purge. 

Hmm. Optimus is holding him again... and he's not sure how he feels about it. On the one servo, he's never been a huge fan of being touched, especially now. On the other servo... this actually feels rather nice. Optimus is being gentle with him, and... the Prime is warm all over. Soundwave's cold, he wants warmth. Hmm. Honestly... he wouldn't mind staying like this for a bit. He doesn't like being looked at, but Optimus isn't staring at him, isn't trying to force him to be seen... the larger mech is just looking at him. That's... okay. He'd rather not have anyone looking at his faceplates, but... he's okay with this. It's... actually, the positives outweigh the negatives. 

 

"Soundwave... Ratchet says you need to get cleaned up. I'm guessing you agree. And... the most effective method would probably be a shower. Ratchet doesn't want you to walk or stand up, so... would you be willing to let me carry you? You have my word, I will not do anything... unpleasant... to you. I doubt you believe me, but... I promise, I am only trying to help you." Optimus hums softly, not moving to touch Soundwave further. He doesn't have permission yet... he probably shouldn't pick Soundwave up. "Your choice, though we do need to find some way to get you cleaned up." 

 

Optimus is offering him a chance to get clean? Yes, yes... please. Soundwave has never much liked being dirty, and this... ugh. Now that he's aware of it again, he feels disgusting. He doesn't want to lose the blanket, but he REALLY wants a shower. He'll take the offer. For reasons he's not aware of, though, Soundwave doesn't respond. He just keeps slowly sipping at the energon, optics half-shuttered, waiting to see what will happen to him. 

 

Hmm. No answer. Optimus looks down at Soundwave, raising an optic ridge, then reaches down and takes the spymaster's unoccupied servo. "I understand if you're unwilling, and I will not force you to shower. However... I will take a minute or two to see if I can coax you into liking the idea." he explains softly, hoping he isn't going to make Soundwave any more nervous than he already is. "You shouldn't walk, so I'll carry you to my private shower. Don't worry, there is no one else in the building, and no one will walk in. I can lock the door, if you'd like. I'd rather not leave you alone, honestly, but I won't look at you if you don't want me to. You can probably reach the majority of yourself without moving your arms too much. If you're willing, I can clean your back for you. If you'd rather not move or have me touching you, you can just sit under the shower for awhile and get yourself rinsed off. Your choice. If you don't respond to me when I ask about those options, I'll assume you'd rather just sit under the shower and relax. And, after you're cleaned off, we can come back here. I'll get you an electric blanket, and you can recharge again... or, if you aren't tired, I could set up a movie or such for you to watch. I'm guessing you get bored easily. Now.. how does that sound?" he asks softly, stroking his thumb gently over the back of Soundwave's servo and just generally trying to be soothing. Maybe he could convince Soundwave to do this? He doesn't want to force the spymaster into anything, but it's probably okay to make this option sound nice. 

 

Hmm. Honestly... that sounds really nice. Soundwave is still certain that there's a catch somewhere, but that sounds... yes. He wants that. Soundwave glances down at the servo around his, then squeezes weakly, trying to convey approval without having to move very much. Yes, please. He'd really like... please. 

 

Optimus hums softly, clearly pleased, then gently gathers the blanket closer around Soundwave. "Try to relax... I'm going to pick you up now. I'll be gentle, I promise." the Prime soothes, standing up and then carefully scooping the spymaster into his arms. Gently cradling the far-too-light spymaster against himself, the Prime carefully heads toward his shower rack, smiling slightly as he feels Soundwave curl into him. "That's it.... relax." he whispers, clearly pleased by the acceptance of his touch. 

 

Soundwave tightens his servos on the blanket around him, nervous, then relaxes slightly when he realizes that this actually feels nice. Optimus is alarmingly strong, but he's very gentle, and warm, and he's kept the soft blanket in place... mmm. This is actually really nice... he'd have no complaints to being carried for awhile. Assuming there's nothing too unpleasant at the end. 

It's not a conscious decision, but Soundwave shifts one servo to grip the Prime's chassis plating, a subconscious attempt to keep the comforting presence near him. He's starting to like Optimus... it seems like the big mech is at least going to be gentle with him. If Optimus isn't trying to hurt him, he can probably put up with whatever the Prime wants to do to him... he needs to. Needs to do what Optimus wants so he can stay here and not be hurt like  _that_ again. 

 

Optimus walks into the shower area, then kneels in front of a bench and carefully sets Soundwave down, still being sure to keep the blanket around the slender mech's hips. "Now... I'm not going to do anything to you, but you can't get clean with a blanket around you. Also... that blanket is probably far from clean, at this point. You can have it back later... after it's been cleaned." the Prime hums, pulling a large towel out of a cabinet in the wall, then pauses to figure out how he's going to do this. Soundwave obviously doesn't want to be seen, but he can't get clean with his frame covered. "Soundwave, I'm going to wrap this around you and then remove that blanket... I'll try not to look at you, since I'm guessing you'd prefer that. Do you have any objections?" he asks softly, knowing Soundwave probably won't respond. This shouldn't bother him too much, though... right? It's just switching the blanket for an (admittedly smaller) towel that isn't covered in dried energon. 

 

Objections? Maybe a couple. But they're minor... he's not going to risk upsetting Prime by refusing. He's okay with this. Soundwave (reluctantly) uncurls his claws from the blankets, allowing the transfer, then immediately grips the towel instead. He's going to hang onto whatever sort of covering he's given. The towel is around his hips instead of his entire frame, but... he's okay with that. His spark chamber is covered, at least, thanks to Ratchet. So... he's a bit less comfortable, but- oh, never mind. Optimus just turned the shower on. Oh, yes, he'll take a towel and the shower over the blanket. Shuttering his optics most of the way, Soundwave leans back against the wall, resisting the urge to purr as the warm solvent runs down his frame. Mmm... that's very nice.  

 

Optimus sets a few cloths down where the spymaster can reach them, then turns away and moves over to the corner, wanting to make it clear that he won't be watching Soundwave. "Honestly, I'd rather not leave you alone. You don't seem anywhere near healthy, to be frank. I won't look at you, though... I'll just be over here." 

 

Hmm. No interest in looking at him? Interesting. Soundwave opens his optics for a moment, watching Optimus, then shutters his optics and relaxes again. Hmm... this is actually a good situation. He's kind of naked, but nobody's looking at him or touching him, and the shower feels lovely. And not only does the solvent feel nice, it's washing away the various fluids that have dried onto his frame... and he's very glad for that. Soundwave would very much like to remove everything that hints at what happened to him... it's impossible, though. There are scars sliced into his hips, into the protoform, deep scars that won't ever heal... he can't get rid of them. And... now he really wants his armor back, so he can hide them. He doesn't have his plating, so the spymaster settles for tugging the towel a bit higher, until he can't look down at himself and see the marks they made. 

He should be used to this by now. He's been hurt before, and it seems like it's going to be his life now... he's going to have to learn to not let this sort of thing bother him. He can't end up mentally curled into a shuddering ball every time he's hurt like this... he needs to work on his walls, get them built up again, until he can shrug off an assault like this as if it's just a wound to somewhere else on his frame... as if it's just a combat wound. He's never really been that bothered by combat wounds, they're just... marks on his frame. And that's... that's all this is, too, just... marks. 

Right? 

Except... combat wounds don't make him feel like he needs to stand under a shower and scrub every inch of himself, inside and out. Combat wounds don't make him simultaneously want to tear open the mech responsible and hide where the attacker can never find him again. Combat wounds have never made him drug and haunt someone until they went insane. 

And combat wounds... they don't hurt like this. Combat wounds don't make his spark ache in an undefinable way. 

Who is he kidding? Whatever the reason for it, whatever instinct is responsible for this, being... assaulted... is nowhere near the same as being injured in battle. It's not.

_This is not a productive train of thought. I should just... just enjoy the shower... while I can. Should try to get as clean as I can. Probably feel better if I'm clean._

 

"Soundwave... it's your choice, but... may I come over there? If you're willing, I'll clean your back so you don't have to move." Optimus offers softly, glancing over at Soundwave and being sure to keep his optics above the spymaster's hip area. "I'll be gentle, I promise. I... know you're probably sore." 

 

Well... his back is the only place not being thoroughly rinsed by the shower, aside from what's under the towel around his hips. And that area is already clean... Soundwave vaguely remembers Ratchet muttering to himself and carefully cleaning the area he was about to repair. So... yes. He'd like to be as clean as possible, and since he can't use his elbows and  _will not_ use his tentacles... he's going to need some help. Opening his optics again, he regards Optimus for a moment, then slowly nods just a tiny bit. Yes. 

 

Optimus hums softly and slowly moves over to Soundwave, trying to be quiet and unthreatening, then kneels in front of him and gently takes one of Soundwave's servos. "If you like something I'm doing and would prefer that I keep doing it, squeeze my servo a bit. If you don't like something I"m doing, tap your clawtips against my servo, and I promise I'll stop." he hums, then carefully uses his free arm to move Soundwave's frame slightly, in order to reach the other mech's back. "Here. Could you lean forwards a bit? Ah- thank you. Now... just try to relax. I won't hurt you or do anything unpleasant... you have my word." the Prime soothes, picking up a soft cloth and beginning to clean Soundwave's middle back. This seems like a good place to start... Soundwave shouldn't have any problems with this area, right? Well... hopefully not. 

 

Soundwave's optics shutter as he feels the cloth against his back, instinctively retreating back into his own mind again, then very carefully creeps out again. Oh. That's actually... that's not... that's not bad at all. In fact, that's kind of... that's  _really_ nice. He hadn't been touched in a pleasant manner before late yesterday, before Optimus' petting... not for a very long time. Megatron wasn't a very tactile mech, so the only major contact Soundwave got from him usually involved one of them being unable to walk. And... there was that one odd Eradicon who was so  _casual_ around Soundwave, so willing to lean on him or such- though that was more odd and not exactly objectionable than pleasant. This... he still didn't much like being touched, but... hmm. This was actually... oh... oh, yes, more please. Right at that one spot that was still tense from everything- yes, yes, that's definitely nice...

Soundwave doesn't exactly make a conscious choice, but some part of his mind remembers the signals Optimus asked for, and his servo curls a bit tighter around the Prime's fingers. Maybe it's a subconscious desire for a comforting presence, maybe it's just the fact that this feels good and he isn't used to things feeling good... whatever it is, some part of him has apparently decided that he needs to get more of this attention. 

 

Optimus hums softly, lightly squeezing Soundwave's servo in return, and doesn't move from the spot he's currently cleaning. "You like this? Good." he whispers, pleased by the fact that Soundwave isn't just shutting down, then begins humming softly in an effort to keep the spymaster calm. "I'll stay on this spot for a minute or two more... then I think I should probably move. Don't worry... I think you'll probably enjoy the rest of this as well. But, remember... you tell me if I do something you don't like. Alright?" 

 

Oh, yess... that's lovely. Soundwave shivers a little bit, then goes still, dimming his optics and relaxing. And, hmm... he's just learned something interesting. He can ask for things, and he'll get them. Not entirely what he was expecting... but that could be useful. Though... is he going to end up paying for that later? 

Well, if he does... it'll probably be something he would have done anyway. So... he'll just try to enjoy himself. He's really not going to argue with things that feel nice, especially when they don't seem like they're going to lead to pain. 

And especially when powerful, gentle fingertips are rubbing the tension out of the muscle cables in his back. He would like this to continue, please. 

 

Optimus smiles at the feeling of Soundwave relaxing, then carefully continues rubbing the tense cables under his fingertips, trying to ease the tension away. He's done this before... it's a good way to get Ratchet to relax a bit, though the medic grumbles and shoves him when Optimus tries it with other people around. Something about people getting the wrong impression. Well, either way, it's working on Soundwave. The spymaster is actually enjoying this... feels like he's going to start purring soon. It's a bit odd that Soundwave is okay with being touched, though... shouldn't he be striking out or trying to get away? Or, actually... Optimus winces slightly, a much darker thought occurring to him. Maybe Soundwave's... captors... have managed to beat those responses out of him. Maybe Soundwave isn't just trying to hide... maybe he's run out of fight and can't do anything but lay still and take what the world throws at him.  _I hope that isn't the case. I s_ _incerely hope you aren't... broken. I need to ask Ratchet about this, find out if there's any chance you might still recover._

Well, talk about timing. Right as he thought it, Optimus' COMM hummed slightly, alerting him that Ratchet was attempting to contact him. //Ah, Ratchet. I was just about to call you.//

 

//Why? Somethin' wrong with the spook?//

 

//Well, nothing more than yesterday... actually, he seems to be doing better. He's responded slightly to a few things, though not to object to anything yet. He's stopped acting like a doll, at least...//

 

//Good. You gotten a fear response out of him?//

 

//I... yes. But... not to me, specifically. When I went to wake him up earlier, he was... well, I suppose 'whimpering' is the most accurate word. I don't know what he was dreaming, but... it was evidently something very unpleasant. Why do you ask?//

 

//Because he's either scared and hiding, or completely numb, and the former has a much better outlook. A dream reaction isn't a guarantee, but... sounds like he might have a chance. What else has he reacted to?//

 

//Well, he's had his optics open a few times, he wraps his claws into whatever cloth is around him, and he's agreed to a few things... I have him in the shower right now, and he said yes when I asked if it was okay to get his back cleaned off for him. Well- he didn't say anything, but he nodded. Also, I asked him to squeeze my servo if he liked what I was doing and wanted me to keep doing it, and... he just did. He seems like he's enjoying this, actually... but other than those things, he's basically just been sitting still. I... think he might be just waiting to see what happens?//

 

//Most likely. Also, I'm guessing he doesn't have much desire to fight, right now... those slaggin', glitched, misplaced piles of slag probably probably knocked all the fight out of him. Just... be absolutely sure you monitor his body language, look for anything subtle that might let you know he doesn't like what's happening to him. You have to be absolutely certain you don't do anything he's not okay with... we need to get him to realize that he's safe here, that he'll be respected. He... might think you intend to keep him as a pet.//

 

//What? I-I would never-//

 

//Yeah, I know you wouldn't, but think about it. He's never had good experiences with Autobots, and with what's been happening to him... for all he knows, all the living Decepticons are slaves or pets. He doesn't have any reason, other than your word, to think that you aren't going to do the same to him... and your word isn't worth much to someone who has fewer than zero reasons to trust you. You'll have to prove it.//

 

As he talks, Optimus begins to work on cleaning Soundwave's shoulders, investigating the mechanics slightly as he does. 

//Is there any good way to prove it? Also... why are his shoulders so... open?//

 

//Well, part of the reason his mechanics are so open, is he's missing 99% of his armor. But his shoulders, in particular... I've seen his transformation sequence. His arms end up significantly lower on his frame, so his shoulders need to be able to move. They shouldn't be too sensitive, so I suggest you get in there deep, if he's still okay with being touched... most people have a lot of gunk built up in their shoulders, especially those with a more complicated design than just the ball-and-socket struts. And... as for how to prove that you're safe... really, just keep doing what you're doing. Interact with him in innocent ways, don't push him past what he's comfortable with if you can help it, and... keep him away from anyone who might hurt or upset him. Actually, we should probably keep him away from just about everyone... except maybe Rung, and Megatron when he's feeling a bit better.//

 

//Understood. Oh- what about Laserbeak? He was... when he was recharging earlier, his arms were around the place on his chassis where Laserbeak normally is. And... isn't she doing rather... poorly?//

 

//I'm bringing her when I come over later for the exam. I suggest you take your time getting Soundwave cleaned off, if he's enjoying himself... but you do need to tell him, at some point, that I'm going to come over and run an exam. We shouldn't surprise Spooky with anything related to him... he'll react badly.//

 

//Understood. Is there any medical reason I shouldn't keep him in the shower for awhile?//

 

//Not unless he's shivering or overheating. Make sure the water is just warm, not hot, he can't temp-regulate very well with his armor missing. And if he starts shivering at all, be sure to warm him up... don't let him get too cold. Just get him out and dried off by the time I get there... can't do much with a patient who's dripping wet.//

 

//Alright. He does seem to enjoy what I'm doing, so... I'm going to keep him in here for awhile, as long as he doesn't mind. I asked him to tap my servo if I do something he doesn't like, so... hopefully he'll let me know?//

 

//Let me know if he does. He might be afraid to refuse anything... that's the kind of thing that would have gotten him hurt. Now, I got three idiots to patch up. Try not to add yourself to the list. Ratchet out.//

 

_Did he intend to imply that I might do something idiotic?  Probably, it's Ratchet._

Optimus carefully slides a fingertip deeper into Soundwave's shoulder joint, cleaning a noticeable amount of gunk out, then hums softly and moves his servos a bit lower. There are some sealant-coated scratches along Soundwave's back, which he avoids, though he does gently clean the areas around them before moving on. Now... what's this raised area on Soundwave's back? It feels cooler than the rest of him, and there are flickering patterns of light visible under a thin membrane that seemed intended to protect it. There are bits of plating built in, as well... and this is the area normally guarded by spines. Hmm. //Ratchet? I don't mean to bother you, but... do you know what exactly is on Soundwave's back? I'm not sure if it's okay to touch... or what it is, period.//

 

//Secondary processor. Basically a computer plugged into his brain. It stores and processes information in a more logical manner than the processor, and it helps strengthen firewalls and such. It's guarded, so as long as the membrane around it is intact, it's okay to touch... just be careful, and stop if it bothers him at all. Now, unless it's a medical issue, don't bother me! I can handle everything else later, after I'm done dealing with idiots.//

 

//My apologies. I'll leave you alone.// Optimus hums, then very gently runs the cloth across the area a couple of times, before just leaving it alone. "I won't touch there any more, I'm guessing you don't enjoy it. I'm going to work on your lower back now, but I'll stay above your waist... and, again, let me know if I make you uncomfortable. I promise, if you tell me to stop, I will stop. And... there will be no consequences other than that. I will not hurt you for refusing something, if that is concerning you." 

 

Soundwave is still very much enjoying himself. Having his secondary processor touched is not high on the list of things he appreciates, but at least the membrane is clean now. And he's fine with his lower back being touched... at least as long as the Prime's servos are still gentle, as long as he's not gripping Soundwave's sides and forcing him to be still... Soundwave shakes his helm, just slightly, in an attempt to get rid of the dark memories swarming him- then blinks in surprise when Optimus immediately removes his servo. Oh... that's... interesting. It wasn't meant as a refusal, but... Optimus took it as a negative gesture, and... he stopped. The Prime seems like he might be enjoying this, but... he stopped. Soundwave glances down at where the Prime's servo is still gently wrapped around his, then lightly squeezes, trying to get the message across that it's okay to continue. 

 

_Did I hurt him?_

Optimus stops immediately, pulling his servo away from Soundwave's back, then relaxes and smiles slightly at the little bit of pressure on his servo. "My apologies if I startled or upset you. I won't shift spots as quickly next time." he soothes, quickly cleaning Soundwave's lower back, then moves up a bit higher in an attempt to avoid any iffy spots. "I should tell you... Ratchet is coming over later to run a follow-up exam and be sure you're healing. It shouldn't be unpleasant... he probably just needs to check on the repairs he did." the Prime warns, then sighs slightly when Soundwave's frame tenses a bit. "Try to relax... he won't hurt you, I promise." 

 

More careful cleaning, good. Medic visit later, bad. Soundwave tenses slightly, the tiny remaining bit of his fight-or-flight response attempting to kick in, then forces himself to relax. No, no... relax. No fighting. No running. Just... let everything happen. Things are less painful that way. Just let it happen. 

Oh. Right. No pain involved here... this is a fairly good situation. Optimus is sitting a bit too close to him, but other than that, this is a good place to be. Maybe he doesn't need to shut down? Or... no. He should. Just in case. Best not to be too interesting... just in case it's dangerous to get Optimus' attention. Even if the Prime doesn't seem too interested in actually causing him any pain, Soundwave's captor is large and strong enough to accidentally hurt him in multiple situations... best to avoid anything that could lead to his wounds being reopened. 

 

Optimus sighs as he feels Soundwave go from relaxed to overly limp, then returns to the middle of the slender mech's back, the spot that had formerly gotten him an approving reaction. Maybe he can get Soundwave to calm down again... seems like the spymaster is afraid again. "Did I... make you nervous? I'm sorry, but... I understand. I know you have no reason to trust me. So... I intend to earn your trust, if at all possible. Until then... you are welcome to hide as much as you want, if it makes you more comfortable. I suggest you refrain from vanishing when Ratchet needs to run an exam, though, that tends to make him yell at people."

Still no reaction. "Just... let me know if I do anything you don't like. I'm going to keep doing this for a few minutes, and then I'm going to get you dried off. After that, I'm going to move you back to the couch and tuck an electric blanket around you so you don't get too cold. If you wish to recharge, you may. If not, I'll see if I have any good movies or such for you to watch. And... I will not touch you, beyond what you allow. If you'd like me to keep holding your servo, or if you'd like to have your audio fins stroked, I'm happy to oblige. And... I promise I will not harm you, or allow you to be harmed." 

 

Soundwave blinks slowly, processing, then looks down at their servos again and gently tightens his grip. He... likes that idea. He really likes it. Warmth, no pain, no abuse... yes, please. He almost doesn't care what happens later, he just... really wants to feel nice right now. And... it sounds like he's going to get it. Optimus keeps promising that he won't hurt Soundwave... either he's telling the truth, or he wants to make the eventual betrayal hurt more. And the latter just doesn't sound like Optimus... so it's most likely the former. 

Or... maybe Optimus intends to let Soundwave recover from his wounds and thenstart treating him like a pet. Yes, that... seems likely. What better way to show one's strength, after all, than to have one of your most feared opponents on a leash? Yes... that sounds likely. 

Well... they aren't going to let him escape, so Soundwave has three options. One (and one he's considered before) is death. He almost wanted to die before... he hadn't quite hit that point, but he was close. Right now, though... that doesn't seem like a good option. He doesn't know what's waiting for him, if anything... and, honestly, he's scared of that. So, no dying. 

His second option is to misbehave and try to escape. It won't work, though, and... he'll end up right back with the  _other_ Autobots. That is NOT an option, period.

His third option is to behave so he can stay here. Being a pet/unwilling-but-mostly-unhurt berthmate sounds... not nice, not at all, but it sounds better than dying or going back to Hell. He'll take it. 

 

After awhile, Optimus reaches up and gradually turns off the shower, then wraps a dry towel around Soundwave's frame. "You seem tired... I'm going to move you back to the couch, but you need to be dried off first. Try to stay awake until I've finished moving you, please... I think it's best if you are aware of everything I'm doing with you." 

 

_You want me to be aware of what you're doing? Then don't give me any reason to to withdraw._

Soundwave forces his optics back open, trying his best to stay awake. Not only does he want to obey Optimus as much as possible, he doesn't want to recharge. Recharging means he has to dream. Dreaming is often just as bad as the real world. Right now, the real world is actually kind of nice, so that's more of an incentive to stay awake. If he can. He's kept himself awake for long periods of time before, but it's usually when he's so busy he's working on at least two things at any point in time. Hard to recharge with both of one's processors operating at full speed. Right now, though, he doesn't have anything interesting to focus on... staying awake isn't going to be easy. 

 

Optimus wraps Soundwave a bit further into the now-damp towel, then carefully picks him up, slowly walking out of the room. "You definitely look tired." he observes softly, then sighs when the tired spymaster forces his optics open. "You do need to recharge... I understand why you don't wish to, though. Do you think it would help if I put on some music? I'm sure I can find something soft... do you like classical music?" the Prime hums, then smiles when Soundwave responds, albeit sleepily. 

 

Soundwave slowly moves one servo to grip Optimus' fingers, sleepily trying to express his approval. That might help, sure. Either way, he likes music, and classical is nice. Decepticon soldiers tend to favor loud, angry, vulgar music, so that's what Soundwave ends up hearing. Loud, angry music has its places, but it's not usually his taste... especially not now. Soft music sounds very nice. And... who knows? It might help keep the dreams away. He'd like that. The majority of his dreams lately have been painful, terrifying, or both. 

Blinking a couple of times, Soundwave looks around for a moment, then leans his helm back a bit more and shifts until he's settled comfortably into the Prime's arms. It's not that difficult... Optimus' frame is oddly comfortable, and the soft cloth around his frame is nice as well... even if it is a bit damp. 

 

Optimus gently sets Soundwave down on the couch, then tugs an electric blanket out of a nightstand and drapes it over the spymaster's slender frame. Carefully tugging the towel away, he tossed it over one shoulder, then set about tucking as much of the blanket as possible around Soundwave's frame to be sure the spymaster won't get cold. "Relax..." he croons, then places the blanket control in Soundwave's servo, wrapping the slender claws around it. "Here. I set it on warm... adjust it to your preference. It has a couple of temperature monitors in it, so it normally can't cause someone to overheat, but... you're missing your plating, and... honestly, you're small. Just... be careful not to overheat. Ratchet will have my helm if that happens." he chuckles, then sobers quickly when he sees a glint of alarm in Soundwave's optics. "Not literally. Ratchet won't hurt anyone beyond the occasional flung wrench... he'd only create more work for himself, after all. Plus, he isn't cruel. He'd just yell at me a lot and call me an idiot in three or four different dialects. I'd prefer to avoid being yelled at, and I don't want you to be harmed any further." 

 

Soundwave blinks at the controls, then just pulls them a bit closer, instinctively attempting to flare his armor to let the warmth in. It doesn't do much, of course, he has no armor left to flare. Oh, mmm... yesss. Forget the other blanket, he'd like to keep this one, please. It's soft and thick and warm, wrapped around him and keeping the cold away... "Chrrr..." 

 

Optimus glances down in surprise at the barely-there churring noise, then smiles, placing a servo gently on Soundwave's covered shoulder. "You're quite welcome to keep that blanket... I have a few, and you seem to enjoy it. Now... I'll put some music on. You just try to relax, Soundwave... you're safe here, I promise." he sooths, stroking the slender mech's arm through the blanket for a moment or two, then walks over to a speaker hung on the wall and flicks it on. After a moment or two of flicking through the songs via a data-screen, he selects something, then adjusts the speakers until the music is clearly audible but not too loud. "There... is that to your liking?" the Prime asks, turning back to the couch, then smiles when he sees that Soundwave's optics are already closed. "I'll take that as a yes. Now... if you can still hear me, my room is through this door, down the hall. First door on the right. You probably still shouldn't walk, but if there's an emergency, come get me." 

 

Soundwave tugs his blanket up a bit higher, snuggling his face into it, then gives a very soft hum and relaxes. Mmm... oh, this is nice. Very nice.

Okay... soothing environment, soft music, warm blanket... maybe it'll be okay if he recharges. 

Besides... not like he can keep himself awake anyway. 

_I'll just... just recharge. It's... safe here._

_Safe._

_Haven't had that in... way too long._

_I'm... safe. I'm okay here. They... won't hurt me._

_I'm okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a headcanon that says Optimus only does the no-contractions thing in public. He started doing it back when he was first made Prime, because he wasn't really confident yet and wanted to sound a bit more official, and now it's a habit.  
> Honestly, I just really like the idea of this librarian-turned-Prime who's using big words and talking all pretty in an attempt to hide the fact that he really has no freakin' clue what he's supposed to be doing or how to proceed.


	4. Reunited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to that secondary brain and all its logic, Soundwave doesn't dream much. When he does, it's usually a nightmare. That's why he refers to said nightmares as dreams... he doesn't really get those weird, everything-is-surreal-but-I'm-unquestioningly-accepting-it dreams.

Soundwave actually manages to sleep quite well. He does end up dreaming, but it's something bizarre about having to capture a bunch of musical notes and put them back on the score. It's quite surreal, especially since he  _knows_ he's dreaming and is still cooperating with the insanity. What can he say? It's actually sort of fun. Just... really weird. He's not used to dreams that don't involve pain, fear, or logic. The first two are not required... and he's not sure about logic. It does make things interesting. 

Soundwave's optics slide open slightly when someone gently shakes his shoulder, then he gives a tiny noise somewhere between a groan and a whine, shuttering his optics again and spreading his legs as much as the blanket will allow. He's operating completely on autopilot right now, just trying to do what he's sure they want... maybe they'll let him go back to sleep once they're done? He's in no mood to fight... hasn't been for awhile.  _Maybe they'll leave me alone if I go back to recharge..._

 

"Easy, kid..." Ratchet sighs, gently pressing on Soundwave's knee until his legs aren't spread like that any more. "That's not... that's not what I'm here for. I'm not interested in hurting you. Now... sit up." he coaxes, gently pulling on the spymaster's arm and coaxing/pushing him into a more or less upright position. "Hey.. look at me." he orders softly, placing a servo on Soundwave's lower jaw to keep the spymaster's closed optics towards him. "C'mon... open those optics. Look at me." 

 

Noo... he doesn't want to look at Ratchet. He can't shut down and hide if his optics are open, if he has to look up at the one hurting him... but he needs to be good. Needs to be good so they won't hurt him. Soundwave reluctantly opens his optics, blinking a couple of times, then tilts his helm just a tiny bit when he sees Ratchet's expression. Hm... that's not what he normally sees on Ratchet. Ratchet usually looks cranky, angry, or dangerous. Right now, he looks... worried. And kind of... comforting. Huh... this is new. It's... a good new, though. Probably. "Prr?" 

The little noise isn't conscious. It's a verbal expression, a back-of-the-throat sound triggered by his confusion. Soundwave is still half-asleep, so his shields aren't up yet. He normally wakes up very quickly, but apparently it takes him a bit longer to transition back to reality if he's spent the night playing around in pure nonsense. 

 

"No need to look  _that_ confused." Ratchet mutters, sighing slightly, then pulls an ottoman over and sits on it. "Though I guess this shouldn't surprise me, given what my reputation apparently is among the Decepticons. I'm not that bad, spook... I'm capable of being nice. Wouldn't be a medic if I couldn't be compassionate."

Apparently, among the Decepticons, Ratchet is thought to be some sort of psychopath. Given what they see of him on the battlefield (mostly him hauling people off the field and yelling at them the entire time he's patching them up), plus what Decepticon medics tend to be like, it's not so surprising... but it really hasn't been helpful. It's been useful for making the larger Decepticons behave in the medbay, but it's also caused a couple to do their best to bolt, and he nearly gave one tiny Seeker a spark attack. And apparently Soundwave hadn't expected compassion from him... or maybe the spymaster is still half-asleep. He does look about half-asleep. 

"Now... if you're awake enough to understand me, I have something for you." Ratchet hums, carefully retrieving a small bundle of blankets he'd set down, then unwraps a couple of layers to show Soundwave what he's holding. 

 

Well.. okay. That logic makes sense. Soundwave blinks a couple of times, then shakes his helm to wake himself up- just in time to see what Ratchet is offering him. Laserbeak. 

The spymaster immediately twitches towards Ratchet, instinctively wanting his little one, then draws back and stares suspiciously at the medic. He can't feel Laserbeak's presence, and she's not moving... something's wrong. What did they  _do?!_

 

Somewhat to Ratchet's surprise, Soundwave's optics are narrowing, and it's suddenly obvious that his dentae are pointed and sharp. He's apparently starting to go from sleepy to mad... probably best to head him off and reassure him. "Easy now, spook... I didn't hurt her. We never intended to keep you apart for this long, we just needed to separate you two to limit how much chaos you could cause. We were intending to give her back as soon as her weapons were disabled... you went missing while that was happening, though. She was starting to run low on energy, and we couldn't find any way to feed her, so I put her in medical stasis to keep her from running out of energy. She isn't hurt, I promise... she's just in deep stasis. I did remove a few wires from her weapons, but I can replace them later. Now... I can't wake her up myself. The typical procedure for waking someone from deep medical stasis involves far too much electricity for her frame to handle. Since she's off the machine and will be receiving energy input from you, she'll eventually wake up... it just might be awhile. But she's perfectly fine, I promise... there's nothing wrong with her. Here... see for yourself." the medic offers, holding Laserbeak out for Soundwave to take- then twitches back a bit when the spymaster lunges. 

 

The second she's in easy reach, Soundwave lunges and grabs Laserbeak, immediately drawing back into himself and clutching her up against his chassis. Defensively curling into himself, he draws back under the blanket, now more concerned with protecting his little one than keeping himself from being hurt. He values Laserbeak's safety more than his own... he just needs to be sure she's okay. 

 

"You take a few minutes to look her over... I'm just going to get this scanner set up. And... don't worry, I won't take her away again. Like I said, we didn't want to separate you two for very long in the first place... we just had to be sure none of the guards were going to end up with their optics shot out. That's no longer a concern, and it would be cruel to keep you two apart... also, I have a feeling I'd die if I tried." Ratchet remarks, then displays a small scanner, keeping his voice as soft as possible in order to (hopefully) keep Soundwave fairly calm. "Alright... I need to run a longer scan for internal damage, especially around your abdomen. I'm just going to place this against your stomach and turn it on, and I'll leave it there for awhile. Easy... I promise, I'm not going to do anything else." he soothes, slowly moving closer and lifting one edge of the blanket. Moving slowly, the medic flicks the scanner on and slides it under the blanket, carefully placing it against the slender mech's stomach and then retreating. "There... just leave that alone." 

 

Soundwave doesn't take his optics off Ratchet for an instant, though he doesn't tense up or go limp again... he just holds Laserbeak closer. When Ratchet is out of the way, he hunches down into the blankets a bit more, turning his attention away from the medic in order to focus on something more important; carefully docking Laserbeak so her energy levels won't drop any further. 

Once the little symbiote is docked, Soundwave carefully shields her tiny frame, holding her gently up against his chassis. With his armor missing, her small graspers have nothing to cling onto, at least not with her unconscious and unable to find new holds. So... he'll just make sure she stays attached to him. Not only does he desperately want to keep her safe, he can... he can feel Laserbeak's presence. It's very faint, and she isn't responding to him, but... he can feel her. He hasn't been able to feel his little one in a very long time, and... he needs to. He can't be alone any more... he can't. 

 

"Okay, Soundwave... I need to run a brief exam and check some of those repairs. I know you probably don't want to come out from under that blanket, though, and I don't blame you. Now... there are a few different things I could do. I could just take that blanket, but I don't think that would do anything to convince you that it's safe here. So... I'm going to try something else. Basically, I'm going to bribe your reprogrammed instincts to calm down a bit. Normally I'd do that with a meal, but I'm guessing you aren't hungry. So... candy is the next best thing." Ratchet explains, pulling a small box from subspace and plucking a candy out of it. "You like sweet things, spook? Here... I'm not asking for anything in return for this, don't worry."  

 

Hmm. Soundwave didn't really want to come out, but... he did like sweet things. And he was a bit hungry, already... probably his frame trying to regain lost energy. The spymaster eyes Ratchet for a moment, then tries to reach out with a tentacle, his standard way of grabbing small things when his servos are busy- 

Wait, wait, wait, nonono no using his tentacles NO- Soundwave immediately withdraws the appendage in question, tensing all over, then shutters his optics and goes limp again. Shh, shh... just... go still, go limp, lay still and behave... easier that way, less painful, less to be afraid of... maybe Ratchet didn't notice? Maybe the medic isn't going to punish him... maybe it'll be okay. 

 

_Slaggit... he's scared to use his tentacles. Really scared, by the looks of it. Well... I guess that makes sense, those fraggers 'd have to keep him from using them, and I didn't see any physical impairments. I really shouldn't be surprised. And... I should probably try to convince him that it's okay. I'm not gonna be able to convince him right away, but... might as well try. Slag, I hope he's listening._

"Hey, spook... easy. I'm not gonna freak out about those tentacles of yours, they don't bother me. It's a really rare trait, I've only seen it in maybe one other mech, but I'm not about to flip out on ya for using them. So you can stop with the dead-mech act." Ratchet sighs, then narrows his optics, remembering a similar reaction he'd seen quite some time ago. Hmm... "Soundwave... since you aren't going to talk to me, I'd like to take an energon sample so I can test it. I'll use a small needle, and I'll be gentle... any objections?" he asks, retrieving a small syringe and holding it up for Soundwave to see. 

 

Soundwave vents deeply for a moment or two, replaying Ratchet's words in his mind, then slowly opens his optics again. Ratchet isn't angry? He doesn't even seem irritated... and, hmm, that actually makes sense. Ratchet deals with soldiers who are just waking up after various injuries... he's probably used to having various weapons and dangerous features brandished at him, and Primus knows he isn't easily shaken. Well... that might be helpful. He still won't use his tentacles, but... maybe he can relax a little bit. 

And... as for the energon sample... okay. He doesn't have any objections. In fact, he'll try to cooperate, and maybe he can earn a couple of points with the medic... Ratchet probably likes cooperative patients. Therefore, Soundwave slowly uncovers one arm and holds it out, keeping himself as still as possible. 

 

Ratchet moves a bit closer, then gently takes Soundwave's arm in one servo, locating an energon line that doesn't look damaged or low-pressure. Keeping his touches as gentle as possible, the medic gently rubs a disinfectant swab over the most easily reached spot, then hums softly and uncaps the syringe. "Might not want to watch this. Most peoples' instincts don't respond well to needles, especially when they're already stressed. And don't bother trying to be tough, I can feel your pulse spiking. I'll be quick, I promise." he soothes, then carefully slides the needle into Soundwave's arm, hoping the spymaster isn't about to panic. "Easy, kid..." 

 

 _Kid?_ Soundwave blinks, tilting his helm slightly and staring at Ratchet. He is  _not_ a kid. He's younger than Ratchet, yes, but... so is almost everyone else. Hm... how much older than him is Ratchet? It's difficult to tell with Cybertronians. Well... Ratchet probably knows how much of an age difference there is here, so he knows if it's accurate. Plus, it's far from the worst thing Soundwave has been called. 

Hang on- Ratchet is holding a syringe full of energon, and the needle is no longer in his arm. Soundwave's anxiety level had spiked slightly at the sight of the needle, yes, but then he'd gotten a bit distracted and had stopped watching. Apparently the few seconds of confusion had been enough time for Ratchet to get the sample and remove the needle. It hadn't even noticeably hurt. 

 

Ratchet dabs a tiny bit of sealant over the mark so that Soundwave's self-repair doesn't have to deal with anything else, then pulls a scanner-like machine from his pack and slots the syringe into place. "We'll just give that a few minutes to process..." he explains softly, setting it aside, then gestures towards Soundwave's still-wrapped elbow joint. "Now, I need to test those joints and make sure they aren't stiffening up. I'm going to partially unwrap that joint, then I'm going to flex your arm with my fingertips on the joint so I can be sure it's moving right. I need you to tell me if it hurts at all. Other than that, just try to relax." Ratchet soothes, then carefully takes Soundwave's forearm in one servo, pausing to be sure the spymaster is okay with this. Those elbow joints were fairly messed up, after all... looked like someone had twisted Soundwave's arms up behind his back beyond what was physically possible. Thanks to the structure of his arms, it was nearly impossible to dislocate his shoulder, so his elbows had broken instead. That wasn't an accident, it was deliberate cruelty, and it was the sort of thing that might give someone an aversion to having their arm joints messed with... hopefully that isn't the case. 

 

Soundwave doesn't particularly want to have Ratchet moving his arm like this. However, it's not painful or particularly uncomfortable, and he's not about to protest. He'd like his elbow joints to heal correctly... he might need them. Therefore, he does his best to just relax, though he tries not to go totally limp. Ratchet doesn't seem to like that, for whatever reason. 

The spymaster stays reasonably calm as both of his elbows are tested, then tilts his helm just a bit and glances down at the blanket covering his bandaged hip joint. Is... is Ratchet going to test that joint next? And, if so... what exactly does that include? Because... there are a lot of things that could conceivably be done to 'test' a hip joint, and none of them are going to be any fun for him. 

 

"Your elbow joints seem to be healing well. You can use them a bit, if needed, though I suggest you try not to move them too much." Ratchet advises, then sighs, meeting Soundwave's optics as much as possible. It's not easy, Soundwave seems reluctant to meet his gaze. "As I'm sure you've figured out, I need to test that hip joint next. Now... there are two ways to do that. I can get you to lay down on your back, or I can get you to stand up. I'm guessing you really don't want to be on your back with anyone touching you, so... let's see if you can stand up. Don't put any weight on your repaired leg... might mess it up." he warns, gently taking Soundwave's servo and attempting to pull him up. 

 

Soundwave doesn't want to do this. He wants to stay curled up, wants to stay hidden, doesn't want to have his hips touched... plus, his frame really just wants him to go limp. But, frankly, he's afraid to disobey Ratchet. Besides... it's either this or he ends up on his back, and he doesn't want to be on his back. He doesn't ever want to be like that again. 

The spymaster manages to stand up, but he ends up swaying in place, tired and rather sore. This hip may not have been dislocated, but it still hurts from being wrenched on and otherwise abused. He manages to keep his balance, but only just a bit, and he'd really like something to hold onto so he doesn't fall over and jolt the various aches all over his frame. But he's not going to grab Ratchet without permission... that's probably a good way to get himself yelled at and possibly hurt. 

 

Ratchet watches Soundwave for a second, then sighs, firmly taking both of the spymaster's servos and guiding them to his shoulders, allowing the claws to wrap around his plating. "Here. Hold onto me so you don't fall over. Now... I know you don't like this. I'll try to be quick." he soothes, quickly tucking the blanket a bit tighter around Soundwave, then kneels and gently wraps one servo around the slender mech's ankle. "I don't need to touch your hip joint, I just need to have both servos on your leg. I won't be trying to bend this joint to the limits, I know that'd hurt, I'm just going to make sure it's moving right. Easy..." 

 

Soundwave can't stop himself from tensing up a bit as he's touched, his instincts screaming at him to either fight or run- after all, he's standing up, he can try to get away, he  _should_ try to get away- but he manages to shove the instinctive reaction down into the back of his mind so he doesn't end up kicking Ratchet and trying to flee. That would definitely get him hurt. Instead, he just tightens his grip on the medic's shoulder plating, trembling slightly and still fighting the instinct to  _make this stop._

 

Ratchet sighs, feeling how tense the spymaster is, then starts humming a soft tune in an effort to calm his patient. This is a side of him that doesn't come out very often, only when he has a patient who will react badly to anything else. "Shh, spook... I won't hurt you, I promise." he soothes, hoping it might help a bit if he keeps talking, then places his other servo on the inside of Soundwave's knee and carefully presses until the newly-repaired hip joint is rotating slightly.  _Smooth rotation... flexes to the side a bit beyond normal, though. From what I've seen, the majority of this skinny thing is abnormally flexible. That's probably not a concern... have to keep an optic on it, though. Backwards rotation is smooth, circle rotation is smooth... good._

 "Easy... just a minute more." he sooths, then lets go and stands up, placing a servo on Soundwave's arm to make sure he won't fall. "There. I'm done... seems to be healing well. Now, sit back down and curl up, try to relax... I'm done testing joints." 

 

Soundwave doesn't move until he's told to sit, then he more or less appears to teleport backwards until he's curled up in his spot again. There... that's better. And... that hadn't been so bad. Ratchet hadn't touched him anywhere other than just his leg, and the medic had been gentle. He'd rather not do that again, but it hadn't been as bad as he'd expected. 

Tucking himself into a smaller ball, the spymaster hides under his blanket as much as possible, though he's still looking up at Ratchet like the medic seems to want. Well- he's looking up at the medic's chassis. He can't quite meet Ratchet's optics... doesn't like people being able to read his optics. But... it seems like Ratchet might be fairly safe. The medic iss being very gentle... and he isn't yelling. 

 

"Okay... I need to check if there's any inflammation around your fuel tank. I just need you to let me uncover your stomach for a minute or two... okay?" Ratchet hums, reaching towards the blanket, then pauses to ask something. "You okay with that? It can wait, if not, but we should probably get it over with..." 

 

Hm. Well... that's probably a good idea. Soundwave knows his fuel tank is prone to damage, so it's best to check and be sure he didn't have any problems. The spymaster leans back a tiny bit, exposing his stomach in a silent gesture of permission. Yes. 

 

"Alright. Just be still, and tell me if this hurts." Ratchet hums, then tugs the blanket aside (though being sure to cover Soundwave's hips)  and gently begins to press on his stomach in various places. "Fuel tank seems to be in decent shape... lot of bruising on your stomach in general, though. Not surprising." 

After a moment or two of gentle inspection, he un-sticks a tiny bit of armor plating from a spot between two muscle cables, then hums soothingly and covers the spymaster's frame again. "There. Done. Lot of bruising, little bit of swelling around the bruises, and that's it. No fuel tank damage. Here.. this'll help you with that." he offers, pulling a container of gel from subspace and showing it to the slender mech. "You shouldn't move your arms too much. Do you want me to put some of this on your stomach? Your choice. I'll be gentle, and I'm not asking for anything in return." 

 

Actually... yes. Soundwave would like to be able to move without his entire midsection aching. He might need to be able to move around without being stiff. Giving a tiny nod, the spymaster leans slightly to the side, trying to offer his stomach. Ratchet's servos are gentle and soft... having some of that gel applied to his stomach might feel rather nice. Besides... his claws are slender. He's not going to have much luck applying that gel himself.

 

Ratchet dabs some of the gel onto two fingertips, then hums soothingly and gently begins to rub the gel along a particularly bruised cable. "Let me know if any of this hurts, or if you just want me to stop." he mutters, carefully rubbing the gel into the bruised cables in Soundwave's stomach. "Just relax... I'm not going to hurt you." 

 

Soundwave tenses up slightly, watching him for a moment, then relaxes as he feels the gel start to sink in. Oh... that actually feels really nice. Shuttering his optics, the spymaster gives a soft little noise of contentment, relaxing out of pleasure rather than fear. Ohhh.. okay, he'd like to keep doing this for awhile, if possible. Ratchet's servos are gentle, very gentle, and so careful... "RrrRrr..." he croons, then tenses up a little when he realizes  that the little noise hadn't been purely mental. Whoops. Was that... not a good thing to do? 

 

"What... you like that?" Ratchet asked softly, then sat down next to the spymaster, humming soothingly to him. "Well... do you want me to keep going? I could use an excuse to stay away from my medbay... it's full of whining idiots. I'd much rather do this than sit and listen to them complain." he muttered, continuing to gently massage plenty of the gel into Soundwave's stomach cables. "Lemme know if I go too far. I'll try to stay away from any problem spots." 

 

Ratchet likes doing this? Well... okay. He's not going to complain. Soundwave opens his optics, blinking at the medic, then shuts his optics again and just tries to relax. Mmm... this feels very, very good. And it's soothing away the ache in his stomach... maybe he'll be able to bend properly once this is over. 

 

_Hopefully this'll get you to calm down. Those instincts of yours will probably ease up a bit when you're in less pain. And, hopefully, you're gonna be less afraid of me once I've been doing this for awhile... might convince those instincts of yours that I'm not so bad, then I can get started on convincing the rest of your brain. And, actually... this feels pretty nice. Your stomach is oddly soft. Also, somebody apparently has good taste in music... probably Optimus. Hm... might have to think up an excuse to do this again, get away from those idiots. Soundwave definitely likes this. Bit odd that he's so willing to let me touch him, but... he's probably just happy to get whatever he can that feels nice. Or... maybe he's just trying to cooperate._

Ratchet continues gently rubbing the sore cables in the spymaster's stomach, honestly enjoying himself somewhat. The soft muscle cables under his servos are rather pleasant to touch, and his caretaking instincts (which he'd often had to force down during the war) seemed to be enjoying this. Hmm. He'd known those instincts were unusually strong -it was very common in decent medics- but since when had petting someone been nice? 

Maybe it's because his battle protocols are finally starting to wind down, relaxing after the war. Or maybe this is the start of the sparkling-longing some people develop once their systems decide it's time to have a sparkling. Hopefully it's the former... Ratchet does NOT want his systems yelling at him that it's time to have a sparkling. He'd much rather have his battle protocols relaxing. That's probably a good thing. 

 

Soundwave slowly opens one optic again, then raises his servo slightly, almost about to reach towards Ratchet- then decides against it and lets his arm go limp again. No. Despite the little part of his mind that wants very badly for him to seek any contact that isn't painful, touching Ratchet at all is probably a bad plan. He doesn't want to earn any more attention. That's never good... gets him hurt. 

This doesn't hurt, though. This is good attention. 

He'd like more of this kind of attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to a summer camp thing and won't have internet until July 5th. You guys get a short chapter so this won't be trapped in my head the whole time.


	5. Repaired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deeper down the rabbit hole we go, and there are a lot of spiders in here.  
> In other words: Soundwave definitely needs a therapist, and there are many reasons why.  
> Also, Soundwave is very much confused by small friendly medics. He's pretty sure all overly friendly people are up to something or another.

Ratchet continues carefully rubbing the spymaster's stomach, stroking the ointment into every bruise he can find, until the scanner next to him buzzes to announce that it's finished the analysis of Soundwave's energon sample. Reaching over, the medic picks up the scanner, then narrows his optics when he sees the results.  _Oh slaggin' Primus... they didn't. SLAGGIT._

//Optimus. Has Soundwave shown any reluctance to use his tentacles, that you've seen? Think carefully- it's important.//

 

//No... not that I've seen. There have been a few situations where using his tentacles might have been more convenient, but... I don't think he's tried to use them at all. Why do you ask?//

 

//There's a specific drug cocktail that's used for a form of psychological torture. It causes the affected mech to lose much of their comprehension of the world around them, essentially reducing them to a childlike state. It's usually used to force a mech not to use a frame-integrated weapon... the attacker will pump their victim full of this mixture, then attack the weapon they don't want used. With this drug in their systems, the victim can't properly process what's happening, can't rationalize and withstand the pain. They end up with a deep, instinctively integrated connection between using that weapon and being hurt... it's essentially the same as a childhood trauma.//

 

//...Ratchet? Where are you going with this? Is Soundwave-//

 

//A few minutes ago, Soundwave started to use his tentacles and then jerked back like I'd threatened to stab him. And... I just tested an energon sample. There are traces of this cocktail in his system... not much, it's mostly gone by now, and its effects have worn off. But... there's nothing physically preventing Soundwave from using his tentacles, and they're powerful weapons. So... apparently Soundwave's attackers utilized this drug to be sure he wouldn't use his tentacles to hurt them. I can't find any physical damage there on the scanners, but... that doesn't mean he wasn't hurt. There was probably a lot of pain involved in planting this fear, and... if they assaultedhim while the drug was still in effect, that would just cement this non-reaction fear response into place even further.//

 

//I... oh. Oh, that would... explain something, I suppose. So... should I... try not to touch near his sides? Or... do you want me to tell him I won't hurt him like that?//

 

//I suggest you don't touch there, but don't make it too obvious. Try not to attach too much significance to that area in general, at least not for awhile. That's a deep-rooted trauma, it's probably going to take a lot of time to ease up. If he does try to use his tentacles at all, gently encourage him, but do NOT move towards him or touch anywhere near his tentacles. Just... tell him that's good, tell him it's okay... tell him it's safe. If he doesn't, let's just focus on getting him back into a better place, mentally, before we try to deal with this particular trauma.//

 

//Understood. Shall I come in, or... should I just leave you alone?//

 

//We still have a few things to discuss. Maybe come in later and try to talk to him. Don't try to pry him out of his shell, but... making an effort to communicate might help him relax a bit. If he's reluctant to talk, maybe just sit with him and watch a movie or something like that. The best way to show that you won't hurt him is to just offer gentle, innocent attention, and leave him alone if he doesn't seem to want it. Go back to whatever you're doing... I'll call you when you can come in.//

 

//Understood. I'll... see if I can find a good movie. Prime out.//

 

Ratchet shuts off his COMM, then sighs, closing the container of ointment and instead holding the scanner out for Soundwave to see. "Here... you seem like the type to appreciate knowing what's going on. I'm guessing you already knew what they gave you, but there's the formula, if you want it. And... I know you don't want to talk, but we have a few things to discuss. I know you're all nice an' relaxed, but you need to open those optics and interact with me, just a bit. At least show me that you're listening... okay?" he coaxed, placing the scanner gently near one of Soundwave's servos. 

 

Soundwave doesn't want to talk, and he doesn't want to think about what happened to him. But... he needs to be good. Needs to be good for Ratchet. Slowly opening his optics, the spymaster looks up at Ratchet for a moment, then lowers his optics and just keeps them on the medic's chassis. Maybe this is enough of a response. Hopefully it is. He doesn't want to do much more. 

 

"First, and we might as well get this over with... your interface equipment." Ratchet sighs, meeting Soundwave's optics as best as possible. "As I'm sure you know, there's a lot of damage. However..."  _looks like they were halfway careful, probably wanted to keep his equipment working, the slaggers "_...it doesn't look like permanent damage. There will be scarring, but it shouldn't be too bad, especially given the repairs I managed. I know you don't like this thought, but... if you ever decide you want to interface with someone, it's definitely possible, assuming your partner is gentle." 

 

Wait. Ratchet actually thinks he might want to interface? Soundwave blinks a couple of times, looking rather skeptical, then goes limp and dims his optics slightly as he realizes something. Oh. They probably want him to act willing... makes sense. Optimus doesn't seem the type to want a struggling berthmate. That's probably a good thing... might mean Optimus will be gentle with him. But... he was almost starting to hope the Prime might not be interested in that. Well... he really shouldn't be surprised. 

 

"I saw that look. I know, right now, that's the last thing you want to do. But... you're going to recover. If you ever want to interface, you can. Don't worry about that right now, though... it's not important right now. Just relax... don't worry about it." Ratchet soothes, then gestures towards Soundwave's bandaged hip joint, wanting to change the subject and keep Soundwave's attention elsewhere. "That joint's healing well. You can try to stand up later today, if you have to, though I'd suggest not trying that until tomorrow. Probably shouldn't walk too much for the next couple of days unless you absolutely need to, but walking a little bit tomorrow should be fine. Your elbow joints were twisted pretty badly... try not to move them too much for the next few days, at least. Optimus is probably happy to help you... and you need to accept that help, okay? He's not going to end up wanting something in return, and he's not going to do anything bad. He's always glad to help people." 

 

But there's a price. There's always a price. Soundwave shutters his optics for a moment, then slowly opens them, looking up at Ratchet again and very slowly raising a servo to touch Laserbeak's back. He wants to know if she'll be okay... he needs to know. 

 

"You want to know about her? Alright. Just let me test her reflexes, okay? I won't hurt her or take her away, I promise, I just need to touch her for a few moments..." Ratchet hums, slowly moving closer and then reaching out to carefully press one of Laserbeak's wingtips out of place. When he lets go, it moves back into its spot, twitching a bit to knock away whatever caused the movement. The medic then does the same with several more points, ending with the stabilizing tail pressed close against Soundwave's frame. All react slightly, not enough for it to be a conscious action, but enough to show that the symbiote's reflexes are fully active. "Good. She's responsive, just not conscious. This is light stasis, and that's a very good sign. She may wake up soon... I can't be certain when. But, I can tell you for certain that she's not in any danger. She'll be quite disoriented when she wakes up, most likely... your bond should lessen that. Now... anything else you want to ask me about?" 

 

Soundwave carefully strokes two fingertips over Laserbeak's frame, a gesture meant to soothe himself as much as her, then slowly moves his servo to touch one of the empty armor latches on his chassis. He really wants his armor back... will he be allowed to have that? He's much more vulnerable and exposed this way... he'd really like to have at least some of his armor back. Can they at least let him have a codpiece? Please? He doesn't like cold air on his equipment... makes him feel even more exposed. Besides, it's uncomfortable. 

 

"Oh, your armor? I'm working on it, and your hip plating is top priority. Proper chassis plating is second, then your ankle plating- though I may need a closer examination to be sure that plating works properly. Don't worry, though... that's not until later. For now-" Ratchet pushes himself upright, giving a slight noise of discomfort as his knee joints protest. "just try to relax as much as possible. Your frame's been under a lot of stress, and still is, and your self-repair systems are still working hard. You're probably going to be tired a lot. If you are, just recharge, your systems need it." he orders gently, then pulls a few cubes of medical-grade energon from subspace, setting them near Soundwave. "Keep your tank full. It'll help your self-repair keep active. And..." retrieving a smaller cube of something purplish, he places it near the medical-grade, but not before pointing out the gradient marks on the cube. "This is a painkiller that will dull the transmissions between your nerve receptors and your processor. See the lines? Those mark off individual doses. Do NOT use more than one dose, or you might end up temporarily paralyzed. Don't try to drink it straight... bad for your throat. Just mix it into a cube of energon, okay?" 

 

Soundwave nods a tiny bit, showing that he's been listening (always a good thing to do, people appreciate that), then cautiously ventures a servo towards the cubes. He immediately goes limp when he sees Ratchet move towards him, though, instinctively trying to ease whatever is about to happen to him. What did he do wrong? Is he not supposed to take those with someone around? What did he do? 

 

"Easy, spook..." Ratchet hums, leaning down down and pushing the cubes a bit closer to Soundwave, then places one gently in the slender mech's servos. "Here. Don't need you reaching too far. It's okay... you didn't do anything wrong. Look... if you do something wrong, I won't hurt you for it... I'll just tell you not to do that. Now... I need to talk to Optimus for awhile, then I have to go back to work. But... if something happens and you need my help, you COMM me." he orders gently, sending out a short-range ping so that Soundwave can pick up his COMM signal. "Ping me so I know you got that, okay?"

 

Even tired and unwilling to do much, Soundwave is still a communications officer, and he always files away every COMM signal he picks up. He's not going to ask for help (there has to be a price, there just has to be, it's not safe), but he does send a short ping in response, obeying the medic. And he doesn't file it away in deep memory, the section of his secondary brain where he keeps the things he has to focus to retrieve... he keeps it in the bit of secondary brain memory where he can easily remember things. Maybe it'll be useful.

 

Ratchet sends a glyph back to Soundwave, just a bit of affirmation to help establish that this is a good thing to do, then turns to leave. "Now, you let me know if you're in a lot of pain, or if something's happening that you want to stop. I don't think either of those things will happen, but... just in case." 

 

Soundwave nods a tiny bit, acknowledging the medic, then dims his optics slightly in a signal that he's really like this to please end. He doesn't want to think about his frame, because that means he has to be aware of what happened to him... it forces him to think about how disgusting he felt- no, feels. Hopefully Ratchet is going to go away now... hopefully he'll catch on to the signal, and hopefully the medic won't take it as an attempt at an order. 

 

"Yeah, yeah... I know you don't want to interact with people. I'll leave you alone, and I'll tell Optimus not to bother you." Ratchet soothes, then pauses, moving back over to the couch and setting a few data-pads down. "Here- these are a few different puzzle games for you to play. Don't want you getting bored... I know better than to leave intelligent people alone without anything entertaining, especially people who like to meddle." he explains, then quietly leaves and shuts the door behind himself, leaving the spymaster alone.  _He better not pull a Jazz on us and start screwing around in the air vents..._ _  
_

Is it likely that Soundwave is going to start causing trouble? No. But still, best not to let him end up bored... partly because that was really just cruel. Intelligent mechs shouldn't be left to stew in their own boredom, and... nobody should be left alone in a room with nothing to do but think about what hurts and how bad they feel. 

//Optimus, you need to leave Soundwave alone for now. He was trying to signal that he wanted me to leave, and it's probably best to respect that. Check on him later, be sure he's okay, but don't make him talk to you. I gave him a few things to keep him entertained, and I left him a supply of energon and painkillers. The music is still going, so he'll be fine alone for awhile.//

 

Soundwave tilts his helm slightly, then hums very softly, surprised and pleased by the medic's compliance. Oh... well, that's unexpected, but... it's definitely good. Soundwave is definitely starting to like Ratchet... despite the medic's reputation, he's actually been very kind. The spymaster is still suspicious, still worried that Ratchet might end up hurting him once he's healed, but... Ratchet is rapidly getting a lot lower on the list of people Soundwave is currently afraid of. Ratchet seems reasonably safe. At least he's not likely to cause too much damage.. he'd just have to repair it later. 

And hopefully he'll discourage any others who might try to hurt Soundwave... the spymaster can't take much more pain. Maybe he can manage to keep himself from being hurt by obeying... he'll trade the humiliation for not being in as much pain, not being strapped down, not having his arms twisted back until his elbow joints pop and his claws go numb. 

Hopefully they'll let him do that. He just needs to figure out what they want him to do...

 

 

Except he can't tell.

Three days of trying his best to figure this out, and Soundwave still can't decide what he's supposed to do. He knows a few things, at least... for one, he needs to at least look in Optimus' general direction, though apparently it's okay if he can't quite meet the Prime's optics. Also, Optimus wants input from Soundwave, wants to know if he's doing anything wrong... and he'll stop if Soundwave gives any signal that he'd like something to stop. Interesting. But... Soundwave can't tell what else anyone wants from him. Optimus still reacts very badly if Soundwave acts like the others wanted, so... that's not it. But... maybe Optimus wants him to act more like a willing partner. That... seems about right. So... first, heal enough to be able to move properly. Second... go and climb into Optimus' berth. It's probably what the Prime wants him to do... and, if it is, he's going to end up doing it anyway. So... might as well get it over with, at least figure out what's going to happen to him and what he can expect. Once he's healed enough to cooperate properly, that's what he'll have to do. 

Soundwave's thoughts seem to prefer dark corners lately. Something involving his frame will catch his attention, then he can't help but think about what happened to cause it, and then his thoughts just spiral down into depression. This usually ends with him dully staring up at the ceiling, trapped in his own dark thoughts.

Fortunately, Optimus keeps coming to check on him. The Prime asks if he's in pain, then gently encourages him to drink something, then occasionally points out one of the puzzles Ratchet left. It's been... surprisingly helpful. Soundwave gets gently dug out of his negative thoughts, but Optimus doesn't force him to talk. The most the Prime has done is sit next to Soundwave in order to watch something on the large screen across from the couch, an activity that Soundwave rather enjoys. Having a calm, unthreatening presence near him is oddly soothing, and he's not going to complain about additional warmth in his area. Soundwave tends to run on the cold side, thanks to his exposed stomach. With his armor missing, he'd be constantly shivering if not for his electric blanket. This is a very nice blanket. 

 

Soundwave is in the middle of another spiral of depression, when something under him gives a series of small beeps. Dully reaching for whatever that is, Soundwave retrieves a data-pad, then gives a slight hum of interest when he glances down at it. Hm. He's not certain what this game is, but he can see several of the shapes hidden in this pattern right off, so he just picks them out to see what happens. 

Oh, hello... evidently that was some sort of lock. And this has just opened a virtual doorway into- well, this is interesting. Evidently he's found an exploration game where solving puzzles results in unlocked stages and clues for other puzzles... oh, this definitely interests him. For one thing, the soft music playing in the background is very nice. 

Quickly fascinated by this new and highly complex puzzle, Soundwave is firmly steered away from his dark ruminations and into far more healthy mental territory, especially since he's just cranked up the difficulty of the puzzles and occupied his secondary brain with sorting through the already-gathered clues. He's only distracted from the game when Optimus limps by- yes, limps. 

Turning his attention to Optimus, Soundwave gives a tiny noise of concern, slightly alarmed by what he's seeing. Uh oh. When did that happen? 

 

Optimus is bleeding from multiple spots, and there are bits of shrapnel lodged into the majority of his back. In addition to the limp, he's cradling one arm carefully across his chassis, and his battle mask is in place. He's walking fine aside from an evidently stiff knee, but judging by his optics, he's wearing a somewhat pained expression. 

Pausing, he looks over at Soundwave, retracting his battlemask and offering the best reassuring expression he can muster. Soundwave looks tense and rather alarmed... best to calm him down, probably. "Relax... there's nothing dangerous here. Evidently some repairs were done incorrectly at an energy processing plant... there was an explosion. No one died, though the medics are quite busy. I'm not badly injured, just kind of... ow." he summarized, gesturing with one servo towards his frame in general. "I'm going to go wait for a medic... though, I should warn you, Ratchet was injured and may not be coming. I asked him to send someone generally unconfrontational... don't worry." 

 

Soundwave would really rather not have anyone around him, especially someone he doesn't know. The spymaster looks Optimus over for a moment, taking in his appearance, then nods slightly in acknowledgement and slowly moves until the blanket is completely covering him. He'll just play the game under here... hopefully he can go unnoticed. He's fairly small, especially now... maybe he can pass for a pile of blankets. Hopefully the medic won't be looking around at everything... Soundwave might be able to keep himself from being spotted. 

Five minutes later, he has his answer.

Nope. 

"I see you under there... are you alright?" a soft voice asks, then someone tugs the corner of the blanket away, uncovering Soundwave's helm. Soundwave instinctively shutters his optics, trying to hide from whoever this is, then draws into himself a bit more when someone touches his cheek. 

 

"Hey... it's okay, you don't need to hide from me. I'm not going to hurt you... what's wrong?" the mech in question croons, then the couch shifts a bit as someone reasonably small sits down next to him. "Hey... look at me. I'm not going to hurt you, see? I'm a medic..." 

 

Soundwave reluctantly opens his optics, slowly turning to look at the other mech, then blinks and tilts his helm when he sees who's next to him. Oh. Well, this doesn't look like a threat... he's seen this mech before, once, as a prisoner who was quickly freed by an Autobot attack.

The small medic (Patches, he remembers this one because of a willingness to talk about himself but a reluctance to give away any secrets) is a young mech, barely out of the youngling stage. He's a creamy white all over, with soft lavender optics (Soundwave also remembers that, it's a very unusual feature, purple optics are usually harsh and dangerous) and equally soft lines tracing over his frame. Baby blue, lavender, and soft green... all calming colors. Everything about this mech, from the perked winglets to the smooth white armor, is a visual signal that this mech is harmless. It's all topped off by two soft silver medic's crosses on his upper arms, the symbols of his trade. 

Soundwave doesn't trust it. This mech was strangely calm during the brief interrogation that was managed before the medic was rescued... true, Patches hadn't been hurt at all, just yelled at and threatened. But still... no one this young and defenseless should be calm when faced by a large mech threatening to rip their legs off. And he shouldn't be this calm now... why is he so calm? Soundwave narrows his optics, suspiciously regarding the medic, then dims his optics and just goes still. Well... hopefully the medic will remember why he's here and go away. If not... trying to fight this cute little Autobot is only going to get others angry at him. And this is a medic... never fight a medic, they know where all the sensitive parts are. 

 

Patches tilts his helm slightly, optics darting over the blanket currently draped over Soundwave's frame, then sighs and lets go of the corner he's holding. "You aren't wearing any armor, are you?" he asks softly, optics now showing a good bit of sadness. "Oh, poor thing... that's why you don't want me to be here, isn't it? It's okay, sweetie, I promise... I won't hurt you. I'm a medic... couldn't hurt you if I wanted to. And, don't worry... I won't make you come out." he coos, gently patting Soundwave's servo in an attempt at reassuring the slender mech. "Ratchet wouldn't let you stay here if you needed medical attention." 

 

_Sweetie?!_

Soundwave's too surprised to figure out if he should be indignant. Who is this mech and why is he acting like this? Baring his dentae in an unconscious gesture of nervousness, the spymaster attempts to retreat back under his blanket, severely creeped out by this much-too-friendly mech in front of him. He doesn't understand why the medic is acting this way, he doesn't understand one bit, and he does NOT like it when he doesn't understand someone's behavior. A nervous hiss bubbling up in his throat, the slender mech stares up at the medic for a moment more, then takes his default way out and just shuts down. Shutter optics, don't move, don't make a sound... maybe the medic will leave him alone. 

 

"Oh dear... are you alright? Oh... you're trying to hide from me, aren't you?" Patches asks softly, then backs up a bit, glancing over his shoulder when a noise catches his attention. "Oh- I'm sorry, sir, I got a bit distracted-" he squeaked, clearly a bit embarrassed as he got up. 

 

"Understandable. I'd suggest leaving Soundwave alone, that particular reaction seems to indicate that he isn't comfortable with what's going on. Your usual friendliness may be confusing him, I'd think." Optimus hums, leaning against the doorframe to keep his balance. "Soundwave, this is Patches. Patches, I'm guessing you know who you're talking to."

 

Patches hurries over to Optimus, immediately raising the larger mech's arm to check a deep wound on his side, then gently helps him into the middle of the room. "You shouldn't be walking, and I'm not quite strong enough to carry you. Sit down, please, and let me see... you don't seem to be too badly injured, not at first look. Do you mind having Soundwave here for this? Also- is there anything that's especially painful?" 

 

"I don't mind, and... I think I would rather not move. I... feel like I am standing on the wall." Optimus mutters, carefully sitting down, then braces himself with one servo so he doesn't feel like he's about to fall over. "And, no... nothing especially bad. Just... general pain. And a remarkable lack of balance." 

 

"Well, no wonder... you have a shard of metal wedged up under your audio fin. It's probably interfering with your balance systems. This might sting a bit, but hold still and I'll get it- ah, got it. Now, given the shockwave, it's probably going to take your balance systems some time to recalibrate... just try to relax a bit, if you can. Here, I have painkillers... and also some candy, if you'd happen to like some." Patches hums, retrieving a syringe and a small box of candy. "This type is more geared towards adults... most people seem to like it." 

 

Optimus blinks, raising an optic ridge, then shrugs one shoulder and takes a piece of candy. "Why not..." he mutters, then shifts slightly, allowing Patches to reach his injured leg more readily. "I'm not going to move... in fact, I think I'd rather-" the Prime pauses, then pretty much just falls over backwards, evidently due to his balance sensors swinging wildly to the other side. "Ow. My apologies." 

 

"It's fine. Just... stay like that until your balance sensors reset." Patches soothes, gently patting Optimus' shoulder, then glances over towards Soundwave when he catches a glimpse of movement. Hm, apparently Soundwave is curious.

_Good... hopefully you'll see I'm not dangerous. I don't like having people afraid of me... feels wrong. Especially having someone THAT afraid... don't think I've had someone shut down like that on me, ever. W_ _hat'd I do to scare him like that? Did I just get too close, or... oh, maybe 'sweetie' is a trigger word for him. Should I ask? No, no... he doesn't trust me, and I don't want to make that any worse. I should... probably leave him alone. I'm sure he doesn't need medical attention... Ratchet would never leave someone injured on their own. I'll just... focus on the mech here who IS injured. And being remarkably calm about it. Good... he's strong, not sure I'd be able to keep him still if he didn't want to stay still._

 

Soundwave carefully opens his optics after a moment, watching Patches, then hums softly to himself when he realizes that Patches' attention is most definitely elsewhere. Oh, good. Looks like the medic isn't interested in him... hopefully it'll stay that way. He doesn't want Patches looking at him or touching him... that mech makes him very nervous. Too grabby, far too friendly, and much too unafraid. That's it. You j _ust... stay over there. Optimus doesn't seem to mind having you touching him... he's probably used to it. Seems common among Autobots. So..._ _I should... probably try to become accustomed to contact. It's... likely going to be a very common thing, if I stay here. And, since I cannot leave... I should probably learn to tolerate contact._ the spymaster concludes, then cringes slightly and tucks further under the blanket. He doesn't want to be touched. Well- maybe by Optimus. Maybe. Having his audio fins rubbed is nice. Anything further than that sounds... no. But... if he needs to get used to contact... that might be a good way to start. Maybe... maybe when Optimus is repaired, Soundwave can start trying to accustom himself to contact. And... for whatever reason, Optimus seems to like petting Soundwave's audio fins. Maybe... maybe Soundwave can offer to let Optimus pet him. That... might actually be enjoyable for both of them. 

Granted, it could lead to something unpleasant, but... it might be momentarily enjoyable. And... "momentarily enjoyable" sounds pretty good right now. 

 

"I... didn't see what happened to Ratchet. Is he badly hurt?" Optimus asks softly, still looking reasonably comfortable on the floor. He's had more painful repairs than this done in much more unpleasant places than on the floor of his own apartment. By now, he's become quite pain-tolerant, so this isn't too bad. "I thought I saw him hit by something..." 

 

"Well, he's not in the best shape, but he's going to be fine. He's just having an arm reattached... also, we ran low on painkillers, so we had to dip into a backup supply. There's nothing too wrong with them, but unfortunately they tend to cause people to act rather.. drunk. Also, Ratchet may be hallucinating- actually, no... he might not be. He told me not to bother "the spook", and I thought he was looking at an imaginary ghost or something of the sort, but I suppose he could have meant Soundwave. But- whatever the case, he's going to be fine. He's in no shape to work on repairs, but he's in no danger whatsoever, and he should be just fine in a few days." Patches summarizes, then replaces a bit of plating in Optimus' leg and moves to a fairly deep wound in the Prime's side. "Now, let me know if you need any more painkillers... pain tolerances vary greatly, I don't want to make you too uncomfortable." 

 

Hmm... Patches is being very gentle. And he keeps carefully guarding nerve clusters from the heat of welder, which often results in a singe mark on the back of his servo... Soundwave's never seen a medic do that. It's not needed, not technically... but it would probably ease a good bit of discomfort. Hm... Patches might not be as bad as his instincts are insisting. Maybe the mech's odd behavior just caught him off guard? 

The spymaster doesn't quite realize it, but his posture reflects his rapidly fading nervousness. He's pushed the blanket down a bit, and his optics are narrowed slightly in a way that means he's focusing on whatever's directly in front of him. Also, he's stopped hunching down into himself, and is instead sitting up straight with his helm cocked slightly to the side. With his visor off and no way to cloak the slight shifts in his muscle cables, Soundwave is very plainly watching Patches, and he's obviously rather interested. 

 

Patches glances over at him, registering the spymaster's interest, but resists the urge to turn towards Soundwave and try to look friendly. The spymaster won't appreciate his attention... that's obvious. He'll just keep working on Optimus, who is one of the most cooperative patients he's had- aside from the unconscious ones. And better than some of the unconscious ones, he's had a couple of mechs start flailing while out cold. Optimus moves into a better position when needed, but otherwise stays still, and he's not complaining or freaking out. Always nice to have a patient who's this cooperative. 

 

 

Some time later, Patches carefully helps Optimus to his pedes, helping him out of the room. "I know you're sore, but try to relax. Your self-repair can handle what's left, and none of those wounds are going to reopen. Rest for today, and take it easy for the next few days." he instructs softly, then glances back when the door automatically closes behind them. "I'm not asking for details about what happened to Soundwave, and I know I'm probably just going to upset him if I get too close, but... is there any way I can help him? I... don't like seeing people upset or hurt. Maybe... I'm sure Ratchet has already given you some advice, but... do you need any more suggestions? I used to work with younglings, and... I know a few different ways to help people who've been through things they just can't handle." 

 

After a second of being rather surprised at how easily Patches can take his weight (and then remembering how strong medic-builds are), Optimus hums softly in response, his voice quiet but stable. "I'm listening, if you have any suggestions... or if you might have any idea how to convince him that I don't intend to hurt him." 

 

"Honestly... I'm not certain about the second part. My usual approach evidently scared him. I'm guessing he isn't used to people being nice to him... or maybe he misinterpreted my intent. I... kind of slipped back into old habits and called him 'sweetie' by mistake... not the best word choice. But- as for how to help, I'd suggest you try to keep him occupied so he doesn't end up thinking about what happened to him. He's gonna have to process everything at some point, but there's a difference between processing and constantly dwelling on something. The former is healthy, and necessary. The latter... well, let's just say it's not good for mental health in general." 

 

Soundwave has been listening to the two, as the wall between this room and the hallway is quite thin, but they evidently step into another room at this point and he can no longer hear them. 

Hm. They probably don't know he's listening, so... Soundwave can probably trust what they're saying. And it sounds like Patches is a decent mech after all... seems like he's trying to be helpful. And... good to know that Optimus is trying to help as well. Seems like the Prime will at least wait for Soundwave to be in better shape before trying anything... that's good. So... this is apparently at least a fairly safe place. Optimus wants Soundwave to be healthy, so evidently the Prime won't hurt him... and probably won't let anyone else hurt him. Hopefully. 

The spymaster is tugged out of his semi-hopeful-but-not-quite thoughts by the sound of the door whooshing open. Uh oh, creepy little medic. Soundwave immediately goes limp again, shuttering his optics and hoping the medic will assume he's recharging. Or maybe he'll get the hint and go away. 

Light pede-steps move closer, then stop, and what feels like a small box is pressed gently into Soundwave's servo. "Sorry..." Patches whispers, then quietly leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. 

Hm? Soundwave cautiously opens his optics, curling his claws carefully around the box, then turns it over to read what's written on it. 

**_"Consider this my apology for scaring you earlier."  -Patches_ **

Soundwave slowly opens the box, not sure what to expect, then tilts his helm in surprise when he sees what's inside. This is a box of candy. And... Patches had offered candy to Optimus earlier. Why does that odd little medic keep offering candy to people? Odd little thing. Looks like good candy, though... and Soundwave has always had a taste for sweets. He's tempted... he's very tempted. But... he doesn't quite trust this. People don't give him things... not without a cost of some sort. The spymaster somewhat reluctantly closes the lid of the box, then sets it aside with the data-pads, deciding to just leave it alone for now. 

Hmm. He's bored again. Time to go back to his game... doesn't look like there's going to be anything else interesting around here. Patches is gone, and Optimus probably won't be up for awhile. May as well resume playing... it's near-pointless, but it's much more entertaining than staring up at the ceiling and thinking about what hurts. It's also a lot less unpleasant. 

Wait a minute, what was that sound OH FRAG- HOW LONG HAS JAZZ BEEN STANDING THERE?! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Patches is... odd. Yes, there's a reason he seems to be fearless, and it is not a fun reason. I really just kind of wanted to put him in a situation with Soundwave, as he's very confusing to those who don't recognize him. And some people find him mildly alarming. Soundwave is one of those people.  
> Also, sneaky Jazz is sneaky.


	6. Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jazz is sneaky and decides to appear.  
> Soundwave decides to be somewhere other than the couch.  
> And then a hydraulic pump is dropped into the Well of Issues. It spits up a lot of not-good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jazz isn't intentionally being an aft. Soundwave is covered in a blanket at this point, and aside from the missing visor and some marks on his arms, he doesn't look like he's hurt or otherwise not okay. If Jazz had known that Soundwave is very much not okay, he would have approached much more carefully and made sure Soundwave knew he was there. He only catches on that something's wrong when he takes a bit of a closer look and realizes that the blanket is draped weird... Soundwave's a lot skinnier without his armor, but it's not noticeable right off unless you're familiar with what he looks like up close. And Jazz is more familiar with Soundwave than a lot of Decepticons, thanks to all that rivalry-type stuff.

Slaggit that mech is QUIET but forget that- THERE IS SOMEONE IN FRONT OF HIM. Soundwave instinctively puffs himself up slightly, familiar with Jazz and ready for their usual "One of us somehow found the other" fight, then remembers the consequences of fighting and goes limp instead. Hopefully Jazz won't decide to fight him... he's in no shape to win. Or stand up for himself at all. And... he'd rather just stay under this blanket so Jazz doesn't notice that he's naked. Hopefully Jazz will go away.... he's probably just here to deliver a report or something. Right?

Orrr maybe Jazz is here because the Autobot spy is a sore loser... he's never seemed like one, but- he's probably heard what happened to Soundwave, and he might- is he here for revenge? That seems rather likely, and... hopefully this will hurt less if Soundwave just cooperates.

 

Jazz blinks twice, processing what's in front of him, then smirks a bit and COMMs Optimus. //So I just found Soundwave... though I'm thinking you may not be looking for him anymore. 'Least, I hope not. Wait a minute- Prime, why is there a naked and possibly unconscious spymaster on your couch? Is this one of those things I'm not supposed to tell anyone about?//

 

//What? No, he's... long story. And he's probably not unconscious... he does that when someone is making him nervous. Why are you in my apartment?//

 

//Had some reports to deliver. Thought I'd hand 'em over in person. And... why exactly is there a naked and possibly traumatized spymaster on your couch? Does... this have anything to do with that tip about someone keeping Soundwave as a pet?//

 

//It... yes. I think he'd prefer I not say much more. But... if he's acting unconscious, you're most likely unnerving him. Please don't make him too nervous... he's been through a lot.//

 

//Got it. I won't bother him much... just gonna see if I can get him to stop playin' dead. This mech was a LOT of trouble for me, but I got a lot of respect for him... always seemed like a halfway decent mech, too. I'm gonna see if I can convince him that I'm not about to hurt him... given how much armor he's missing, I think I know what he's afraid of.//

Jazz hums soothingly, sitting down right next to Soundwave. "Hey, Sounders... 's okay, I won' hurt you. You really aren't my type, an' anyway, I don' interface with people who aren't willin'. Hey... lookit me. You gotta know me pretty well by now... you should know I'm not that type of mech." he soothes, visor dimming slightly in an effort to look a bit less intimidating. "C'mon, now... open those optics."

 

Should he obey Jazz? Hmm. Soundwave is reluctant to do anything that might get Jazz more interested, but... the other spy is right. Soundwave has done plenty of research on Jazz... the Autobot has looser moral boundaries than some of the others on Prime's team, but he's not one to enjoy cruelty. Cautiously, Soundwave cracks open one optic, then closes it again when Jazz moves a bit closer. Nope. He'd like Jazz to go away now, please. He doesn't want any part of whatever Jazz is up to.

 

Jazz sighs softly, leaning back slightly and trying to look a bit less frightening. "Alright, then... if you're more comfortable with those optics closed, keep 'em closed. But you listen to me, okay? Now... I'm the one who got that anonymous tip. I sent it to Optimus, didn't quite believe it, but... I might be able to find the mech who sent the tip in. Do you want me to try an' dig him up? Might be able to find at least some of the mechs who hurt you. But... I won't go diggin' around in your business unless you give me permission. So... do you want me to do some investigatin'?"

 

Jazz is offering to- Soundwave opens his optics, regarding the other spy for a moment, then lowers his gaze and turns away. No. He doesn't want... doesn't want Jazz to know. Jazz is one of the few people who respected him out of something other than fear... Soundwave wants to keep any remaining shards of that respect intact. He doesn't want Jazz to know the details of what happened to him... the idea makes him feel even worse. It's... no.

 

"No? Well, I'll respect that... but I'm gonna take a minute an' try to get you to change your mind. I know you don't want anyone finding out what happened, but... whatever happened to you probably isn't any worse than what I'm coming up with on my own. I've seen a lot of real nasty things, an' I have a somewhat unfortunately active imagination. And... I'm not going to tell anyone what happened to you. We're gonna have to build a case at some point so we can have a proper trial, but yer name won't ever come up... promise. But we do have ta get these guys rounded up before they hurt anyone else, or before they can try to cover up wha' they did. So... how about this. I'll go hunting for names, but I won't go digging into what happened. I'll just look for people who are connected. And, once yer feelin' better, I'll give you everythin' I've rounded up an' you can either join mah poking around or take over completely. Want me to do that?"

 

Well... that's a bit better. That's... actually a fairly tempting offer. Or it would be, if Soundwave trusted Jazz at all... or does he? Jazz is tricky, very tricky, but... from what Soundwave has seen, he's a decent mech.

Also... it seems like Jazz wants to investigate this. And... if he does, Soundwave can't stop him. So, even though he's really just not happy with this, Soundwave glances back over to Jazz and nods slightly. Yes. Go ahead and investigate... might be useful. Besides... Jazz has a point about keeping them from hurting anyone else. Honestly, there are a couple of people Soundwave would wish this sort of hell on, but the rest of the world probably doesn't deserve it. So... he has objections to Jazz investigating, but if the Autobot keeps to his description, those objections are quite minor.

 

"Alrigh' then. I'll try not to get in yer business too much. An'... whatever I find, it ain't gonna make me respect you any less. Yer still sane, so learnin' that you survived Hell is only gonna gimme more respect for you. Now... I gotta go talk to Prime. I'm guessing you still have my COMM, so... just call me if someone tries to get at ya. Okay?" Jazz hums, sending a ping along a half-remembered COMM channel, then smiles when a soft glyph loosely meaning 'oh, hi there' flickers back to him. "There ya are. Just remember that, okay?" the spy hums, standing up and heading back towards Optimus' room.

 

Jazz once sent Soundwave his COMM number, evidently while quite drunk, which is how Soundwave knows it. Much to the Autobot spy's surprise, he got a number back in return- and it turned out to be real. Soundwave had been in a somewhat obliging mood, as well as being rather curious what might happen. They hadn't used the lines much, both rather concerned that it might be some sort of trap, but they'd both kept the numbers... and Jazz had once decided to spend two hours trying to make Soundwave laugh. That had been somewhat interesting. The Autobot actually had a few decent jokes... Soundwave hadn't laughed, but he had sent back a few mildly amused glyphs... and also a file labeled "Fails". It was basically just short videos of various Decepticons, mostly Starscream, messing up. Things like Starscream marching right off the bridge catwalk while in the middle of trying to look dominant and/or competent. And also an incident involving Knockout tripping over a very spiny mech and subsequently freaking out about just how much damage had been done to his paintjob. It was basically just a folder of short, amusing videos, none of which had anything incriminating in them- they weren't even enough to blackmail someone with. Jazz had evidently been very amused. 

And now... evidently that line is going to be an emergency number. Alright... that might actually be useful. Jazz genuinely seems like he's trying to help... maybe he is. Soundwave doesn't trust him, but... if Jazz is willing to offer his help, Soundwave isn't about to refuse it without a very good reason. 

And right now, he has more pressing concerns. Namely, he no longer feels safe, not even a bit. Apparently people can just walk right in... Soundwave wants to be somewhere else, somewhere safer. And... he can walk now, right? 

Soundwave stretches out, carefully testing his hip joint, then slowly stands up. His hip joint is stiff and still a little bit sore, but it works, and- yes, he can walk. He's a bit unsteady, though... hasn't walked in a while. Carefully wrapping the blanket around himself, Soundwave walks across the room to get his leg muscles stretched out, then opens a door to see what's inside. This looks like a storeroom... there are cubes of energon stacked all along the walls, and a heap of machinery in another place. And... there's a spare berth pad in the corner. Well... that could work. No one is going to look for him in a storeroom, right? 

Hm... is Prime going to be upset if he moves into the storeroom, though? No... probably not. The door doesn't lock, and anyway, Soundwave is just moving himself out of the way. This should work out...

One more trip across the room to get his things, then Soundwave curls up on the berth pad, tucking the blanket around himself. Ah... this is better. It's dim in here, lit only by a small lightbulb, and the space is small enough to feel comfortable without being confining. It's reasonably cool, but not cold, and... it's actually very comfortable. Oh, this is nice... hopefully they'll let him stay in this room. 

Curled comfortably into the corner with his back protected and Laserbeak cradled gently against his chassis, Soundwave spends a little while playing his game, eventually falling asleep with the data-pad leaning against his face. Being somewhere comfortable and having only mild mental stimulation tends to signal to his processor that it's time to recharge, which sometimes leads to things like him falling asleep half-off the berth with something still loosely held in one servo. 

Maybe it's Laserbeak's gradually increasing presence, maybe it's the new comfortable place, but Soundwave doesn't have any nightmares. His dreams are just scattered impulses, some rather unpleasant, some merely an impression of a feeling or a light contact... it's almost like being nearly asleep but barely able to register input from the outside world. Not always pleasant, but much better than a nightmare. 

 

 

Tired out by his frame's continued work at healing itself, Soundwave sleeps through the night and into the late morning, undisturbed by anything more severe than the occasional burst of fright with no actual cause. 

 

Upon discovering that Soundwave is gone, Optimus' first reaction is to check under the couch. Nothing there but a glitch-mouse, which he captures and releases before continuing the search. Not down either hallway, not in the medbay... so he's probably in the supply closet that Optimus keeps forgetting about. 

Slowly opening the door, Optimus carefully inspects the room, then hums softly when he spots Soundwave. "There you are." he whispers, then pauses, trying to decide if he should go and wake the spymaster up. Maybe it's best not to bother him at all... for one thing, he looks so peaceful. Soundwave's tense expression has relaxed almost completely, and he's actually smiling a tiny bit at the moment... it's honestly kind of cute. The slender little mech is snuggled into the blanket around him, claws wrapped around the edge of the blanket, occasionally giving a soft little hum...

But then the tension is back, and Soundwave bares his fangs slightly in what seems like fear. Oh... but he'd looked so relaxed before... he can't even escape fear in his sleep? 

He probably shouldn't, but Optimus steps into the room, reaching down to gently caress Soundwave's audio fins in an attempt to relax him again. "Shh..." 

 

"Hrmfh?" Soundwave gives a little noise of confusion, clearly not having expected that, then slowly opens his optics and groggily blinks up at Optimus. Oh. Hello. What exactly... what does Optimus want? Does Soundwave need to spread his legs and be still, or... no, it doesn't look like it. He's still half-asleep... why is Optimus petting his audio fins? Oh, hmm... that feels nice. That feels really nice. A shivering purr escapes him, then he blinks and tenses up a bit, actually somewhat surprised at his own purring. What? Was he just purring for a second? That hasn't happened in a long time... but he's too tired to wonder why he was just purring, so the spymaster instead just tugs his blanket up higher, nuzzling his face into the blanket and attempting to escape from his own confusion and whatever Optimus wants him to do. 

 

 _Oh... that's actually rather adorable._ Optimus smiles slightly, then somewhat reluctantly strokes the spymaster's audio fins again, a bit firmer this time. "I'm sorry if you're still tired, Soundwave, but you need to get up. Ratchet is here to replace your inner plating... you can go back to sleep when he's done, but I think he wants you awake. Come on... up." he orders very softly, keeping his servo on Soundwave's audio fins and still being very gentle so he won't frighten or upset the spymaster. 

 

"Mmh..." Soundwave curls tigher into the blanket, clearly reluctant to move, then sighs and slowly slides his pedes off the berth. Carefully standing up, he tugs the blanket tighter around himself, then blinks up at Optimus and passively waits for any orders the Prime might have for him. He's still not quite awake, and he's still in a very obedient mood, so he'll just wait... 

 

"Come on..." Optimus coaxes, then reaches down and very gently takes the spymaster's servo, gently tugging him towards the medical area. Soundwave seems to be sleepy but calm, so it's probably safe to carefully move him this way... and, honestly? Sleepy-but-awake Soundwave is still kind of cute. He doesn't really look tense, not yet... he looks calm and generally content. It's a much better expression than the nervous-but-resigned look he'd formerly had. Optimus would like to keep that particular expression away... it makes Soundwave look rather like a mech who's being marched to his own execution. 

Still gently holding Soundwave's servo, Optimus gently leads the sleepy mech into the medical area, then sits down on the berth- and there's that nervous look again. Evidently Soundwave doesn't like what he's seeing. 

 

Soundwave is now wide awake, mostly because he's just noticed Ratchet's tray of tools. A lot of those look like they could be used to cause quite a bit of pain, and... judging by the armor plates stacked next to them, those are going to be very close to some parts he'd like to keep away from anything sharp. However... he wants that armor back. He doesn't like being naked. And... if it means he gets his armor back, he'll try his best to take whatever pain comes with it. Somewhat nervously, he climbs onto the berth, then looks down at his servo- Optimus is still holding it. Oh. Well, it seems like the Prime intends to try to... comfort him? Okay... sure. Honestly, this is kind of nice. It's a soft, reassuring contact, and it's not anywhere... personal. It's just nice. 

 

Ratchet picks up a small light, then somewhat cautiously approaches the spymaster, holding the light out in one hand to show what it is. "I'm just going to take a look at your optics, spook... need to be sure that paint didn't cause any lasting damage." he explains, then reaches out and places two fingertips below Soundwave's optic, moving slowly in an attempt to not end up with those sharp little dentae clamped down on his finger. "Easy... try not to blink." 

 

Soundwave manages to keep still despite the light in his optics, then blinks hard a couple of times as soon as Ratchet is done. He then glances back over at the tray of equipment, nervously eyeing it and also somewhat trying to communicate that he would really like to know what's going to happen to him. He's never much liked medbays, and he likes medics even less... or, rather, he very much doesn't like the medics he's encountered. He doesn't like being touched, especially when he's injured, and Decepticon medics are seldom gentle. Ratchet, though... Ratchet isn't so bad. The Autobot medic is very gentle, and more than that, he explains what he's about to do. Soundwave definitely likes knowing what's about to happen to him, especially when he already doesn't feel good at all. 

 

Ratchet follows Soundwave's line of sight, then catches on and picks up a small container, showing him the contents. "A lot of your armor latches are torn or missing. These are the replacements, and they're a lot stronger than the latches most people end up with- Wheeljack's design. And yes, I'm certain they won't explode... he does occasionally produce something that doesn't explode, implode, or spontaneously combust. I also have your replacement internal plating ready, and a few pieces of outer hip plating. The mechs in charge of resource allotment are a bit overwhelmed at the moment, which is why this took awhile... they were busy trying to sort things by necessity, and that means they're prioritizing the construction mechs' replacement parts. Oh- and before you start worrying about it, no one knows you're here. I don't give out patient names. Now... do you want to start with your hip plating or the replacement inner plating for your spark chamber? That makeshift plating has to go- the outer plating can't fit comfortably over it." 

 

Soundwave looks the tools over for a moment more, then gestures slightly towards his hips, though he's honestly still very reluctant to let Ratchet near him with those tools. He just... really wants his plating back. Still nervously watching the medic, he starts to lay down on his back, then pauses when he realizes that Optimus is still there. Oh. Does he... want that? He rather likes the comfort Optimus offers him, though he doesn't quite understand why it's being given... and he's not sure if he wants Optimus to be watching for this. 

Actually... Optimus has already seen him completely exposed, and in much worse shape than this. Maybe... maybe he doesn't mind so much if the Prime is here. Maybe it's okay. 

 

"Now, Soundwave... I'm guessing you won't be comfortable with just laying on your back. So... what would make you feel safer?" Ratchet asks softly, not coming any closer in an attempt to not make Soundwave even more nervous. "I need access to your hips, and I'd prefer it not be at an awkward angle, but there are a few different things you could try... and I'm sure Optimus is willing to help. Just take a minute to get comfortable, okay?" 

 

Soundwave tilts his helm slightly, looking around for a moment, then very slowly moves towards Optimus. Is it okay if he, maybe... uses Optimus' leg as a pillow? That way, he won't be flat on his back... and he doesn't want to be laying like that right now. Actually... he probably won't ever be comfortable on his back again. It stirs up memories every time he tries. 

 

Optimus hums softly, shifting to sit cross-legged and let Soundwave do as he pleases. "Whatever you're comfortable with is fine... just please be careful of your spines, they look quite sharp." he notes, still gently holding Soundwave's servo in an attempt to keep the spymaster calm. He really doesn't want to scare the poor mech any further, though he knows that's unavoidable... poor mech isn't going to like this at all. He should probably try to distract Soundwave from what's going on... but he's not entirely sure what to talk about. He's not exactly good at small talk. 

 

Soundwave carefully lays down with his helm and shoulders in the Prime's lap, careful not to stab the Prime with the spines on his backpack, then turns his gaze to Ratchet and clicks very softly in a nervous gesture of permission. Okay. He's... probably going to be alright with this. Maybe. But, either way... he'd just like to get this over with. Please. This is something he really doesn't want to do. 

 

"Alright, spook... now, I'm going to give you a mild dose of local anesthetic to keep you from feeling too much discomfort. But I can't completely numb everything down there, I need you to be able to tell me if anything outright hurts. It shouldn't, but... let me know if it does. And- Soundwave, look at me." Ratchet orders softly, only continuing when the spymaster (very reluctantly) meets his optics. "If you need a break at any point, you let me know. It's okay if you need a few minutes to calm down... in fact, it's very understandable. So you just tell me if I need to stop for a few minutes. Also- here, you play with this. Try to keep yourself distracted." he offers, holding out a fairly complicated three-dimensional puzzle. "See if you can get all the colors matched up on that thing. I'm told it's solvable, but I've never seen it done... let's see if you can do anything with it." 

Pulling a chair over, he sits down at the foot of the berth, then reaches out and folds the electric blanket back out of his way. "Alright, Soundwave... I'm not going to use any restraints on you, so I need to keep your legs apart for me. If you hit a point where you can't manage that any more, please try to warn me before you press your legs together again, I'd rather not end up with my servo trapped. Plus, I'm guessing that would upset you more than me. Now... I know it's hard, but try to relax. Don't focus on what I'm doing, you'll stress yourself out." 

 

Optimus begins to gently stroke Soundwave's audio fins, rubbing his fingertips gently over the points and just trying to make Soundwave feel nice. And, hopefully, it'll keep the spymaster relaxed. "Now... I know you need both of your servos for that puzzle, but I'm going to put mine right here, and I'm going to keep it here unless you want me to move it. If you need Ratchet to stop, you can squeeze my servo, and I'll tell Ratchet that he needs to stop. Understand?" he asks softly, resting a servo very gently on Soundwave's lower chassis in a spot that should be fairly safe to touch. 

 

Soundwave clicks very softly up at him, signalling his understanding, then nervously bites the inside of his cheek and slowly parts his legs to allow Ratchet to reach his interface equipment. He does NOT want to do this, it's going against a lifetime's worth of fear-sharpened instincts, but... he needs to do this. Ratchet wants him to do this, and he needs to do what Ratchet wants... needs to be good for the medic. Besides... if he does this, he gets his pelvic plating back. 

Okay. Ratchet's right, he needs to focus on something other than what's happening to him. Carefully wrapping his fingertips around two spots on the puzzle, he inspects the color pattern for a moment, then experimentally twists it in a couple of spots. Hmm. Nope, that's not it, that's not it- ow. 

 

Ratchet withdraws a needle from high up on the spymaster's inner thigh, setting the syringe aside, then carefully inspects a spot where one of the spymaster's inner armor clasps has been torn away. "I'm going to start here, so you can get used to the feeling of this before I have to work on the partial clasps. Some of them were only partially removed, and I have to remove the remnants of those clasps before I can replace them. This is a reasonably simple procedure... file the attachment point of the replacement clasp so it'll fit properly into the place left, apply a certain type of sealant that's intended for internal use, fit the parts together, and keep it in place for a minute or two until the sealant sets. Your repair systems can heal through and around the sealant, integrating the clasp with your frame, and the nerve left in the wound will connect with the artificial nerve in the clasp. It'll take awhile for these clasps to integrate enough that you can disengage the clasps yourself, you'll have to do it manually if you want that plating off, but I'm guessing that won't be an issue for you..." 

 

Somewhat to the medic's surprise, Soundwave doesn't move for any of the repairs to his inner plating clasps. The spymaster really should be moving, protesting, or reacting in some way... but no, Ratchet might as well be operating on a corpse. Well- a corpse that's busy solving a puzzle, because Soundwave hasn't turned his attention away from that puzzle for an instant. Maybe that's why he hasn't moved yet... hopefully that's why.

But, either way, he should probably give Soundwave a few minutes to relax. "Alright, spook. Just need to get this replacement plating into place, then I'm going to give you a few minutes to relax. Little bit of pressure... there. Now you can-" 

He's interrupted when Soundwave clamps his legs together, nearly trapping Ratchet's servos. Well. Evidently the spymaster was far more stressed out than he seemed. Ratchet sighs, shaking his helm, then gently pats the spymaster's knee. "Soundwave, I told you I didn't want to stress you out. That was a stressed reaction. I'm not angry, but I'm telling you not to do that again. If you're badly stressed, I need you to tell me... alright?" 

 

Soundwave shivers, then nods slightly, meeting Ratchet's optics for a second to acknowledge him. He doesn't understand why Ratchet wants to keep his stress levels low, there's no need to keep him calm beyond keeping him from outright panicking. But... if Ratchet really wants to know, Soundwave will tell the medic. It... might make this a bit easier. 

And, honestly, this isn't as bad as he thought it would be. Ratchet's servos are gentle, and the medic hasn't touched Soundwave's equipment directly. It's still incredibly stressful to have someone constantly so close to his equipment, but it's bearable. At least it's not painful... just uncomfortable every time the medic has to remove a broken latch. He can probably stand the remainder of this procedure, especially since his valve is covered by something more solid than a blanket. Having the inner plating back in place is quite comforting... especially since this plating fits right. His inner plating has been somewhat dented around the edges for a very long time, since he couldn't fix it himself and absolutely refused to let a medic anywhere near his equipment until now. That feels a lot better... and it looks like Ratchet's next step will be to replace his outer hip plating. Inner plating is meant to be a guard against temperature and any contaminants that can get under outer plating, it's not meant to take much force. 

 

After a few minutes to clean his tools and let Soundwave relax, Ratchet moves his chair a bit closer, lowering his plating slightly in an effort to shrug away his usual cranky shell. He needs to be gentle here, Soundwave is already badly on edge. "Alright, spook, your outer plating is next. I checked our file on you for every reference I could find, and combined that with the scans I took earlier to get this replacement armor as close to the original as possible. Since you're lightly armored, I was able to get all of your hip plating done, as opposed to just the vital pieces. Most of the latches on your hips look to be at least reasonably intact, so this shouldn't take too long." 

 

Soundwave parts his legs again, a bit less hesitantly than last time, and pauses his work on the puzzle for a moment in order to look down at what exactly Ratchet is doing. He's not surprised that most of the latches there are still intact... he'd quickly realized that keeping his armor latches engaged was only going to lead to the latches being torn off when someone decided they wanted a piece of plating out of their way. He'd been in fairly bad shape when they'd started ripping his armor off, so he'd been in no mood to do anything other than cooperate and hope it hurt less that way. 

 

"Soundwave, I need to check the seals on that plating, which is best done manually. Just try to be still..." Ratchet soothes, gently resting a servo on the slender mech's knee, then traces one fingertip carefully along the seams of the newly installed plating. "Easy... just a moment... there. Done. Everything looks good. Just a few more latches to replace, so... just a few more minutes here. Nothing hurts so far? Nothing too uncomfortable?" he asks softly, retrieving the sealant and replacement latches, then pauses and sighs softly when he feels Soundwave try to curl into himself. It's evidently a gesture of embarrassment, as the delicate plating under Ratchet's servos is beginning to heat up. "Easy, spook, nothing to be embarrassed about. That's a normal reaction to a panel seal test, it's just an involuntary response to contact that theoretically could lead to intercourse. Try to relax... that reaction should ease up in a minute or two." 

 

Soundwave whines, very softly, then slowly uncurls again in an attempt to do whatever Ratchet wants- he's still trying to keep the medic happy with him. And Ratchet's explanation helps slightly... Soundwave really doesn't like his frame doing things without his permission, but it's a bit less upsetting when he knows why it's happening. 

In-venting deeply, the spymaster returns his attention to the puzzle, trying to focus on that instead of what's currently happening to him. The puzzle is much less upsetting. 

 

Ratchet waits for a moment to be sure Soundwave isn't still uncomfortable, then resumes his work, moving as quickly as he can manage without messing up. He's trying to be quick here, so Soundwave (hopefully) won't end up having a panic attack. 

A few minutes later, he gently clicks Soundwave's front armor into place, then pats the spymaster's knee and hums softly. "Alright, spook, I'm done." the medic hums, pulling the blanket down so that it covers every bit of Soundwave's frame below his upper chassis. "Take a few more minutes, then I need to work on your chassis armor." he warns gently, not wanting to catch Soundwave off guard with anything. The spymaster probably knows by now what's about to happen, but Ratchet tends to explain everything multiple times with nervous patients- especially nervous patients who (A), most likely have PTSD, and (B), have multiple ways to kill him without any added weapons. "Now, that's going to take a little while... I have to get everything lined up properly so it'll be comfortable. Especially with this..." Ratchet notes, pointing out a clear spark chamber shield on his tray. "If that doesn't fit properly, nothing else on your chassis will." 

 

Soundwave curls into himself somewhat, shielding his hip area, then cautiously sneaks a servo down under the blanket to inspect the new plating via touch. Hmm. Not as sensitive as normal, though he's not surprised- that's typical for newly replaced armor. And it's the right color, too... it looks exactly like his old armor. Good... if the Autobots end up giving him back all of his armor, it won't look like anything happened to him. Unless his fate has become common knowledge... if it has, he's not sure what he's going to do. Because... he's not sure if he can stand the idea of everyone knowing what happened to him. If everyone knows... he's probably going to just have to hide in Prime's apartment and do whatever it takes to keep himself from having to go and interact with people at all. Because he can't tolerate that, can't tolerate everyone knowing what's happened to him, can't tolerate the  _whispers_ and the  _stares_ and he's been through that on a much smaller scale than he's afraid of and he ended up having to kill someone to make all of that  _stop-_

The spymaster is somewhat obviously sinking into a very dark headspace now... his optics are slightly dimmed, he's not looking at anything in particular, and he's gone from carefully twisting the puzzle to slowly moving the same piece back and forth. 

 

Optimus has mostly just been watching Soundwave work on the puzzle, so he's quick to notice when the spymaster stops doing anything productive. Stroking the pointed audio fins with just a bit more force, he gently taps Soundwave's arm with his other servo, humming softly and trying to shake him out of wherever he's gone. "Soundwave... are you alright? You're doing very well... I'm impressed." he whispers, and he means it. Soundwave isn't shut down, so he's aware of what's happening, but he's so calm despite that... it's very impressive. Optimus isn't certain what he'd be doing in the spymaster's place, but it would probably involve a lot more squirming. 

 

Soundwave blinks, then shivers a little bit and brightens his optics again. Oh. Oh... he's alright. He's not anywhere unpleasant, this is at least a reasonably safe place... nothing to worry about right now...

Except for the fact that soldiers in general are gossips, and any juicy bit of information will spread like wildfire, and- 

No. Can't think about that right now. Can't do anything about it, so shouldn't worry about it. Just... just be here. 

But here isn't very fun either, so... just work on the puzzle. Just... focus on that until things are a bit better. 

Oh- and he'd like to just get this over with, so- 

The spymaster tugs his blanket down out of the way, just enough to expose his spark chamber, then tenses up and looks up at Optimus. Actually, he'd... really rather not have the Prime see this. Yes, Optimus might already have seen, but... Soundwave still doesn't want the Prime to see what's been done to the inside of his spark chamber. There are a lot of clawmarks, and the idea of Optimus seeing this... it makes Soundwave want to curl up and hide. 

 

"Oh- here." Optimus hums, catching on, then reaches over to Ratchet's tray and retrieves a strip of mesh bandage. Wrapping it around his helm a couple of times, he tugs it down to cover his optics, then ties it firmly in place. "There. Now I'm not looking at you... or anything." 

 

Soundwave looks up at him for a moment more, tilting his helm slightly, then turns his gaze back to Ratchet and nods, just once. Okay. Let's see if he can get through this... 

 

About half an hour later, he has his answer. Probably not. 

Soundwave is biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself from whimpering, trying with all his might to stay still and keep himself from squirming away or kicking Ratchet. He'd try to say something, but Ratchet keeps muttering "almost done..." and Soundwave doesn't want to interrupt if the medic is almost done, especially since Ratchet seems to be concentrating quite hard... best not to interrupt that. He just needs to be still for a few more minutes... 

_I can do this, I can do this..._

_I can't do this._

The puzzle falls from Soundwave's shaking claws, then he raises one servo in a weak protest- just as Ratchet engages a set of newly installed latches and slides Soundwave's new inner chassis armor into place. 

Maybe it's the sensation of the medic's servos guiding the plates into place, maybe it's the sound of the unique transformation sequence, or maybe it's some combination of external factors. Whatever the cause, Soundwave's rapidly fraying mental walls snap, and something comes plunging back into his mind from the dark corner he'd locked it in. 

The spymaster arches his back and  _wails,_ claws carving lines into the berth- then he goes totally limp and his optics dim to black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're already feeling sorry for Soundwave, the next chapter is probably going to hurt. Heed the added tags.


	7. Desperate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Repressed memories tend to be repressed for a reason.  
> And, unfortunately, they tend to cause a lot of problems when uncorked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay.  
> So this is bad. And I don't mean the writing (hopefully that's okay), I mean the content. This is a look inside the mind of someone who is being spark-raped.  
> You are warned.

_Hurts_

_Please stop_

_Please_

_I'm begging you_

_I'll do anything_

_Tell you anything_

_Just stop_

_Please_

None of Soundwave's mental begging has made any difference. Someone brought friends _maybe five, can't tell, can't see_ and evidently several toys, and unfortunately the mechs are goading each other on. Soundwave's hip plating (or what's left of it) is dripping wet now, dripping _filthy dirty disgusting_ something that's probably as much energon as other fluids, and he's pretty sure his hip joint just dislocated, and he doesn't want to know WHAT is jammed into his side, and they won't stop touching his spark chamber _stop it stop it STOP IT get OUT OF MY SPARK CHAMBER STOP TOUCHING ME THERE_ and they won't stop prodding at the scars on his spark from the broken bonds _I know they're there I know I'm scarred I know it's bad stop it stop it stop it STOP TOUCHING I KNOW I LOST THEM STOP REMINDING ME_ and playing with the energy halo around his spark that's delicate and soft and only for a loved one to touch-  _  
_

He's trying to beg, he's trying. He needs this to stop. There's no way they're misinterpreting the broken little pleading cries that are all he can manage  _please stop please stop please stop I'll do anything you want if you just stop_ but it just seems to be encouraging them to hurt him even more. And it's not just pain, it's not, there's a lot of pain but that's not all- there's a clawed servo buried in his stomach, stroking over  _stop it stop it that's delicate and important and no one should touch that_ the symbiote gestation chamber that's just not protected enough to stop them, not enough to stop them from  _keep begging keep them happy keep them happy or they'll tear it out-_ _  
_

He's trying not to listen to them, trying not to listen to  _filthy little mech, like this don't you, can't stop me anyway, only good for this, just a toy for others_ but he can't help but hear them and what did that mech  _get your servos off my spark_ just say about adding to the scars? 

_No_

_No no no no NO_

_DON'T_

_PLEASE_

_PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU_

_I'M DOING WHAT YOU WANT_

_I'M TRYING TO BE GOOD_

_DON'T-_

The spymaster's weak attempts at begging turn into a high, wailing shriek of raw terror, bound servos clawing uselessly at the berth as he hears the sounds of someone's chassis armor transforming out of the way, as a heavy weight settles over his frame again-

_NO NO NO NO NO_

The quavering shriek turns into a scream of agony as white-hot pain erupts from the place where the other mech's spark has just met his, energy crackling across armor plating, and for a moment Soundwave can't even think enough to understand what just happened- 

Because this would be uncomfortable even if they both wanted this, because there's always a moment or two where two sparks are out of sync and have to adjust before they can fully merge, but a forced merge is WRONG and neither spark adjusts and anyone trying to struggle takes the brunt of the pain- 

And Soundwave's bound too tightly to have any hope of struggling away. All he can do is scream- but not even that, his already-damaged voicebox shorts out after a second or two, and he'd still be screaming if he could but it's not working- 

_STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP I DON'T WANT THIS GET OFF ME GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT_

Soundwave has no way of stopping this. His mental walls were already badly damaged, and they've all just collapsed, and he has no way to stop this mech from getting into every corner of his mind  _GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING ELSE JUST STOP_ and digging around and pulling out his worst memories to show him-  _  
_

And that's not enough, apparently, because his attacker is now forcing new memories over the juttering link formed by the half-finished merge, very new memories, memories of exactly how Soundwave has reacted to everything they've done today and how it feels to watch the spymaster struggle and  _how pathetic you look trying to beg thinking it's going to help it's not going to help we're going to do whatever we want to you and I'm going to make you relive everything over and over until you start to LIKE IT_

Soundwave is trying to fight now, trying desperately to make this STOP, but the only thing he can do is shove memories of pain and fear at his attacker, and that's worked before, but only with data-cable invasion, never with something this intimate, and his attacker is  _enjoying it_ and this is only making it worse making the other mech press closer get into his mind further cause him even more pain- 

His vocalizer has failed, but his replay system still works, and it crackles online with a binary shriek of agony that's not even a recording, just the closest thing to a scream he can manage- 

_GET OUT_

He's in no mental state to comprehend what happens, but energy discharge sweeps through him as his attacker arches and snarls, and then the other mech is almost thrown off by a surge of energy that knocks many of Soundwave's systems offline- 

And the last thing he's aware of before the pain ebbs into merciful nothingness is his attacker, laughing softly and scraping a clawtip carefully over an agonizingly sensitive area on his spark that wasn't there before.  

_You got what you wanted._

_Now please_

_If you have any decency at all_  

_Stop._

_I can't..._

_I can't take that again._

_Please._

_Stop._


	8. Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Optimus tries to deal with the fallout. Soundwave mostly just tries to crawl into a corner and hide.  
> Optimus has slightly more success in his goal.
> 
> Also, the issue well continues to spit out more stuff. This stuff isn't quite as nasty as the stuff from the previous chapter, but it's fairly close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning: most of Soundwave's sexual education (excluding the physical mechanics, he probably got that from a medical journal somewhere) has come from mechs who have rather... morally dubious ideas of what consent means. Or have no morals at all. And right now, he's in the mindset of "I am going to be forced to do things I do not want to do, but I have no other options, so I need to be good no matter what."  
> Things could get sticky. And I do not mean in the physical sense of the word.  
> Also, bad things.  
> Just assume bad things for awhile.

Ratchet thought this was going fairly well. Soundwave was tense, yes, but the repairs were nearly done... thirty more seconds and the armor would be done. 

Thirty seconds later, he gently placed a fingertip on the spiraling plates, pressing gently to start the transformation sequence- and that was when things went to Pit. 

Ratchet instinctively jerks his servos away when Soundwave wails, but it's plainly too late. "SLAGGIT-" the medic hisses, backing away, then moves around and rips Optimus' blindfold off. "Pick him up and cover his chassis, gently- I've seen this before. Mechs with secondary processors sometimes end up forcing traumatic memories into their secondary processor, so they can't remember the trauma- it's like a repressed memory, but further repressed, and it comes back full force if it's ever triggered. And- SLAG IT ALL TO PIT-" Ratchet snarls, grabbing a wrench and flinging it hard enough to stab it into the wall. 

 

Optimus tenses up, blinking a couple of times in an attempt to figure out what's going on, then follows Ratchet's orders and gently gathers the slender mech into his lap. Soundwave is back to being alarmingly limp, but- but his expression is a mask of frozen terror, and his optics are completely dark... if his bio-lights weren't glowing, Optimus might think Soundwave was actually dead. Optics bright with worry, Optimus carefully covers Soundwave's chassis with the blanket, then shifts the far-too-limp frame until Soundwave is curled up with his hips and chassis protected. Maybe this will help? Hopefully it will... because Soundwave remembers most of the nightmare he went through, so if there's a memory bad enough that he ended up repressing it... what the Pit could possibly do that? "Ratchet? I... what... what happened to him?" 

 

Ratchet snarls several more inarticulate curses, throwing another wrench at the floor, then growls softly and composes himself. "His spark- I'm sure you saw when we first brought him in, it's scarred. Most of that is from losing his symbiotes... it's backlash from when the bond breaks. But there's one that looks different, just slightly, and there's only one thing that can cause a scar that looks like that- those absolute slagging wastes of energon forced a merge! SLAGGIT- everything else wasn't enough for them, they had to go and-" 

 

Optimus' optics widen in horror, then he shudders and tucks the blanket tighter around Soundwave, trying to protect the slender little mech from the world in general. That... that is the most unforgiveable thing one Cybertronian can do to another, and combined with everything else... how is Soundwave still  _sane?_ "I... Primus, Ratchet..." he whispers, then looks down at Soundwave again, tilting the spymaster's helm back slightly to look into his dark optics. "Ratchet, he's still- how do I wake him up?" 

 

"With this sort of memory recall, there isn't much you can do for that. He'll snap out of it when the memory ends... for now, just do anything you can think of that might help. There's a chance that offering an environment which is highly unlike that memory could help wake him up sooner. He's in no physical danger, so you can take him somewhere else... but I suggest you don't leave him alone. And... I can't exactly pull out his claws, but try not to let himself have anything else that's sharp... victims of a forced merge will sometimes attempt to remove the scar caused by the merge, usually by attempting to carve it out with something sharp. Just stay with him, even if he asks you to leave. If he does, apologize and explain, but do NOT leave him alone. Got it?" 

 

Optimus nods slightly, then gets up, cradling Soundwave close and still looking intensely protective. "Understood. I won't leave him alone..." the Prime sighs, then carefully leaves the room, cradling Soundwave as gently as possible and being sure not to jostle the spymaster too much. But... Soundwave is still completely limp, helm lolling to the side, blank optics staring up at the ceiling... it's creepy. More than creepy, it's disturbing.  _Poor mech... I can't imagine what you've been through, and I can't believe you're still anywhere near sane. This... this shouldn't have happened to you. You seem like a good mech, you don't deserve this... I'm so sorry. And... I am going to do everything in my power to be sure that you aren't hurt again. I will make sure that everyone who hurt you pays for what they did... this is absolutely unforgivable. You have my word, Soundwave... I will see justice served._

Once in the storage room Soundwave had claimed, Optimus sits down on the berthpad, uncovering Soundwave just enough to begin stroking the pointed audio fins. 

 

When he does, Soundwave finally moves, but not much. The slender mech shudders and his optics brighten for a second, then they flicker shut and he curls tighter into himself. Claws tightly gripping Optimus' plating, he shudders again, not making a sound for a few more minutes... then his vents begin to hitch in a familiar, uneven pattern, and he hides his faceplates in the larger mech's chassis. He's still not making a sound, though, aside from his vents.

 

"There you are." Optimus whispers, then begins to pet the back of the spymaster's helm, humming soothingly to him. It takes a moment for him to recognize why Soundwave keeps shuddering, given the spymaster's almost complete silence, then he catches on when the soft hitching noises from Soundwave's ventilation system speed up slightly. Oh.  _Is he... he is. And I can't blame him... poor mech. I suppose this is healthier than just shutting down. But evidently he doesn't know that... he's trying to hide from me._ "Soundwave... it's okay. There's no reason to be ashamed..." he croons, tucking the blanket a bit tighter around Soundwave and just trying to make the slender mech feel more comfortable. "This is natural, and far healthier for you than just shutting down. You have nothing to be ashamed of... I promise."  _  
_

Reaching down, Optimus gently takes one of the spymaster's servos, trying to offer everything he can that might make this a bit better for Soundwave. When he hears the spymaster's vents whine like they've been smothered by something, the Prime sighs softly, resuming his petting of Soundwave's audio fins. "No... don't try to stop. Just let it out... you might feel a bit better afterwards. And either way, this much emotion shouldn't be bottled up... I've seen soldiers try to bottle up emotions before, and when it's this sort of emotion, that usually leads to one of two things. Either they snap and messily kill someone, or they end up... well, they end up killing themselves. I don't want to see you do either of those things, especially the latter. So, please... let it out. I promise it won't lower my opinion of you..." 

 

Soundwave's vents hitch again, sharper now, then the tension in his frame bleeds away and he nuzzles a bit further into Optimus' frame, a soft little whimper tugging its way out of his throat. He doesn't look up, doesn't make any other noise aside from that tiny whimper and the small noises from his vents, but those little sounds hold an entire world of hurt. The spymaster sounds like a mech in far too much pain to endure, which is probably an accurate description. 

 

At a loss for how else to help, Optimus just leans back against the wall, holding Soundwave and waiting for the spymaster to cry himself into exhaustion. He doesn't really know what else to do... hopefully just being here will help. Soundwave has never seemed like a bad mech... he deserves much better than this.

No one deserves this.

 

It takes quite some time for Soundwave to tire himself out. After awhile, though, the spymaster gives a tiny sniffling noise and tightens his grip on Optimus' servo, tucking his pedes up further into Optimus' lap to get comfortable. Uncurling just a tiny bit, he slowly looks up at Optimus, surveying the Prime's faceplates and evidently gauging his expression. 

 

"Hello, Soundwave..." Optimus hums, then raises his free servo and gently touches the spymaster's cheek, wiping away a thin line of wetness. "Are you feeling a bit better?" he asks quietly, very softly applying pressure to keep Soundwave from looking away. "No- look at me, please. I'm not judging you, I promise." 

 

Soundwave flinches away from Optimus' servo, not sure what to expect, then stills when Optimus doesn't do anything rough or painful. He very much doesn't want to look up at the Prime, though... he wants to curl up and hide. And he doesn't want Optimus to keep him from doing that- can't the Prime let him be alone? Soundwave just recovered a horrible memory, probably the worst he has- is he not allowed to crawl into a corner and hide like he wants? 

In a very brief burst of anger, the spymaster hisses softly and shoves Optimus' chassis with both servos, trying to get away. He wants to crawl into a hole and never come out, but there aren't any holes available, so the corner may have to suffice- if Optimus will let him go, and- Soundwave cringes, suddenly going from angry to terrified as he realizes he's just essentially hit the Prime. That's going to get him in a lot of trouble- he's going to be hurt for this- 

 

"Oh... you want me to let you go? Of course. But I'm afraid I can't leave... Ratchet has ordered me not to leave you alone, and he outranks me in any medical situations. So I won't touch you, but I need to stay here..." Optimus hums softly, gently setting Soundwave down and edging over to the end of the berthpad in order to leave Soundwave plenty of space. "Oh- are you hungry? I... think I have something you might like." 

 

Soundwave slinks into the corner and curls up into a ball, covering as much of himself as possible and just trying to hide. He doesn't want Optimus looking at him, because- because the Prime  _knows, knows_  what happened to him, and it  _hurts_ to know that the Prime is probably judging him right now- because if Soundwave feels so very disgusted with his own spark, what must Optimus think?  _  
_

_Please don't make me come out... please... just give me this. Just don't make me look at you... I don't want to see the look in your optics.  
_

 

 

Much to his surprise, Optimus respects that. The Prime leaves him alone. No questions, no touching... he's still there, Soundwave can hear his systems working, but he's not doing anything. After quite some time curled up in a ball, Soundwave finally gives in to curiosity and uncurls a tiny bit, lifting the edge of the blanket just enough to see out. Tilting his helm slightly, he ventures a very soft chirrup, trying to ask what the Prime is doing out there. 

 

Optimus looks up from the data-pad he's reading, then smiles softly, looking back down in an attempt to keep Soundwave calm. The spymaster doesn't seem to like being looked at. "Hello again. I have something I think you might like... some sweet energon." the Prime hums, picking up a cube and holding it out for Soundwave to inspect. "You're quite welcome to have it... interested?" he asks softly, looking in Soundwave's direction without looking directly at him. No need to make him too uncomfortable... poor mech deserves to feel safe. 

 

Sweet energon? Oh, he... really likes sweet things. Soundwave licks his lips, staring at the cube, then slowly edges out just a tiny bit further and carefully reaches out with one servo. Firmly gripping the cube, he curls himself back up under the blanket again, then opens it and takes a cautious sip. Oh, mmm... this is his favorite kind. 

Wait. How did Optimus know this is his favorite? 

Well... it's probably just luck. There aren't too many different types of sweet energon. Because there are only two people other than him who know what he likes... that weird little Vehicon, and Megatron. He's fairly certain that Vehicon got himself blown up during one of the last battles, and Optimus probably hasn't been talking to Megatron... right? 

Where  _is_ Megatron? Soundwave had formerly thought that Megatron might be Optimus' pet... it made sense. Having one's most powerful foe on a chain is a good way to illustrate one's power. But Megatron doesn't seem to be around here... so he's probably in a cell somewhere. Hopefully he isn't being treated too badly... the warlord had been unstable before, and he's in no shape to stay sane if he's being hurt by the same people who- 

Shuddering all over, Soundwave curls himself into a tighter ball, claws starting to shake badly enough that he nearly drops the cube. 

 

"Soundwave, I'm not going to touch you, I'm just going to keep that cube from spilling..." Optimus hums softly, reaching out and carefully steadying the cube with two fingertips. "Are you alright? Did I do something to make you nervous?" he asks, crouching slightly to get a better look at Soundwave and check if- and, yes, the spymaster's optics are closed again. "Please don't shut down again..." he sighs, then backs up in an attempt to give Soundwave some space. And, hm- he has an idea. "Soundwave, I need to get a few things... I'll be right back. Just... stay here, please." 

Leaving might be a bit risky at the moment, but Soundwave looks like he's about to shut down again, and the inside of Soundwave's mind might not be a good place to be at the moment... Optimus should probably distract him. 

A few minutes later, the Prime is back with a stack of supplies, and he sets them down near the berthpad. "Soundwave, I have a few things with me... are you willing to open your optics so you can see what I'm doing?" he asks softly, then smiles encouragingly when he sees the glint of red-orange optics watching him from under the blanket. "Thank you. Here... these are wall pads for sparring rings. There's a fairly large stack of them at base, and my team has taken to building forts from them. There's usually a movie screen involved somewhere. It's a bit childish, admittedly, but it's oddly entertaining. Now, I have a few wall pads and some movies, and there's a screen in that crate over there. Would you like to participate?" 

 

Soundwave is dragged out of his increasingly dark headspace by Optimus saying things in that soft voice that's so hard to not listen to. Uncurling slightly, he stares out at the Prime for a minute, listening to what Optimus is suggesting. That sounds... yes, "childish" is a good word. And right now, Soundwave just wants to curl up in a corner and hide, but... it seems like Optimus isn't going to let that happen.  _Please just let me hide... I don't want to do anything. I hurt, and I feel disgusting. Go away and let me be._

 

_He doesn't look inclined to come out... I don't want to force him to do anything, but I can't just leave him here to stew in his own thoughts. I suspect his thoughts are very dark right now... maybe I should try to encourage him to interact with me. Or... maybe I should just start building a fort and see if he decides he wants to come out._

Optimus hums softly, then gently tugs the berthpad a short distance away from the wall, picking up one of the wall pads as he does. Wedging the base of the wall pad into the narrow space between the berthpad and the wall, he does the same with the other narrow gap, which covers the corner in soft padding. It also provides a surface to rest the next wall pad, allowing him to continue building the fort. "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, Soundwave, but I don't think you should be left alone with your thoughts right now. I can't read minds, but I'm guessing your thoughts are quite dark right now... please allow me to distract you from them." 

 

Soundwave digs his claws into the berthpad as it shifts, then gives a tiny little growling noise and shrinks further into himself, clearly displaying his disinclination to interact with Optimus. The thought is... somewhat appreciated, honestly. But right now, he really just kind of hurts... he wants to shut down and not move until everything stops hurting. With a lack of external stimulus, he can try to shut his mind down completely and just drift, thinking about nothing in particular. It's not easy, but it's preferable to having everything hurt... and this isn't a hurt that can be fixed by painkillers. His frame aches, yes, but it's not just that. His spark hurts, hurts in a way that's not entirely physical... it feels like someone has distilled a sickly sense of self-loathing and poured it directly into his spark chamber. He'd like to scrub his own spark with a wire brush, to see if he can get rid of that feeling... it's worked on other parts of his frame. But wire brushes are made for thick plating, they're painful on approximately 80% of his frame, and scrubbing his spark with a wire brush would be both agonizing and fatal. 

Doesn't mean he isn't still considering it. At least on the inside of his spark chamber. Still very painful, but somewhat less likely to be fatal. 

 

Unaware of the fact that Soundwave is seriously considering something that could quite possibly be fatal, Optimus continues building the fort, only stopping when he runs out of wall pads and easily movable crates. Humming softly, he carefully fits himself into a space near Soundwave, then flicks a switch on the movie screen he's set up where they can both see it. He then sets a couple of small pillows near the bundle of unhappy spymaster, trying to offer a bit more shelter. "Do you want to watch a movie, Soundwave? You don't have to come out of there if you don't want to." 

 

Soundwave unhappily lifts the edge of his blanket again, looking around, then uncurls just a tiny bit to get a better look at his surroundings. Optimus has built a small structure out of the wall pads, with just enough space inside to comfortably fit the both of them, and there's a small lantern hung from the ceiling of the fort. Everything is bathed in a soft yellowish light, and... it's actually kind of nice. Also... there's a small pad between him and Optimus, partially blocking the larger mech's view of him. Oh... this isn't so bad. Soundwave uncurls just a little bit more, then sits up, still keeping himself mostly covered in the blanket. Blinking, he tilts his helm slightly, cautiously looking over at the Prime and still halfway expecting to see disgust. 

But... no. There's no disgust in the Prime's brilliant blue optics, no loathing... there's just a soft, inviting, hopeful look. Optimus looks like... looks like he genuinely wants Soundwave to just come out and watch a movie with him. Oh. That's... interesting. And good. And... honestly, that doesn't sound half bad. At least he doesn't have to do anything other than keep his optics open... doesn't sound too bad. Might be interesting. 

Uncurling slightly more, Soundwave slowly reaches out with one servo, trying to get a better look at the movies in Optimus' servo. They all look like Earth movies... except that looks like an organic Predicon, there. No such thing. Soundwave blinks, then touches the data-pad in question, trying to quietly ask if they can watch this one. After just a second, though, he tugs his servo away and tucks into himself again, worried that he might have done something wrong. He really doesn't know what the Prime wants from him, or what's okay to do... hopefully he won't slip up too soon and get himself hurt somehow.

 

"Rewind has been working on collecting various movies so that everyone has some form of entertainment during their downtime. As I'm sure you've seen, bored soldiers tend to be rather destructive, even if it's not on purpose." Optimus explains, then hums soothingly when Soundwave starts looking nervous again. "You'd like to watch this one? Alright... just give me a moment to get it set up. And... there's no need to be nervous, Soundwave. I'm not going to hurt you, especially not for just making a suggestion. I won't hurt someone who doesn't pose an immediate threat to me or someone else. And I have no intention of ever hurting you... please remember that." he whispers, then moves away slightly to start up the movie. 

 

_You keep saying that. I'm sure you believe it... I'm not sure if I do. You aren't a cruel mech, I know that much... and I don't think you intend to harm me. But... but I can't stand to be around other people. A communications officer, even a mute one, needs to be around others... I can't do that, so I can't do my job, which means... I'm useless for that. Which means... means THEYwere right. I have no purpose, aside from..._

Soundwave shivers, just a little bit, then looks over at Optimus again.  _He's going to realize that soon, if he hasn't already. And he's a Prime, he can do whatever he wants... he has no reason not to hurt me, aside from morals, and... he keeps touching me, but he keeps saying he won't hurt me... he probably intends to be fairly gentle, but he's going to..._

_He's going to do whatever he wants to me. And I can't stop him. I... just need to be good. He's... he's gentle, he gives me energon, he doesn't want me to be hurt or badly stressed... I don't think he's going to do anything especially humiliating, he doesn't seem the type. I can... I can survive this. I don't have any other options until I can actually function, so... so I have to cooperate. And... he seems to like touching me..._

The spymaster nervously regards Optimus for a moment, then slowly attempts to crawl over the top of the cushion between them, freezing midway as soon as he sees Optimus looking at him. Wait, no, he doesn't want to do this- he doesn't want to go and sit in Optimus' lap, even if he should- he doesn't want to, doesn't want to be touched that much, doesn't want to go over there... but what if he needs to? Being good leads to him being hurt less, so maybe he should- 

Unable to decide what he should do, Soundwave just looks down and away from Optimus, quivering slightly as he waits to see what the Prime might want from him. When Optimus touches the side of his helm, Soundwave can't help but flinch away, frightened by the unexpected contact and still incredibly on edge from everything else. Biting his lip, he forces himself to go still, leaning slowly into the touch and trying to do whatever Optimus wants him to do. _Need to be good, need to be good... just tell me what you want me to do... I don't know what I need to do to keep you happy._ "...wrr?" 

 

Optimus carefully strokes Soundwave's audio fin for a minute or two, waiting for the spymaster to relax slightly, then sighs softly and shakes his helm when Soundwave just keeps looking worried. The spymaster looks so unsure of himself... poor thing. The slender mech looks like he doesn't know what he wants and is expecting unpleasantness to be involved at some point soon... which is probably accurate. "Soundwave... is there something you'd like?" he asks softly, just carefully petting the pointed audio fins and trying to help Soundwave relax and figure out what he's doing. "Or... would you like me to suggest something? I think I might know something we'll both enjoy, and it'll help counteract the chill in here." 

 

There it is. He knows what's next. Soundwave shutters his optics, shaking a bit harder now, but he still doesn't pull away. He needs to be good, needs to be good... maybe this won't hurt too badly if he doesn't struggle. But- no, he still hurts from what happened before... this is going to hurt no matter what. But he can't run, can't hide, can't do anything but obey... 

_Please... be careful. I don't want to hurt any more, and you're so much stronger than me... and I still hurt... please remember that._

His interface panel won't slide aside on command, it's not fully integrated, so he needs to get it off before Optimus decides to pry it off. Soundwave bites back a whimper, one shaking servo creeping towards his pelvic plating. He just got that plating back, he doesn't want to take it off, but he's probably going to lose it if he doesn't...

 

Optimus' optics soften in concern as Soundwave's fear visibly increases, then the Prime notices what Soundwave is doing and quickly grabs the spymaster's arm. "Soundwave- no!" he orders, then winces slightly when Soundwave cringes. Oops. Evidently he moved too fast- or maybe it was the tone of his voice.  _Slag._

 

Soundwave flinches away, optics going wide in fear, then whimpers softly and slowly moves to kneel as much as he can manage. He doesn't know what Optimus wants, and he's  _scared,_ and he's certain the Prime is upset with him for whatever he did wrong-  _  
_

_I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, just please- just tell me what you want! I don't know what to do, I don't know what you want from me, I don't know how to keep myself safe... you won't leave me alone, so please, I'm begging you- give me some sort of direction, please... just give me that, if nothing else._

 

"Soundwave... I don't want that from you." Optimus sighs, then very gently places a servo on Soundwave's chin, gently coaxing the spymaster to meet his optics. "Look at me. I am not going to force you to interface with me. Soundwave... I am not a rapist. I will not hurt you like that." 

 

Soundwave quivers, resisting the urge to pull away from the servo that's rather close to his throat, then blinks and stills as he looks up at Optimus. The Prime's optics are soft, worried, and so very gentle... he means what he's saying. He does. But... but Soundwave's not saying no, in fact he's giving the closest thing to consent that he can manage...

The spymaster shudders all over, curling into himself, then his replay system activates without his command and starts to play a series of recordings- most of which are staticky and punctuated with small noises of pain and distress. 

"Mmm... you know, even if someone busted down that door right now, I couldn't get in trouble for this. After all... you haven't told me no, have you?' 

"Good mech... that's it. You've just about earned another meal, I think..." 

"What... you don't want to? Well, that's too bad... I have this nice cube of mid-grade, and I know you haven't eaten in awhile... hmm, what's that? Ah, I thought that might change your mind." 

"Poor thing... you don't like us, do you? You want to see us in prison, I'll bet. Well, guess what... that won't happen. After all... you aren't struggling. You're being a good boy, you aren't trying to fight... we have no reason to think that you aren't enjoying yourself."

"Even if the Enforcers came, they wouldn't help you. You're being good, you aren't struggling... so this isn't rape, is it? I haven't once seen you say no..." 

"Oh, good spymaster, that's it... spread your legs for me, and maybe I won't have to break something this time." 

And then one more recording, this one with a lot of static and the general feeling of it being old. "It's not rape if you don't say no." 

 

Oh. 

Primus. 

Optimus' optics widen in horror, partially because he recognizes a few of those voices, but mostly because of what they're saying. That's- that's what Soundwave thinks- he thinks that's- 

The Prime resists the urge to pull Soundwave close and hug him, but with quite a bit of effort, and he doesn't quite manage to keep himself from reaching in the spymaster's direction slightly. "Oh... Soundwave, no, that's- look at me." he orders, his voice shaking slightly as he gently cups one servo around the back of the spymaster's helm. "Soundwave... they were lying. That- that is not  _consent._ Not among decent mechs. Submitting and obeying out of fear or a sense of hopelessness isn't consent any more than it would be if someone held a gun to your helm." 

 

Soundwave shudders and whines softly, then blinks and stills, staring up into Optimus' optics. W-what? Well.. that... that actually makes some amount of sense, but... oh- Optimus isn't done talking, and he still sounds very... determined. Soundwave should... probably listen to him. It's better than listening to the demons in his mind, or replaying those recordings over and over- because they're still playing in his mind, telling him that they aren't doing anything wrong, telling him that he seems like he wants what's happening to him- 

 

"Soundwave... consent is saying yes and meaning it. Consent is wanting something good, not trying to avoid something bad... and that?" Optimus pauses, optics narrowing and plating flaring out slightly in a very clear gesture of anger. "That. Was. Rape. I don't care what they told you. And-" pausing again, he forces his plating down into its normal arrangement, trying his best to not frighten the spymaster. "Soundwave... I do not interface with someone without their consent. Unless someone can look me in the optics and honestly say -verbally or otherwise- 'yes, I want to interface with you', I absolutely will not interface with them. That would be rape. So- on the topic of your earlier... suggestion. Be honest: do you want to interface with me?" 

 

Soundwave trembles slightly, clicking softly up at the Prime, then shutters his optics and shakes his helm. No. No, he doesn't want to- no, no, no. He's scared. He doesn't want to interface with Optimus, or with anyone. No. Please. No. 

Optimus sounds so  _convinced._ He most definitely believes what he's saying... and... and his version of consent sounds a lot better than what Soundwave has usually heard. Is that... maybe that's the new Autobot version of consent? It seems... right. That's... that's good. Maybe Optimus won't actually try anything? 

 

"Then we are not going to interface. Do you understand?" Optimus hums, gently stroking Soundwave's audios and still holding his gaze. He needs to be sure that there is no uncertainty about this. "Do you want me to elaborate? I could give you the exact legal definition of consent, though it's essentially what I just told you... albeit usually quoted with much longer words included." 

 

No, no elaboration needed. Soundwave understands, and... and he feels a bit safer now. Optimus genuinely believes in what he's saying, and he doesn't intend to do anything... oh. That's... good. Soundwave blinks, giving a tiny little chirping noise, then closes his optics and firmly leans into the Prime's servo. He's trying to signal approval, and hopefully he's managing to communicate it, because those are morals he very much approves of. Besides... right now, his mindset is basically described as 'incredibly relieved'. 

 

Optimus raises an optic ridge, a bit unsure what that means, then hums softly and decides to just take it as a positive sign. Soundwave evidently believes him... that's very good. Smiling slightly, the Prime scoots back over to his spot, then turns his optics back to Soundwave and hums soothingly. "Do you want to see what I actually had in mind? I genuinely think you'll enjoy this... it's your choice, though. You can stay in your corner if you like." 

 

Optimus is giving him the chance to refuse. That's... good. But... but the Prime is so  _earnest,_ and Soundwave has just been reminded that Optimus is probably younger than him. Those soft, eager blue optics keep getting Soundwave's attention... and, what the slag, maybe he actually will like this. Nodding slightly, Soundwave carefully edges closer, then chirps very softly and tilts his helm in a wordless request to know what's going to happen. He doesn't feel good and he has very little intel, so he can't properly plan. In this sort of situation, he prefers to have orders (or at least suggestions) from someone who knows more about this situation than he does. And it's not like he has any way to refuse, so... might as well go ahead and ask for orders. 

 

The Prime gently pats a spot next to himself, then pulls a small wall pad over, leaning it up against himself. "You sit next to me, right here. This way, you can decide how much contact you want, if any. Also, we can share this-" he offers, partially unfolding a thick, fluffy blanket that looks large enough to fit two mechs his size. "What do you think, does that sound nice? I won't put my arm around you if you don't want me to, and I'm guessing you don't want that, so you can just lean against me... sound good?" 

 

That... yeah, that sounds nice. Soundwave blinks, then nods slightly, slinking over and carefully tucking himself into the space he's been offered. After a moment of consideration, he leans gently up against Optimus' arm, then relaxes and dims his optics slightly in a gesture of comfort. This feels nice... he's warm, everything is soft, and- oh, this is a very soft blanket. Claws wrapping around the edge of the blanket, Soundwave huddles down into his spot a bit more, though it's a gesture of general comfort rather than a gesture of fear.

 

"Oh-" Optimus carefully reaches over Soundwave, retrieving the small cube of sweet energon, then gently presses it into the spymaster's servos. "Here... you keep this. You don't have to finish it if you aren't hungry, but hang onto it and finish it at some point. Now... I'm going to start the movie. I brought a bowl of crisps, and you are welcome to have some if you wish. Tell me if I do something wrong, or something you just don't like, and feel free to lean against me as much or as little as you'd like." he offers, then reaches over and turns the movie on, settling into his place and nudging the bowl in Soundwave's direction slightly. 

 

Soundwave rather cautiously picks up one of the crisps, inspecting it for a moment, then nips at the edge to see what the texture is like. Hmm... not bad. Actually- the texture is highly unfamiliar, but it's kind of nice, and the taste is definitely very good. It's like a concentrated version of the trace minerals sometimes added to energon cubes- is this zinc? 

Well, it's edible, and it's tasty. He'll nibble on these. 

Relaxing just a bit more as his processor registers that he has food, Soundwave hums very softly, then settles in to watch the movie. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose I should elaborate a bit on what exactly just happened, psychologically.  
> Mechs with secondary processors can transfer memories out of their own brain and into said processor. It's usually used to retain unpleasant-but-useful information (who's fragging who and how, for example), or just to record every precise detail of something. Occasionally, it can be used to shove traumatic memories away.  
> While Soundwave was unconscious after the merge, his subconscious pushed the memory of what happened into his secondary processor to protect him, to help him cope. He probably could have accessed that memory, but he wasn't looking for it... he didn't want to know why everything hurt so badly.  
> Unfortunately, since the secondary processor works like a computer of sorts, that memory was locked behind a kind of password. Said 'password' was stimulus similar to what was happening at the time the memory was locked up, namely prolonged and unwanted contact with the spark chamber in general. Entering the password triggered the memory recall. There may also be the standard sort of repressed memory stuff going on, but that's the majority of it.  
> And any shards of mental wall Soundwave had managed to build are now completely shattered.
> 
>  
> 
> On a less serious note, yes, Optimus has essentially provided a bowl of Cybertronian potato chips. They're some kind of mineral chip thing.  
> I just kind of want Optimus to have a stash of various sweet things and snack foods, and I kinda want to have him introduce Soundwave to all the yummy things that everyone can make now that they don't have to ration energy for weapons and such. I doubt Soundwave has gotten a chance to try many snack/sweet/etc things.


	9. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soundwave's frame thinks he needs more positive contact.  
> He disagrees.  
> In other news, Soundwave is very confused by Optimus' treatment of him.  
> Also, the issue well is nowhere near running dry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fan-idea-based headcanon for Cybertronian reproduction:  
> In mechs, interface alone doesn't result in a sparkling. In femmes, there's a small chance, but mechs have to sparkbond either right before, during, or right after interface to have any chance of getting a sparklet. All mechs can either sire or carry, however femmes lack the needed parts to sire a sparklet and have a much higher conception rate than mechs, if a sparkbond is involved.  
> The sparklet is a tiny baby spark that orbits the carrier's spark. Soon after conception, the sparklet is capable of understanding very basic impulses like fear or happiness from the parent, and it can flitter around and hide behind the carrier's spark if it feels scared.  
> A day or two after the sparklet is created, the carrier's frame will begin to manufacture a tiny frame for the sparklet. Once the frame is complete and the sparklet has absorbed enough energy from the carrier's spark, as well as maturing enough to remain stable, the sparklet will travel down into the sparkling frame. After a few days to properly integrate with the frame, the sparkling is born. Since sparklings are sometimes born with wings and/or spines, they aren't birthed like most mammals on Earth. That would end badly with Seekerlets, for example. The plates in the carrier's abdomen slide apart, completely exposing and opening the gestation chamber, and the sparkling usually crawls out under its own power. After a few days of learning how to move a bit (and kicking the carrier in the fuel tank), the sparkling is capable of moving and crawling, and also clinging very tightly if need be.  
> Even newborn sparklings are very strong for their size, and they can cling to their carrier's frame without needing any extra support. They can also crawl at a reasonable pace, though rather clumsily, and they can squeal very loudly for help if needed. Some of them can climb well enough that they need a crib with a roof, or their parents opt to simply carry the sparkling everywhere instead of trying to contain them. Sparklings are very small compared to their parents, usually small enough to just about sit in two cupped servos, so carrying them in a sling or such isn't much of an impairment in any safe environment. 
> 
> Why the biology lesson? It may or may not be relevant later.

Soundwave ends up cuddled up against Optimus' side, optics dimmed slightly, relaxed and just enjoying the movie. And also the crisps. He definitely likes the crisps. A little bit too much, maybe... the bowl is kind of empty now. Oops. Hopefully Optimus won't notice...

He's noticed. 

Soundwave clicks apologetically, slowly drawing back into himself and gradually bringing his arms up in a defensive gesture to cover his chassis... he's honestly kind of scared. A lot of mechs are very protective of their food at this point... it happens when energon is scarce and there are people who will try to take it away. 

 

"Easy... it's alright, Soundwave, I'm not upset. You really like these, hmm? I'll go get more, and this time I think I'll get two bowls to be sure we have enough." Optimus decides, reaching over to pause the movie, then crawls out of the fort and heads to the cabinet where he keeps his snacks.  _Maybe I should get something else, too. I've never seen someone his size eat that many crisps, except when- oh._

_Oh dear._

He remembers a friend of his from his Archivist days who constantly ate as many crisps as he could get... and it turned out that the mech in question was carrying, hence the strong mineral craving. //Ah, Ratchet?//

 

//Ah slag. What'd he do? Do I need to get over there?//

 

//No, no, Soundwave isn't hurt. He just... well, for one, he evidently had a very confused idea of what consent means.//

 

//Lemme guess; not sayin' no means yes? Heard a lot of that. Tends to be a fairly common idea among mechs with dubious morals... or sometimes just those who haven't been raised to know any better. I'm guessing you corrected that?// 

 

//I did. He calmed down quite a bit... I think he's actually starting to feel safe. But... that's not why I called you. Is there... any chance he could be carrying?//

 

//It's very unlikely, given how much physical and mental stress he's been under, but... any sparkmerge that occurs directly before or after interface can result in a sparklet. It's extremely rare with forced merges, but it does happen. And a sparklet formed under duress will typically be very timid, so theoretically one could have hidden from me... why do you ask?//

 

//We're watching a movie, and he ate an entire bowl of crisps. It seems like he might be craving something, so...//

 

//It's a very slight possibility. More likely that's partially due to his self-repair being overworked. Also, mechs who haven't had mineral-rich meals in awhile tend to have a minor craving anyway, and anyone who's gone hungry is likely to eat quite a bit of whatever food they can get their servos on. But... has he seemed overly protective of his stomach and chassis? He might be instinctively shielding himself without knowing why.//

 

//Actually... he has. I thought he was just protecting Laserbeak, though.//

 

//He might be. For now, assume he's not carrying... it's very unlikely. If he is, the enriched energon I left with you should provide all the minerals he needs for now. Just give him anything he seems to be craving, and don't stress him out. And do not suggest the possibility, that falls under the category of stressing him out. What with his build, he'll start showing pretty quickly if he's carrying.//

 

//Understood. I'll try to keep him relaxed.// Optimus hums, then carefully crawls back into the fort, having gotten there by this time. Tucking himself back under the blanket, he places a new bowl of crisps in front of Soundwave, then turns the movie back on and settles into place. Hopefully he can keep Soundwave calm by just acting casual... he likes it when the spymaster is relaxed. For one thing, Soundwave's bio-lights brighten slightly and begin to pulse very softly when he's relaxed... it's honestly quite pretty. 

Also, Optimus is having a hard time not just hugging Soundwave every time he sees the apprehensive looks the spymaster keeps directing his way. That would probably make it worse, but he wants so badly to soothe away that fear... Soundwave deserves that much, at least. No-one deserves to be constantly afraid. 

Optimus watches Soundwave for a moment, then pulls something from subspace and slowly holds out one servo, palm up. "Soundwave... I have something else you might like. This is similar to those crisps you seem to be enjoying, though in a more solid form. Interested?" he asks softly, offering the spymaster a stick of candy. "This is a particular favorite of mine, but I have plenty, if you'd like some..." 

 

Soundwave freezes with his claws in the bowl of chips, then relaxes just a tiny bit when he realizes that Optimus isn't mad at him. In fact... the Prime is offering him something. Something that... sounds kind of nice. Nervously licking his lips, the spymaster ducks his helm and slowly reaches towards Optimus, taking the offered candy and then withdrawing into himself. He's not expecting Optimus to hurt him, he's just a bit... uneasy. Why isn't Optimus upset? People don't like it when other people steal their meals...  shouldn't the Prime at least be a bit irritated? 

Still confused but unwilling to protest something good, Soundwave curls comfortably into himself, then nibbles curiously at the edge of the candy. Oh, mmm... this is very good. He just- just needs to be careful about this. There are very few ways for him to eat this that can't be interpreted sexually, and... he really doesn't want to give the Prime any ideas. Yes, Optimus promised not to hurt him, but... he's still very nervous about doing anything that could possibly be suggestive. Optimus might... might interpret something as permission. That would be... bad. Very bad. And painful. 

So... he'll just hide everything from his optics down under the blanket, and that way he can eat without anyone being able to see him. Which is good, because this particular treat is a bit too hard to bite into. Best to just nibble on it. 

 

 

After some time, Soundwave uncurls slightly, having just noticed something. Is Optimus... yes, Optimus is asleep. 

The Prime is curled up under the blanket, cuddling a pillow and nuzzling his face into it. He looks very comfortable, and also maybe kind of cute. He's smiling softly, and... he looks utterly harmless. And... what's a good word to describe his appearance? This... isn't exactly Soundwave's field of expertise. 

Soundwave blinks, then sets the candy down in his (half-empty) bowl of crisps before slowly creeping over to sit in front of Optimus. Hmm. Maybe... maybe 'sweet' is a good word. Yes, that seems accurate. The spymaster carefully settles himself into place, looking up at Optimus, then slowly reaches up and hovers his claws over the Prime's throat.  _I could kill him right now. But... I don't want to. That would be very unwise, and... I don't want to hurt him. He's... sweet. And he's so careful... I don't want anyone to hurt him._

Leaning in a bit closer, Soundwave carefully strokes Optimus' cheek with two fingers, fascinated by how relaxed the big mech looks. Optimus lookes like he felt totally safe, even with Soundwave there... that's rare among fighters. But Optimus lookes so calm... it makes Soundwave want to touch, want to figure out how the Prime can still seem so... so unafraid. And... he's curious. He likes learning about others, so... while Optimus is sleeping, maybe he'll just... be curious. 

 

Optimus mumbles something inaudible even to Soundwave's audios, then leans into the touch to his cheek, smiling softly and just generally seeming to enjoy the contact. He's not awake or conscious enough to figure out what's going on, who's touching him, but he does know it's gentle and he likes it. Humming softly, the Prime slowly reaches out and attempts to pull the other mech closer, but very gently- he's aware of his own strength, even when asleep. 

 

Soundwave clicks sharply in alarm as he's pulled down against Optimus' side, then he relaxes slightly when he's just gently tucked against the Prime's frame. Oh, okay... this isn't so bad. And it seems to just be an instinctive reaction to his presence... Optimus isn't trying to do anything to him. Okay, this... this is fine. Soundwave tilts his helm slightly, surveying his situation, then slowly reaches up and touches one of the smokestacks on Optimus' back in a gesture of curiosity. Well... he wanted a better look. Now he's getting it. 

Also, Optimus is warm and gentle and nice... this isn't bad at all. It's actually kind of... hmm... kind of soothing. Optimus is very strong, and it's very evident now with his arm around Soundwave, but... it's not the kind of strong that makes the spymaster nervous. It's... more like Megatron's strength. Soundwave has been picked up and carried by Megatron a few times, if he's too injured to walk or is otherwise incapacitated, and... he now associates Megatron's careful strength with safety. Because that strength will never be turned against him... Megatron protects him. 

And... Optimus is starting to feel the same. Large and strong, but so very gentle... to Soundwave, that means safety. It means  _shh, I'll take care of it_ and  _relax, they're gone_ and  _don't fight me, I'm trying to help, I promise..._ it means he's safe now, and someone else is going to make everything better. It means he doesn't have to be afraid, doesn't have to fight... doesn't have to brace himself for pain and hurt and fear.

Soundwave squirms around for a moment or two, getting himself comfortably settled into place, then just... relaxes. Optimus is holding him gently, gently enough that he could probably get away if he wanted to, but... but Soundwave tries to squirm away for a moment, and he earns a soft little whine and a careful attempt at keeping him in place. Evidently Optimus would like him to stay. And... Soundwave is rapidly losing his desire to escape. Optics dimming slightly, the spymaster tucks the blanket a bit tighter around himself, then tugs his snacks over and resumes nibbling on the crisps. He's actually fine with this... it's comfortable. 

He ends up more or less hugging Optimus' arm, blinking drowsily and occasionally closing his optics for a moment or two. Well. Evidently his frame is taking Optimus' gentle touches as a sign that it's time to recharge... okay. Maybe he'll recharge. He'll just stay awake for a couple more minutes, to see the end of the movie, then he can recharge... 

 

 

When Optimus wakes up, he can't move his arm. Nothing hurts, though, so he doesn't panic... he just slowly tests his three other limbs. They all work fine. He's probably fine. Slowly opening his optics, he turns his attention to whatever is restricting his arm- then blinks and smiles. Oh. "Hello, Soundwave..." he whispers, then shivers slightly as he fully registers what woke him up. 

 Soundwave's tentacles are wrapped tightly around Optimus' arm and frame (that's a good sign, right?), and he's gently sucking on two of the Prime's fingertips. He definitely isn't awake, and he seems very calm. Maybe Optimus' fingers taste like the crisps? Or maybe he just likes the feeling...

Humming very softly, Optimus quickly snaps an image capture of the spymaster, then COMMs it to Ratchet. //I fell asleep and woke up to this. Is there... anything I should do? I'm not entirely certain why he's nibbling on my servo... but his tentacles are out. That's good... right? He looks very relaxed...//

 

//He does look relaxed. That's a good sign, yes... don't wake him up if you don't mind him sucking on your fingers. And... maybe pet his tentacles, but gently, and try not to wake him up. If you can offer his subconscious a reason not to be afraid of being touched there, do it. But if he starts looking uneasy or waking up, stop... don't scare him. For one thing, he might bite you.//

 

//I don't mind him doing this, no. He's not biting me, and... it's a little weird, but he does seen to be enjoying it. I'll pet him, if he stays asleep...// Optimus carefully reaches out with his unoccupied servo, stroking two fingertips gently along one of the coiled tentacles, then hummed soothingly when Soundwave stirred slightly. //Ratchet? Is it... bad... if I find Soundwave rather cute like this? He's... he's so relaxed, and it's so much better than him being scared, and... I just... I can't help finding him somewhat attractive. I don't want to frighten him, but... he's... he's cute.// the Prime finishes awkwardly, pausing and trying to figure out if he needs to stop petting the spymaster's tentacles. Is... this okay?

 

//Prime, don't be ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with finding someone attractive. Just don't act on it unless he wants the attention... which won't be for awhile, if ever. For now, keep those thoughts to yourself... there's nothing wrong with them, but you'll frighten him. Just let him do whatever he seems to like. And... keep an optic on him. Clinginess can be a sign of touch-starvation, which I think is the case, but... there's a chance it means he's carrying and instinctively seeking someone to help protect him and raise the sparkling. Just... watch him, see if his stomach plating shifts at all over the next few weeks.//

 

//Understood. Optimus out.// the Prime hums, then continues gently stroking Soundwave's tentacle coils, fascinated by the tiny bits of energy that transfer from those bio-light rings to his fingertips. "You are a very fascinating mech, Soundwave... and these tentacles are incredible." he whispers, then pauses when he feels Soundwave tense up. Uh oh. Maybe he shouldn't be touching the spymaster's tentacles... 

 

Soundwave stirs, then slowly opens his optics and blinks a couple of times before he realizes what's going on. 

Oh slag. 

Not only is he sucking on the Prime's fingertips, he's- his tentacles are- 

Soundwave whines softly in fear, attempting to unwind his tightly wound tentacles- then gives a soft cry of fear when he feels Optimus wrap a servo around two coils of tentacles. No no no no- he's sorry, he's sorry, he didn't mean to do anything wrong- 

 

"Shh... it's okay, Soundwave. I'm not mad at you... I know you were recharging and not doing this on purpose. And... I rather like these tentacles. I'm not going to punish you for using them... I promise." Optimus soothes, gently petting his servoful of tentacles, then tugs Soundwave a bit closer and cradles him carefully in an attempt to not frighten the spymaster even more. "Shh... you're okay. I won't hurt you... remember, Soundwave, I will not hurt you even if you do something wrong. If someome does something wrong, I will verbally reprimand them, and I may assign a somewhat unpleasant task such as helping to clean the medbay. But- I do not tolerate physical punishments of any kind, and I do not assign punishment detail unless the mech in question is misbehaving intentionally. I will not punish someone for accidentally doing something wrong... that would be cruel. Now... what can I do to reassure you? I promise, you have done nothing wrong... is there any way I can convince you of that?"

 

Soundwave quivers, optics wide and anxious, then shudders and looks down at Optimus' servo on his tentacles. Oh. That's... that's not so bad. It... actually feels rather nice? Just... just rather alarming, after- after what that mech did to him. He doesn't remember all of what happened to trigger this overwhelming fear, but he remembers snatches of fear beyond almost anything else he's ever experienced, remembers pain and _no stop I don't understand please at least tell me what I did to make you do this to me-_

The spymaster curls tighter into himself, quivering anxiously and staring down at Optimus' servo, then ever-so-slowly places one servo on top of the Prime's. This... this isn't painful. This isn't bad. It's a bit strange, as most people are usually at least somewhat disturbed by his tentacles, but... he's not complaining. It's rather... nice. The contact feels good... Optimus' servo is pleasantly warm against his tentacles, which tend to be chronically cold unless he's somewhere warm or has them retracted. And... Optimus is warm... 

Soundwave presses a bit closer, seeking more warmth- then freezes up when Optimus' servo lightly brushes against his chassis plating. It's clearly not a threat, but... but the Prime has just brushed up against the point where Soundwave's inner chassis plating spirals together, and... 

The spymaster whimpers softly and curls into himself, suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of sheer disgust, then whines and starts struggling. No no no- he needs to get away, needs to get rid of- needs to get _clean-_

Optimus' grip on him immediately loosens, and Soundwave bolts out of the small fort the second he's able, heading for where he's fairly sure he remembers the washracks to be. He needs to get rid of this creeping feeling of disgust before it spreads any more, because he's felt this before, and if he doesn't get it out soon he's going to crawl into a corner and not be able to drag himself out of the cloud of self-loathing- 

 

Extremely concerned, Optimus follows Soundwave out of the room, even when the spymaster darts into the washracks. He doesn't want to intrude, but... but he needs to be sure Soundwave isn't about to hurt himself. Knocking on the door, he pauses for a moment, then walks inside and slowly approaches the spymaster. "Soundwave? I hate to intrude, but... I'm concerned." he whispers, carefully moving a bit closer, then slowly places a servo on Soundwave's arm. 

 

The spymaster is clawing weakly at the glass over his spark chamber, claws skittering uselessly across the slick surface as he tries to detach it. He gives a startled cry when his arm is touched, then quivers, huddling into himself and trying to get away from Optimus. No, no... he feels horrible, he just wants to curl up and hide... he wants to get away. Why won't Optimus let him do this? Whining softly, he squirms for a moment, then goes still when Optimus firmly grips both of his servos. He can't even... can't even do this? He's not going to kill himself, he's not, he doesn't want to die- he just wants to get clean. 

A soft recording plays after a moment, a trembling, frightened little voice.  _"I don't want to die... I just... I can't."_

 

 _Oh, Primus..._ "Soundwave, I'm sorry, but... what are you going to do when you get that shield off?" Optimus whispers, very gently holding both of Soundwave's servos but not otherwise restraining the spymaster. He's just gently holding those slender claws against Soundwave's stomach, keeping him still without tightly gripping or otherwise harshly restraining him. Best to just be gentle... hopefully he can avoid scaring Soundwave any more. "I don't want to upset you, but... I'm worried about what you're going to do if I leave you alone. I... don't want to risk you harming yourself. I understand if you want to get your spark chamber cleaned out, but... I don't think there's a safe way in here for you to do so. Here... I'll COMM Ratchet and ask him if he has another option. Just... please try to relax. I promise I'll find a way to help you feel better..." he soothes, very gently holding Soundwave up against his front. "Shh..." 

//Ratchet... Soundwave evidently wants some way to get his spark chamber cleaned out. At least... I'm fairly certain that's what he's up to. Is there... any safe way to do that? He's very upset...//

 

//First, are you keeping him from opening his chassis up? He's probably going to hurt himself if he does- but be gentle. What happened?//

 

//I'm stopping him, yes. I just have his servos held still... I don't think I'm upsetting him much more than he already is. I... accidentally brushed against his chassis, and I think I may have triggered a memory. He's... very upset. I don't think there's any physical contaminants he wants to remove, but... I want to help him, if I can.//

 

//There is one way. That medbay of yours has a machine that uses a non-conductive solvent and carefully moderated flow to clean the inside of the spark chamber out... and it should help at least a bit. Also, there's no way for him to badly injure himself with it... even aiming the flow directly at his spark won't hurt him. It'll just be very, very uncomfortable. I doubt he'll do that very much, but if he does... you may want to discourage him. Oh- and he can use that particular machine on any part of his frame he wants. It's designed for the spark chamber specifically, but should work on any sensitive areas. Bottom cabinet, far left. I suggest you take him with you as opposed to leaving him wherever he is... don't leave him alone. And keep me updated- this could spiral downhill fast. In fact- as of right now, consider him put on suicide watch. You know what that entails. I don't think he's actually suicidal, but there's a chance he might be upset enough to hurt himself trying to get rid of the cause of his upset.// 

 

//Understood. I'll take him to the medbay right now... I may have to pick him up, he seems reluctant to walk. And I'll keep you updated...// Optimus hums, then crouches slightly, humming soothingly in Soundwave's audios. "You don't seem like you want to walk... I'm just going to pick you up, alright? I won't hurt you, I promise... we're just going to go to the medbay. Ratchet says there's a machine designed to safely clean out a spark chamber... does that sound nice?" 

 

Yes. Yes, please, yes. 

Soundwave doesn't resist being picked up, then chirps urgently up at the Prime, raising one slender servo and repeatedly signing  _yes yes yes_ in standard Sign. He has a bit of an 'accent', thanks to his unusually structured servos, but it's a very simple and easily understandable sign. Judging by the stiff, urgent gestures, he would have a very desperate tone if he was speaking. 

 

"Shh... Soundwave, please... try to calm down. I'll get you there quickly, don't worry... though I'm afraid I won't be able to leave you alone. I won't watch you, but... Ratchet has ordered me not to leave you alone. And, honestly, I'm concerned just as much as he is... I don't want you to hurt yourself trying to get clean." Optimus hums softly, walking quickly down the hallway and into the medbay, then gently sets the spymaster on his pedes over a drain in the floor. This area appears to be designed for emergency washes, and it's right next to the cabinet Ratchet had mentioned. 

"Stay there..." Optimus croons, retrieving the machine, then sets it on a small table near Soundwave and hands the nozzle of the hose to the quivering mech. "Calm down, try to steady your servos a bit, and get that shield out of the way so you can clean yourself off... okay?" he hums softly, then steps back slightly and glances away. "I need to stay in here, but... I'll do my best to give you some privacy." 

 

Soundwave whines, frantically clawing at the transparent shield over his spark until he manages to disengage the latches and get it detached, then immediately turns the machine on and presses the nozzle of the hose into his spark chamber. It's not comfortable, not in the slightest, the solvent is cold- but it helps. He can feel the liquid coursing through his spark chamber, washing over the clawmarks and soothing the disgust away somewhat, rinsing away the feeling of self-loathing. He doesn't care that Optimus is in here, doesn't care if the Prime is looking at him... all he cares about is getting rid of the  _filthy dirty disgusting shameful no no NO_ racing through his mind, getting rid of the feeling of creeping filth in his spark chamber. Whining softly, he scrubs the rubber-coated hose nozzle up against one of the deeper gashes in his spark chamber, trying to clean it out- then gives a soft little noise of discomfort when his trembling servos shake enough for him to accidentally aim the solvent at his spark itself. OW ow ow ow. That is not comfortable. 

 

Optimus has been watching Soundwave from behind, just to be sure nothing bad happens, and he doesn't miss the slip. Poor thing... that seems extremely unpleasant. "Soundwave..." he ventures, moving just slightly closer but not touching until he explains what he's doing. "I'm not going to hurt you, but... you're shaking very badly. I'm not going to hurt you... I'm just going to place one servo on your arm and help keep you from shaking too much. Tell me if I'm making you uncomfortable." he orders, very gently, then moves just a bit closer and carefully places one servo on Soundwave's elbow joint. "Easy..." he whispers, very gently attempting to stabilize the spymaster's arm slightly so that Soundwave doesn't aim the solvent directly at his spark again- at least, not without meaning to. 

 

Soundwave whimpers softly at the new touch, then relaxes just a bit when Optimus only touches his arm. And- the Prime still isn't looking at his spark chamber. Good. 

Whining softly, Soundwave resumes scrubbing at the interior of his spark chamber, though it's a bit more comfortable now that his servo isn't constantly shaking. This isn't the most comfortable thing he's ever done, the solvent is cold and pressing too hard up against the inside of his spark chamber, but... it's better than feeling disgusting. And... and Optimus' servo is warm and gentle against his arm, and he can feel the heat of the Prime's frame against his un-armored back, and it's somehow not as threatening as it ought to be... 

The spymaster whimpers softly and leans back just a bit, seeking comfort, then churrs very softly when Optimus obligingly steps just a bit closer. That- oh. That feels... why is that so comforting? 

Maybe it's because the Prime is being so gentle with him... being so careful not to hurt him... being so very careful not to frighten him away. It... it feels... 

Soundwave trembles and presses back against the larger mech, seeking any comfort he can possibly get, then whimpers softly in broken confusion. Why- why does this feel good? Shouldn't he be afraid to have someone touching him, to have someone pressed so close to him? 

Because this is Optimus. And... Optimus is so  _sweet_ with him... and he has no negative memories directly related to the Prime. Yes, they've clashed in battle, but... Optimus never seemed truly threatening, never seemed like he actually wanted to hurt Soundwave beyond what was needed to subdue him. The Prime has never shown any malicious intent, ever, and especially not towards Soundwave... Optimus has never truly tried to hurt him. And now- Optimus is doing everything he can to help Soundwave, to make it better... 

Optimus is good. Safe. Kind. 

Optimus won't hurt him. 

Soundwave looks down at the servo on his arm, then quivers and huddles back into Optimus' frame, shuttering his optics tightly and panting softly in distress. No no no- shouldn't  _trust,_ gets him  _hurt,_ leaves him open to be attacked and torn at and-  _  
_

But- 

But all he can think, feeling Optimus pressed up against him, feeling the Prime gently holding him and steadying his servos so he won't do anything painful- all he can think is  _safe, good, friendly, trustworthy, nice-_ _good._

Optimus is a good mech. 

This is safe. 

This... this feels good. 

Why does this feel good? 

 

Optimus looks down at Soundwave, raising an optic ridge, then hums very softly and slowly puts an arm around the spymaster in an effort to calm him. "Soundwave, is something wr-" no, wait, he shouldn't ask- of course something's wrong. "-I mean... do you... have I done something to upset you?" he asks softly, then hisses slightly in alarm and carefully catches the slender mech when those odd leg joints buckle. "Soundwave? Are you- what's wrong?" he asks anxiously, sitting down on the floor and carefully holding Soundwave in his lap. "Soundwave?" 

 

Soundwave whimpers softly, then clicks up at the Prime, trying to signal that he's not injured. He's just- 

He's not certain, actually, but... but he can't just- 

 

Optimus carefully cradles the spymaster closer, then gently presses on Soundwave's jawline, trying to coax the slender mech to look up at him. "Soundwave, please... look at me. Are you... are you injured? Is there anything I can do to help you? Or... should I call Ratchet?" he asks softly, his optics soft and concerned as he watches the slender mech. He doesn't turn the machine off, though... Soundwave is still tightly holding the nozzle of the hose up against his own spark chamber, so he plainly still wants it there. "Please, Soundwave... I know you don't like talking, but... I'm worried." 

 

No, no, don't- don't be worried about him- he doesn't deserve the concern. Soundwave shakes his helm slightly, clicking, then curls into a tighter ball and gently pats Optimus' servo. No, it's not- it's nothing Optimus did. It's... it's just... 

He doesn't know how to help himself. He's never reached this point before, never been hurt like  _this_ before... he can't handle this. Doesn't know how. He knows how to deal with being hurt- he can do that. Just- just cram everything down into boxes, lock them up in the back of his mind, and leave them until the fear and hurt fester into anger that he can turn against the one who hurt him- 

But he's _scared_. There's no anger to be had here, no roiling, spiny ball of anger and hurt that he can turn back on his attacker... there's just a sickly puddle of hurt, pain, fear, and self-loathing clinging all over his spark. He doesn't know how to turn this against  _them,_ and he can't imagine ever being able to contain this much  _hurt_... 

He doesn't know how to do this. He- he can't do this. 

But Optimus- Optimus is looking down at him with soft, upset optics, so worried for him- 

_No, stop... don't get so upset on my behalf, there's nothing for you to be upset about- you didn't do anything wrong, and I don't deserve this much concern, I don't, I'm nothing but THEIR toy any more- never going to be anything other than a victim- please stop looking like that... it's not your fault._

Soundwave clicks softly, trying to reassure Optimus, then reaches up and pats the Prime's chassis in an attempt at being soothing. No, it's okay, it's not- 

 

Optimus carefully looks Soundwave over for a moment, carefully avoiding looking directly at the slender mech's spark chamber, then relaxes just a bit after realizing that the spymaster isn't injured. "You aren't hurt... good." he whispers, then gently places a servo on Soundwave's jawline, coaxing the smaller mech to keep looking up at him. "Soundwave, can you... can you tell me what has you this upset? I understood the cause of your initial upset, but... this seems to be something new. Did I... do something wrong?" 

 

No, stop- 

Soundwave shakes his helm, clicking softly in distress, then raises one servo and quickly signs out  _not your fault_ in standard Sign. He needs to get Optimus calmed down, first... that's very important. Sweet mech is a Prime, probably has enough to deal with already... doesn't need to be more upset on the behalf of someone who doesn't deserve his concern. 

So... he should try to explain. Maybe he can get Optimus to calm down if he can manage to communicate that the Prime has done nothing wrong. 

Tucking himself into a tighter ball, Soundwave gives the sign for  _not enough data,_ then whimpers softly and repeats it several more times. He doesn't understand, doesn't know what to do, and- and he can't get the sickly feeling of  _violation_ out of his spark chamber, doesn't know how to get rid of it-  _  
_

Clicking in agitation, the spymaster repeats the sign multiple times, then presses the nozzle of the hose deeper into his spark chamber in an effort to feel at least somewhat clean again. 

 

Optimus pauses for a moment, thinking, then hums softly in understanding. "Oh... I think I understand. You don't know what to do?" he asks softly, then slowly pulls Soundwave a bit closer, cradling the slender mech carefully and trying to calm him. "I'm not surprised... I don't think anyone would know what to do in your situation. However... I might have an idea. May... may I try something?" 

 

Soundwave blinks, somewhat surprised by Optimus' understanding, then trembles and nods slightly at the offer. Yes. If Optimus might have any idea how to help him, then... yes. He'll take whatever the Prime wants to try... 

It's not like resisting would earn him anything but pain and the Prime's disappointment. 

Resisting only ever hurts. 

 

Optimus in-vents deeply, praying he isn't about to make this worse, then carefully moves the slender little mech until Soundwave is facing him. "Tell me if I make you uncomfortable. If I don't, please just try to listen... try not to curl up and hide again." he whispers, then slowly begins to stroke Soundwave's audio fins with one servo, carefully keeping the spymaster's arm steady with the other so that Soundwave can keep cleaning the inside of his spark chamber.  _Now... Primus, help me find the right words..._

"Soundwave... I cannot begin to imagine what you're feeling right now. However... I think I may have some understanding, from what I've seen over the centuries." the Prime sighs, increasing the pressure on Soundwave's audio fins just slightly in an attempt to ground him. "You feel... perhaps 'tainted' is an accurate word, judging by your actions. And... it's perfectly understandable. I'm not going to tell you not to feel that way, I know you can't help it, but... you shouldn't have to feel like that. You... you did nothing wrong, and you are not tainted. You were hurt. I am no going to tell you that you're okay, you obviously aren't. But... you will recover. I cannot promise that you will recover entirely, but... it won't always be this bad. I am going to do everything in my power to help you feel better... and, I promise, you will recover." 

The Prime's optics darken a shade or two, his armor flaring out slightly in a clear gesture of anger, though he manages to keep his reaction suppressed enough to (hopefully) not frighten Soundwave. "But the mechs who did this to you... they will never recover from this. You are not tainted... they are. They hurt you in a way that is absolutely unforgivable, and they cannot recover from that. They will have to live with it for the rest of their lives... which, after they come to trial, may be quite short. We are going to catch the mechs who hurt you, and they will face justice." 

Seeing the spymaster try to look away from him, Optimus firmly places his servos on either side of Soundwave's face, keeping the slender mech's optics on him. "You have not been tainted. You have been hurt, and you will recover. They have irreparably tainted themselves, and they  _will_ pay for it. You have my word... I will do everything in my power to ensure that both happen. Now... is there anything I can do to help you? Anything that might help you feel better?" he asks softly, releasing Soundwave and allowing the spymaster to curl up into a little ball again. 

 

Soundwave curls into himself a bit more, sheltering himself, but he doesn't stop looking up at Optimus. The Prime's voice is very hard to ignore, and... he sounds so  _convinced..._

Suddenly losing the resolve that coaxes him to look up at Optimus, Soundwave hides his face in the Prime's chassis instead, shivering slightly and still firmly pressing the hose nozzle into his spark chamber- the flow of cold solvent is helping somewhat. 

The spymaster flinches as his back is unexpectedly touched, then relaxes just a bit when the Prime just gently strokes his upper back instead of trying to pull him away. Oh. That's... probably an attempt at comforting him. It's... appreciated. Feels nice. And... what Optimus said to him...

_You really think I'm going to be okay. I... I don't feel like it. I hurt. But... you've shown a marked reluctance to let me curl up and hide. You aren't going to let me give up. And... you sound so convinced that you can help me. I... I might as well let you. I just... I don't understand why you're wasting your time on this. I can't recover. And... I'm nothing useful to you. I... don't understand._

_I don't understand why you're wasting time, wasting supplies, upsetting yourself... I don't understand why you're doing this for me._

_I don't understand..._

 

"Soundwave?" Optimus ventures, somewhat concerned by the spymaster's response, then hums soothingly when the spymaster clicks softly and hunches into himself. "I'm sorry... did I upset you?" he asks softly, gently caressing the pointed audio fins in an effort to soothe away whatever he did wrong, then sighed softly in understanding when the spymaster's vents began to hitch slightly. Oh. And- the spymaster keeps signing  _not enough data_ with one servo, though the sign is getting stiffer and jerkier as his ventilations start to hitch louder. 

Humming softly, Optimus gently takes the slender claws in one servo, gently preventing him from repeating the sign. "Soundwave... what's wrong? What do you not understand?" he asks softly, then releases those narrow claws, allowing Soundwave to sign out whatever he'd like. 

 

Quivering, Soundwave gives the sign for  _wasted effort/not worth it/worthless,_ then whines softly and tries to hide even further. No. Stop looking at him! Stop- stop being so confusing, stop  _caring,_ STOP BEING LIKE THIS- 

Giving a sharp cry of aggravation, Soundwave shoves up against Optimus' stomach with one pede, trying to get away- then freezes when the Prime grips him by the back of his helm. That- that's not a good touch- that means he's going to be hurt. Means he's going to be nursing an aching throat and jaw later. Means pain and humiliation and quite possibly using a scrub brush to get the taste out of his mouth. 

Clicking very softly in an attempt at apologizing for whatever he did, Soundwave goes completely limp, staring up at Optimus and quivering slightly as he waits to find out what he did wrong- 

 

"No, shh-" Optimus carefully gathers Soundwave back into his lap, cradling him close and humming soothingly. "I'm sorry, I just- wasn't sure how to stop you without getting too close to your spark chamber. And- I'm happy to put you down if you don't want to be touched, but I need to be sure you understand something." he explains softly, coaxing Soundwave to look up at him, then hardens his voice slightly to be sure he has Soundwave's attention. "You. Are not. Worthless. And you are not a waste of effort. You deserve better than this, deserve not to be afraid or in pain... I want to help you." he explains softly, optics saddening at the look on Soundwave's faceplates. "Does... does that make sense?" 

 

No. No, it doesn't. Soundwave clicks softly, shaking his helm before he can stop himself, then shutters his optics and tries to hide from that soft blue gaze-  _stop looking so SAD I don't want you to look at me like that and I don't UNDERSTAND-_

Optimus is being so gentle and caring with him, and he doesn't understand why, and he doesn't know how to deal with Optimus or being touched like this or being treated so  _carefully,_ and- and it's incredibly unnerving when he doesn't understand what's happening to him- and he doesn't understand this at all- 

 

Optimus' optics go even sadder at the broken little whimper he's just earned, and he briefly considers putting Soundwave down in order to not upset the spymaster even more, but he reconsiders it when he feels slender claws tightly gripping his plating. No, he should probably keep trying to calm Soundwave down, even if he seems to be upsetting the slender mech... maybe he can fix it. "Soundwave... I'm confusing you, aren't I?" he asks softly, then sighs, gently stroking the spymaster's audio fins in an effort to soothe him. "I apologize if I'm upsetting you, but... I really don't know how else to explain. I suppose... you could say it's in my nature? Does that... clarify anything for you?" 

 

Well- he doesn't know- maybe? It makes more sense than anything else he can come up with, at least. Optimus is... completely unlike anyone he's ever met, and... 

Oh, slag it all. At this point, he'll take "Optimus is weird" as an explanation. At least it helps him begin to organize and understand his situation... and that helps a little bit. He doesn't understand why Optimus is so helpful, but... but the Prime is so  _sweet,_ and... it feels good. He's never had this kind of attention before, and... strange at it is, confusing as it is... it's actually rather enjoyable. It feels... good. 

Soundwave uncurls slightly, then slowly reaches up, gently touching the servo that's currently petting his audio fin. He... needs to get this figured out. Now, he's smart enough to realize that he'll never be able to fit all of life into little boxes, but it's usually possible to develop a general understanding of how things are going to work. And... he's going to start working on his understanding of Optimus right now. Maybe it'll help him calm down. 

_You are a very strange mech. And... your optics... it makes you happy when you manage to calm me down. You... you like helping. I've seen that in medics. You aren't a medic, but... I suppose there's no reason why a non-medic can't be so helpful. Most mechs this... soft... probably wouldn't last long in the war, but... you are an exception to the rule. You're a Prime, and physically far superior to most of the mechs alive today... you can afford to be soft. Or- no, soft isn't quite the right word. Soft implies weakness. You're... gentle. Kind. It's... actually quite a pleasant change from the mechs I'm used to. And... you're a rather physical mech, aren't you? But it's not the violent type of physical... you seem to enjoy friendly contact, and you use it to calm me. It's strange, but... I think I like it. It feels... good._

Well... that helps his understanding somewhat. Optimus is a strange mech who's gentle because he can afford to be so, and... being touched by him is nice. 

Okay. He's feeling a bit better now. Soundwave shudders all over, realigning what little plating he still has, then sits up as straight as he can manage and meets Optimus' optics. Okay. He's okay now. He... mostly understands this. Maybe.

He understands it as much as he needs to right now. 

 

Optimus has been watching Soundwave think, and he's rather pleased by this development. He's been watching the fear and upset in the spymaster's optics slowly fade into concentration, and then into what looks like acceptance. "Are you feeling better now?" he asks softly, still gently stroking the spymaster's audio fins, then hums softly and smiles when the slender mech leans into him slightly. "Did you figure me out, then?" 

 

Soundwave nods slightly, even though he hasn't completely figured it out, then leans a bit further into the Prime's servo. Optimus' attention is nice, and... there's no need to be afraid of him, not right now at least. Optimus won't do anything until he's healthy, and... maybe not even then? 

Wait a minute- 

The inside of Soundwave's spark chamber had been quickly numbed by the cold solvent, the sensors there not used to any major influx of temperature data, and he'd almost forgotten about the hose that's still pressed into his spark chamber. Right. He's still doing that. 

Where's his spark shield? 

Guarding his spark chamber with one arm, the spymaster leans back slightly, looking around for the clear shield that's supposed to cover his spark chamber. He needs to replace that, its purpose is to seal his spark chamber enough that nothing foreign can get in. 

 

"Here you are..." Optimus hums, catching on and retrieving the spymaster's spark shield. He averts his optics as he offers it back, trying to keep himself from looking, but... he's already seen. And the short glimpse he's gotten is enough to make his own spark ache in sympathy. 

Soundwave's spark is marred in several places, the soft glow interrupted by several darker patches that look like something has been torn away and never properly smoothed over. Those are from the broken symbiote bonds, evidently, but... one of the marks, one Optimus couldn't keep his optics from settling on for a moment, looks more like a wound he's seen before. Bite marks, from creatures with long teeth... like something that didn't belong was driven in and then wrenched out again.  And... the soft halo of loose energy that normally surrounds a healthy spark is tightly withdrawn, to the extent where it almost seems to be gone. Optimus knows what that means, from the brief medical care lessons Ratchet insisted on giving him. It indicates a mech who has been through something so horrible that every part of them just wants to curl up and hide, wants it so badly that their very soul is shrinking away from the world. Some of that could possibly be from the cold solvent rushing through his spark chamber, but... even without looking closely, Optimus can see the same look in Soundwave's optics, the look of a mech who wants to hide in a corner somewhere and not come out. 

 

Soundwave replaces the clear shield over his spark, then slides his inner plating back into place and relaxes a little bit. Okay, that's... that's better. Turning the machine off, he pushes it out of his way, then slowly looks up at Optimus again. Oh no... the Prime has that  _look_ again. He... he saw, didn't he? He saw the scars. And it's not just the scars from the broken bonds, that would be bad enough- he's just seen the scar from- 

Clicking softly in an involuntary gesture of distress, Soundwave tries to get away, then whines when Optimus catches hold of his servo. No, he- he doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want Optimus to look at him like that. It... it hurts, makes him feel more... more like a victim. 

 

"I know, I-I'm sorry..." Optimus sighs, standing up and very gently keeping ahold of the slender mech's servo. "I know you want to be alone, and I'd like to give you that, but... Ratchet's officially placed you on suicide watch. I'll try not to bother you, but... I can't leave you alone." he explains softly, his plating lowering slightly in a signal of distress at how upset those soft orange-red optics are.  _I'm sorry, Soundwave..._

 

Suicide watch? Soundwave blinks, processing, then clicks softly and slowly places a servo on Laserbeak's frame. She's been with him the entire time, her small claws carefully hooked into one of the docking latches. She can't fit over his chassis while his spark chamber is open, of course, but she's been pressed tightly to his side. She's alive, he can still vaguely feel her... she's okay. She'll wake up.  _  
_

Yes, suicide watch is probably a logical step to take for most mechs who've been... hurt... this badly, but... Soundwave is a symbiote host. Deep in his programming, in the core instincts that can never be erased, is a drive to protect his symbiotes at almost any cost. One facet of this prevents him from harming himself; if he dies, his little ones die. No matter how upset he gets, no matter what happens to him... so long as Laserbeak is alive, Soundwave will do whatever it takes to keep himself alive as well. So... he won't be killing himself, period. 

Looking back up at Optimus, Soundwave carefully pets a servo down Laserbeak's back, then signs out _survive_ and  _always protect_ with his claws nearly scraping her tiny frame. 

 

"I understand you won't intentionally endanger her... I've talked to Blaster." Optimus hums, understanding the spymaster's meaning and seeing the sincerity in his optics. "Ratchet doesn't think you intend to kill yourself, but... he's worried you might try something drastic and end up harming yourself. I... have to agree, honestly. I'm sorry for this, I truly am, but... I don't trust you not to injure yourself." he explains softly, then strokes his thumb carefully over the back of the spymaster's narrow servo, trying to calm him. "I apologize, I know you want to be alone. So... how about we go back to that room you've claimed? I'll just sit and work, I'll be quiet... you can do whatever you'd like. How does that sound?" 

 

Not good. But, if that's his only option... he'll take it. Soundwave looks down and away, then slowly tightens his grip on Optimus' servo, accepting the offer despite his general dislike of the idea. He should... probably obey. It keeps Optimus happy, and... he can't very well say no, can he? 

Quiet and obedient, Soundwave follows Optimus back to the storage room, his claws still curled gently around the Prime's fingers. He's slipped back into the habit of dully obeying, and he's aware of it, but... he really has no desire to fight. Especially not when Optimus' touch is so gentle, just... just a light contact, wrapped ever-so-gently around his claws, coaxing him rather than ordering. He... he likes it when he's not being ordered to do things. He'll take orders from people who he respects, but... requests and coaxing touches are nice. 

 

Optimus opens the door to the storage room, then very gently coaxes Soundwave inside, optics saddening just slightly at how the spymaster is acting. The slender mech is moving a bit slowly, almost mechanically... mindlessly. But he's reacting, at least... he's moving. He won't take his optics off the floor, and he's walking like a mech who's given up, but he's not acting like a dead mech... that's an improvement from before. 

The fort has semi-collapsed, but Optimus leads Soundwave over to it anyway, as enough of it is still standing for the spymaster to fit under. "Soundwave... I know you want to be alone. I have to stay in the room, but... you can hide, if you'd like. You don't have to be out here with me." 

 

That... that works. Soundwave lets go of the Prime's servo, then slips between two cushions and curls up in the small space that's left, pulling the electric blanket up over his frame and trying to block out all the sound. Hiding is definitely a help, a big help... he feels safer curled up in a dark space, where it feels like no one can get to him. Logically, he's aware that the pillows are no real barrier, but there's some instinctive comfort in being in a small place. 

 

"I'll just be over here, with my work. Let me know if you'd like anything." Optimus hums, sitting down in a corner, then pulls a crate over and withdraws a few data-pads from subspace to start working on. He then re-activates his external COMMs, signalling to his officers that he's available for non-emergencies, and settles in for a lot of catching up on his work. 

 

 

Soundwave doesn't reappear until the next day.

Slinking out of the fort, he stretches all four limbs and his back, then stands up and looks down at the Prime.  _You're very occupied in your work. Are you even aware of me?_

Curious, he creeps over to the Prime's spot, sitting down in front of the crate that's being used as a desk. 

 

Optimus hasn't recharged, he hasn't gotten tired yet and has plenty to do. Besides, he's used to staying up late under strenuous conditions... this sort of work doesn't tax him at all. Besides, thanks to Soundwave, he's already had a nap today.

The Prime has been keeping an audio open for any suspicious noises, but other than that he's left the spymaster alone, hoping not to upset Soundwave any more. It takes him a moment or two to look up, and when he does, he promptly drops his data-pad in surprise. "Oh- hello, Soundwave. Are... you okay?" he asks, trying to hide his surprise from the slender mech. It doesn't work, his optics are very expressive. "Ah... I'm sorry, I got quite caught up in my work." 

 

Soundwave hums softly as a signal that he's okay, then glances over at a stack of energon cubes, silently asking if he can have one. At a little nod of permission, he slinks over and picks up a cube, then retreats back to his fort. He doesn't hide, though... he's feeling a little bit better. Instead of retreating, he sits down between two of the cushions that have fallen against each other, which leaves him able to see Optimus at least somewhat. It also lets Optimus see him... that seems like the right thing to do here. 

 

"Soundwave, I'm afraid I have to leave..." Optimus hums softly, retrieving his data-pad, then stands up and moves a bit closer. "Now... I have quite a few things to do, and most of them are going to involve a lot of people. I'm guessing you don't want to come with me. Ratchet is similarly busy, and... I can't leave you alone. I know you probably don't like this idea, but... would you be okay staying with Jazz? Just for today- you don't have to recharge there. I ask because he's the only other mech who knows you're here, and... though you have history, I have never seen him show any ill will towards you. Jazz is a good mech... he won't hurt you." 

 

Stay with Jazz? Soundwave blinks, tucking himself into a slightly tighter ball to think it over. He's... not sure about that. True, Jazz doesn't seem about to hurt him... they've had a long-running rivalry, but Soundwave can't honestly say that he hates Jazz, and he doesn't think the saboteur hates him. The Autobot's attention towards him has always been... "friendly" isn't the right word. Jazz is a rival, but not an overly hostile one.

Well, never mind what to call Jazz... that's not terribly important right now. 

How does he feel about staying with Jazz? Not happy, but... the idea doesn't scare him. It... might not be so bad. Maybe not pleasant, but... he doesn't want to go anywhere with a lot of people, and Optimus is very determined not to leave him alone... 

Sighing softly, he takes a long gulp of the energon, then sets it down and nods slightly. Yes. He'll.... he'll do it. He doesn't want to, but he'll do it. 

Hopefully Jazz won't decide to mess with him. The saboteur is well known among the Decepticons for having a... mischievous nature. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have a question. How does everyone feel about the present tense being used here as opposed to the usual past tense? I'm liking it because it helps to properly communicate Soundwave's mental state, allowing his thoughts to pile up on each other (as upset thoughts often do) while still remaining organized enough (I think) to read.


	10. Soothed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soundwave has reservations, Jazz is surprisingly helpful, and Optimus is ridiculously busy.  
> Also, Laserbeak wakes up. She's in better shape than Soundwave, which should be helpful. Once she stops panicking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have zero idea what Jazz's accent is supposed to sound like. Please forgive me if I fail at it.
> 
> When I say "glass" in reference to a component of someone, I don't mean like our uber-brittle glass. That'd never survive Cybertron beyond maybe being art. I'm referring to the Cybertronian equivalent, which is a LOT more durable. It still acts more or less like glass, though. It can be melted and sculpted, things can be mixed into it, and it's transparent. "Glass" is the closest translation of the Cybertronian word for that stuff.
> 
> //COMM messaging//  
> //Symbiote/host bond//(Italicized)  
> "Laserbeak chirping"(Italicized)  
> Most people can't understand Laserbeak. Jazz is fluent in a lot of non-standard languages, so he can mostly understand her.  
> I know Laserbeak is seen to be quite stiff in the show, but I imagine she's a bit more jointed than we see, and she probably has some sort of little claw-things on her underside to cling onto Soundwave with.

Soundwave really isn't a fan of this idea. He doesn't want to be around Jazz for any length of time, let alone all day. But... going with Optimus sounds even less pleasant. There would be a lot of people around, and... not only is Soundwave still missing the majority of his plating, he'd probably end up running into at least one of the people who hurt him. He doesn't know what  _their_ influence is... it might be high enough that Optimus wouldn't be able to protect him, or might not want to complain. He's not going there... he can't. 

So... evidently he's going to be spending today with Jazz. It... might not be so bad. Jazz probably won't  _hurt_ him, and... hopefully the saboteur won't mess with him too much. But... there's definitely going to be something unpleasant. There's no way Jazz is merely going to leave him alone... not with how much history they have. At the very least, he's expecting a paint bomb or something to do with glitter- Jazz has booby-trapped Soundwave's computer banks quite a few times. 

Somewhat fortunately, Soundwave is pulled away from his apprehensive thoughts by something they encounter in the hallway- or, rather, someone. 

 

Prowl. The tactician is walking along the hallway from Jazz's quarters, and- oh, that's interesting. When he spots Optimus, his optics immediately snap forwards and his winglets hitch up higher on his back in what look like an attempt at not showing guilt as he offers a courtesy greeting nod. But evidently he isn't used to actually being guilty... he's not hiding it well at all. Fortunately enough, his reaction keeps him from noticing Soundwave... and it probably helps that Soundwave hides behind Optimus when he hears someone coming. 

 

Well... that's interesting. Optimus had said that only Jazz and himself were living in this building. Evidently there's very good COMM reception, so the intact rooms are reserved for those who need to be on call at all times. Prowl's quarters aren't here, and he looks like he'd been caught doing something... Soundwave doesn't stare, he knows Prowl will probably feel it, but he does quickly glance over the other mech's frame. And, yes... definitely a few minor paint transfers. Minor and recent. 

_Unsurprising. Interesting... but unsurprising._

Soundwave's attention is distracted from his worries by the encounter, which gets his sparkrate down enough that he doesn't hide behind Optimus again when Jazz opens the door. He's quite apprehensive, honestly, but he's trying not to show it. Hopefully he can keep himself looking like he's okay... it might prevent Jazz from immediately realizing just how very unhappy with this situation he is. 

Though he can't keep himself from glancing over Jazz's frame to see if there are matching paint transfers. It's an old habit- one that's much easier to hide when he's wearing a visor. And yes, transfers. 

He manages to keep himself looking at least reasonably confident as he walks into the room, though his steps falter a bit when he sees where they're going. There's a small room just inside the door, a typical guest room, but... they aren't staying there. Jazz has just walked into a side room, and... the floor is lined with what looks like berth padding, and there are a number of pillows and blankets scattered around- he's seen a room like this before, once, though that room was beyond filthy. This is clean, but- but he doesn't want to go anywhere that looks like- 

 

Jazz pauses, noticing the spymaster's hesitation, then sighs and walks into the room ahead of him. "Ah- I think I get it. Don' worry, spook, this ain't my berth in any sense of the word. See... there are a lot of mechs who aren't in such great shape, mentally. Plus, I gotta talk to people who're really not in a great helmspace. This... this is just a safe place. It's somewhere safe for people to relax, somewhere I can try to get people calmed down if I need to talk to him, or just somewhere for people to relax if they're having a bad day. And... I know you probably won't trust me on this, but I'm not gonna touch you without permission. I won't do anything to you... I promise. This is a safe place, spook..." 

 

Jazz is quite right, Soundwave doesn't trust him. However... cautiously, the spymaster ventures a couple of steps into the room, taking a closer look around. It's clean in here... very clean. There's a large screen on the wall, speakers in the corner, and lights that are recessed but reasonably bright. This... hmm. This doesn't look like a dangerous place... it might actually be okay. Maybe... maybe Jazz is being truthful. 

 

"It's alright, Soundwave..." Optimus hums, very gently touching the slender mech's servo, then glances over at Jazz. "He's telling the truth. Jazz has been very helpful, and... you have my word, this is a safe place. I know you're uneasy, but... Jazz won't hurt you." he soothes, then sets down the small crate he's brought with him. "Now, I'm not sure exactly how long I'll be gone, but I'll be back before nightfall. Now- I have three incoming COMMs and two waiting requests. I need to leave immediately. Jazz, Soundwave, please try to get along." he requests, then walks outside, though not without COMMing Jazz for a moment to add something. //He's incredibly nervous and trying to hide it. Please be careful.//

 

//No worries, boss mech... I'm not gonna mess with him. I'm not that much of an aft.//   
Jazz closes the door behind Optimus, then sighs, turning to face Soundwave again. "Hey, spook. You look... kinda apprehensive. You okay?" he ventures, then sighs when Soundwave's response is to flinch in evident surprise.  _Well, I've just startled him by talking. I better get him relaxed before he gets so tense his spine welds itself into rebar. Now... how do I go about convincing my biggest rival that I'm not about to hurt him? Well- step one is to stop thinking of him as a rival, at least for now. Step two... well, offering him some energon probably won't work, I doubt he'd trust me enough to take it. Maybe I'll just set some music up and leave him alone for awhile..._

 

Soundwave is trying his best to look calm, but... it's a lot harder without his visor. He's painfully aware of how expressive his optics are, and he can't turn away from the other mech without losing track of Jazz, and he needs to keep track of Jazz so he knows what's going to happen- he's already been startled once, when he was busy inspecting his surroundings for a way out. 

But he's not about to tell Jazz. So, though it's an outright lie, he nods slightly and tries to look okay. It... might not be working. 

 

 _You are not okay, and you are not a good liar with that visor missing. Then again... I wouldn't be, either. But never mind that... need to get him calmed down. Maybe if I distract him... I bet I know what he'd like to play with._ "Well... in that case, I suppose I'll leave you alone. But I know you'd get bored fast, and I do NOT want a bored spymaster in my quarters. I don't want a bored anybody in my quarters. So..." pausing, he fishes around in a cabinet for a moment or two, then casually approaches the spymaster and sits down in front of him. "Here, sit down. I got a game I think you'll like... lots of strategy involved." 

 

Hmm. Soundwave skeptically watches him for a moment, then cautiously sits down in a way that's more like kneeling. This keeps his pedes at least partially under him, which allows him to get up quickly if needed... not that he'll have any hope of fighting Jazz if the saboteur tries something. It helps a bit, though... helps him feel just slightly less helpless. 

Now... what is Jazz offering him? It looks like a multi-level game board, and- evidently it has a holographic function, as a set of pieces has just appeared on one section of the board. There's also a small box of pieces, and Soundwave very slowly ventures a servo towards the pieces, curious about what the saboteur is showing him. Hmm. 

 

"Ever see this game before?" Jazz asks, gently pushing the box of pieces towards Soundwave in an invitation for the spymaster to get a closer look. "I'm guessing not, 's not a common game. Now... I got a lot of work to do. This'll run you through the rules of the game, then you can play a few rounds against the computer if you like it. I'll be back later, an' if you like the game, I wanna play against you." he declares, hopping to his pedes, then backs up slightly when Soundwave tenses at his rapid movements. Whoops. "That door over there is to the washracks, an' the door locks. Uh... lemme know if yer gonna be in there, I'm supposed to keep an optic on you.  I know you don't want me staring at you, an' that'd probably get boring, so I'm gonna be over here doin' more productive things. Cabinet over there has energon, blankets, an' a first aid kit. Help yerself to anything you want outta there- excluding the sharp objects. You aren't allowed to have those." 

Flopping down in a chair nearby, Jazz unfolds a portable computer console, being sure to sit where Soundwave can't see his work. "Lemme know if ya need something." 

 

Soundwave blinks a couple of times, watching Jazz for a moment, then picks up the game and scoots backwards into a corner where he can keep himself feeling a bit safer. Alright... this isn't so bad. Jazz is ignoring him, and has given him something fairly interesting... he can live with this. Hopefully Jazz won't run out of things to do before Optimus gets back... bored saboteurs are dangerous to anyone in the general vicinity.

However, they are not interesting. This game is. Focusing on the game is interesting and helps keep him relaxed, focusing on Jazz is boring and makes him nervous. He'll play the game instead. 

 

He ends up playing through the rules and several games against the computer, though he does run into an issue after some time. The AI is so simplistic that Soundwave quickly becomes able to predict every move it will make, and there's no sense in playing against an opponent whose every move one can readily predict. And, without enough mental stimulation, the spymaster rapidly loses all incentive to remain awake. His self-repair is draining a lot of his energy, Jazz is still completely ignoring him, and the background music (somewhat unusually for Jazz) is quiet and soothing. Peaceful environment, almost no mental stimulation, low energy without hunger, no pain, nothing to be afraid of... it's not intentional, but Soundwave gradually drifts off into recharge, curled up in the corner with his blanket tugged up over his frame. 

 

Jazz has been keeping an optic on Soundwave, just occasionally glancing up at him from behind his visor, and he doesn't miss the spymaster falling asleep. He leaves Soundwave alone, though, at least for awhile... until he notices something.  _Hang on now. I swear that li'l birdy-thing just twitched... must be waking up. Now, I know her lasers are disabled, she's not gonna be able to do much... but maybe I should go wake the spook up before she realizes where she is an' flips out._

Closing his computer, Jazz slowly approaches the spymaster, trying to figure out the best way to not startle him. "Hey, spook... might wanna wake up." the saboteur hums, kneeling right next to Soundwave and slowly reaching to gently touch the other mech's shoulder. That's probably a fairly safe place to touch, right? Just a light tap, maybe a very gentle shake, wake Soundwave up without frightening the slender mech... 

Except then Laserbeak wakes up. Jazz doesn't get the chance to wake Soundwave up before he's slapped in the face by a frantically twittering symbiote. "Ahslag-" 

 

 What- LASERBEAK-

Soundwave hisses and jumps up, woken by his little one's sudden burst of alarm, then snarls and instinctively lunges in Jazz's direction when Laserbeak bounces off of the Autobot's chassis. Half a second later, he realizes where he is, and he immediately hops away from Jazz- only to lose his balance and slam into the wall, hard. And that doesn't help his alarm, not in the slightest. 

He's already quite on edge, and Laserbeak's fear circles back over the bond, intensifying his own fright and sending it back in her direction. The bond normally helps to keep both of them calm, since whoever is still calm can send soothing impulses to the other, but when both are afraid the fear just loops back onto itself. Which is the case here, though fortunately Soundwave isn't in any mood to lash out and hurt Jazz. He's probably going to attack the saboteur if Jazz grabs Laserbeak, but right now he's mostly focused on trying to understand the situation so he can figure out what he needs to do.  

 

Laserbeak is now buzzing around the room in a blind panic, chattering wildly and occasionally bouncing off of a wall or the ceiling. She doesn't know what's happening, not in the slightest- all she knows is that Soundwave is afraid, Jazz is here, and her weapons don't work- and why is Soundwave missing most of his armor?! What's happening?

 

"Easy, easy, easy-" Jazz hops backwards, then raises his servos and hums soothingly, doing his best to calm the spymaster before anything else happens. "No, shh- it's okay, spook, it's okay. I'm not hurtin' anyone, I promise- I was tryin' to wake you up. I'm not going to hurt anyo- woah-" 

The saboteur is forced to duck very suddenly when Laserbeak suddenly flies right at his helm, then he mutters something unhappy and picks up a soft sheet. "Okay, Soundwave- hey, look at me." he orders, waiting to be sure the spymaster's attention is on him before he does anything else. "Listen to me. I am not going to hurt Laserbeak, but she's gonna hurt 'erself if she keeps bouncing off of things- I'm just gonna catch her. That's all, I promise. Don't strangle me, please." he requests, then waits a second for Laserbeak to come near him, before- 

 

Laserbeak squeals in alarm when the sheet suddenly envelops her, and she doesn't stop flailing around even when she's pressed firmly up against someone's chassis.  _//No no no no MASTER HELP ME//_ she screams over the bond, thrashing wildly against her restraints, then whines softly and shudders when she's pinned against her captor's frame. 

 

Soundwave hisses and flares the few parts of him he can still manage to flare, though despite Laserbeak's pleas, he manages to keep himself from lunging at the Autobot. No, no, Jazz isn't hurting Laserbeak- this is very logical- she'll hurt herself if she keeps panicking, it's okay that Jazz is- 

But, logical or not, Jazz is restraining Laserbeak, and Laserbeak is scared and begging for his help- that is NOT ACCEPTABLE. Soundwave is still scared, very scared, but-

 

Jazz gives a startled noise and flinches away when Soundwave lunges at him, then relaxes slightly when the spymaster only grabs Laserbeak and retreats. "Woah- okay, you calm her down." he decides, then backs away, sitting down a short distance away from the two scared beings and trying to let them relax somewhat. "Easy... it's safe here. It's safe." 

 

 _//Shh, my little one... shh. N_ _o one will hurt you... I promise. I will not let anyone touch you again.//_ Soundwave vows, stroking little circles over Laserbeak's back plating, then curls tighter into the corner and glares back at Jazz for a moment as he tries to untangle his little one from the blanket she's entangled in. Really- couldn't Jazz have caught her a bit more carefully? She's tangled up, she's scared... did he really have no other option?

Managing to untangle Laserbeak from the blankets, Soundwave cradles her gently against his chassis, rocking back and forth slightly and doing his best to send soothing impulses over their bond. He's almost as scared as she is, but he understands what's going on, and- and it's safe. He needs to get her calmed down, needs his little one calm enough to talk to her... needs to be sure she's okay.  _//Laserbeak, my little one... please... calm down.//_ he whispers, stroking the delicate little 'tail' that helps Laserbeak keep herself steady in flight.  _  
_

 

Laserbeak chatters for a moment or two, then whines and flitters weakly up against Soundwave's chassis for a few seconds before finally going still.  _//Master? What's- M-Master, why are you- you're hurting, what- what's wrong? Who- who did this? Did he- do I need to gut Jazz? Or- or who- WHO DO I NEED TO KILL?//_ she squeals, clearly very upset at the realization that her host is almost entirely naked. And she means the threat, too. Well- maybe not the part about gutting Jazz, she's not physically capable of doing so, but she'll do her absolute best to kill whoever's responsible for hurting Soundwave. At the very least, she'll remove their optics.  _//Master? Are you... what happened? You... you're hurting.//_

 

 _//I- I'm okay.//_ Soundwave lies, though he doesn't make himself sound convincing in the slightest. Laserbeak can feel his pain over the bond... she knows he's not okay. But... but he can't tell her what happened. He needs to protect his little one, needs to preserve the little bit of innocence the war has left her. He- he can't tell her. She doesn't need to know.  _//I'll be all right, little one. And you? Are you- hurt? Is anything wrong?//_

 

 _//Nothing's wrong with me, except- OI! I think somebody pulled a wire outta my lasers! But other than that, I'm fine. You, on the other hand, are NOT fine.//_ Laserbeak declared, staring up at Soundwave with earnest purple optics.  _//I know you want to protect me, but... I've seen everything you've seen since I've been born, and some of the stuff before that, and I've seen stuff on my own too. I- I'm not innocent. I'm sorry, but I'm not. And... and you aren't okay. You're missing your armor, what little armor you do have is new, and... you're really hurting, I can feel it. What... what happened to you? Master... what did they do to you?//_

 

Jazz can't hear the conversation, of course, but he can see Laserbeak beginning to relax. And... he's noticed something else. With Soundwave's armor missing, Jazz is able to see most of the bio-light patterns that trace over Soundwave's frame. They're mostly bright, aside from a few spots that seem to be crossed by scars. However, with Soundwave's hunched posture, he can see two spots low on the spymaster's back that are very dull, almost as if the lights there were dead. And- what are those lights surrounding? Hmm... he's familiar with that pattern of circuitry, from seeing it on Blaster a couple of times in the washracks. Those are symbiote docks... but they look like something is wrong with them. And their location- 

Oh. Those two spots are where Rumble and Frenzy used to dock. No wonder they're dead. But... the dead look extends a bit further around them. And... something has just occurred to him. 

Back on Cybertron, when Soundwave still had all his symbiotes, the spymaster was considerably bulkier. But, as he lost his little ones, he lost the majority of his thick plating and gained the streamlined form he had today. Jazz had thought it was simply to keep his frame balanced, since he would have looked odd if he was bulky only in some spots, but the saboteur had wondered why Soundwave didn't just cover the abandoned ports with thick plating in order to keep his heavy defenses. But... maybe that isn't it. It doesn't look like the plating there could support anything, let alone Soundwave's former thick plating... maybe he simply wasn't physically capable of supporting more armor. 

A Cybertronian's plating was just as alive as the rest of them. The color came from nanites that swarmed over it, and their self-repair nanites lived throughout it. Because of that, their plating had to be supplied with energy, and energon in the thicker plates. If those areas were as dead as they looked, it might not be possible for Soundwave to wear any thick plating over them at all. It would explain his general lack of armor... and it served to emphasize why he was so very protective of Laserbeak.

"Hey, spook." Jazz hums, picking up a thick blanket and slowly moving toward the slender mech. "Now, I'm not gonna hurt you, and I know you don' want me touching you... I'm just goin' to put this blanket over you, okay? Jus' gonna try to help you calm down..." he explains, carefully draping the blanket over everything below Soundwave's shoulders, then backs up and sits down a short distance away. "There we go. Tha's all I'm doing... I won't touch you, an' I won't try to take Beaky away." 

 

Soundwave glances over his shoulder, warily staring up at Jazz until the saboteur backs away, then slowly relaxes until he's curled up against the padded wall with Laserbeak hugged to his chassis. No. He's not going to tell Laserbeak what happened... he can't. He just... he can't talk about it. Not with Laserbeak... not with anyone. 

He can't.

 

Laserbeak quivers slightly, broadcasting sudden horror over the bond as she connects Soundwave's replaced chassis armor with the meaning of the soul-deep  _hurt_ that her master can't manage to hide. Oh. Oh Primus,  _no._ _//M-Master? They... they... h-hurt you...//_ she whispers, then shakily nuzzles up against her host's chassis, trying to soothe away the broken attempt at denial.  _//Master, no, don't- no-//_

Soundwave is broadcasting a shaky feeling of hurt over the bond, but worse than that, Laserbeak can feel a roiling ball of self-loathing coiled in the back of her host's mind. She's never felt this much self-disgust from him, never anything close to it... she's familiar with the feeling, but it's never been anywhere near this  _strong._ And it  _hurts,_ Pit it hurts, and she'll do  _anything_ to get rid of it- but she doesn't know what to do, and Soundwave won't let her in so she can find out-  _//I- Master- l-let me in, please. You're not okay. I... I don't know how to help, but I need... l-let me help. Please.//_

 

Soundwave shutters his optics and shivers all over, then very slowly succumbs to his little one's pleas and fuly unblocks the link, trilling softly in a weak plea for her not to look. He- he doesn't want anyone else to know what happened. But... she's going to find out eventually... there's no way he can block her out forever. And... right now, he needs his little one, needs her as close to him as possible.  _//I... you're right.//_ he whispers over their bond, trembling slightly at Laserbeak's first cautious probe into his mind.  _I'm not okay..._

 

Laserbeak doesn't dig deep. Soundwave trusts her, but he still doesn't like having his mind probed into. He much prefers to show things to his symbiotes, as opposed to having them poke around on their own. He doesn't mind them probing around on the surface, either, but probing into his deeper memories is more invasive than he likes... and these memories are shoved as far back into Soundwave's mind as he can manage. And... she doesn't want a close look at these, they HURT. But it doesn't take much for her to get the gist of what happened, and... and it's  _bad._ Bad enough that she quickly retreats, mentally and physically shuddering in horror at what happened to her host.  _//M-Master...//_ she whispers, unable to find the words to express what she's feeling. She doesn't need to, though... he can feel it.  _  
_

 

Soundwave shivers and huddles further into himself, trying to escape Laserbeak's pain and horror. It hurts, it hurts a  _lot,_ and it's only serving to increase just how disgusted he feels with himself. Curling tighter into a ball, the spymaster presses both servos to his chassis, claws scratching weakly at the new plating in a half-instinctive attempt to get rid of the feeling of disgust that's clinging to his spark. He wants it to go away- it hurts, and it just keeps increasing.

 

Jazz tilts his helm slightly, his attention suddenly caught by the scrape of metal on metal, then quickly moves over and places a servo on Soundwave's arm. "Hey, spook- stop that, you're going to- ow!" 

 

For reasons he's not quite certain of, Soundwave's first reaction to the touch is to bite Jazz. The saboteur's servo is close enough to his faceplates for it to be possible, and... somehow it seems like the right thing to do. It's probably not. But, wise choice or not, it's his instinctive reaction- and now his dentae are firmly fastened into the Autobot's fingers. Well. This is awkward. What, exactly, is he supposed to do now? 

 

"Um." Jazz blinks, staring down at the spymaster, then attempts to tug his servo away. "Spook, I kinda need that. And yer dentae are sharp. Lemme go?" he requests, deciding to take a fairly gentle route here. No sense in yelling at Soundwave- he really shouldn't have startled the slender mech anyway. "And- whatever you were trying to do to yourself, don't do it. Yer gonna hurt yourself, an' I'm pretty sure that's exactly what I'm here to prevent." 

 

Yes, Jazz can have his servo back. Even if the saboteur does taste... oddly good.  _Why do you taste nice?_

Soundwave releases Jazz's servo, giving an apologetic little click, then ducks his helm and apprehensively stares up at the Autobot. Uh oh. He just bit Jazz... he's probably going to get in trouble for that. A lot of trouble. That's... that's not something he can get away with. "Prr?" he ventures, slowly raising an arm in a defensive gesture meant to (hopefully) shield the delicate plating over his sparkplates. And also his face. The last mech he bit decided to pull out several of his dentae- which was both unnerving and very painful. He'd really rather avoid that... 

 

"Easy, spook, I'm not mad at you. I shouldn't've startled ya... sorry about that. I was just tryin' to stop you from clawing your own chassis open... what was up with that, anyway? I'd think you'd wanna keep that armor... does something hurt?" Jazz asks softly, slowly reaching out again- but he doesn't touch, not yet. Instead, he carefully hovers one servo just above the spymaster's arm, trying to coax him to lower his arm a bit and let Jazz get a look. "Is somethin' damaged? Do I need to call Ratchet?" 

 

PIT no. Soundwave's fine, he doesn't need a medic, and bothering Ratchet for no good reason seems like a very bad idea- definitely don't do that. Soundwave shivers at the thought of enraging the medic, then shakes his helm and slowly lowers his arm, allowing Jazz to look him over. He doesn't want to, but... he needs to obey, needs to keep Jazz in a good mood. Even if that means watching the Autobot's optics trail over his frame... watching Jazz's optics settle on the damage he's just caused to his own chassis plating... 

_NO- STOP LOOKING AT ME-_

Shuddering, the spymaster tucks himself into a smaller ball, though he forces himself not to hide- Jazz doesn't want him to hide. He manages to keep his chassis uncovered, but that's about it- the saboteur won't stop  _looking_ at him, and he can't- he can't do this. 

 

_Now... why are you doin' that to yourself? Looks like you're tryin' to get something off, but there's nothing there..._

Jazz looks Soundwave over for a moment, then notices the thoroughly unhappy expression on the spymaster's faceplates and sighs, shoving a large cushion towards the spymaster. "Here- hide all you want. I'm not gonna drag you out of there. Just- keep your claws off of yourself, okay? I'm not sure what you're doin' that for, but I can't let you claw your own chassis open. I'm not gonna hurt you, but... I will figure out some way to dull those claws if I have to. What... what were you trying to do, anyw-" 

_Hang on a tic. I have seen someone do that before, but not with their chassis... I've seen people do that after- after they've been... oh._

"Oh, Primus..." Jazz hisses, then makes an effort to hide his expression when the spymaster whines softly and curls into a tighter ball.  _Aaand he very much didn't want me to know that. Can't blame him, poor mech... and no wonder he was looking about like he'd prefer to crawl out of his own chassis. Now..._ //Ratchet? Soundwave's lookin' real uncomfortable with his own frame right about now... any suggestions on how to get him calmed down a bit? Uh- bonus points if it doesn't involve me looking at him. He's trying to hide behind his own arms. And- it's kinda working, he's like 50% arm without all his armor on.// 

 

Soundwave bares his fangs in a gesture of extreme discomfort, then ducks behind the offered cushion, accepting any bit of privacy he can get. In addition to curling up in the corner, he tucks his helm down and flares his spines, cradling Laserbeak close and doing his best to protect both himself and her. And- and now Jazz knows what happened to him- slaggit, no, he doesn't want anyone else to know about this. It adds to the roiling ball of  _hurt_ that clings to his spark, and- and there's no way Jazz has any respect for him whatsoever after this. 

 

 _"STOP UPSETTING MY MASTER!"_ Laserbeak squeals, wiggling loose and launching herself at Jazz. It's not full strength, though, she's not trying to actually injure him- she just wants Jazz to go away, and slamming into his chassis might make that clear. He can't understand her, most likely, but hopefully she can get her general point across. Unfortunately, her flight path is a bit off.

 

//Offer him a shower, but- hang on. Where, exactly, is he looking uncomfortable with?//

 

//Spark chamber. Ratchet... he was spark-raped, wasn't he?//

 

//I'm not gonna bother denying it. And- if it's his chassis he's feeling uncomfortable with, you probably shouldn't offer him a shower. That might not end well. Just... distract him. Give him something to do, preferably something that involves a lot of strategy. And COMM Patches for anything else non-emergency, I'm prepping someone for surgery.//

 

//Got it-// "Ow!" 

Jazz instinctively bats at the flying symbiote, but he's not quite in time to stop her from slapping him in the face. Grabbing the small thing, he leans his helm away from the angrily chattering symbiote, then sets her down near Soundwave before the spymaster freaks out. "Oi- don't yell at me, I can't understand ya. Look- sit still, look up at me, and talk slower, an' I'll have a decent shot at understanding you."

 

Laserbeak flails unhappily, then backs up, perching near Soundwave in order to keep him from freaking out again. Tilting her helm slightly, she looks up at Jazz, then speaks as clearly as she can manage.  _"I said, stop. Upsetting. My. Master."_ she growls- or, at least, angrily chirps. Growling is not something she is capable of.  _"And stop looking at him. He doesn't like it. But he's not going to tell you that, because he thinks you're going to hurt him if he does something wrong. And- if you hurt him, I'll claw your optics out! I don't care if you took my lasers, I will PERMANENTLY BLIND YOU if you do anything wrong-"_

 

Jazz shifts to sit cross-legged in a fairly casual manner, looking down at Laserbeak and deliberately keeping his optics away from Soundwave. "I'm not tryin' to upset him. I'd leave him alone, but he's kinda scratching himself up pretty badly... I'm here to be sure he doesn't hurt himself, I can't let him do that. But I'm not intentionally upsetting him... and I'm not going to hurt him. I didn't quite get the last part, but I got the gist... and there's no need to threaten me. Soundwave, I am not going to hurt you." he sighs, briefly glancing over towards Soundwave, then looks back down at Laserbeak. "In fact, I want to calm him down... got any idea how I can do that?" he asks softly, then slowly reaches out and places one fingertip carefully under Laserbeak's helm, coaxing her to meet his optics. "Hey- what can I do to help?" 

 

 _//Tell him to go away.//_ Soundwave whispers, digging his claws into a pillow in an attempt to keep himself from clawing at his chassis. Jazz threatened to restrain him if he did that, and he does NOT want to be any more helpless- not again. But- but he needs to get  _clean,_ and he doesn't have any other options- he'll just wait for Jazz to go away, then he'll- then he can open his chassis plates and get the inside of his chamber properly cleaned. He just- he needs Jazz to leave.  _//Tell him to leave... please.//_

 

 _//Sorry, Master...//_ Laserbeak sighs, then looks up at Jazz, not pulling away from the Autobot's servo.  _"He wants you to leave, but... you should stay. Just... don't look at him."_ she orders softly, then sighs again, glancing back at Soundwave. _//Master? I think he really wants to help... is there anything he can do? You're... you're hurting, a lot. I really want to help, but... I don't know how.//_ _  
_

 

Soundwave's response is a jumbled knot of  _hurt/want to be alone/stop/don't/DON'T KNOW,_ the spymaster too hurting and upset to communicate verbally, then a wave of sudden alarm when Jazz moves towards Laserbeak. NO. He can't let Jazz hurt her- he absolutely cannot let that happen. His little one is  _his,_ and he can't risk her being hurt, can't risk letting Jazz do anything- no. 

Hissing softly, Soundwave stares up at Jazz, meeting the Autobot's optics in an attempt to be challenging. His pain and fear is very obvious in his brilliant orange-red optics, but his determination is equally visible, as is just a trace of a threat- he  _will_ hurt Jazz if the saboteur does anything wrong.

 

"I need ta prove a point, little one. Alright if I pick you up?" Jazz asks, offering Laserbeak his servos, then smiles slightly when she hops up and lands on his palm. "Thank you." he whispers, then gently pets Laserbeak's back for a moment, humming soothingly to her and Soundwave both. "Soundwave... I know why you're nervous, and... I think I understand why it's upsetting you so much to have me here. But... I can't leave you alone. I'm worried about what you're going to do to yourself. I don't think you'll intentionally hurt yourself, but... you seem upset enough to accidentally injure yourself, especially the whole chassis-clawing thing. I'm sorry I'm upsetting you even more, Soundwave..." he sighs, then moves just a bit closer, slowly holding out both servos and offering Laserbeak back. "Listen to me. I am not going to hurt you, and I am not going to hurt Laserbeak. We had our differences, but I am fully capable of setting that aside, and I have never hated you. I have severely disliked you on several occasions, but... that's it. Right now... do you know what I'm feeling towards you?" he whispers, doing his best to hold the slender mech's gaze. 

 

Soundwave cautiously reaches out, taking Laserbeak back, then hugs her to his chassis and- well, he doesn't quite meet Jazz's gaze, but he does manage to keep his optics on the other mech's chassis. Jazz sounds... quite convicted. And serious, more serious than Soundwave has ever heard. Well- excluding a few times where someone's life was in danger. Nobody's life is in danger now... right? 

And... no. He doesn't know what Jazz's feelings towards him are. Maybe... there might be some sympathy there? But... no. He doesn't know what else. Slowly, the spymaster shakes his helm, then clicks very softly at Jazz. He's... not great with emotions. He knows fear and anger, knows how to read what he needs to know about people in order to figure out how to pull all their strings, but... that's usually all he needs.  _  
_

 

"Well... sympathy, for one." Jazz hums, smiling soothingly and hoping to keep Soundwave's attention on him. "I'm not sure if you want that, but... you got it. That's not all, though... know what else? Admiration." he hums, then perks his doorwings slightly at the  _very_ confused look that earns him.  _That's a start... fraggin' confused is better than curled up in a shaking ball._ "Yeah, you heard me right. Admiration. Because you have been through Pit and back, twice, and you are still sane. You're hurting, and you're scared, but you're sane. I've seen mechs who've been through a quarter of that who are just shut down completely, blank optics, never gonna snap out of it... completely broken. You aren't. You're in really bad shape, but... you're not broken. You survived, and... you're gonna be okay." 

 

_Broken._

He can't stand being touched, can't stand being looked at, can't even manage to drag himself out of a corner, and would be clawing his own chassis open if Jazz hadn't threatened to restrain him. Broken seems like the right word. Which means admiration is useless. And he doesn't deserve sympathy, he's  _disgusting,_ he doesn't deserve this much time and energy and effort- 

Soundwave goes completely limp against the wall, staring dully in Jazz's general direction and trying to shut down again. The world isn't worth staying conscious. He doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want to be in his own frame. 

Except... except Laserbeak is staring up at him with worried optics, pulsing soft little attempts at comfort over their bond, trying to help him... he's scaring her by doing this. He's... he's upsetting his little one. No, he doesn't want... he doesn't want this. She... she needs him to be calm. So... he needs to come up with some way to at least distract himself. Or- maybe... maybe Jazz can distract him.  _//Little one... tell Jazz that, if he wants to help me, he... he needs to be distracting. I... I don't want to think.//_

 

Laserbeak coos softly, then flitters gently up against Soundwave's frame in a comforting manner or a moment or two before turning to look at Jazz.  _"He says you can help by distracting him. But- not like being loud and annoying. Maybe... find a game or something? He might like video games. Do you have any smart-people video games that aren't just loud shooting? Like- the exploring kind. Fighting is okay, just... maybe not a whole lot of loud noise and stuff. Might be a bit much."_ she decided, blinking up at Jazz and hoping that the saboteur will help. She rather likes Jazz, honestly. He's never seemed like a bad mech, and... he's actually treated them fairly well. On the very rare occasions when Jazz managed to catch either Soundwave or his symbiotes, he'd always made sure that no one seriously messed with them, and he'd never done anything major himself. He liked to paint things on the symbiotes or cover them in glitter, but that was the worst he'd done. And, when he'd managed to catch Soundwave a few times, he hadn't even done that. He'd spent one session poking Soundwave in various places (mostly glowy places), but he'd never touched anywhere he really shouldn't, he'd just been curious. 

Given his general lack of true animosity towards them, as well as the sincerity in Jazz's voice and expression, Laserbeak genuinely trusts the saboteur not to hurt them. He... really seems like he's trying to help. 

 

"Might have a few things... hang on, I got an idea. You keep an optic on him, okay? I gotta go get a few things. You be sure he doesn't hurt himself." Jazz orders, looking down at Laserbeak for confirmation, then hops up and jogs out of the room. "Be right back!" he calls, hoping he can retrieve everything he needs to before Soundwave gets too upset. 

 

A few minutes later, he's back, and he sits back down in his spot. "Okay, spook... you get comfortable. Curl up, hide as much as you want... I just need you to be able to see out and reach out, I don't need to see you. Okay?" Jazz coaxes, then pushes another cushion and a blanket in Soundwave's direction, attempting to offer him a bit more cover. 

 

Soundwave blinks dully at him, then tucks himself further into a ball and slowly pulls everything he can reach up over his frame. After a few minutes of tucking blankets and pillows around his frame, he's managed to cover himself almost completely, and he's tucked Laserbeak up against his stomach to keep her comfortable. Okay, this... is a bit better. But... what does Jazz want from him? The saboteur obviously wants  _something,_ but... what? Is he genuinely trying to be distracting? Soundwave blinks, dully watching the spymaster, then tilts his helm slightly as Jazz begins to set up the game board. Oh. Jazz wants to... play against him? That... that could work. 

 

"Here ya go, spook. Let's play a round or two... okay?" Jazz coaxes softly, nudging the game board a bit closer, then offers the spymaster a bowl of energon treats. "Here, I got snacks. You can have some if you want 'em, they're really good." he offers, then smiles encouragingly when the slender mech cautiously takes one of the treats. "That's it." he whispers, then takes one of the treats for himself, popping it into his mouth in a casual display that they aren't drugged. "You get first move, spook."

 

Soundwave inspects the treat for a moment, tilting his helm, then pops the little blue sphere into his mouth and somewhat cautiously sucks on it for a moment. Hmm. Not bad, though the shell is a bit too hard and slick for his lik- 

The spymaster bites down on the treat with his back dentae, then gives a muffled noise of surprise when it cracks open. Oh. Soundwave's optics widen slightly, then he relaxes a bit and hums softly to himself, savoring the liquid core of the candy. The shell dissolves quickly across his glossa, which only serves to further heighten the taste of the core, and- well, it's no wonder Jazz likes these. They're  _very_ good. "Prr..." 

 

"See? Good. They're from that li'l medic, Patches... he's a candy-making genius. I think he freezes the cores to coat them. Wouldn't know, though, he won't give away his secrets. He gives a lot of these away for free, to help keep people happy, but he does put a price on the real fancy ones- he's busy. Thing is, people like 'em so much that those are in real high demand... he's gonna be the richest mech on Cybertron at this rate." Jazz hums, smiling softly, then picks up another candy and just absentmindedly licks it as he waits for Soundwave's move. 

 

Soundwave watches Jazz for a moment, checking him for any hint of a threat, then looks down at the game board and makes his move. Just a small probe with a highly expendable piece... something fairly simple. He'll just... test what Jazz's strategy might be. This seems fairly safe... Jazz isn't the sore loser type, and this is a fairly unaggressive game. Not something that's likely to get Jazz wound up. 

The lanky mech gradually settles into the bundle of blankets and pillows, leaning against the padded wall, optics dimmed a few shades as he watches the game board. This... isn't so bad. It's warm and soft and comfortable... but he still hurts. He still hurts, a lot- 

Hang on now, what is Jazz doing with that move? That... that looks like a very easy way to lose. It looks like Jazz is leaving a major opening, but... that can't be right. Must be a trap. Soundwave isn't buying it. 

 

Jazz's optics glint slightly behind his visor when Soundwave's optics go from hurting to slightly confused and quite focused, then he smiles just slightly when the spymaster doesn't go for the opening.  _Clever mech._ _  
_

 

 

Quite some time later, Jazz stretches his back, then chuckles softly as he looks down at the board. "Your move..." he sighs, doorwings lowering just slightly in mild resignation. He's lost. Soundwave's cornered him quite thoroughly, via a combination of quiet pressure and the occasional trap. "You sure you haven't played this before today?" 

 

Soundwave shakes his helm slightly, nudging a piece forwards, then cautiously reaches out and snags Jazz's primary base piece. Humming very softly, he withdraws slightly, then turns it over in his servos for a moment and inspects it. Hmm... that's interesting. It's specifically carved, and it looks quite a bit like Jazz's computer banks in the command center. Must be a custom piece... the pieces on Soundwave's side just loosely resemble a computer console, but none in particular. Wait- is it okay for him to be holding this? Some mechs are quite touchy about their things- 

 

"You're a natural... can't say I'm surprised." Jazz chuckles, then sighs at the apprehensive look in the spymaster's optics. "What? Oh- 's okay, I'm not a sore loser. And you're welcome to get a better look at those, I don't mind. Besides... I'm not gonna hurt you if you do something wrong, worst I'll do is yell at ya." he soothes, his optics soft as he watches the nervous mech in front of him. "I'm not gonna hurt ya... I promise." the saboteur hummed, beginning to reset the game board, then paused and narrowed his optics slightly when he saw Soundwave looking down at something. "What're you looking at- oh."

 

Soundwave had just noticed a data-pad Jazz had left nearby. It had a picture of a mech on it, and... and that mech was painfully familiar. That was the mech who'd chained him up in the first place... and had then established exactly what they were going to be doing to him. That was  _not_ a good mech. And- why did Jazz have a data-pad with _that_ mech on it? What was he- was he planning something? 

The spymaster flared his spines out in a gesture of extreme nervousness, his optics flickering between Jazz and the data-pad, then clicked softly and set the game piece back on the board, retreating back into his corner. 

 

"Hmm? Oh-" Jazz picks up the data-pad, then sighs softly at how upset the spymaster looks. "Easy- I'm not planning anything. I have a list of people who might have been involved in... hurting you... and I was planning to show you the list and ask if any of them looked familiar. But I don't think you're in any mental shape to do that, so... we'll just set it aside for now. Though, real quick-" 

Turning the data-pad around, he shows the picture to Soundwave again, just to be sure. "You sure that's one of 'em?" 

 

That's definitely one of them. Soundwave hisses through bared dentae, nodding slightly, then draws himself up and reaches out for the data-pad. No. He can do this- he's in good enough shape to look at pictures. Or, at least, he needs to act like he is- he can't possibly be _that_ broken. Taking the data-pad, Soundwave flicks through a couple more pictures without finding anyone- then goes tense all over and drops the data-pad. 

After a moment of staying so tense that a few joints whine in protest, Soundwave goes completely limp against the wall, optics shuttering, not responding despite Laserbeak's anxious chirping. 

 

"Ah Pit." Jazz mutters, then glances over his shoulder when a small screen on the wall buzzes and flickers on to show someone standing at his door. "Oh, that's convenient... Soundwave, stay right there, I'll be right back-" he calls, already up and moving towards the door. 

A minute later, he's back, ushering a tiny orange mech with him. "-so, yeah, he's shutting down again and I'm not certain if I'm gonna scare him even more by trying to get him responsive again. You're about as not intimidating as it's possible to be, and you're the expert with this kinda thing- see what you can do." 

 

Rung had been intending to discuss some things with Jazz, but his priorities shifted the second Jazz started explaining his problem. Humming softly, he slowly moves towards Soundwave, then kneels a short distance away from the slender mech. "Hello, Soundwave... can you hear me?" he whispers softly, then hums soothingly and moves just a bit closer, waiting for a response. 

 

Yes, he can hear. Doesn't want to. Doesn't want to be here, going to be hurt, going to be- 

But that's such a gentle little voice... that's not the mech he's afraid of. Who is that? Soundwave slowly opens his optics, just a bit, then immediately shuts them again at the sight of someone so close to him. No. He won't look- looking up at them makes it worse, lets them see the fear and pain in his optics, lets them know what to do to hurt him worst- no- can't- can't look- don't look, don't move, don't do anything but just lay still and try not to make any noise or it gets worse-

 

"Soundwave, you have my apologies for touching you without permission, but I think you need something to ground you. So... I'm going to take your servo. If it upsets you at all, please, let me know." Rung hums softly, then reaches out and very gently takes Soundwave's servo in both of his. Humming soothingly, he just holds the slender claws for a moment, then begins to rub gently between the spymaster's fingers. Normally he'd try something like stroking a patient's palm, but Soundwave doesn't have palms, so hopefully rubbing around the bases of Soundwave's fingers will produce a similar result. Also, hopefully the spymaster won't attack him. That would end badly. 

 

Jazz has been staying back out of the way, but he now quickly moves over to Rung with a blanket, kneeling and wrapping it firmly around the little mech. Tucking the blanket under Rung's arms, he checks to be sure it won't slip, then backs away again and tries to be as unthreatening as possible. "Sorry. Jus' remembered that the whole spark-glow thing might freak him out." 

 

W-why is- why is this mech petting his servo? That... that feels nice. Nice isn't... isn't something that happens _here._ Unless... 

Soundwave cautiously opens one optic, just a bit, and looks around for a moment. This isn't- oh. This... this is Jazz's apartment. Not... not _there._  This is somewhere... at least reasonably safe. And... who's rubbing his servo? It... it feels good. Soundwave's claws twitch slightly, then he slowly opens his optics all the way, raising an optic ridge in mild confusion as he sees the tiny mech in front of him. Who is- oh, he knows who this tiny thing is. Rung. Autobot psychiatrist, often overlooked- and that puts him at the top of Soundwave's list of people to be aware of without quite being afraid of them. Anyone who's usually overlooked overhears a lot, and a psychiatrist knows everyone's weaknesses. And... this little mech is probably here to interrogate him, but... but he's still petting Soundwave's servo, and it's really nice, and- 

And then Rung moves, the blanket falls away, and a very familiar blue glow becomes visible. 

_No._

Primus, no, not again- no no no no-  _please-_

Soundwave shrieks in outright panic, scrambling backwards until he hits the wall, then whines low in his throat and goes completely limp again. His optics stay wide open, but they darken to near-black, and his face is a mask of frozen terror.  _No no no no-_

 

Laserbeak squeals in fright, then flutters rapidly against Soundwave's chassis, trying to snap him out. When that fails, she flitters over and lands in Rung's lap, chattering anxiously up at him.  _"I don't know who you are but you seem nice and you're unarmed and HELP I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO-"_

 

"Shh-" Rung sooths, gently placing a servo on Laserbeak's back, then looks up at Jazz with a rather apologetic expression. "That looks to be some form of flashback- since I, unfortunately, seem to have triggered it, do you want to try to wake him up instead of me? I suggest you do so quickly, if so. Though, I'm not certain what I might have done to-" 

The tiny mech trails off, his optics settling on the newly-uncovered scratches on Soundwave's chassis plating, then he sighs softly and tugs the blanket up to cover his own chassis again. "Oh. Well, that... would explain it." 

 

"He doesn't trust me, and I don' think I should be touching him- I'll probably make it worse. Look- yer tiny and harmless, just tuck that blanket up higher and get him calmed down." Jazz encouraged, tugging the blanket up further on Rung's frame, then nudged him in Soundwave's direction and backed away again. "It's either that or we get Optimus to come calm him down... I know a few things about Soundwave that not many other people know, an' one of those things is he really likes Optimus' voice. Can't blame him." 

 

"I'll do my best." Rung sighs softly, then scoots over and sits down next to Soundwave, humming soothingly and wrapping the edge of a blanket around his servo. Very gently, he begins to stroke little circles and meaningless patterns across the flat of Soundwave's lower arm, then presses a bit harder and traces the glyph for  _safe_ several times. "Soundwave, I'm terribly sorry that I frightened you. I won't harm you, I promise... my spark chamber isn't open, that's just the design of my chassis." he explains softly, on the off chance that Soundwave can hear him, then reaches down with his free servo and continues rubbing between the slender claws. Hopefully, the tactile sensations will help to ground the spymaster in reality again. "Soundwave, can you hear me? My name is Rung, and I'm a psychiatric therapist. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise... I'm only here to help. Now, you're having a flashback... whatever you're looking at isn't real. You're safe now, I promise... you're safe." 

After a few moments of stroking the spymaster's arm and whispering soothing things over and over, Rung is rewarded by the sight of Soundwave's optics flickering back online. However, the slender mech doesn't move, and his cooling fans are still running at a speed and tone that indicate extreme distress. 

Rung hums soothingly, then smiles and gently pats Soundwave's arm. "That's it, Soundwave. Keep your optics open. Now... could you look around, please? I'm not certain what you think is happening to you, but if you can register that your surroundings aren't what you think, it'll help you snap out of it." he explains softly, then gently resumes petting the spymaster's arm with the soft cloth, trying to offer a gentle touch that won't be mistaken for anything aggressive or suggestive. "Now, Jazz, could you please change the music to something a bit softer and turn it down? Just move slowly, please, and don't come towards us- he might misinterpret it, in his current state."

 

"Will do." Jazz chirps, hopping up, then slowly moves over to the speakers and turns them down. "Lemme see... soft, soft... ah, here we go. Classical." he mutters, switching the music over, then glances back over his shoulder and shivers. "Not sure if ya can see it, but... he's just starin' into space. I swear to Primus, even with his optics lit, he looks like a dead mech."  _Probably because he looks like something horrible just happened to him. Which I suppose it did, and... if he's havin' a flashback, he thinks it's still happening._

_I need to get the mechs who did this to him._

 

"Thank you." Rung hums, then smiles when Soundwave's narrow claws close slowly around his servo. "Ah, so you're aware of me now. That's good, Soundwave, that's very good. Now... can you hear me?" he asks softly, his voice soft and soothing as he continues trying to wake Soundwave from whatever has the spymaster in its grip. 

 

Who... who is that? 

Where is he? 

Soundwave blinks for the first time in several minutes, then looks around the room, realizing (again) that he's not in any danger. And... and no one is pawing at his interface equipment, no one is forcing his mouth open, no one is touching his  _spark-_ Soundwave shudders, then pauses, looking down at the little servos that have been stroking over his arm. Oh. Little mech. Tiny mech. But- but that's the mech who- 

_What are you-_

 

"Hello there." Rung croons, then gently pats the spymaster's arm, deciding to maintain the touch since Soundwave isn't pulling away from him. "Please don't be nervous. I won't hurt you, I promise. I'm a psychiatric therapist, and I came here intending to talk to Jazz about a few things. He told me that you were in distress, and asked me if I could try to help. And... I'm afraid I may have upset you more, accidentally. The plating over my spark chamber is transparent, and I think you may have thought that my chassis plating was absent. Or, I suppose it's possible that the glow triggered a memory. I sincerely apologize for that- I was unaware that my chassis design might be triggering. I have no intentions of harming you, Soundwave... I was born with an unconventional frame design, that's all. I kept it because it tends to calm my patients somewhat when they see that I'm not built to hurt anyone or take damage." 

 

 _//He's telling the truth.//_ Laserbeak chirrups, gently sending Soundwave an image of Rung when he'd first walked in- with emphasis on the little mech's chassis design.  _//Hey... a-are you okay?//_ she ventured, frightened by what had just happened. Soundwave had slammed the bond shut, so she hadn't been able to comfort him, and- and he'd almost looked dead. It... it had really scared her. 

 

Soundwave sends a general feeling of  _okay now/all fine/shh_ back over their link at her, then tilts his helm and blinks at Rung, looking the little mech over. Slowly, he reaches out towards the blanket over Rung's chassis, then draws back and glances down and away when he realizes that he doesn't want a psychiatrist looking into his optics. Or anyone, but- especially not a psychiatrist. However... the little mech doesn't seem like a threat, and... and he wants to get a look at Rung's chassis. Just to be sure. 

 

"Oh... you'd like to see for yourself, then? Go ahead." Rung hums, relaxing and allowing Soundwave to do whatever he wanted. He doesn't move the blanket himself, though... better to let Soundwave do it. And... hopefully he isn't about to trigger another flashback. It seems unlikely, since he isn't about to startle Soundwave, but... it's a possibility. "I have no objections. I have this blanket here because I was trying to avoid further upsetting you, not for anything to do with me." 

 

Soundwave nervously licks his lips, then slowly reaches out and pulls the blanket down. He instinctively flinches away at the familiar blue glow of someone's spark, but- no. This is nothing to be afraid of. This is a tiny mech with next to no shielding over his spark. And... it's honestly kind of fascinating. Rung's spark is shielded by thick layers of glass, and the glass is just opaque enough that Soundwave can't see the little mech's spark itself, just the glow... but it's still rather interesting. And... and Rung is so  _defenseless._ No armor, no weapons, no protection over even the most vital parts of his frame... Soundwave could kill him in so many ways without any weapons whatsoever. But... he doesn't want to. This defenseless little mech is petting his arm and trying to calm him down, being gentle, and... and that soft blue glow is honestly kind of fascinating. The spymaster slowly raises his unoccupied servo, reaching towards the thick glass, then freezes with his fingertips barely an inch from Rung's chassis when he realizes what he's doing.

 

"The glass is filtered so I'm not constantly flashing everyone." Rung hums, seeing the look of interest in Soundwave's optics, then smiles reassuringly when the slender mech freezes. "No, it's alright... you can touch, Soundwave. I don't have any objections, and I'm willing to let you do just about anything you'd like, if it'll help you relax. I doubt you intend to harm me." 

 

Soundwave pauses, meeting Rung's optics for a moment, then slowly places his fingertips against the smooth glass. Oh, that's... that's very interesting. He can feel a soft buzz of energy against his fingertips, and... he can feel Rung's sparkbeat. And... and Rung is letting him do this. Soundwave could break the glass and snuff out Rung's spark in an instant, if he wanted to, but... the psychiatrist isn't afraid. Soundwave can't see Rung's optics behind those little round glasses, but he can see everything else, and the little mech's expression is open and unafraid. It's... it's fascinating. Soundwave tilts his helm slightly, then churrs very softly and traces one fingertip in a circle over the smooth glass. This... this is very interesting. 

 

"You like that? It's a common source of fascination... a lot of people seem to be very interested by my lack of defenses. I suppose it's a very rare thing to see now... is that what has your interest?" Rung asks, getting an absentminded nod in return, then gestures slightly towards the bright spot of light on the spymaster's upper chassis. "Though- you do seem to have something similar. I'm guessing that isn't what it looks like? It seems a bit high..." he ventures, his voice as soft and gentle as he can manage. 

 

Hmm? Oh, right- that glowing area. No, that's not a spark window. Soundwave lightly touches one of his bio-lights with his free servo, then gestures slightly towards his chassis, playing a set of recordings quickly spliced together. "Decoy. Mechs aim there, hit wrong. Easy targets." he explains, then returns his attention to Rung's frame, looking the little mech over.  _How did you survive the war?_

Soundwave doesn't realize it, but his own curiosity is keeping him from shutting down again. Rung is interesting, and Soundwave's interest is keeping him from realizing just how upset and frightened he is- or rather, was. He's far too interested to be upset. Rung is a frametype he hasn't seen in a very long time, and... he's never met a mech who isn't armed, or at least heavily armored. Rung barely comes up to Soundwave's chassis, and he's so slender... tiny fragile thing. Soundwave almost wants to pick him up and look him over more thoroughly... except he's not certain how he feels about having a psychiatrist around. Psychiatrists know how to read people, and... Soundwave has no visor, very little plating... he doesn't want to be around anyone right now, because everyone can read him, and- and a psychiatrist can open his mind up and read every single thought. He doesn't want that. But- Rung is interesting. And... and he's little, and that...

Little mechs make his protective instincts surge. Rung is tiny and sweet and  _delicate,_ and he's giving off all the right signals- Soundwave can't be sure if it's a desire to care for symbiotes or a desire to care for sparklings, but he wants to pull Rung close and wrap him up in a blanket and keep him away from everything dangerous- 

And he's moved to do so before he can stop himself, putting an arm around Rung and tugging him closer, but he stops the second he realizes what he's doing. Oh. Oops. He probably shouldn't be- why is Rung not protesting? 

 

Rung gets a glimpse of a somewhat familiar look in Soundwave's optics before the spymaster tries to pull him closer, and he puts up absolutely no protest. He knows that look... it signals a certain set of instincts kicking in. Soundwave wants to protect him. And he knows why... he's interacted with symbiote hosts before, and any hosts who've had reasonably mech-like symbiotes tend to be drawn to him. They see him as another symbiote, almost, as something to shield and protect. Given that Soundwave has lost symbiotes, this doesn't surprise Rung in the slightest. And, if Soundwave wants to pick him up or just hold him close, he has no objections.

Scooting just a tiny bit closer, Rung looks up at Soundwave with his body language open and inviting, antennae perked up slightly as he watches the spymaster. "You'd like to hold me? Go right ahead, I don't mind. I prefer to have people ask before moving me, but I have no objections. I know my frame-type tends to appeal to symbiote hosts, and like I said, I'm willing to do just about anything that might help you relax. Well- anything that doesn't involve removing plating or hurting anyone, and I doubt you have any requests along those lines. So- do whatever you'd like. I'll let you know if you cross any lines, but you aren't likely to." 

 

Should he? Soundwave blinks, looking down at Rung for a moment, then very slowly pulls the smaller mech closer. He doesn't pull Rung into his lap, but he does tuck the smaller mech up against his side, sheltering the tiny frame with his arm. Oh, there... that's comfortable. There's a blanket between himself and Rung, but he can still feel the small frame against him and... the little mech is warm. Soundwave blinks, then hums very softly, relaxing against the padded wall. He only manages to relax for a moment, though- and then he notices that Jazz is moving towards him. Wait, wait- 

What is Jazz doing now?

 

"Hey, spook." Jazz hums, then kneels a short distance away from the spymaster's pile of blankets and pillows, holding a small stack of board games. "You feeling a bit better?" he ventures, ready to back away immediately if it's needed but trying to help comfort the spymaster if he can. "I got a few more games... interested?" he coaxes, his body language relaxed and as friendly as he can manage. "Some of these are three-player..." 

 

Soundwave eyes him for a moment, then nods just a little bit in response. Yes... he's feeling a bit better. He's not trapped in a waking nightmare, at least. But... but he's exhausted, and he can't help feeling rather ashamed of himself for panicking about something utterly harmless, and... he doesn't feel good. Not really. There are still shadows racing around in the back of his mind, shadows of pain and fear and hurt and  _rough claws forcing his legs apart, prying his chassis open, pawing at exposed joints and protoform-_

 

Rung notices Soundwave starting to shut down again, and he immediately resumes petting the spymaster's arm, humming soothingly and trying to keep him in the present. "Easy, Soundwave, easy... you're alright now. It's safe here, so... please try to stay here with me. Keep your optics open, please?" 

 

Soundwave shivers all over, then shakes his helm and manages to snap himself out of the rising darkness, though not without difficulty. He doesn't want to go back to the darkness, doesn't want to be afraid, but- but the darkness wants him back. He's clinging at the edge of an abyss, and he doesn't know what's waiting for him if he falls, but- but it's bad, it's very bad, and he's  _scared._

 

Rung hums soothingly, then pulls a small tin of candies out of subspace and flips it open. Casually popping one candy into his mouth, he offers the container to Soundwave, his optics soft and earnest behind his glasses. "Here, Soundwave... have a sweet. I've found that chewing on something edible can help to keep someone in the present, partially because the taste is usually something that isn't present in whatever memory is trying to surface. It's alright, you can take some... I have these specifically to help people relax, though I'll admit I have a fairly strong taste for them myself." 

 

Soundwave would normally be skeptical of being offered candy, but... Rung is tiny. If the sweets were drugged, Rung would succumb to the drug far before Soundwave did. And... if it might keep him out of the darkness, he'll risk it. Soundwave cautiously takes one of the sweets, inspecting it for a moment, then nibbles lightly on the crystallized energon. Oh, that's nice... the taste is light but fairly strong, and it gives him something nice to focus on. Soundwave hums very softly, then takes a bigger bite of the candy, turning his attention to Jazz. Hmm. The spymaster is offering to play a game? Well... alright. Soundwave isn't certain if he wants to come out, but... Jazz is actually fairly close to him, and... they can probably play a game without Soundwave coming out from under all of the assorted soft things he's hiding in. Okay. Yes. 

Soundwave nods slightly, then tucks himself further down into his hiding spot, indicating that he won't be coming out. It's comfortable in here. Also, Rung is in here being small and warm and gentle. There's no reason to come out.

 

 

 

When Optimus arrives, he finds Jazz losing at yet another game. Losing badly. "Having fun?"

 

"This mech is ridiculous." Jazz complains, though he doesn't sound upset. More like amused and somewhat impressed. "This is the fourth game we've tried, and he's never seen any of 'em before. I show 'im the rulebook, we play once, an' then he wins just about every game. An' he likes it, too. Won't admit it, but I can see those spines perkin' up every time he wins." he chuckles, then glances over his shoulder when something beeps from outside the room. "That's my communications hub- gotta get that. You win again, spook!" 

 

Soundwave flicks his spines slightly, then leans forwards and places his servos on the floor, arching his back and stretching in a rather feline manner. Standing up, he stretches again, then takes a cautious step towards the door in hopes of being allowed to leave. He'd like to go back to Optimus' apartment, it's safer there. Also, Optimus is gentle and kind and lets him be alone. Though- he doesn't want Optimus to know about- 

Pulling his electric blanket tighter around himself, Soundwave hides his chassis as much as possible, though it's too late- Optimus has already seen, judging by the concerned look in his optics. Great. Now the Prime knows just how broken he is. 

 

"Come on, Soundwave- I have something to show you." Optimus hums, offering the spymaster one servo and deciding to not mention the scratch marks to him. He does, however, COMM Jazz as they're walking out the door. //Jazz? What happened to his chassis? Did he try to-//

 

//No, nothing that bad- I'd have called you. He had a bit of a freakout... think somethin' reminded him that he wasn't feelin' so good about himself. Laserbeak helped me get him calmed down- she's awake again, by the way. I think she's sleepin' now, but she was awake earlier. Yelled at me. Freaked out a bit- can't blame her. And, uh... be gentle with Soundwave, he got real upset earlier. I had a data-pad with some of those suspects, an' he got a look at it, wanted to know what it was for... I told him I thought he was too upset to go over the list, but he took it anyway- tryin' to prove something, I think. He, uh... got really freaked out by one of 'em, by RoughRider. I'm thinkin' we need to arrest that mech right now, because he did somethin' much worse than the rest. Rung turned up ta ask me a few things an'; managed to get Soundwave snapped out of it, but... poor mech had some kinda flashback. Shut down again, worse than before. Oh- Rung told me to let ya know that you should keep some kind of candy around, somethin' Soundwave knows is for him- evidently it'll help keep him grounded if he's got somethin' to chew on. He's alright now, I think, but he's kinda twitchy. Now- I'd like ta chat, but I got two different calls incoming from scouts- probably urgent.//

 

//Understood. Regarding RoughRider, take whatever action you feel is necessary- short of killing him. Optimus out.//

Optimus looks down at the slender mech following him, then very gently squeezes Soundwave's claws in a reassuring gesture, humming soothingly to him. "You're tense... I'm sorry if that didn't go well, but you definitely wouldn't have appreciated coming with me... the command center has been  _very_ crowded lately. We're working on expanding it, but that's only making it even more crowded. And it's quite loud." the Prime comments, then sighs quietly when Soundwave doesn't respond. He'd like to get Soundwave talking, or at least get the slender mech to relax a tiny bit., so he changes tactics and tries again. "Jazz tells me Laserbeak woke up... is she alright?" 

 

Soundwave glances up at Optimus, then nods slightly and rests his free servo on Laserbeak's back, lightly patting her tiny frame. Yes. She's alright, just very tired. And rather scratched. He should do something about that... but later. Right now, he should probably focus on trying to figure out exactly what he needs to do to keep Optimus happy. There  _has_ to be something the Prime wants from him, and... if he manages to keep Optimus happy, maybe he'll get to stay with the Prime instead of- he's not certain, but he doesn't want to find out. Optimus is nice, and his quarters are quiet and safe... everywhere else is probably either loud, dangerous, or both. 

Optics dimmed slightly, Soundwave follows Optimus without looking up, content (for now) to just obey and see what it is that this odd mech wants to show him. It might be interesting, and... hopefully it won't involve going somewhere. Soundwave does  _not_ want to go anywhere else, especially not without the rest of his plating. They seem to be headed back to Optimus' apartment, so... it looks like Soundwave won't have to interact with anyone else. 

 

Optimus gently coaxes the slender mech into his apartment, holding the delicate claws ever-so-gently in one servo and never using any force at all. Soundwave could very easily pull away if he wanted, Optimus is only trying to offer a bit of comfort and direction rather than taking control. He doesn't want to give Soundwave any orders or make the spymaster do anything... this is just a nonverbal request, Soundwave could refuse if he wanted to. And... hopefully the spymaster knows that. 

Walking into his apartment, Optimus carefully pries open a semi-stuck door near his room, then walks out onto a small balcony. "Here... look around." he coaxes, closing the door behind him and very gently steering Soundwave over to the edge. 

 

Soundwave places both servos on the balcony railing, optics widening just a bit as he looks around. They're on the edge of a valley of sorts, a deep gouge in the surface lined with rather ornate buildings that would have looked rather opulent before the war. Missile strikes and fires have stripped the buildings down to skeletons, but- some of them appear to be under construction. Makes sense- there looks to be an energon refinery down in the edge of the valley, and it's a good place to dig for ore. 

After a few minutes of looking around, Soundwave turns to the side, his attention caught by a swishing noise. Oh, hello... that's interesting. Someone (presumably Optimus) has mounted a series of poles and bits of netting around the back edge of the balcony, and- that noise was a strip of fabric blowing by. There's a current of hot air swishing up from the refinery, and it's just floated a band of fabric up and directly into one patch of netting. Hmm. Curious, Soundwave raises one servo and reaches towards the fabric, then pauses and looks over at Optimus. Is- can he do this?

 

Optimus gathers up a few other snagged strips, then offers Soundwave the piece he'd noticed, humming encouragingly to the spymaster. "Here.. you're welcome to have it. There's an old fabric shop down there- mostly banners and such for celebrations. The majority of it has been shredded by various animals, and the pathway up to it is destroyed, but the wind blows pieces up here sometimes. I've been collecting them... I don't have any real use for them, but they're pretty." he explains, then pauses, watching Soundwave look the fabric over. 

 

Soundwave takes the piece of fabric, then wraps it around two fingers and begins to stroke it, fascinated by the texture. It's soft, very soft, and it feels almost like a liquid as he runs it between his fingertips. Slowly raising the bit of fabric, the spymaster nuzzles lightly against it, curious and really just enjoying the texture. He pauses after a second, though, nervously looking up at Optimus and cringing into himself slightly. Should- should he be doing this? He's always been wary of displaying a liking for things, it tends to end poorly, and- 

 

"You like the texture?" Optimus asks softly, then selects a long strip and holds it out, having gotten an idea. Soundwave seems to enjoy the feeling of the fabric, so... maybe Optimus should offer him more of it. "May I have your servo for a moment? I've just thought of something you might like, since you seem to be enjoying how that feels." the Prime hums, then smiles soothingly when Soundwave cautiously offers him a servo. Wrapping the strip of cloth gently around the spymaster's wrist, he loops it loosely around the base of the spymaster's thumb, then knots it loosely and releases Soundwave's arm. "There. How does that feel?" 

 

Soundwave relaxes slightly, staring down at the cloth as it slides over his plating, then hums very softly and offers Optimus a tiny smile. It feels nice... he likes it. Maybe Optimus will let him keep it... it's a rather soothing feeling. Or- would Optimus be willing to do that a few more times? Clicking hopefully, he offers the Prime his other servo, now actually looking up at Optimus instead of staring at the floor. The feeling of cloth sliding over his plating is soothing... is Optimus willing to help him stay calm? The Prime seems inclined to help...

 

Understanding, Optimus wraps another scrap around Soundwave's arm, then ties it off and reaches over to open the door. "Here... it's a bit dusty out here from all the construction. Let's go inside, hmm? And... I have an idea that I think you'll like." the Prime hums, walking inside, then glances back and smiles when the spymaster follows him without too much nervousness. Walking over to the couch, he pulls a flat case out from underneath, opening it to show that it's full of fabric pieces. "Come sit down, Soundwave... and, if you don't like this, please tell me so. I won't be upset, I promise." 

 

Cautious, Soundwave creeps over and sits down in front of Optimus, tilting his helm slightly and looking the larger mech over. What does Optimus have in mind? It... doesn't look like this is going to be anything uncomfortable. Maybe it'll be interesting... and, if that fabric is included, it might be nice. The spymaster flexes one servo, feeling how the fabric slides over his servos, then flinches slightly when Optimus moves suddenly. What- 

 

"Oh- my apologies." Optimus hums, then slowly holds out another strip of fabric in the general direction of Soundwave's arm. "Here... you'd like me to continue, correct? Well, I've collected quite a bit of fabric... I was thinking perhaps I could tie a bunch of these scraps around various parts of you, not just your arms... only what you're comfortable with, of course, but... perhaps a few strips around your midsection, and some around your ankles? I'll be careful not to restrict your movement... what do you think?" 

 

Soundwave tilts his helm slightly, looking Optimus over, then hums very softly and nods. Yes. That sounds... very nice. Clicking softly, the spymaster moves just a bit closer, then places both servos in front of himself and essentially just offers his frame to the Prime. He trusts Optimus not to hurt him, right now at least... this just seems like something nice. Right?

 

"Alright. Just relax... and do tell me if I do anything you aren't comfortable with." Optimus hums, then gestures towards the spymaster's elbow joint with a scrap of fabric, deciding to ask before he touches somewhere that might be rather sensitive. "May I?" 

 

Yes. 

Soundwave nods slightly, then shifts, offering the Prime his elbow joint. He can't help a slight flinch at the first contact, unused to being touched there, but he doesn't pull away- it's not bad. In fact... it feels quite nice. The soft fabric is cool against his bio-lights, and it's tied loosely, and it rubs pleasantly when he shifts... it's very nice. 

The spymaster dims his optics slightly, then leans against the back of the couch and blinks up at Optimus, unafraid. He likes this... he really likes this.  _More?_

 

_You're enjoying this... good. I hope this helps you stay relaxed..._

Optimus hums softly and continues, keeping his touches as gentle as possible. And, just to be sure, he whispers "May I?" before each new strip of fabric... just to be absolutely certain that he isn't about to cross a line. He can't risk making Soundwave even the slightest bit uncomfortable, that's exactly the opposite of what he's trying to do. 

Much to his quiet delight, it's working. Optimus can feel the tension easing out of Soundwave's frame with every new strip of cloth he adds to the spymaster's arms, and the slender mech's clawtips are still moving, stroking slowly over the fabric on his lower arms. His optics are still dimmed, but it's not an attempt at getting away... it's a relaxed look. But... Soundwave's arms are more or less out of space, so it's time to move on. Optimus has already tied a strip around each shoulder, and... the next logical place would be Soundwave's midsection. He doesn't want to touch the spymaster's chassis at all, so not there... maybe his spines? Yes- spines first. Standing up, Optimus moves around so that he's at the spymaster's side, then starts on the slender mech's back.  _  
_

 

Soundwave brightens his optics slightly at that, but he doesn't protest... Optimus is still asking before each scrap, and Soundwave has no objection to having pieces of cloth tied to his spines. He can't really feel it, but... no matter. 

After a few minutes, though, Soundwave is out of un-decorated spines. Twitching two of his spines, he glances back at Optimus, then slowly moves away from the back of the couch so that his midsection is easier to reach. He doesn't particularly want to have his chassis touched, but... he wants to see what the fabric will feel like against his stomach. It's nice against his bare shoulders, and... his stomach is more sensitive. 

 

Optimus looks the spymaster over for a moment, then kneels in front of the couch and very gently presses on Soundwave's arm until the slender mech turns to face him. "There... sit like that." he whispers, then displays a particularly large strip of fabric, his optics soft and reassuring. "May I?" he whispers, then hums soothingly and continues when the spymaster nods. Very gently, he wraps it around Soundwave's midsection, then pauses and tilts his helm slightly when he notices something. He can't do it right now, he'll probably scare the spymaster, but... he could practically fit his servos around Soundwave's waist.  _You're so slender... and you seem so fragile right now. I... probably shouldn't pull you into my lap and hug you, but... I very much want to._

Very gently, he ties the cloth into place, then gently spreads it out so that it covers a fair portion of Soundwave's midsection. This piece of cloth is a soft greyish-black, and he can see Soundwave's bio-lights glowing through the semi-transparent material. Resisting the urge to stroke the glowing lines, he backs up slightly, looking up at Soundwave and offering him a little smile. "Does that feel nice?" 

 

Soundwave stays perfectly still until the cloth is tied, then shifts slightly in order to feel the smooth slide of the material against his stomach. Yes, it feels nice... very nice. The spymaster trills softly in response, then tilts his helm slightly, his attention going to a particularly large piece of reddish-orange cloth still in the case. Raising one servo, he cautiously points to the fabric scrap, then indicates his chassis and clicks softly. He'd... like a bit more coverage, even if it is just a piece of fabric. Might help him feel a bit better. 

 

"Ah... I see." Optimus hums, then picks up the cloth, standing up. "Let me know if you start getting nervous..." he whispers, then carefully wraps the cloth around Soundwave's slender frame, tying it behind the spymaster's back so there won't be a knot applying pressure to his chassis. Tugging on the cloth a bit, he gets it repositioned, then steps back and kneels again. "There... is that good?" 

 

Soundwave tenses slightly at the first brush of the cloth across his chassis, then relaxes again and just takes a moment to let the feeling sink in. The cloth is tied under his arm on one side and over his shoulder on the other, and it's draped in such a way that it covers his chassis. This piece is heavy enough that it doesn't move much, so it's settled across his chassis plating enough that he can definitely feel it, but... it's not bothering him. It doesn't feel like claws or servos, just... just a soft contact. Yes. That's... definitely good. Trilling again, he nods slightly, then glances over at the case. There's quite a bit more fabric... can they continue?

 

Optimus very gently places a servo on Soundwave's heel, coaxing the spymaster to place his pede on Optimus' knee, then tugs the case closer and pulls out another scrap of fabric. "May I?" he asks softly, gesturing towards the spymaster's ankle, then hums softly and proceeds when the spymaster nods slightly in response.  _You're still stroking that fabric... you really like how it feels, don't you? I'm glad... you deserve to enjoy yourself. And I'm glad that you're alright with me touching you... I assume it means you're doing better. I wonder if you're feeling good enough to talk to Megatron? No- I should probably wait until you have the rest of your armor on. I... think he might frighten you, otherwise._

 

Soundwave dims his optics and purrs, very softly, relaxing against the back of the couch. Oh, this is... this is very nice. Optimus still whispers "May I?" before every strip of fabric, his touches are very gentle, and... the fabric is so soft against his frame, rubbing very gently every time he shifts, soothing away any bit of fear... it feels very, very good. The spymaster trills again, trying to express how much he likes this, then shutters his optics and just... lets himself feel. He hasn't done this in a very long time, but... he doesn't hurt anywhere, thanks to the painkillers Ratchet left him, and... this feels too good to not savor. 

This... this feels really, really good. And... Optimus is doing something just to make him feel nice... maybe the Prime really is as nice as he seems. He does everything he can to help Soundwave, he's so very gentle, he asks before doing things that might upset or unnerve Soundwave... he's so  _careful._ He... he genuinely cares, doesn't he? 

_I think... I think I'm starting to trust you. Please don't betray that..._

_I don't know what I'll do if I can't trust you._

_I... don't have anything I can do. I can't run, I'll be found or be eaten. I can't hide, there's nowhere I can go. I can't fight... can't. So... all I can do is hope that I can trust you._

_Please don't hurt me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laserbeak refers to Soundwave as "Master", but not in the sense of possessor/owner/etc. The host/symbiote relationship is somewhere between father/child and master/apprentice. It's like how Rumble and Frenzy refer to him as "Boss".
> 
> Also, Rung is like chassis height to most average-height mechs. And, for those who don't know, tiny little Rung is from the More Than Meets The Eye comics, AKA MTMTE. He's this smol little nerd psychiatrist who builds model ships, once said he's 90% compartments, and evidently always has a supply of candy in said compartments. He's precious and incredibly helpful, but people keep forgetting his name and the fact that he exists. Also, he's said to have the brightest spark on the Lost Light- which has a lot of mechs on it, so that's saying something.  
> And he's wearing glasses and that is precious.  
> And he's completely unarmed aside from a folding staff that he keeps somewhere invisible.


	11. Relaxed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Megatron is worried but uncertain how to help, Soundwave definitely needs help, and Optimus is trying to be helpful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have an exact timeframe, but this is about a week after Soundwave was rescued. There's a three-day timeskip in the middle of chapter 5, and the assorted naps and smaller timeskips scattered throughout the other chapters make up the rest of the 6ish previous days.
> 
> http://bett-splendens.tumblr.com/post/127976479574/disclaimer-i-do-not-own-these-pictures-or-the That's my collection of Laserbeak references. It has a pretty good shot of Soundwave's chassis, too, and you can get a decent idea of how Laserbeak clings on. If anyone has a close-up screenshot of TFP Laserbeak docked on Soundwave's chassis, that would be extremely helpful.

_You really shouldn't be this cute._

Optimus sits down next to Soundwave, gently smoothing a piece of fabric on his arm, then pulls the electric blanket further up over him. Soundwave is asleep, stretched out with one knee tucked up against his chassis, arms tucked up against his frame in a manner that protects both himself and Laserbeak. He looks... relaxed. The fear is gone, the tension is gone... in fact, he's smiling just a tiny bit. And his servos haven't stopped moving... he's still running a scrap of fabric slowly between his claws, still stroking it, still enjoying the texture. That's probably what's keeping him calm... and it's kind of adorable, at least in Optimus' opinion. Or... maybe that's just because of the contrast between this and how scared Soundwave normally is when he's awake. 

Humming softly, Optimus places a servo on the spymaster's audio fin, stroking gently for a moment and trying to offer him a bit more comfort.

 

Soundwave stirs slightly, giving a soft little chirruping noise, then paws at the air for a moment. Managing to snag the Prime's arm, he instinctively pulls Optimus' servo up against himself, seeking the warmth and comfort of another mech's frame. Having accomplished this, he trills softly in sleepy pleasure, then begins to knead his claws on the larger mech's arm plating. "Prrr..." 

 

Optimus hums softly down at him, then raises an optic ridge in mild surprise when the slender mech begins to suck on his fingers. "This again?" he whispers, then shrugs slightly, really not minding. Shifting his servo slightly, the Prime begins to gently stroke the spymaster's cheek with his thumb, then pauses and snaps an image capture of Soundwave. Smiling softly, he sends the image to Ratchet, then resumes the careful strokes. //I think I figured out how to keep him calm.//

 

//Optimus... why is the spymaster decorated?// Ratchet sighs, sounding vaguely amused at the sight of Soundwave wrapped in several dozen scraps of fabric. //And- is he sucking on your fingers?//

 

//He's 'decorated' because he liked the texture of the fabric and it gave me an idea. It calmed him down quite a lot, which is why he's recharging. And, yes, he's sucking on my fingers. I'm not certain why. I stroked his audio fins and he did this in return. He's also kneading his claws on my arm... does that mean something?//

 

//It does. Sparklings knead their claws like that when they're nursing, to increase energon flow and relax whoever's feeding them. In some mechs, the habit sticks around to adulthood... especially if they weren't fed properly when young. Since he's not a sparkling and he isn't currently nursing, it means his subconscious has been reminded of a situation where kneading would be a bit more appropriate... in other words, you have him so comfortable that his subconscious thinks he's with a parent. Now- before you ask, that doesn't mean he thinks of you as a parent. It means his subconscious doesn't have much else to compare comfortable situations to. Probably also an attempt at keeping his situation the way it is. Actually- that explains why he's suckling on your fingers, it goes along with the kneading. Let him keep doing that... it'll help soothe him.//

 

//Oh... I see. So... a very good sign, then.// Optimus hums, then tilts his helm slightly, watching Soundwave. //Should I get him something he can actually drink? Or- no, I'm assuming it wouldn't be a good plan to give him energon without his knowledge. Is there... anything else I should do?//

 

//Keep doing whatever you were doing. If he wakes up and freaks out, explain why your fingers are in his mouth. And... if you get the chance... maybe get him into your lap or near you and repeat whatever got him so relaxed. He's probably already starting to associate you with safety, and that's a good thing. Well- theoretically he could become dependent on you, but that's better than him being terrified. We need to get him relaxed and comfortable, then we can work on whatever other issues he has. Or, more specifically, Rung can work on those issues. For now, our priority is getting him into a headspace where he isn't terrified, incredibly depressed, or trying to claw parts of himself off.// 

 

//Understood. Do you think... might it help to have Megatron here? I know you have your concerns, but... I think it might help to calm Soundwave down. Though- do you have any more of Soundwave's armor ready? I... have a feeling it might anger Megatron to see him like this, and that would probably frighten Soundwave.//

 

//Yeah, that'd probably help, provided Megatron can stay calm. I have Soundwave's chassis armor ready, and some of his back plating. That complicated leg armor is going to take awhile to fabricate, but missing leg plating is less worrying than missing chassis plating. I'll send Patches down with what I have ready... and please try to keep the kid away from Soundwave, I think he creeps the spook out. Patches tends to catch people off guard, and I got a feeling Soundwave has no idea how to deal with someone who's all sweetness and light. Kid was worried he'd done somethin' wrong... had to point out that he's basically the opposite of the average Decepticon.//

 

//Patches did seem to be confusing him earlier, and somewhat alarming him. And... I'll COMM Megatron, ask him if he would be able to stay calm while talking to Soundwave. Oh- and Laserbeak is awake. Or, well, she was. She's asleep again, but- oh, no, she's awake now. And looking very confused. Pardon me, I should probably explain to Laserbeak why Soundwave is wrapped in fabric.// Optimus hums, then looks down at the softly chirping symbiote, offering her a reassuring smile. "Hello, little one. No need for alarm... Soundwave is fine. He liked the texture of these fabric scraps, and this is helping him to stay calm. Here- come on out." the Prime offers, raising one edge of the fabric on Soundwave's chassis to let Laserbeak out. "Are you feeling well?" 

 

Laserbeak is a bit skeptical of this, but... Soundwave is calm and relaxed, unafraid. Optimus is apparently harmless. So... Laserbeak slowly hops out from under the cloth, then churrs softly and flitters over to sit on Optimus' knee, blinking up at him.  _"Hello."_ she chirrups, knowing full well that Optimus can't understand her, then chirps softly and hops a bit closer to him. Flicking her wings, she looks Soundwave over for a minute, then hops over and pecks at a tiny scrap of fabric. Chirruping, she wiggles her tail at Optimus, then turns and looks hopefully up at him.

 

"Hmm? Oh- I see. However, one of my servos is somewhat occupied..." Optimus points out, glancing down at Soundwave, then smiles when the spymaster wriggles slightly closer to him. "And, odd as this is, I'd hate to wake him up. He does seem to be enjoying himself." he notes, gently stroking Soundwave's cheek with his thumb, then pauses at a suspicious chirp from Laserbeak. "Oh- this was his doing. I asked Ratchet, and he says this is most likely a subconscious expression of security." 

 

_Well, he does sometimes start sucking on my wingtips when he's sleeping without his visor on. Didn't know that meant he was feeling secure... good._

Laserbeak twitters softly, then flicks her upper wings in a shrug and hops closer to Optimus, shoving herself up against his servo in a demanding fashion.  _"You have big servos and my wings are stiff. Pet me."_

 

"Alright then." Optimus hums, catching on, then begins rubbing gently between the flier's wings. "Is this good? I'm... not entirely certain what sort of petting you'd like. I have some experience with symbiotes, but none of your frametype, just Blaster's little ones." he explains, then smiles when Laserbeak presses further into his servo. "I'll take that as a positive response." 

Well, he's not going to get any work done with one servo in Soundwave's mouth and the other rubbing between Laserbeak's wings. May as well COMM Megatron. //Megatron, are you currently busy?// 

 

//No. Why? Is this about Soundwave? Is he-//

 

//He's fine. Doing better, actually. That's why I'm calling you... do you want to come and talk to Soundwave later? I believe he's well enough to stay calm around you... so long as you can keep yourself calm. I don't suggest coming right now, he's recharging. Also, chewing on my fingers.// Optimus notes, sending Megatron the image of Soundwave he'd taken to show Ratchet, then hums soothingly when Soundwave stirs slightly. "Easy... no need to wake up." he whispers, wanting to keep the spymaster asleep and calm. 

 

//Prime, I am capable of staying calm.// Megatron rumbles, then chuckles slightly at the image of Soundwave hugging Optimus' arm. //He's very grabby when sleeping, isn't he? And he does tend to put things in his mouth when he sleeps with his visor off... don't wake him up suddenly, he'll bite you. His dentae are sharp.// 

 

//I can tell. I don't plan to wake him at all... I'll let him do whatever he'd like. He deserves it.//

 

//He does. You be careful with him.// the warlord half-growls, then relaxes slightly, one servo curling into a fist as he shoves away the thoughts of what had happened to his spymaster and what he wants to do to the people responsible. //Let me know when he wakes up. I want to talk to him, and... I have something for him.//

 

//Understood. It'll probably be awhile, but I'll let you know when he's awake. And- I suggest you work out your anger in one of the sparring rooms. Perhaps destroy one of the training dummies? Soundwave trusts you, I'm sure, but he's very nervous.// Optimus warns softly, then turns slightly at the sound of the doorbell. //I have a visitor. I'll call you later. Optimus out.// 

"My apologies." the Prime whispers, removing his servo from Laserbeak's frame, then checks a data-pad with the security feed on it. Just Patches. Pressing a button, he opens the door for the young medic, then tugs a thick blanket further over Soundwave's frame in order to cover the spymaster's audios somewhat and hopefully keep him from waking up. He briefly considers singing something, but reconsiders it after a moment, realizing that it's a bit of an odd thing to do. 

 

"Hi..." Patches chirps, very quietly walking into the room, then cautiously approaches the couch with a smallish crate in his arms. "He's sleeping?" he ventures softly, handing the crate to Optimus, then makes an abortive little move towards Soundwave.  _No- you upset him. He's scared of you... don't touch him, you'll upset him. Leave him alone..._

Turning away from Soundwave, Patches offers Optimus a cautious little smile, then quickly turns to leave. "I'm sorry, I can't stay- I have to run a lot of checkups today, and I have a feeling I'm going to encounter a lot of resistance- the majority of the construction mechs don't seem to know what to make of me. Ratchet says none of the latches around Soundwave's back and chassis are badly damaged, so you should be able to reattach his plating just fine... any damage will repair itself. There's an ointment in that crate that I'd suggest applying to any damaged latches, it'll help his self-repair and ease any discomfort. Now- I have to go convince Wreckers and the Decepticon equivalent to sit still and let me examine them. You're welcome to call me if needed!" he chirps, then trots out the door, winglets flicking in a little gesture of farewell.

 

Optimus chuckles slightly at the mental image of Patches being his usual sweet self with a hulking Decepticon on his table, then looks down at Soundwave when the spymaster clicks softly around his fingers. "Oh- are you awake? That was just Patches, don't worry, and he's gone now. And, um... please don't bite me. Your dentae feel sharp." he requests softly, then hums soothingly when the slender mech starts looking very nervous. "No, no- it's alright, you aren't doing anything wrong. You were moving around in your sleep, and you ended up sucking on my fingertips. I asked Ratchet about that, and about why you were kneading your claws... he says it's most likely a subconscious indication that you were feeling safe. Please, don't be afraid... I'm not angry, I promise. I didn't mind."  _You were cute._

 

Soundwave had woken slowly, coaxed awake by soft voices and Optimus' chuckle, and he'd started to tense up as soon as he'd realized what he was doing. Oh no, this was- this was bad- what was Optimus going to think about-

But, wait... no anger in Optimus' voice, or anything else... just soft whispers, a quiet reassurance... Optimus isn't upset. Soundwave blinks, tilting his helm slightly, then slowly releases Optimus' servo. He doesn't let go of the Prime's arm, though... he doesn't want to. Optimus is warm and smooth and gentle... he likes this. "Trrr?" he ventures, nervously watching Optimus and trying to figure out if he needs to let go. 

 

Optimus gently strokes a servo down Soundwave's upper arm, then reaches over and pulls the crate of armor closer, humming soothingly to the slender mech. "Here... your chassis and back plating is ready. If you aren't too tired, could you sit up, please? Just turn around so I can reach your back... I won't touch your chassis. Oh- Patches gave me this, told me it's for any latches that are damaged." he offers, setting the tin of ointment near the spymaster. "You're welcome to have my arm back after that, but I don't think it's possible to replace that plating with my arm there." he pointed out, keeping his voice as soft as possible in an effort to keep Soundwave calm. 

 

Soundwave blinks at the crate, then slowly sits up, curious and definitely wanting his plating. Yes, that- that sounds nice. Nodding slightly, the spymaster turns around to expose his back, then glances over his shoulder at the Prime. "Prrr?" he ventures, then blinks and smiles just a tiny bit when he's offered a thick piece of chassis plating. It's painted in his colors, and... it looks just like his old plating. 

There are two small pieces of what look like armor jutting out from Soundwave's sides and curling around his chassis. They're actually the same material as his chassis struts, and they're hooked into the Cybertronian equivalent of a ribcage. Their purpose is to hold Laserbeak in place, and they're hooked firmly enough into place that they couldn't be torn off. It takes a few minutes for Soundwave to get his chassis armor maneuvered into place so that it's under the small latches meant to hold Laserbeak against him, but once he's managed it, Soundwave relaxes and churrs softly in approval. Yes, that's... that's much better. The familiar weight of his plating is comforting, and- and now Optimus is handing him the rest of his plating. They're... they're really giving him all of his chassis plating back. That means... that means they aren't going to hurt him like  _that._ And... that's good. That's very good. 

 

"May I replace your back plating?" Optimus asks softly, then moves a bit closer when Soundwave nods slightly in return. "A few of these latches are torn, so I'm just going to dab some of this ointment onto them... let me know if this makes you uncomfortable. I'll back up if you want me to." 

 

Soundwave clicks slightly, signalling his understanding, then shivers when Optimus dabs something cold and wet onto one of the latches. Eeh. Okay, that's kind of weird... but it's not bad. Just... cold. Tilting his helm slightly, the spymaster watches Optimus as best he can considering the configuration of his frame, then turns his attention to his new chassis plating and continues to replace it. This is good, very good... Soundwave trills softly in gratitude, then tenses up just slightly as he feels one of Optimus' servos rest on his back. No, no, it's alright- the Prime is just replacing his armor. And evidently he's decided to start with the plating over Soundwave's secondary processor... that's nice, he wants to keep it protected. He needs it. 

 

After awhile, Soundwave is feeling a bit better. Most of his armor has been replaced, though he's still missing a few pieces. The rounded plating over his communications antenna is absent, though he does have the inner plating in place- Ratchet was nice enough to replace that. He's also missing the majority of his leg plating, excluding his upper thighs, but... that's okay. His chassis is armored, his back is armored... he needs his shoulder plating back, but he'll be just fine. He'd prefer not to be around too many people, he's too vulnerable, but... he'll be alright. 

Turning around, Soundwave clicks softly up at Optimus, then scoots just a bit closer and leans on Optimus in an attempt at expressing his gratitude.  _Good. This is good. T_ _hank you._

 

"You're welcome." Optimus hums, then very slowly puts an arm around the smaller mech, smiling when Soundwave doesn't tremble or pull away. "Now, I have something to discuss with you... Megatron would like to talk to you. Are you feeling up to that?" he asks softly, carefully stroking his fingertips over Soundwave's lower arm and trying to keep him calm. "Your choice..." 

 

Soundwave blinks, then curls tighter into himself, pulling the blanket up further and trying to decide. He... he really wants to see Megatron... if that's an option. He wants to know what's going to happen to him, what's happening to the other Decepticons... but... but Megatron was starting to frighten him. The dark energon... it had changed the warlord, and... Soundwave had been growing increasingly wary of Megatron before everything had collapsed. He... he wasn't sure about that. However... even if he's nervous about being around to Megatron, he... he needs to know. 

Yes. He needs to talk to Megatron. Soundwave nods slightly, clicking very softly up at Optimus, then leans just a bit further into the Prime in a search for comfort. Optimus is warm, his plating is smooth, and Soundwave fits rather well against his side. Not just that... Optimus smells nice. He smells vaguely like some sort of polish, but not the overpowering, overly fancy sort that Soundwave associates with being hurt... it's just something simple, more like the kind that most warriors like. And... under that is the warm scent of a powerful, healthy mech. All mechs have a unique scent, and... Optimus is starting to smell like  _safe,_ at least as far as Soundwave is concerned. 

 

"I'll let him know." Optimus whispers, secretly very pleased by how close to him Soundwave is willing to get, then relaxes and COMMs Megatron. //Soundwave is awake. I asked, and he's feeling up to a visit from you. Just... please, if you have any anger to work out, deal with that first. I don't want to risk upsetting him...//

 

//I understand. I'll be there soon. And... please get him somewhere he'll be comfortable. The last thing I want to do is upset him.// Megatron sighs, dropping the drone he's been punching for the past two minutes. The training area is stocked with blank-featured fighting drones, and they have just enough of an AI to be programmed with basic fighting styles. They aren't anywhere near sentient. Megatron sometimes works his anger out by setting a few to the 'hard' level, removing their weapons, and then beating them into scrap. It works quite well. 

Shoving a very badly damaged drone away into a corner, the warlord stalks out of the training room and down a hallway to outside, transforming the second he's outside. Technically he could groundbridge to Optimus' quarters, but it's a waste of energy- flying works and won't take too long. 

 

"Megatron will be here soon." Optimus hums, then gently tucks the electric blanket closer around Soundwave, trying to keep him comfortable. "Now... I know Megatron was changing from the dark energon, but he's recovering. We managed to get the dark energon out of his system, and he's much more stable now. He's still rather tense most of the time, but I think that may just be due to the war. He isn't a threat to you, don't worry... in fact, he's been asking about you. He's worried... he won't admit it to me, but he's very worried about you." 

 

Megatron is... he's better now? Soundwave blinks, then churrs very softly and leans into Optimus' frame. That's... that's very good news. He was worried about Megatron, worried that the warlord was losing himself... it was honestly starting to worry him. But, if Megatron is really doing better... then Soundwave definitely wants to see him. He... he needs to know what's happening to his world, and Megatron can probably tell him. 

If no one is manipulating his Lord...

 

 

Due to a lack of other air traffic, not to mention the lack of of standing tall buildings, Megatron can travel fast and in any direction he wants. He arrives quickly at Optimus' apartment, landing and transforming, and he doesn't waste any time getting to the Prime's apartment. He doesn't bother to knock, either, just walks right in- Optimus will be able to see him on the door camera, and the Prime is expecting him. He slows down when he walks into the room, though, not wanting to scare or upset Soundwave by barging in. 

 

Despite knowing that Megatron is coming, Soundwave still jumps slightly when the warlord walks into the room, and he can't help but tense up. Megatron is a large, intimidating mech, and... he's a bit more intimidating than he usually is. It... might be whatever's left over from the dark energon? Whatever the case... Megatron is scary. Soundwave licks his lips, nervously watching the warlord, and instinctively tucks himself closer against Optimus in a search for comfort. "...chrr?" 

 

Seeing the concerned/hurt look in Megatron's optics, Optimus COMMs the warlord, gently stroking patterns over Soundwave's arm as he does. //You're somewhat more intimidating now than you were before the dark energon... I suspect you may still have the body language of someone infected by dark energon. Also... you are a large, rather intimidating mech. I don't think it's you in particular making him nervous... I think he's just nervous. Move slowly and talk to him... he'll probably relax in a moment. Just let him have some time for his instincts to remember that you won't hurt him.// he coaxes, staying still and letting Soundwave hide up against him. 

 

"Soundwave... I am very, very glad to see you." Megatron whispers, slowly moving closer, then unhesitatingly kneels in front of the spymaster and slowly offers him a servo. "Easy... it's alright. I'm... the dark energon is gone." he soothes, then smiles softly when Soundwave takes his servo. "May I come and sit next to you?" the warlord asks softly, then glances up at Optimus, narrowing his optics just a fraction and instinctively trying to look intimidating again- he'd have lost control of the Decepticons long ago if they saw him being this careful with Soundwave. //If you laugh-//

 

//I'm not going to laugh at you for being gentle. Despite what a lot of former Decepticons seem to think, not injuring someone is not a sign of weakness.// Optimus reassures him, then stands up, seeing that Soundwave is starting to relax. "I'll leave you two alone." the Prime hums, walking off towards a small door. "I'll be in my office if either of you needs me. There's energon and blankets in the cabinet over there- help yourselves. Also, you are quite welcome to watch a movie, or- the data-pad next to those game controllers is something that Jazz has been insisting I try. He says it's a strategy-based video game, though I haven't tried it yet." //Soundwave, please COMM me if you start getting nervous- I'm happy to come back and be relaxing.// //Megatron, let me know if you need anything- or if he has another panic attack.// 

 

Soundwave sends an affirmative little ping back at Optimus, signalling his understanding, then tugs very softly on Megatron's servo in an attempt to coax the larger mech onto the couch. Megatron is  _kneeling_ in front of him, and it's  _weird,_ and he doesn't know what to do with it- he'd much rather have Megatron back on his level, at least. Besides- Optimus isn't there any more, and Soundwave is really starting to like having someone warm and friendly pressed up against him. He'd... he'd kind of like... is Megatron willing to do that for him? 

And... why is Megatron creeping him out? Is it... it must be whatever's left over from the dark energon. But... despite that, he wants Megatron here, up next to him- for one thing, he needs to check Megatron over for any sort of control device. 

 

Megatron doesn't bother to respond (nobody taught him manner), he just slowly moves to take Optimus' spot. "Soundwave... how are you feeling?" he whispers, then blinks in surprise when the spymaster immediately presses up against him. Startled, he freezes for a moment, then very slowly settles an arm around Soundwave's frame.  _Haven't held him like this in a long time... I forgot how small he is. He's so slender... so fragile. I need to protect him._ "I... take it you're glad to see me?" he ventures, still rather surprised by the fact that his spymaster is hugging him. And- stroking the back of his helm? "Soundwave, what are you looking for- oh. No, I'm not... I'm not being controlled. I'm perfectly fine. I... don't have any reason to fight... Optimus and the other Autobots are actually trying to rebuild Cybertron. And they aren't trying to restore what the Autobots used to be... Optimus wants to prevent that just as much as I do. For now, they're working on calling in and housing any living Cybertronians... and there are surprisingly few mechs being imprisoned. They've restricted that to mechs who committed multiple serious crimes that cannot be excused by war in any way."

 

Well... that actually makes sense. Optimus is a good mech, and... he's never seemed like the kind of mech to like gladiatorial arenas and everything else that was eating Cybertron apart from the inside out. And... Megatron isn't hurt or controlled. Not just that... Megatron is touching him very, very gently, speaking soothingly to him, holding him close... the dark energon is definitely gone, it would never allow Megatron to be this  _careful._ Soundwave clicks softly, then leans his helm on the larger mech's chassis, tucking his pedes up against himself and shuttering his optics. Megatron is warm and gentle, holding him close and surrounding him in the familiar scent of  _powerful, battle-worthy warlord_. That scent means safety for him, now that it's missing the sinister tang of dark energon. Licking his lips, Soundwave trills softly, then tenses up and curls into a tighter ball. Wait- is this- is this okay? Is Megatron going to get mad?

 

"Relax." Megatron whispers, then cautiously strokes one servo down Soundwave's lower arm, trying to calm him. "It's alright, Soundwave... I have no objections to you touching me, especially if it helps you relax. I... know you're hurting." he sighs, then narrows his optics slightly when the slender mech's vents hitch oddly. "Are you..." 

 

Ah slag, not again. Soundwave bites his lip and curls tightly into himself, trying his best to keep it together- but he fails. A choked little sob tears its way out of his throat, then he pulls his blanket up further and hides behind his arms and the blanket, trying to hide from Megatron before the warlord sees-  _no no no please don't look at me I'm WEAK and I don't want you to know- please-_

He doesn't even know  _why_ he's crying. Out of relief, maybe. Or- maybe just because he still has a lot of hurt left, and he doesn't know what else to do, and this helped last time- he doesn't _want_ to cry, he doesn't, but- evidently it's a bit too late to stop. Slaggit. 

 

"I- Soundwave?" Megatron whispers, optics widening slightly in alarm, then blankly stares around the room in hopes of finding some hint of what to do. He really doesn't know how to deal with other people's emotions, aside from anger- and he can't mess this up. But... Soundwave is hurting, evidently quite a lot, and Megatron should really do something about that... except he doesn't know what to do. 

Okay- who does he know who might have some idea of how to help but won't take advantage of- //Prime! Get in here. I don't know what I'm doing.// Megatron complains, though it sounds much more alarmed than he'd prefer. //You probably know how to deal with emotions- get your aft in here!// 

 

//I'm coming, I'm coming...// Optimus sighs, though he doesn't protest the tone. He's seen this before... Megatron yells quite a bit when he's worried, and Optimus has seen plenty of that in their searches for the spymaster. 

Walking into the room, he pauses for a moment, then sighs and slowly approaches the couch. //Did you do something to upset him?// "Soundwave, may I sit here?" 

 

//No! I didn't- slaggit, I don't know.// 

 

//Might just be relief... he'll be alright. Don't try to get him to stop, though- just see if you can soothe him. He has a lot of hurt to work through, and this is one of the healthier ways for him to do that. Let him cry, and whatever you do, do NOT treat it like a sign of weakness. It is not-//

 

//Relax, I'm not going to say anything. Just- slaggit, get over here and show me how to help him.// Megatron ordered, then sighed softly, carefully stroking two fingertips around one of the glowing rings in Soundwave's elbow. "Soundwave... what's wrong?" he whispers, hoping to gain some idea of what he has to do, then tilts his helm slightly in confusion at the spymaster's response.

 

Soundwave whines, shaking his helm and nodding at the same time, then curls into a tighter ball and tries to hide. He doesn't fragging  _know_ what's wrong! And he doesn't know if he wants Optimus to- yes, okay- that's probably fine. Soundwave tucks himself even closer to Megatron, trying to leave a space, then gives a small noise of protest when Optimus tries to pick him up. No, no- he wants to stay with Megatron- 

 

"Easy. I'm not trying to move you away, I just need to sit right next to Megatron- I have an idea." Optimus explains, moving Soundwave just enough to sit right next to the warlord so that Soundwave is in contact with both of their frames. "There. Shh..." he whispers, gently stroking Soundwave's audio fins, then grabs Megatron's servo and places it carefully on the spymaster's delicate servo. //He's been rather touch-starved. Touch him gently, offer him contact, and let him relax... he'll stop crying once he calms down, and he'll probably calm down a bit faster if we both offer him this sort of attention. If he tries to get us to stop, we need to stop, but- there, see? He's relaxing slightly. Also- be sure you tell him that you aren't going to think of him as weak. He's... very insecure right now.//

 

//He's never actually been very secure. He's confident in his abilities, but... genuine praise always seems to surprise him a bit. He wasn't used to positive attention at all before we met, and... people don't usually value him. He often frightens them. And Primus knows I'm not prone to giving anyone praise... perhaps I should have been giving him more attention. He never asked for more, but... perhaps he never thought to.// Megatron sighs, then gently continues to stroke Soundwave's elbow joint, knowing that the bio-lighting is slightly sensitive and hoping that he'll be able to offer some sort of soothing attention. "Soundwave... you don't need to hide from me. I know you're hurting, and... that's alright. It's okay to be in pain, Soundwave... and I know as well as anyone else that pain isn't always physical. It's okay... you have nothing to be ashamed of." he whispers, doing his best to help, then very gently touches the side of Soundwave's helm and coaxes the spymaster to look up at him.

 

Soundwave whines very softly, then blinks and stares up at the warlord, genuinely surprised. Megatron isn't... isn't going to... oh. Maybe he actually... maybe this is actually okay? 

The spymaster trembles all over, then curls into a ball again, though this time he doesn't completely hide his face. He's curled into himself, shadowing his optics, but that's all... he's not completely hiding. For one thing, Optimus won't be able to reach his audios if he tucks down much further, and... and that feels really good. And it's not suggestive, either... it feels like Megatron petting his arm, but concentrated and much better. And- it's helping. The roiling knot of  _hurt/pain/shame/relief_ is starting to fade away, and he can now manage to muffle the broken little sounds that keep wrenching their way out of his voicebox. 

After a few more minutes, Soundwave blinks and shivers, then scrubs at his faceplates until he's gotten rid of the dampness. Blinking a couple more times, he relaxes slightly, then churrs softly up at Megatron and looks a bit ashamed of himself.

 

"Better?" Megatron hums, then shifts and reaches into subspace, fishing around for a moment to locate something. "Oh- here. I brought you something." he explains, then offers Soundwave something wrapped in cloth, something flat and evidently somewhat fragile. As he does, he COMMs Optimus again, sounding faintly relieved at Soundwave relaxing again. //You seem to know what you're doing. How did you... how did you get him to trust you this much? He doesn't trust easily, but he seems to like what you're doing with his audios, and... he's not trying to get away from you.//

 

//Honestly, I'm as surprised as you are that he seems to trust me. I was the one who got him out of _there,_ but other than that, I'm not certain what I did to earn his trust...// Optimus shrugs, then tilts his helm slightly, suddenly getting an idea. "Soundwave... would you like an oil bath? It's an excellent way to relax, and it should help give your self-repair nanites a boost." 

 

//You didn't take advantage of him in a situation where others would have- and did. Whatever else you've been doing, keep doing it. Treat him carefully, do NOT touch him if he doesn't seem to like it, and... also, keep giving him as much energon as he wants. Giving him meals is a good way to earn his trust... especially things he likes. Sweet things in particular are good. Also, if Soundwave has no objections, I am joining you in that oil bath.// Megatron declares, then looks down at Soundwave, his optics softening slightly. "What do you think, Soundwave?" 

 

Yes. That sounds... very good. He's only ever had a few oil baths in his life, but he's absolutely loved every one. Soundwave chirps softly, nodding slightly, then leans a bit closer to Megatron and somewhat hesitantly wraps his arms around Megatron's arm in an effort to explain that he'd like to have the warlord come with him. He just got his Lord back, and he wants it to stay that way. Megatron is safe, especially now... except that he's kind of scary. His optics are back to normal, but there's still an air of  _something_ dangerous about him... Soundwave probably can't stay around Megatron for too long without his anxiety levels spiking again, but... but while he can stay, he wants to. 

 

"Don't worry... I'm coming." Megatron hums, then slowly stands up, gently coaxing Soundwave with him as he follows the Prime out of the room. 

A short time later, they're down in a side room of what amounts to a basement. The room is a cavern of sorts, carved out by the various workings of Cybertron's natural cycles, and what appears to be a natural pool covers most of the floor. Somewhat alarmingly, the surface is moving a bit in a couple of places- like something alive is in there. 

 

Optimus unhesitatingly steps into the pool, unalarmed by the movement, then swipes a servo quickly through the oil and captures something. 

The creature he pulls from the water is long and thin, and it snaps a pair of narrow jaws at him in agitation as it writhes to get away. It's a shimmering silver with black fins edging its tail, but it slips out of Optimus' servo and disappears before it's possible to get a good look at it. 

"Ribbon eel." the Prime explains, then steps deeper into the pool and leans back, relaxing against the wall of the pool. "They're entirely harmless unless you pick one up, and still mostly harmless even then. There are a few cracks in the bottom of the pool, and they'll leave through there once they all realize that I'm in here. Shoo, eels." he orders, swishing one arm around in the oil for a moment or two to make small waves, then relaxes again and gestures slightly to Soundwave. "Come on in... it's safe. There's nothing else living in here." 

 

Megatron steps towards the pool, removing his arm from around Soundwave so as not to pull the slender mech with him. //Give him a moment. He's always been very cautious about stepping into liquids- he has to be absolutely certain that he's not about to step into something harmful. I'm not certain why, but you should definitely be certain to never set him in any sort of tub or pool without his full permission. Even down here- he'll probably still be nervous about this pool. Don't bother trying to coax him in, in fact don't pay any attention to it... just step in and let him see that it's harmless, get his instincts convinced that he won't be hurt.//

Stepping into the oil, Megatron tenses slightly in surprise, then slowly steps a bit further into the pool. Oh, that's... that's very interesting. Humming softly, he settles further into the pool, then smiles when Soundwave edges into the shallows after him. 

 

_Want to keep this clean._

Soundwave crouches, somewhat reluctantly removing the fabric wrapped around his ankles, then carefully sets it aside and cautiously takes a step into the pool. Tensing at the feeling of the oil lapping at his ankles, he tilts his helm, then trills softly and takes a few more steps. Oh, that's- that's very nice. The oil seeps gently into all of the gaps in his ankles, and it feels... mmm. It's loosening every single joint and component, allowing them to slide with no effort whatsoever, and Soundwave can feel the slight tingle of self-repair nanites going into high gear at the extra energy from the oil. 

Oh, he definitely likes this. In fact- for now, he'll happily remove all of the cloth in favor of a nice long soak. After a few minutes to strip the cloth away and set it aside, Soundwave steps a bit deeper into the pool, then slowly sits down- though it's rather cautious. He's not certain how the oil is going to feel once it seeps under his hip plating... his inner pelvic plating is intended to protect his interface equipment, but the plating isn't completely liquid-tight, and- oh, okay, that's- that's kind of- that's actually kind of nice. Soundwave tenses at the initial feeling, startled, then slowly relaxes- just a bit. That's... ooh. He's... not certain what to make of this sensation. Not just that, his equipment evidently isn't certain either. There's just the tiniest fraction of arousal making itself known, but... that's it. His frame evidently isn't mistaking the oil for a signal that interface might be imminent... which is good. He's not about to interface. He's probably not ever going to interface with someone ever again- hopefully not, at least. He doesn't want to. It's... it's painful, it's humiliating, it's- it's  _bad._ People don't interface with him for his pleasure, they just don't.... that's not how it is. 

No, bad thought path- bad. Soundwave shivers just a bit, shaking his helm, then slowly moves a bit deeper into the pool and scoots over to sit next to Megatron. Not too close, though- Megatron still makes him nervous. But he'll lay back and relax, just... just try to enjoy himself- oh. Oh, that's... 

 

Optimus cautiously moves just a bit closer, then pats a spot next to him, a spot deep enough in the pool that Soundwave will be sitting up to his neck if he moves to the spot in question. "Here... come lay down. Just soak for awhile... relax. Nothing to be worried about." he croons, then smiles when Soundwave edges closer and chirps up at him. Reaching up, the Prime retrieves a couple of soft cloths from an alcove n the wall, then dips one in the oil and lightly touches it to the spymaster's shoulder. "Here... may I try something? Ratchet showed me something that I think you might enjoy... do I have your permission to touch?" he whispers, waiting for a moment, then smiles and proceeds when Soundwave nods just a tiny bit. 

Humming softly, he strokes the cloth very gently down Soundwave's arm, then up to the back of the spymaster's helm. Humming softly, he strokes the oil-soaked cloth in gentle circles, then over to the slender mech's audio fins. As he does so, he offers one of the cloths to Megatron with his free servo, explaining softly as he does. "The various nanites that populate our plating are fueled by this sort of oil, and it energizes them. Not just that, the right sort of contact brings them all to that spot in particular... a gentle stroke only encourages them slightly, but a firmer contact brings them to that spot- here, let me show you." he offered, looking Soundwave over- or, at least, the little bit of Soundwave that he can see above the oil. "Are there any places that are still sore?" 

 

Soundwave blinks, tilting his helm, then slowly raises his arm and offers his elbow joint to the Prime. His elbows are still a bit sore... maybe this will help. Hopefully it'll help. He doesn't like being in pain, and his elbows have ached ever since someone saw fit to wrench his arms up behind his back until the disks that made up his elbow joints slipped out of place and didn't snap back. They'd been slightly misaligned ever since, so his frame needed time to adjust them back into place. The oil was helping, but not enough... maybe this would- 

Ohhh that feels  _good._ Soundwave gives a startled little noise when the cloth is carefully stroked around his elbow joint, then he gives a soft little trill and goes limp, optics fluttering shut at the sensation. The gentle but firm strokes of the cloth are sending waves of soft pleasure along his arm, and- and he can feel a soft tingle of self-repair nanites rushing to the area. The light strokes from before brought a similar tingle, but this is much stronger... evidently the oil-soaked cloth is encouraging them to the surface. Not just that, the bio-lighting that Optimus is stroking is sensitive, and- 

Okay, no more thinking. Just- just relaxing. No need to do anything other than just enjoy... and- 

And now Megatron is gently touching his other arm, is- is doing the same thing with his other elbow joint- _oh_. Soundwave moans softly, then tenses up, startled by his own voice. What- oh. He's- he's never heard himself make a noise like that before... and he's really not certain what he thinks of it. 

 

"You like this?" Megatron whispers, then smiles, moving just a bit closer and glancing over at Optimus. //I've never heard him make a noise like that... and I think he's just as surprised as I am. We should keep doing this... let's see if we can get him to make any more new sounds.// he purrs, watching Soundwave relax, then smiles when the spymaster croons up at him. "I'm going to take that as a yes... you very much like this, don't you?" 

 

Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Soundwave trills up at him, then coos and goes completely limp when Optimus presses into just the right spot on his elbow joint. Crooning softly, he blinks up at Megatron and Optimus, then shivers just a bit when his situation sinks in. They're both treating him so  _carefully,_ like he's something small and delicate... more than that, really. They're... they're treating him like something _precious_. Something... something to be valued, to be protected. And... Soundwave just doesn't understand why.

He... he isn't worth this much, not to anyone else. To everyone else he's just... just a creepy little freak. Or worse, just a toy, something to be played with until he _breaks_.

But... but they're treating him like something good, something _precious_... why?

Why is he worth something more than that to them? He's given his loyalty to Megatron, so that makes sense, but... but he's never given Optimus anything, and the Prime is treating him just as carefully... more than that, he seems to be guiding Megatron, showing the warlord what to do. 

Soundwave doesn't understand this, but... he is sure of one thing.

If they were in his place, he would... he would do the same for them. 

Unquestioningly. 

He would most definitely do the same for them.

And... and it feels good. That knowledge feels good. It gives him an odd feeling in his chassis, something he can only manage to loosely group with the things he feels when he's interacting with Laserbeak... 

It seems he might need to redefine his definition of a few things.

Namely, a certain emotion. 

Or he might have to come up with a new category for this feeling.

He's not certain what to do with it. But, whatever it is... he likes it. A lot. He's... 

He's safe, he's warm, he's comfortable... the mech he trusts most and the mech he is rapidly growing to trust just as much are both giving him careful attention that feels very, very good... 

Soundwave loves this. 


	12. Melted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Megatron and Optimus have sneaky COMM conversations so as not to wake up/upset Soundwave.  
> Soundwave kind of just tries to figure this out.  
> Also, robot manicures (sorta).

//He's so  _relaxed._ // Megatron marvels, watching Soundwave go limp, then smiles slightly when he realizes that the spymaster is already half-asleep. //I don't think I've ever seen him this relaxed. How did- how are you doing this?// the warlord asks, looking over at Optimus and not stopping his careful stroking of the slender mech's elbow joints. //Or- actually, never mind. He likes your voice.// he notes, his optics dimming slightly as he relaxes into the pool of oil. The feeling of the liquid lapping at his frame is lulling him into a relaxed state, and... he's feeling like talking, for once. Optimus is usually interesting to talk to, so... might as well talk. 

 

//A lot of people seem to like my voice. And... I'm just being gentle with him. I suspect he doesn't get much gentle attention, if any... and he seems quite touch-starved. I think he needs more attention that doesn't end up hurting him. And... Ratchet's taught me a few things to help calm people down, I've been using those. The oil bath is probably helping, too.// Optimus explains, then pauses, gently shifting the slender little frame so that Soundwave is using Optimus' arm as a pillow- the spymaster is asleep, but he's going to wake up sore if he stays sprawled out on one elbow. "There... that should keep you from waking up stiff. Just relax... you're safe."

Optimus hums soothingly, then blinks, tilting his helm slightly and looking the slender mech over with a tiny smile. //I'm almost tempted to sing something to him. He needs to recharge, and... if he likes my voice, I might be able to keep him from having nightmares.// 

 

//Oh, he definitely likes your voice. He has a few recordings of you singing... don't know where he got them.// Megatron chuckles, then immediately sobers at that last sentence. //He's been having nightmares? No- of course he has.  _Fraggers._ // the warlord snarls, then freezes when Soundwave stirs uneasily. 

 

"Shh, shh..." Optimus croons, then leans down and hums a few bars of a random bit of classical music in Soundwave's audios, hoping to get him calmed down. After a moment, he smiles softly when the spymaster relaxes, then looks over at Megatron again. //Try not to get so angry, at least not right now... all you'll do is upset him. Try to relax.//

 

//HOW?// Megatron growls, glaring at the Prime with his armor flared slightly in an angry gesture. //They  _hurt_ him. I promised I wouldn't let anyone hurt him like  _that_ ever again- and they did worse. I completely failed to protect him, and the mechs who did this to him are still free- and he's hurting so badly, and I can't do anything to help him because I can't kill a fragging  _nightmare_ -// the warlord snarls, then freezes again when Soundwave whimpers. // _SLAGGIT-_ //

 

Oh.  _That's_ the problem. It's not just anger- Megatron is feeling helpless, and he's turning that into anger. Not surprising- it's a survival tactic that a lot of mechs have developed. Optimus sighs, then speaks out loud, his voice soft but firm. "Megatron. Try to calm down." he orders gently, then leans down again and hums soothingly in Soundwave's audios, trying to calm the spymaster's growing unease. "Shh, Soundwave, shh... nothing to be afraid of. It's safe here. Megatron is upset that you were hurt... he isn't going to hurt you. He's probably going to hurt the mechs who hurt you like this, but he won't hurt you. You're safe." 

After a couple of minutes to get the spymaster calmed back down, Optimus sighs softly and looks over at Megatron, COMMing the warlord in an effort to keep their conversation silent. //I know you're angry, and I understand... but you need to calm down. _Soundwave_ needs you to calm down. You can be angry later. Right now... you need to be as calming as you can, so that Soundwave can recharge peacefully. Later, you can use that anger to help us find the mechs who did this. Though -and I know you won't want to hear this- you can't kill them. I know you probably want to, but we do need them alive... they can help us find the others, for one thing. For another... there may be other mechs who've been hurt and are too afraid to speak up. We need to know if there's anyone else who needs our help. So... you can hurt them if you find them, I know I can't stop you from doing that, but you need to leave them alive. Alright?//

 

Megatron curls his servos into fists, digging his claws into his palms and venting deeply- which gets oil into his ventilation systems. The sensation isn't unpleasant, but it's quite strange, and it's enough to turn his emotions from anger into something that's probably better described as 'WTF'. After a moment or two more, he sighs softly, having gotten his anger (mostly) under control. It's more difficult now, thanks to the lingering effects of the dark energon, but he can still manage. //Of course I am going to hurt them. They deserve it.// he growls, then looks down at Soundwave for a moment or two, optics soft. After a moment, he turns his attention back to Optimus, speaking out loud to get his point across. His voice is just a bit softer than it normally is when he speaks, though... he doesn't like admitting that he doesn't know something. "I can't do anything to help him with what they did. I can hurt the mechs who did this, but I can't undo it, and I can't help him feel better. But... you seem to know what you're doing." 

Carefully stroking the spymaster's audio fins, Megatron watches Soundwave for a moment, then turns his attention back to Optimus. When he does, his optics are stern and borderline threatening, and his armor is flared out slightly. "You take care of him. He seems to like you, and you know what you're doing. But- if you hurt him at all, if you try to make him do _anything_ he doesn't want to do, if you do anything to break the trust that you've earned from him... Prime or no Prime, I will track you down and tear your spark from its chamber. Am I making myself clear?" 

 

"Very clear." Optimus whispers, then carefully shifts Soundwave just a bit closer to him, taking almost a protective stance under Megatron's dangerous gaze. "Believe me... I have no intentions of harming him. In fact, I fully intend to protect him as much as possible..." he sighs, then smiles when the spymaster chirps sleepily and wriggles slightly towards him. "And I think I may have managed to get that message across... he seems at least reasonably comfortable with being close to me. Though... I suspect he may only be this calm because he's recharging." he notes, then smiles when the spymaster nuzzles up against him. And he doesn't quite manage to keep himself from making a small 'aww' noise in response to the nuzzle. "I have to admit, I'm somewhat enjoying this... he's cute." the Prime whispers, then pauses, looking slightly embarrassed. "I didn't entirely mean to say that out loud."

 

Megatron narrows his optics at the Prime, then glances down at Soundwave, his optics softening. _I suppose 'cute' is a fairly accurate description... though I'm not going to tell either one of them that._ "Just as long as you keep your servos off him unless you have permission. I will  _hurt_ you if you touch him without permission." he warned, then edges just a bit closer, hoping to shield Soundwave from any possible threats. Not that this is a terribly threatening situation. 

 

"I won't, unless it becomes medically necessary." Optimus hums softly, then tilts his helm slightly, looking down at Soundwave- who is now doing his best impression of a piece of Optimus' chassis plating. "I'm guessing this doesn't count? I don't think it would be possible to pry him loose at this point. The only way he could cling any tighter is if he-" 

 

Soundwave forestalls the Prime's next few words by unfurling his tentacles, slowly wrapping them around various bits of the Prime's frame. And they don't stop there- the powerful appendages continue to slither over Optimus' plating, winding their way into and around multiple gaps in plating until they may as well be a part of Optimus' frame as well as Soundwave's. Trilling softly despite being in recharge, the spymaster nuzzles against Optimus' throat, then relaxes and just purrs softly. 

 

"-if he did that." Optimus finishes, then smiles and slowly strokes one servo down the slender mech's back. "And, honestly, I'm glad to see this... he was afraid to use these before. Granted, he's probably still afraid, but... this is better than before." he sighs, then lightly touches one of the bio-lights on whichever tentacle is wrapped around his chassis. "Do you know if these are... sensitive? I'd like a better look at them, but I'd hate to seem like I'm trying to... start something. I don't want to frighten him."

 

"Well, they're essentially an extension of his fingertips, so they're definitely very sensitive... but I'm not certain if they're _that_ kind of sensitive. He's never shown any aversion to me touching them, but... you should probably leave them alone unless you have his permission." Megatron decides, raising an optic ridge at how casually Optimus is behaving. "You aren't bothered by the fact that he could crush you right now if he wanted to? Most people don't like those tentacles... some find them disturbing." 

 

"They don't bother me... I really just find them interesting." Optimus shrugs, removing his servo from Soundwave's tentacle and just relaxing again. "And, yes, I know he could hurt me. However, he doesn't have any reason to do so... and even if he starts trying to crush me in his sleep for some reason, I'm durable. I can wake him up before he causes any real damage. If this might help him relax, I'm willing to risk some dents." he shrugs, then blinks when one of the still-moving tentacles ends up in his servo. "I know he's asleep, but... I think I'll take this as permission for now." he decides, lightly stroking a fingertip down one of the bio-lights, then shrugs and just gently wraps his servo around the section of tentacle draped across his palm. "If he calms down enough to trust me with these, I think I'd like to inspect them at some point... they're honestly quite fascinating."

 

"Just be gentle with them. And the rest of him. He's... not durable." Megatron warns, then shifts his position and slips further into the pool, vanishing under the oil. Optimus plainly isn't going to hurt Soundwave, so it's safe to leave them alone... also, the oil is VERY nice. He'll just relax for awhile... and quite possibly come back here later. 

 

Optimus stirs slightly, attempting to do the same- then immediately goes still when Soundwave digs his claws in. "Ow. Okay- I take it you'd prefer to stay with me? That is entirely doable." Optimus hums, then flips onto his back, tugging Soundwave gently onto his bath. Humming soothingly to the spymaster, he slips deeper into the pool, keeping the spymaster on top of him so that Soundwave won't think he's trying to leave. 

He can't really say anything with his helm submerged, not without swallowing more oil than he particularly cares to swallow, but Soundwave can probably still hear the humming... and possibly feel it, depending on how well oil conducts noise. 

 

 

Soundwave thrums deep in his throat, responding to the sounds, then nuzzles into Optimus' throat and rumbles softly. He, mmm... he can feel the hum with his entire frame, and... and it's good. 

 Wait. 

When had he fallen asleep?

Soundwave blinks, raising his helm slightly, then sputters when an attempt at a trill just ends up halfway filling his mouth with oil. Huh- oh. Evidently the vents that let air under his mask had let oil under it as well, which is why his face is now somewhat oily. And- and why is he submerged? Soundwave clicks in alarm, flailing for a moment, then sits up and calms slightly when he realizes that he's fine. Blinking, the spymaster tilts his helm and looks around, then loosens his visor and lets the oil out. Settling it back into place, he shifts slightly, then looks down and clicks questioningly. Why is he sitting on Optimus? When did this happen? 

And why are his tentacles out? Tensing in alarm, the spymaster quickly retracts his tentacles, shivering at the sensation of the oil that's pooled in his sides being displaced. Oh, that's- that's very strange, and.. it actually feels sort of nice. 

 

Optimus sits up, tipping Soundwave gently into his lap, then smiles and offers the spymaster a cloth. "Here... you can get your face cleaned off. Sorry, I.. didn't realize that your visor isn't air-tight. Or... actually, would you like to take that off and curl up deeper in the pool with me? It's quite nice... you just have to keep your mouth closed. The oil isn't harmful, but too much of it tends to upset one's tank." 

 

Hmm. That... sure. He's tried that before, and it's quite nice. Soundwave nods slightly, then somewhat cautiously removes his visor, blinking a couple of times until his optics adjust to the light. Holding his visor carefully against his stomach with one servo to be absolutely certain he can keep ahold of it, the spymaster slips down to lay right next to Optimus, then tilts his helm slightly as he realizes that he's actually... actually very comfortable doing this. Optimus isn't... isn't setting off any of his mental alarms. None. He's... he's not afraid. His instincts aren't screaming at him to get away, aren't protesting how close he is to the Prime... he feels safe. 

In fact... right now, he feels safer with Optimus than he does with Megatron. The warlord scares him right now, puts his instincts on edge... and he's learned to trust his instincts. Maybe... he trusts Megatron, he really does, but... maybe it would be best for him to avoid Megatron right now. Maybe just until he's had more time to recover from the dark energon. 

 

"Alright. Feel free to get out of the pool if you'd like, but I think a nice long soak might be good for you." Optimus hums, then slips down into the pool, smiling softly when he feels Soundwave follow him. Putting an arm very carefully around the slender mech, he cradles Soundwave gently up against his frame, relaxing against the bottom of the pond and hoping that the spymaster will do the same.  _  
_

After a moment or two, Optimus feels Soundwave shift slightly, then a set of slender claws probes gently along his arm. Hmm... what is Soundwave up to? Feels like he's just... investigating. That might be it... he could just be curious. Optimus relaxes, allowing his plating to flare out slightly, then smiles when Soundwave doesn't hesitate.  _That's it. Feel free to keep investigating me... I have no objections._

 

Soundwave is curious. Fortunately, it seems that Optimus is either recharging or willing to let him investigate. Tilting his helm slightly, the spymaster slowly trails his servo up Optimus' arm, investigating the thick plating and powerful shoulder joints. Once satisfied, he carefully palms one of the smokestacks on Optimus' back, then twitches away in alarm when the Prime's engine revs slightly. Uh oh- those are sensitive, aren't they? Did- did he just- oh no no no- 

Skidding slightly on the slick metal floor of the pool, Soundwave skitters away from Optimus, huddling into the first alcove he reaches and trying to hide. 

 

//...why did you just rev your engines? I felt that.// Megatron growls over a COMM link, standing up and glaring down at where he's pretty sure Optimus is. //WHAT are you doing?//

 

//I'm sorry, that was... accidental. Soundwave was... inspecting me, really, possibly trying to figure me out. My smokestacks are... rather sensitive, and he ran his servo over one of them. That was an involuntary response, and... I would explain that to him if I could find him. I think I scared him, he's hiding. I don't want to just start feeling around for him, I'm afraid I might grab some part of him that I shouldn't grab.// 

 

//Be more careful in future. It's hard enough to earn his trust in the first place... if you frighten him off, he'll never come near you again. I'll try to calm him down.//

//Soundwave? It's alright... Optimus isn't going to do anything to you. Evidently his smokestacks are rather sensitive and that was an involuntary response to the contact. He seems very apologetic. I'm not certain where you are, but perhaps consider coming out of hiding? You don't need to go back over to him, he has no right to touch you without permission, but it might be best if you let us know where you are.//

 

Soundwave blinks, considering it, then scoots over and somewhat cautiously leans up against Optimus' arm. Okay, that... that makes sense. Involuntary responses are something that happen, and... and smokestacks do tend to be fairly sensitive. He's only ever had experience with wrenching on smokestacks to cause their owner pain and make said mech let go, but... it makes sense that the other kind of sensitive would go along with that. Okay, maybe... maybe this is okay. Shuttering his optics, Soundwave curls up against Optimus' arm, then twitches in surprise when the Prime raises his arm. Wait, what is-

 

//May I put my arm around you, Soundwave? That might be more comfortable for us both. If you're comfortable with that, could you just move closer instead of trying to chirp at me? I doubt I'll be able to hear you terribly well. If you don't like the idea, just stay where you are... I won't try to pull you any closer.// Optimus soothes, then smiles when Soundwave cuddles up against him. The movement is plainly hesitant, but the spymaster definitely moves closer... evidently he likes the idea. And now there are narrow claws ever-so-carefully inspecting Optimus' side, stopping far above his hips and then cautiously tracing over his stomach. //You're still curious? Go ahead- I don't mind.// 

//Megatron, he's... back to curling up against me. Also inspecting my chassis plating. He's very curious... is this typical?//

 

//It's typical when he's feeling reasonably safe. Let him inspect you- and this time, WARN him if he's about to touch something sensitive. And... you like his attention, don't you? I can practically feel you purring.// 

 

//Honestly? Yes. Not because of the attention, though... I like that he feels safe enough to do this.// Optimus explains, gently hugging Soundwave up against his side in a protective gesture. //Is there anything else I can do to help him stay calm? Maybe something he likes?//

 

//Actually... I know something he might like. I've never tried this, but he might like some attention to his servos. Just be careful... they're delicate and somewhat sensitive. Be careful with him.// Megatron growls, then shutters his optics, relaxing. //I'm going to recharge. Leave me alone unless something happens. Do NOT upset Soundwave.//

 

//I won't.// Optimus hums, then slowly sits up, hoping that Soundwave will do the same. When the spymaster copies him, ending up huddled against Optimus' side, the Prime puts an arm gently around the slender mech to keep him close. "Soundwave... may I take your servo?" he whispers, lightly touching Soundwave's lower arm, then gently takes the delicate claws in his servo when Soundwave nods. "How do you feel about having your servos handled? I'd like to try something. I have some polish that you might like... it smells rather nice, and it's excellent for smoothing out scratches and marks. I know you wouldn't like me touching the majority of your frame, but... if you like the idea, I'll pay some attention to your servos, get these scratches buffed out. I'll work on your joints, too, see if I can work this tension out.. how does that sound?" the Prime hums, holding Soundwave's servo ever-so-gently in his own and rubbing softly at where the spymaster's fingers connect to the rest of him. "Don't worry... I'll be gentle." 

 

Soundwave blinks, watching what Optimus is doing for a moment or two, then glances up at the Prime and nods. Yes, that... that sounds nice. Optimus is gentle, and... being touched this way is nice. He likes this. Besides... he's sleepy, and he doesn't particularly want to resist anything. "PrrRRR?" 

 

"It's warmer over here." Optimus hums, moving over to a particularly shallow area of the pool and patting it. "Here... lay down and get comfortable." he coaxes, moving to sit partially out of the pool and fish around in subspace. "Let's see... ah, here we are." the Prime mutters, setting a couple of soft cloths aside, then offers the tin of polish to Soundwave. "Here... what do you think of the scent?" he asks, smiling softly as the spymaster cautiously approaches him. "As always, let me know if I do anything you don't particularly like..." 

 

Soundwave slinks over and slowly lays down on his stomach, a bit hesitant to lay down but soothed by the oil washing gently over his frame. He's somewhere safe, and... and everything feels  _good._ This is nothing like when he's been hurt in the past... this is soft, gentle, and  _warm,_ and he's not afraid any more. Arching his back, the spymaster stretches all over, then bites his lip and cautiously unfurls his tentacles. Instinctively expecting pain, he tenses up all over at the sensation of his tentacles leaving their protected spaces, then shivers and whimpers at the sensation of the warm oil. It doesn't hurt, it definitely doesn't hurt... he just doesn't quite know what to do with the feeling, and having his tentacles exposed is unnerving. Except... they aren't exposed, not quite. They're under the oil... which means that Optimus can't see his tentacles. So... no one will punish him for this. He's safe. 

And... and Optimus is offering him something that seems rather nice. Slowly raising one servo, Soundwave offers it to the Prime, still rather tense but gradually starting to relax. 

At the sensation of careful fingertips rubbing between his claws, the spymaster tenses slightly in surprise, then trills in approval and relaxes against the floor. Mmm... okay, he could... he could get used to this. Especially if Optimus keeps rubbing his fingers like this. Evidently his fingertips are more sensitive than he'd realized... the good kind of sensitive. And, mmm... that's a very soft polishing cloth. He'll have to, nnh, try to find some of these for himself. Or... maybe he can just convince Optimus to do this again. He's very thorough. 

By the time Optimus has gone over every inch of Soundwave's servos, the spymaster has pretty much just melted into a puddle of softly purring mech. He tenses up slightly when the cloth is doused in polish, then relaxes again once he realizes that the tingling of the polish against his fingertips feels very, very good. 

 

Deciding to check on Soundwave, Megatron re-surfaces just in time to hear the spymaster shiver and  _moan._ //Well... you're definitely doing something right. I've never heard him make that sound, and he's almost never that relaxed. Keep doing whatever you're doing.// he orders, then sinks back under the oil, having ascertained that Soundwave is doing just fine. 

 

 Soundwave tenses slightly at the sound of his own voice, startled and embarrassed, then whimpers softly and draws back into himself. Oh, Primus, where did that noise  _come_ from? Biting his lip slightly, he whimpers again and hides behind his arms, unable to meet the Prime's optics. He should have better control than  _that_ \- and this is just some attention to his servos, he shouldn't be reacting this much- Pit- 

 

Optimus blinks in surprise at the sudden reaction, worried that he's messed something up, then hums reassuringly when he realizes what's wrong. "No, Soundwave, it's alright... that's nothing to be ashamed of. You've just told me that you like what I'm doing, and that's good... I want you to tell me if you like what's happening to you, okay? You don't need to hide, Soundwave." he croons, then slowly reaches and takes the spymaster's servo, slowly coaxing him to uncover his faceplates. Well- uncover his visor. "Hey... you don't need to be ashamed of reacting to this. I'm guessing you don't get much practice being stoic while someone's doing something nice for you?" he asks softly, then smiles when Soundwave tilts his helm in a slightly thoughtful manner. "There... you see? You haven't had any practice not reacting, so you can't be faulted for being vocal. Besides, I enjoy that you're responding so well... I like knowing that this feels good for you." he soothes, then smiles encouragingly when Soundwave slowly offers the Prime his servos. "Thank you..."

 

Once again, Optimus is making a lot of sense. And... and the Prime isn't mocking him. In fact... Optimus  _likes_ having him respond. Maybe... maybe he should respond a bit more? 

In order to test his theory, Soundwave croons softly in response to the next careful touch, just cautiously testing the waters- and it earns him a little smile. Okay, that's... that's a good response. Optimus likes this, and... Soundwave genuinely wants to make the Prime happy. Optimus has been so  _nice_ to him... he wants to express his gratitude. How to do so, he's not certain, so he'll just start with anything that earns a good response from the Prime. 

And, mmm... if that's really all he needs to do to get such nice attention, such nice, non-judgemental attention... he could get used to this. 

 

There... it looks like he's gotten Soundwave calmed down. Not just that, the spymaster is actually  _trying_ to respond to him. Smiling softly, Optimus continues his careful attention, now carefully cleaning the joints of the spymaster's fingers and carefully working out the tension. Every bit of Soundwave's frame has been very tense, but he's starting to relax quite a bit... he definitely likes this attention, and Optimus is most definitely going to give him as much of it as he wants. 

_That's it, Soundwave. Relax... let me give you the attention you deserve._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short-ish because the muse hasn't been cooperating in the slightest with the end of this chapter, or with further events.  
> There will be a large timeskip in the next chapter, and the muse likes what happens after said timeskip.


	13. Sorry, not actually a chapter (yet)

Big timeskip at the start of the next chapter. I'm putting this here in case I come up with some snippets that happen inside that skipped section of time. 


	14. Scared again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the mechs who hurt Soundwave shows up in this chapter and kind of just torments him. If that sort of thing bothers you, I'm not certain why you'd be reading this, but I'll put the section with the creepy mech between two lines of ====================. You can skip it if wanted/needed.  
> There is also some description of the things that happened to Soundwave. It's also skippable, and it's also between the lines.

Over the next several months, Soundwave gradually manages to rebuild his mental walls. 

Optimus doesn't force him to go talk to anyone, and that's good.

Jazz sometimes comes over and tries to talk to him, tries to get him to play another few games, and Soundwave usually agrees. He likes the games, and he rather likes Jazz. The saboteur treats him fairly gently, but he doesn't tip-pede around Soundwave- he evidently understands that Soundwave will NOT appreciate being treated like that. Instead, Jazz just dials back his usual exuberance slightly, and he doesn't try to touch Soundwave without permission. 

Rung occasionally comess over and talk to Soundwave, but he never tries to start an actual session... possibly because Soundwave quite simply isn't receptive to Rung's little probing attempts at getting him to talk. The spymaster is willing to play Jazz's games with Rung, but he won't talk- he doesn't trust Rung, and he isn't about to let this little mech learn too much about him. There's no way he's going to trust a mech who evidently does nothing but get others to spill their secrets. Soundwave is  _not_ the secret-spilling type. 

Ratchet and Patches are evidently extremely busy. Patches comes by once more to deliver the last of his replacement armor, and Ratchet comes twice to run quick exams and be certain that nothing is healing wrong. Said exams don't involve anything more than a few scans and another couple of tests to his joints, so they don't cause Soundwave any major stress. He doen't particularly  _enjoy_ them, but they're acceptable. Other than those occasions, the medics stay away. 

Megatron is evidently also quite busy. He visits fairly often to talk to Soundwave, but he seems a bit cautious... he probably sees that he's making Soundwave a bit nervous. It isn't that the spymaster  _wants_ to be nervous around Megatron, but... there's  _something_ about the warlord that still unnerves him. Maybe it's the memory of watching Megatron slowly unravel, watching the purple in his optics deepen, watching him slowly get more and more violent as the dark energon claimed more and more of his mind. Whatever it is, Megatron doesn't visit often, and he's always very careful when he does. 

And Optimus... Optimus continues to be strangely nice. The Prime still gives him gentle attention without ever asking for anything major in return. A couple of times Optimus asks for some help cleaning his upper back in the shower, and Soundwave has no objections to helping- it makes Optimus relax rather nicely under his servos, and it keeps the Prime happy. Besides- this is honestly one of the best situations Soundwave has ever been in. He has a constant supply of good-quality energon, a comfortable berth, a room that's purely his and can be locked (Optimus has installed a very hefty latch for him), and nobody is bothering him. His only real complaint (aside from a few lingering aches and the  _nightmares_ every few nights) is the sheer boredom. He's beaten a considerable portion of the games on his data-pads, and he needs more to do than just play games.

Optimus has been giving him a few other things to do as well, mainly communication or transportation issues that need some input, and that helps stave off boredom a bit. However, it isn't enough. Soundwave is a highly intelligent mech who's used to multi-tasking... he's getting incredibly bored. He's had enough time to rebuild his walls enough to function around a small number of people... can he potentially go and do things other than sit here all day? Laserbeak has been out flying every day and has scouted the area for him... can he maybe go and check the buildings for usable supplies, at least? _  
_

 

========================================================================

He's just about to go and ask Optimus, when something happens that completely replaces his boredom with something much, much worse.

He's playing with a 3-D image of a radio transmitter, trying to refine the design a bit, when he hears something that chills him to his core. A soft, purring, horribly familiar voice... a voice that's been in some of his more recent nightmares. "Hello, Soundwave... my little toy." 

The spymaster tenses all over, an involuntary little whine of sheer horror tugging out of his throat, then instinctively goes limp and still in a reaction he hasn't had in months. No. No no no no  _no-_ not again,  _please,_ not again- not him, please, just- for the love of Primus, not  _him_. He knows that voice, and that is the mech who first made him seriously contemplate trying to die as a way out of what was happening to him, because that mech knows how to reach into someone's mind and find all their trigger points and  _twist,_ and this is one of the mechs who was present when- 

He should run. He should really run. Laserbeak (off on one of her exploration trips, thank  _Primus,_ she's safe) has felt his fear and is  _screaming_ for him to run, but- but raw terror and forcibly built-up instinct keeps him in place, keeps him limp against the couch as a mech out of his nightmares crawls on top of him. He's not looking, he's not looking, he  _can't,_ but then claws scrape down his audio fin and his tormentor whispers in his audios, other servo already sliding down his side towards his pelvic armor. "Pretty little thing... look at you. All cleaned up, all repaired... even looking a bit shinier by now. I like you even more this way, pretty thing... no wonder the Prime has kept you to himself. But... he's decided to share with me. Told me to come on in... he's busy, he won't be in for awhile. Plenty of time for us to get you back into a more fitting situation... you have far too much armor on for my liking." 

Optimus- Optimus said to- 

No, that- that can't be true, it's a lie, it's- Optimus would never-

Unless he really has just been waiting for Soundwave to heal properly, and he actually intends to- 

Or maybe he just wants to use Soundwave as a bargaining chip. The spymaster has seen a few cases of that happening, of unfortunate pets being used to buy favors, and- and maybe that's what's happening here-

Would Optimus really do this? To him? 

A tiny whimper escapes him at the thought, and he immediately regrets it when his tormentor purrs. Right. This one likes sounds. He has to- has to keep quiet- can't let this mech hear him. Has to just bite down, go still, and wait for it to be over-

But there are claws digging at the latches to his chassis plating, slowly prying it loose, and- and Laserbeak is still screaming for him to  _run,_ her fear projecting itself over the bond- 

 

"Pretty little thing... I am going to enjoy this. I bet your sweet little valve is all better now, too... does it still hurt? Do you still ache from those big mechs  _taking_ you? They were so  _rough..._ you're such a delicate little mech, they should have known better. Or, hmm... they probably did. I think they just liked the sounds you made... you scream so beautifully. Don't worry, though, we won't be doing that... not this time. You need to be quiet. Besides... I'd hate to tear that pretty valve before I've had my fun with you. And, if you're good, maybe it won't happen at all. You know how this works, right? The better you are, the easier this is? It's still the same. Maybe, mmm... if you're good, maybe I'll take the time to get you ready for me. You might actually  _enjoy_ this if you're a good boy... remember when we did that? Remember when I tied you down and stuck that little toy to your node until you were just a whimpering, panting,  _dripping_ mess? Mmm... you were pretty badly hurt then, though... I'm sure it won't hurt this time, if your calipers are all lined up right. They might not stay that way, though... I have a few new ideas. So... what do you say. Are you going to be a good boy?" 

 

Yes. He's ashamed of himself, but- but there's no point in fighting, and he- he can't let- he needs this not to hurt, please. So... yes. He'll be good. Soundwave whimpers very softly, unable to muffle it, then nods slightly and chokes back a little noise of shame. It would probably be a sob if it managed to get out. He can't- he can't do this again. He was just starting to feel better, he can't-  _please-_

 

"Good boy... so you still remember what to do. Now... spread your legs a bit more, pretty thing- there you go, just like that. Now... you are going to stay perfectly still, no matter what. You remember that little prod of mine, yes? Well, I've brought it with me. I only used it on your protoform last time... misbehave this time, and it's going in your valve. I'm told the mildest setting feels good, but... judging by your reaction to the strongest setting just against your side, I'm guessing you don't want that anywhere _near_ all those sensors in your valve. So... I'd suggest you be good." his attacker whispers, digging a set of painfully sharp claws into Soundwave's pelvic armor and starting to pry it loose-

 

No no no no no _no-_

  _Please-_

_NO-_

========================================================================

 

Too far away to offer any real help, Laserbeak settles for speeding back towards the building as fast as possible, screaming over the bond the entire way. Telling Soundwave to run isn't working, but the combined feeling of horror and  _shame_ over the link is making her very, very angry, and- and she has an idea. 

Shoving as much of her anger back over the bond as possible, Laserbeak screams at Soundwave with every ounce of energy that she can muster, trying to get him to do  _something_  other than just lay there and shake. _//Master- KILL HIM!//_

 

Soundwave definitely isn't going to muster up enough willpower to do that any time soon, but- the burst of anger gives him the boost he needs to stop submitting and turn his terror into something a bit more useful- adrenaline. 

Putting every ounce of strength behind the motion, Soundwave smashes one knee up against his tormentor's stomach, then kicks his way out of the suddenly slack grip and  _runs._ He doesn't know where he's going, and he doesn't care- he just has to be  _not here._ Fortunately for him, the door openes right as he runs at it- otherwise he probably would have broken his visor and possibly his chassis armor. He doesn't stop to see  _why_ the door is open (or, more specifically, who's outside), he just bolts off down the hallway away from every other inhabited room. His fear has been channeled into adrenaline to send him running, and given the sheer amount of fright, he's not going to stop running until he either runs out of energy or encounters something solid at top speed. 

Turns out it's the former. 

By the time he runs out of energy, he's down in the underground area of the building, in a half-collapsed section that looks like an Insecticon may have come through it. Panting softly, the spymaster slumps against a wall for a moment to regain his strength, then limps (he pulled something in his leg during his desperate escape attempt) around a half-closed door and collapses into a corner. His burst of energy is gone, he's stirred up a good few aches, and his mind is a whirl of fear and  _betrayal._ Whimpering softly, he curls himself into a little ball, hugging himself with his tentacles in an effort to calm his racing sparkbeat. He  _hurts,_ physically and mentally-  _why_ did Optimus let that mech near him again? Did- did he do something wrong? Is Optimus mad at him for something? 

Or- or was this his intended purpose all along? No, that- that can't be right... Optimus has been so  _sweet_ to him, this doesn't make any sense. 

Huddled into an upset little ball, Soundwave shuts his optics and  _sobs,_ hurt and scared and horribly upset. He doesn't  _understand,_ and- and he's not  _safe._ Optimus has been telling him over and over that he's safe, but- but he's  _not_ safe, not here- 

But he has nowhere else to go. 

He'll just have to beg. Maybe- maybe he can convince Optimus not to let anyone hurt him. There's nothing else he can do. He's hit a dead end in this hallway, he's too tired to run any more, and... and even if he could get to somewhere else, where could he go? The Autobots have won. They'll just drag him back to Optimus as soon as they find him, and- and he sent Airachnid and an Insecticon army to the only moon he could technically attempt to survive on. That's not an option, especially since there's a fairly high probability that at least one of them was infected with a certain very sinister virus at the time- he is NOT going there. 

 

Soundwave's miserable little ball is left alone for quite awhile, as he's gotten too far into the mess of old hallways and rooms to be found very quickly. 

 

When Optimus finally finds him, the Prime approaches very slowly, servos raised and optics almost painfully sad. He doesn't try to get into the half-closed-off room that Soundwave is hiding in, though, he stays outside the door. No sense in terrifying Soundwave even more. "Soundwave... Pit, I'm _sorry,_ I didn't- I never would have let him in here if I knew he was one of  _them._ I'm so sorry... are you hurt?" he asks, then twitches back slightly when Soundwave hisses desperately at him. "I- no, Soundwave, shh... it's okay. I won't hurt you. And... he won't get the chance to get  _anywhere_ near you ever again, Soundwave. He's been arrested, and he's about halfway to lockup by now. I'm so sorry he got anywhere near you..." 

 

Soundwave doesn't want to hide. He doesn't. But... he doesn't know if he can trust Optimus. Trembling slightly, he hisses up at Optimus and presses back into his corner even further, trying to get away from the Prime. He doesn't know what to think, but- but the Prime looks so  _upset._ Maybe... maybe Optimus is telling the truth? 

And he's hurting, he's scared... he wants comfort. Essentially 90% of his experiences with Optimus have been positive and comforting, and he wants that comfort. He... he might just... move a little bit closer. 

 

"That was our communications organizer... we've been having some communication issues, and I was hoping that he would be able to collaborate with you to help solve them. I ran into Jazz outside, so I told him to go on in and introduce himself while I discussed situation reports with Jazz... I'm so sorry, I never thought that mech would-" Optimus breaks off, shaking his helm slightly, then sighs and sits down outside the door. "Soundwave, please... come out? I want to be sure you're okay." he whispers, slowly holding out a servo and trying to coax the spymaster close. And he doesn't just want to be sure that Soundwave is okay... he wants to comfort the shaking little spymaster. 

 

Oh, that... that actually makes sense. Blinking, Soundwave tilts his helm slightly, then slowly slinks out of his corner and approaches the Prime. He freezes a couple of times as he approaches, cautious, then slowly reaches out and takes Optimus' servo. He's incredibly tense, still, almost expecting to be tugged out of the semi-safe place he's found so that Optimus can reach him- but that's not what happens. Optimus just very gently takes his servo, still watching him with those earnest blue optics, and doesn't attempt to pull him closer. Okay, that... isn't entirely what he's expecting, but it is typical of Optimus. It's... it's nice. 

Still hesitant, the spymaster just sits there for a moment, shaking slightly and watching the Prime's optics. When Optimus doesn't pull on him or try to get him closer after a few more minutes, he slowly edges closer, then licks his lips and ventures a tiny chirp. It's just an inquiring little noise, a wordless question about what's going to happen next... he's not certain what the Prime is planning to do. 

 

"I'm so sorry." Optimus whispers, then tugs very lightly on the spymaster's servo, hoping to coax him closer. He's not using anywhere near enough strength to actually move Soundwave, it's just a coaxing little gesture... he's hoping he won't scare the already-frightened mech, but he needs to get Soundwave out of here. "Are you willing to come with me? He's gone, I promise, he's gone. And... you don't have to go back into that room for very long. You can go back to your room, or I can take you somewhere else... would you like to go visit Jazz for awhile?" he asks, then reconsiders something he was right about to say- and good thing. He was about to ask if Soundwave wants to go to Optimus' berthroom, but... that would probably send the spymaster running. "It's your choice... what would you be most comfortable with? Now, Jazz is going to be gone for awhile, but I doubt he'd mind us borrowing his soft room as long as I let him know. Or... I'm guessing you don't want to go to Prowl's quarters, but... we could go and visit Rung? You don't need to talk to him, don't worry. So... you have a few options. We'll have to walk through that room to go anywhere, but we don't have to stay... I'm guessing you'd rather not."

 

No. He doesn't want to stay in that room, not for awhile. Or go to Prowl's quarters, no thanks, he doesn't trust that mech. And Rung seems fairly nice, but he asks far too many questions, even if they are attempts to help. So... hm, alright, Jazz's quarters seem to be a reasonably good option. He'll go with that. Nodding slightly, he flickers a quick image of Jazz across his visor, then cautiously edges just a bit closer to Optimus. The little tug is enough encouragement to coax him closer, and Optimus still isn't trying to make him come out, he's just... coaxing. Soundwave could refuse if he wanted to. He just... doesn't particularly want to. 

 

"There we go." Optimus hums, standing up with Soundwave's narrow servo still carefully held in his own. "Come on... we'll go spend some time in Jazz's soft room. I'll just COMM him, and ask if we can borrow some of his games." 

//Jazz, Soundwave is rather... shaken up. May we borrow your soft room and a few games until he relaxes again?// the Prime requests, glancing down at Soundwave as he does. The spymaster is walking right up next to him, still trembling slightly but looking just a bit calmer- maybe he needed the reassurance. 

 

//Sure. An' don't worry about this guy- he's not going anywhere.//

 

//Jazz? Alive. We need him alive.//

 

//Aw, c'mon, boss-mech... can I at least beat him up a li'l bit?//

 

//...you're going to say he tripped, aren't you? Just.. don't let it go past that.//

 

//Got it. There's sweet energon in the cabinet on the wall, and a few other things in there. Just let Soundwave bury himself in pillows- that oughta calm him down. If not, lemme know.... there's a few thing he oughta like, but I'll have to dig 'em up. Jazz out.//

 

"Jazz is perfectly willing to let us borrow his soft room. Come on... I'll get you some sweet energon once we're there. How does that sound?" Optimus whispers, smiling just a tiny bit as Soundwave follows him. "Are you feeling a bit better?" 

 

A little bit, yes. At least he doesn't feel betrayed. He's still badly shaken, but... he's safe, at least for now. Maybe he'll just... try to stay as close to Optimus as possible. If he's right next to someone who wants to keep him safe, he'll probably be alright, and... Optimus can definitely keep him safe. He just has to stay close to the Prime. Maybe in the same room at all times. 

Except for when the Prime is recharging. For one thing, he's pretty certain that Optimus would rather not have someone watching him recharge. It's not a thing that most people enjoy. For another... he'd rather not be in someone else's berthroom. It... might be interpreted as a proposition. Optimus seems like he'd be a very considerate berth partner, but... Soundwave still most definitely doesn't want to interface with him. Or anyone. Ever. 

Still shaking just slightly, the spymaster stays close to Optimus for the entire trip, especially when he has to walk past the couch. He really just doesn't want to be in this room... not right now. Maybe he'll be feeling a bit safer in here later, but... not now. Jazz's room sounds like a better place to be right now... it's further away from here. 

Once in the pillow-filled room, Soundwave creeps into a corner and leans against the padded wall, gathering up every pillow within reach as he does so. Pulling the pillows and a couple of blankets up against his frame, he tucks himself into a little ball, then blinks and tilts his helm in an inquiring gesture when Optimus approaches him with an armful of more pillows. That's... a lot of pillows. Does he need that many? Probably not. But he'll take that many pillows... they are rather nice.

 

"Here you are." Optimus hums, setting the rest of the pillows in front of Soundwave, then tucks a few around the spymaster and drapes a blanket over him. "Here... get comfortable. I'm going to see if I can figure out how to turn Jazz's equipment on." he explains, then pauses, blushing a tiny bit as he turns to work on the viewscreen. "That sounded entirely wrong."

 Once he's gotten the game system turned on, the Prime sits back down near Soundwave's pile of pillows and blankets, offering the slender mech one of the game controllers. "Here. You don't have to come out, but... I think you'll like this game. Would you like to play?" he asks, then smiles when Soundwave cautiously accepts the controller. "This is a game from Earth- Jazz has a fairly large collection. I haven't played this one before, so... shall we just try to figure it out together?" the Prime suggests, his voice soft and encouraging as the spymaster watches him. 

 

Alright... sure. Might as well. Jazz has fairly good taste in music, so... he might like Jazz's taste in games. Turning the controller over a couple of times, he experimentally fiddles with the controls, then blinks and looks over at Optimus. He's actually played a couple of video games with similar controllers, though not much... he's messed with the Vehicons' games while they aren't around. So he does have a basic idea of how to work the controls, he just... hasn't played them much at all. Not since... not since he lost Rumble and Frenzy. 

Somewhat fortunately, he's distracted from his sorrow by Optimus chuckling to himself as he tries and fails to jump his character onto a small ledge. The result is more along the lines of what happened when multiple drunk Vehicons attempted to climb a rock wall. Much scrambling and awkward jumping. Kind of funny. 

 

Once both of the on-screen characters are walking properly (Soundwave gets it figured out much sooner despite having to work with a controller that is definitely not designed for someone with his servos), the game proceeds, and both mechs rather quickly get lost in the game. It's not all blood and gore like the games that Rumble and Frenzy used to like, which is somewhat unsurprising considering that Optimus selected it, and- it's actually very good, at least in Soundwave's opinion. Humans are strange, primitive little creatures, but their various cultures tend to encourage art and various pursuits that are entertaining rather than useful, which is something that tends to be rather unusual among Cybertronians. As a result, their arts and entertainment have flourished, and they've come up with some rather interesting things. 

Soundwave stays happily engrossed in the game for quite awhile, up until the first boss level. And he's fine with this, really, but it's a large monster that decides to leap out of hiding and take up about half the screen with fangs and claws. Also, it's very loud. Soundwave isn't  _afraid_ of it, it's just a fictional (and admittedly a little bit creepy) creature, but it startles him. He's only just gotten himself calmed down, so his sparkrate shoots right back up, and... and he doesn't like this. He manages to stay reasonably calm for the entire fight (it's actually not terribly long, the beast is actually quite cowardly and flees after they land a few good hits), but his sparkrate stays far too high, and- and he's not feeling so good. Shivering, the spymaster curls back into the nest of pillows, pausing the game and setting the remote down. No. He just- no. Can't. Not right now. 

 

"Soundwave?" Optimus asks softly, suddenly a bit worried, then moves one of the pillows to get a better look at the slender mech. "Did that creature startle you? It's alright... that was quite sudden." he sighs, then raises an optic ridge when he notices that Soundwave is still shaking. "Oh.. that was just the last bolt, then? It's alright, Soundwave... nothing to be ashamed of. It's no wonder that you're shaken..." he soothes, then slowly offers Soundwave a servo, trying to help calm him. "May I try to help you calm down?" 

 

Yes. Yes please. He's honestly sort of ashamed of it, but- but he's fairly certain that if he doesn't get his sparkrate lowered, he's going to end up either punching something or completely breaking down- probably the latter. Shivering, Soundwave crawls out of his hiding place and slinks over to Optimus, wanting to press up against the Prime- then freezes and shrinks into himself when Optimus moves in his direction. Some part of him still doesn't entirely trust Optimus, or maybe he just doesn't trust large mechs in general- either way, he can't help but flinch away. 

 

"Here... just give me a minute." Optimus soothes, reaching over to grab a few pillows and a blanket, then sits back down and spreads the blanket over his lap. "Now... you don't need to sit in my lap if you aren't comfortable with that, but are you willing to come sit right next to me?" the Prime asks softly, then sighs at the uncertainty in Soundwave's body language. "It's alright... there's no shame in wanting some comfort, Soundwave, especially given what happened to you." 

 

Optimus keeps saying things like that, keeps saying it's okay for him to want comfort, keeps  _offering_ it to him... shame or not, he wants to take that offer. He... he likes what Optimus does to him, and... he wants more. Slinking over, Soundwave hesitates right next to the Prime, then in-vents and scoots into the larger mech's lap. He can't help but tense at the feeling of another mech against his back, but- but this is  _Optimus._ The feeling of the larger mech's frame against his is familiar, and the sounds of his inner workings are comforting. Curling into himself, Soundwave grips at Optimus' arm with both servos, then glances up at his faceplates. "...trr?" 

 

"Hello." Optimus chuckles, pleasantly surprised by the spymaster's moment of boldness, then carefully wraps his arms around the slender mech and hums gently to him. "There... how's this?" he whispers, then lightly touches Soundwave's audio fin, hoping to calm him. "Can you tell me how you're feeling?" 

 

Scared. Very scared. He's not  _safe-_ someone got in. And- and someone else might get in and- and Optimus might not be there to help-  _  
_

Soundwave's vents hitch rapidly for a moment, his claws digging into Optimus' arm, then he tenses all over when the Prime puts a servo on his back. Uh oh. Is- did he do something- did he do something wrong? Whining softly in concern, he looks up at Optimus for a moment, then shudders and tries to hide his faceplates. He doesn't know if he just upset Optimus, and- and he's  _scared,_ and his sparkrate won't slow down, and- 

Panting, he curls into himself and presses both servos over his chassis, suddenly very alarmed by just how  _fast_ his spark is racing.

 

"Soundwave... shh. You're alright." Optimus whispers, then pulls a few pillows over and tucks them around himself and Soundwave, whispering gently in his audios. "I'm so sorry that mech got in here, but he won't ever get the chance to touch you again, and I'm going to be more careful now. I'm not going to let anyone new into my quarters without asking you if you recognize them, alright? I... evidently have some bad mechs rather high up in my chain of command, and I absolutely need to fix that." he sighs, then strokes one servo up to pet Soundwave's audio fins, trying to soothe away the shuddering little whimpering noises that the spymaster keeps making. "Easy, easy... you'll be alright." 

Somewhat to his consternation, Optimus hasn't managed to calm Soundwave in the slightest after a few minutes. If anything, his sparkrate has increased. "You're having a panic attack, aren't you?" the Prime sighs, then shifts his grip slightly, cradling Soundwave gently up against himself. "Soundwave, it's alright... come back to me, okay?" he croons in the spymaster's audios, then acts on a bit of an impulse and leans down just a bit further, pressing a gentle kiss to Soundwave's audio fin in an effort to either calm the frightened mech or at least distract him from his fear. "You're alright, I promise. You're safe. You're here with me, and you're safe." 

 

WHAT. 

Soundwave gives a startled little chirping noise, optics going very wide as he stares up at Optimus. What- what in the name of- WHY? 

Evidently extreme confusion is a good way to derail a panic attack. His spark is still racing, but most of his processor power is dedicated to trying to understand what just happened as opposed to focusing on his panic. "...chrr?" 

Optimus just kissed him. His audio fin, yes, but- but the Prime  _kissed_ him. What... what does that mean? He's reasonably certain that such a thing is a gesture of affection, but... he's not really familiar with affection directed towards him, and- and he's not certain what to do with this sort of attention. Normally he's very cautious around anyone who tries to touch him in more-than-casual ways, but that definitely wasn't anything suggestive... maybe it was just an attempt at distracting him? 

 

"There... I thought that might distract you." Optimus hums, offering Soundwave a soft little smile. "Panic attacks tend to be self-fueling because they feel like something is genuinely wrong, and the best way to stop them is to get someone's attention away from how they feel. And now that I have your attention, I can tell you that you're okay. You aren't in any danger... your frame is just reacting rather strongly in an attempt to get you ready to flee. I promise it's nothing dangerous. You're okay." 

 

Oh, right. His frame is idiotic sometimes. 

Tucking himself into a little ball, Soundwave chirps softly up at Optimus, then whines slightly in mortification as his vents start to hitch in a familiar pattern. No... no no no... not again. This is  _embarrassing._

 

And that's when Jazz walks in, with Laserbeak perched on his helm and chirping anxiously. "Hey, I found- oh. Okay then." he muttered, slowly approaching the two mechs with his servos raised slightly. "Hey... 'm over here, okay, spook? I'm not gonna touch you, I'm just gonna come a bit closer- and I have Beaky with me." he explained, slowly moving to kneel a short distance away from Optimus. "Hey, spook... look at me for a minute, okay?" 

 

Laserbeak flittered over and landed in Optimus' lap, skittering over to sit in Soundwave's lap instead so she can nuzzle his stomach.  _//Master... are you okay?//_ she whispered over their link, then sighed as she got the  _scared/hurt/NO_ feeling sorted out a bit better. She knew this feeling. It was extremely rare, but it had been much more common lately, and... she understood this. Her host was trying to deal with something that he wasn't used to dealing with, and he was trying to stop something that he saw as shameful- something he couldn't stop. He'd be okay once he just gave in.  _//It's okay. Jazz has been talking to me... he's nice. He won't... he won't say anything. Just... just let it out, okay? You'll feel better... you know you will.//_ _  
_

_Aaand being the RATIONAL one here is weird. But... he'll be alright. Just has to... stop fighting this._

 

No. He is NOT going to start crying in front of Jazz. He is NOT going to. Soundwave shivers all over, then sits up straight, drawing himself up physically and mentally and doing his best to stay calm. It's not working, though- his vents are still hitching, and it's painfully obvious that he's a few seconds away from breaking down. No. He is NOT going to do this. He is going to look calm, put-together, and  _okay._

 

"Hey, spook. I see you fighting... you're a strong mech, you know that? Well, you seem to deny it a lot, but you are. Thing is, Soundwave... you don't have to be. Not right now." Jazz sighs, his body language soft and soothing as he watches the spymaster. "You aren't in any danger here, so... you don't need to be strong right now. Look around, okay? Nobody else but me, Optimus, and Laserbeak- and I'm about to leave. So you don't need to fight this... just let it out, okay? You'll feel better, I promise. Look, just... stop trying to be strong for awhile. Let whatever's in there out, get it all outta your mind before you get even more worked up. And, after you've gotten everything out, you go take a shower... okay? Right next door. After that, you get yourself some warm energon and just curl up... alright?" he croons, then moves just a bit closer, his tone soft and serious. "It's worked for me. Whatever you've got in there that's hurting you, all the fear, all the pain, all the anger, you get it out... then you take a good long shower, have a nice warm meal, and curl up somewhere comfortable. You'll feel way better. Probably gonna be really drained, but you'll feel better... I promise." _  
_

 

Worked for h- is Jazz saying that he's done this? Soundwave blinks, caught a bit off guard, then leans back slightly and nods just a tiny bit. Okay, that- yes. That... that does line up with past experiences, he just- 

Soundwave slowly reaches out with one servo, pushing lightly on Jazz's chassis in an effort to get him to go away. He wants the saboteur to leave. Needs- needs privacy.

 

"I got it. I'll leave ya alone." Jazz soothes, lightly patting Soundwave's servo, then stands up and turns away. "COMM me if ya need anything, but otherwise I'm gonna be elsewhere." he declares, heading out of the room in order to leave Soundwave alone with Optimus.  _I'll be sure to leave him alone for awhile... he's not feelin' so good right now. No surprise. I am gonna keep that mech away from him, and I'm going to up this search- I gotta get things cleaned out for him so he doesn't end up snapping._ _  
_

 

Okay, now- now he can just- now he can cry. It's- it's okay now. He's been through this, he knows Optimus won't- won't mock him. Vents hitching softly, Soundwave curls into a little ball, then relaxes the last shreds of his grip and just- just lets go. It's strange, it's incredibly strange, it goes against everything he's ever known, but- but he knows this now, and- and it'll be okay. 

He'll be okay. 

Shoving his faceplates into Optimus' chassis, the spymaster sobs quietly, digging his claws into the larger mech's plating in a search for something to ground him. 

 

"That's it." Optimus whispers, slowly wrapping his arms around Soundwave again, then tugs the blanket up until the smaller mech is hidden. "Now... you just let everything out." he orders softly, very softly, then just settles back and relaxes. He'll wait until the spymaster stops crying to do anything else. For now, he'll just try to provide some support... even if that means having claws dug into his armor. Ow. But he can put up with it- and Soundwave obviously needs the stability. 

They're probably going to be here awhile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seemed like a decent place to end the chapter. 
> 
> Soundwave has a bit of an issue with extremely strong emotions. He's usually pretty good at getting everything stuffed down and locked away, so he only very rarely panics, but when he does he doesn't know what to do with it and it kind of just runs away with him. Same goes for all overly strong emotions. 
> 
> Yeah, I don't know what video game they were playing. Might not be anything that actually exists. Feel free to picture whatever you'd like.  
> Also: Last bolt = last straw.


	15. Uncertain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are better.  
> Then things are slightly worse.  
> Then Soundwave recognizes someone.  
> Angry Laserbeak incoming in 3... 2... 1...
> 
> Also: more Patches, Jazz being a snack thief, and Soundwave finally going somewhere other than Optimus' apartment building. Let the rumors commence flying!

It takes awhile for Soundwave to calm back down. But Optimus keeps stroking him, keeps whispering gentle reassurances into his audio fins, keeps- keeps trying to  _comfort_ him, and... and it works. 

Vents hitching very softly now, Soundwave nuzzles lightly against Optimus' chassis, then reaches up and slowly removes his visor. One servo swipes at his cheekplates for a moment, then he goes still in surprise as Optimus lightly touches his cheek. What is- oh. Well, this is... this is another thing he doesn't know how to respond to, because Optimus is very gently wiping his tears away, and... he's not certain how he feels about it. Once again, his spark is a ball of confused emotions, but... it's not negative this time. It's more along the lines of extreme confusion. "Chrr?" 

 

"Are you feeling a bit better?" Optimus whispers, then smiles softly as the spymaster nods. "Good. Now... I think we should follow Jazz's suggestion. He knows how to deal with intense emotions. So... would you like me to show you where Jazz's shower is? After that, we can get you some nice warm energon, and we can curl up in here again. How does that sound?" he whispers, glad that Soundwave seems to be feeling better. The spymaster is evidently confused, though... which is understandable. No doubt he isn't used to people who treat him this carefully, or... or do things like kiss his audio fins to distract him from his fear. That had been an impulsive action, but it had actually worked out quite well... aside from earning Optimus a  _very_ confused look. 

 

That does sound nice. Soundwave nods slightly, replacing his visor, then squeaks in surprise when Optimus picks him up. Optics huge, he grips the larger mech's plating in both servos, then relaxes just a bit when he realizes that this is actually... actually pretty comfortable. He's being gently cradled in the Prime's arms, and... it's not the most dignified position ever, but it's comfortable, and... okay, he rather likes this. He'll never admit it, though. 

Optics dimming slightly, he leans his helm on Optimus' arm, blinking up at the Prime and chirping softly in a quiet gesture of thanks. He feels rather drained and not up to doing much of anything, but he does want to thank Optimus for this. Not just this, either.. it's a gesture of thanks for everything, and especially for not mocking him. He's vulnerable, he's hurting, but... but Optimus isn't mocking him. In fact, the Prime is trying to help him feel better, and... it's working. 

 

"Here you are." Optimus hums, gently setting Soundwave on his pedes, then turns to leave. "I'll just leave you alone." he decides, then stops when he feels a light touch to his arm. When he turns back, Soundwave isn't looking at him, but the spymaster is lightly gripping his arm. "Oh... you'd like me to stay here, then?" the Prime asks, then hums reassuringly when Soundwave nods slightly. "Of course. Let me know if there's anything in particular that you'd like, alright?" 

 

He just... he doesn't want Optimus to leave. Last time Optimus left, someone tried to  _hurt_ him. Soundwave doesn't want to be alone. And... and maybe he can... ask for something. Slowly turning around, the spymaster gestures to his back, then chirps hopefully up at the Prime and flares his armor just a little bit. Maybe... would Optimus be willing to help him get clean?" 

Much to his pleasure, Optimus obliges him, and the spymaster relaxes back against those powerful servos as he turns the shower on. Humming softly in pleasure, he leans back a bit more, tilting his helm back to let the solvent run over his faceplates. 

 

Having come with them, Laserbeak happily splashes into a puddle and flitters around in the spray, clearly enjoying the shower. She's been quietly providing comfort, just gently perching on Soundwave and nuzzling up against him, but that's not needed any more... Optimus is taking care of Soundwave now, and Soundwave is feeling much better. He's tired and confused, but he's not hurt or scared, and there's a slowly increasing feeling of  _this is nice_ being gently projected across their bond. Her host is fine. 

 

Optics dimmed, Soundwave just lets the solvent wash over his faceplates for a minute or two, then slowly flares his armor to begin cleaning under it. He doesn't need much of a cleaning, he hasn't done much, so this is more of a self-comforting gesture than anything else. And, mm... it's working. The drained feeling is slowly ebbing away, replaced by a mildly tired sensation and the desire to curl up somewhere soft, and... he can feel himself relaxing. He just... he's still confused about...

Slowly raising one servo, the spymaster lightly touches his audio fin, still very confused and trying to figure out if that little kiss had been purely to distract him from his fear. If not... what is he supposed to do with that? Normally he'd shy away from anything that could even remotely resemble an attempt at a proposition, but... Optimus definitely wasn't propositioning him in any way. That was... that was innocent.

So... what should he do? Should he... respond somehow? Maybe just... just return the kiss?

Or... maybe not. Maybe he should just... just wait a bit, try to gather more information. Yes, that... that makes sense. 

Soundwave has gathered just about every bit of his understanding of others by observation, primarily observation of gladiators, Decepticon troops, and other mechs in situations where affection is perceived as weakness. He's familiar with just about every aggressive or threatening gesture it's possible to make, and he has a very wide knowledge of aggressive body language. But... this?

Approximately 70% of his knowledge regarding soft, gentle attention has been acquired during his time with Optimus, and the rest is only based on observation. He's always been quietly affectionate with his symbiotes, but he classifies that at something different. And Megatron... Megatron has never been the most affectionate mech. His attempts at comforting Soundwave have always been a bit awkward (neither of them knows how to deal with such a thing), so the warlord usually ends up just sitting next to Soundwave, maybe putting an arm around him if he doesn't think it'll make the situation worse. Soundwave is familiar with that sort of attention, he understands it, but... he doesn't know what to do with this. Maybe... maybe just... just accept and enjoy it. After all, his only other option is to reject the attention, and... there is absolutely no way he is going to reject this. It's  _good._ It feels very good. 

 

Optimus doesn't miss the touch, or the slight slant to half of Soundwave's plating that he's come to recognize as a gesture of confusion.  _You're very confused, it looks like. I guess that's not surprising... you probably don't have any experience with what I've been offering you. Besides... that was hardly an orthodox way to distract someone. But I don't regret it... and I might just see how you'll react if I try it again. You don't really seem certain what to do with my attention, but you don't object to it, and... you seem like you trust me. I don't want to break that trust, I CANNOT break that trust, but..._

Pausing his train of thought for a moment, Optimus looks Soundwave over, enjoying the relaxed attitude of the spymaster's frame. That confused little cant of his armor is still there, but he's relaxed and just enjoying himself instead of stressing out. Optimus likes seeing him so relaxed... and his bio-lights pulse just slightly in tune with his sparkbeat when he's calm. It's pretty. Also very tempting to touch, but... there's no way he's going to do that without permission. Maybe... maybe he can ask later if it would be alright for him to touch the bio-lights along Soundwave's back and shoulders? That's a fairly safe place to touch, and it shouldn't be too sensitive.  _  
_

 

Soundwave stretches lazily, back arching slightly, arms stretching over his helm, then turns and chirps up at Optimus. Okay... he's feeling much better, and he'd... he'd like that energon now. Also, the idea of curling up somewhere dark and warm is very appealing. "Prr?" he ventures, a soft, hopeful little noise meant to get his point across. He still doesn't quite feel like communicating in words, but... these little sounds aren't words, they're the closest he can come to just directly communicating his thoughts. Well- there's always a hard-line link, but that would mean sharing all of his thoughts and having access to someone else's. The latter wouldn't be so bad, but the former... no. He's had links forced before, and though they're usually possible to contain, they're  _incredibly_ unpleasant. Consensual links are... not something he's used to. He's shared with Megatron a few times, when he had crucial information and no other way to communicate it, but... he's never been fond of it. Neither one of them was feeling very good at the time, and they were both just trying to get everything over with as fast as possible in order to deal with bigger threats. A slow, gentle link might be different, but... it's not something he's tried, and- and given the semi-recent  _violation_ of his mind, he doesn't intend to. Nobody gets to learn anything of his thoughts.

Well... that's not entirely true. He's willing to share his emotions with Optimus, to some extent. Hence the small noises. 

 

"We need to dry off first, but yes, we can go back." Optimus hums, shutting the shower off and reaching for a cabinet with a few large towels in it. Pulling a couple out, he drops one over Soundwave's helm, an attempt at something that seems to baffle the spymaster- playfulness. His attempts at being playful are met with baffled looks and slow, cautious retreats- at least from Soundwave. Laserbeak understands, and she's quite playful, but... Soundwave doesn't seem to know what to do with this sort of attention. In order to correct that, Optimus has been offering small things like this, just gentle prompts- though he hasn't yet had many positive responses. Mostly just a lot of confusion. 

 

Soundwave flinches just a bit, startled, then shudders until he's gotten the towel shifted off of his helm and onto the rest of him. Hugging it close, he blinks down at the soft cloth, then up at Optimus. Is this- what is he supposed to do with this? He can recognize it as some sort of prompt, but... "playfulness" among Decepticons (if it can even be called that) is usually very rough and nothing like the small, friendly, gentle things that Optimus has attempted. Soundwave doesn't know how to respond, but... Optimus doesn't seem to mind. He... he just keeps offering, little things, and he doesn't push. It's... it's good. It's safe. 

And... he actually does have an idea. Slowly raising one servo, Soundwave blinks at the solvent that's dripped down his arms and onto his claws, then flicks his claws and sends the little droplets flying onto Optimus. Maybe- this? 

 

Optimus blinks, clearly surprised, then chuckles and flicks a servo-full of solvent at Soundwave in return. He stops with that, though- the spymaster cringes from the sudden movement in his direction, and Optimus doesn't want to earn that reaction again. But that attempt at playing is promising... Soundwave is trying to reciprocate, even if he does seem very uncertain of what he's doing. Ah well... it's a start.  _  
_

Once he's dried off, Optimus hums soothingly and slowly leaves the room, glancing back to be certain that Soundwave is following him. The spymaster has been off suicide watch for awhile, having gotten to the point where he's calm most of the time and doesn't seem to be disgusted by his own frame any more, but Optimus still prefers to keep an optic on him. He'll stop if Soundwave doesn't want the attention at the moment, but he likes to be certain that the spymaster isn't upset  or starting to get that "may I please crawl into a corner now" look. "Come on... let's go raid Jazz's movie stash." 

 

Alright, that... that was a fairly good response. He probably did something right. But... all he did was offer something impulsive in return. Or... maybe that's the point. Hm. Maybe... maybe this sort of thing is supposed to be purely impulsive? 

Whatever it is, he'll just... just follow Optimus. Nice, dark, warm place sounds pleasant. And so do movies. Sure, why- why not. Armor fluffing up in a relaxed manner, the spymaster follows Optimus, his steps a bit sluggish but not too unsteady. He's just a bit tired. 

Once back in the soft room, Soundwave slinks into the nest of pillows and blankets again, tucking himself down into a small ball and blinking hopefully up at Optimus. "Prrr?" he ventures, then cautiously pats the spot next to him in hopes of getting the Prime back over here. He... he likes having Optimus next to him, and fortunately the Prime seems happy to oblige his need for contact. Which is good, because... he's not certain what else to do about the need for touch that's been present ever since his spark stopped constantly racing.  _  
_

 

Optimus turns a couple of lights off, dimming the room, then pokes around in Jazz's selection of movies for a minute or two.  _Too violent- maybe later. Too violent. Probably too crude. Probably too many explosions- need to find something at least reasonably relaxing. Ah- this might do it._

Once the movie is set up, the Prime carefully joins Soundwave in the pillow nest, internally beaming at the spymaster's invitation. He would have come over here anyway, but- but Soundwave actually  _asked._ That has to be a good sign. 

Humming softly, Optimus snuggles into place in the nest, then slowly puts an arm around Soundwave. "Here- may I do this?" he whispers, then smiles softly when Soundwave leans into him. "I'll take this as a yes, then?" 

 

 

When Jazz shows up to check on the pair, the two mechs are too interested in the movie to respond much. Optimus just distractedly pats a spot next to himself, and Soundwave leans over to display something on his visor- the solution to a logic puzzle that he's just solved in about ten seconds. 

Unsurprised, Jazz just sits down in the offered spot, stealing a corner of a blanket to tuck over himself. "I see you're feeling better, spook. And I was actually gonna suggest these movies- thought you'd like 'em. I'm jus' gonna sit here an' be quiet." he decides, reaching over to steal some of the crisps in Optimus' bowl. He doesn't go anywhere near Soundwave's bowl, though. Soundwave will probably poorly to someone trying to grab his food, but Optimus has become used to Jazz grabbing things from him- and this isn't the first time Jazz has stolen Optimus' meals. More than once, when giving a report directly after a mission, he's snatched a cube from Optimus and drained it in order to speak coherently. 

 

Soundwave tenses slightly, his optics locking on Jazz's servo (Optimus' bowl is near Soundwave's leg and the spymaster wants to be sure Jazz isn't reaching for either Soundwave's snacks or his leg), then relaxes slightly when the saboteur leaves him alone. Tucking himself into a tighter ball, the spymaster curls against Optimus' side, then twitches slightly in surprise and returns his attention to the viewscreen. Well. Not the most surprising reveal, it was somewhat expected, but the  _method_ of reveal is... eeuh. Okay, he's seen something like this, and- yeah. No. Ew. Soundwave fluffs his armor out and shivers a tiny bit in a universal gesture of  _"eugh",_ then glances over at Jazz again, eyeing the saboteur. What, exactly, is Jazz doing here? 

 

"Oh, right, this one's a bit creepy here. Actually, a good few of these have creepy bits. They're good, though." Jazz remarks, stealing another servoful of Optimus' snacks, then settles against the larger mech's side and snuggles in. Soundwave doesn't seem to be nervous about him being here, so he's going to sit and enjoy the movie. "Hope ya don't mind if I join you. I like these, and I gotta unwind a bit. Also, you have easily stealable snacks." he remarks, then chuckles when Soundwave pointedly pulls his own bowl a bit closer. "I won't be going after yours... 'least I know Prime won't bite my servo for going after his snacks." 

 

He's not going to bite Jazz. That incident was accidental. Though... he is going to defend his snacks. He'll just... maybe smack Jazz's servo or something. Soundwave is fairly certain that Jazz won't react poorly to being fended off with a very brief bit of violence, and... smacking at someone's servo probably doesn't count as violence. Right? 

 

"Oi-" Jazz complains suddenly, flailing a servo in Laserbeak's general direction as she tries to steal one of his stolen crisps. He's not actually trying to hurt her, of course, just trying to shoo her away. "These are mine, I stole them myself! Go steal snacks from Soundwave, you're probably about the only being in existence who can manage it." he orders, managing to grab Laserbeak by one wing, then gently tosses her onto a section of floor padding near Soundwave. "Go over there." 

 

Laserbeak lands on her back with a disgruntled squawk, then flops around dramatically with her little grabbers flailing in the air. She's fine, of course, but she's actually having a little bit of trouble getting flipped- also, she feels like being dramatic. Maybe it'll make Soundwave laugh. 

It works. Laserbeak chirrups triumphantly as Soundwave broadcasts a general feeling of amusement at her, then squeaks as she's unceremoniously flipped over by one of her host's pede-tips. _//Really? Couldn't even be bothered to use your servo? Are you that comfortable?//_ _  
_

 

Actually, yes. He is. Soundwave gives a noncommittal little noise, snuggling down into his blankets and Optimus, then tugs the loosened lower edge of his visor away from his face just enough to nibble on a crisp. He's very comfortable, he's safe, he's warm, he's starting to feel quite good, and he has a bowl of tasty things. This is good. Also, this is a good movie. 

He's not certain when he falls asleep. 

 

 

Optimus smiles softly down at the spymaster laying next to him, then slowly allows his optics to trail down the slender mech's frame, feeling a bit guilty but knowing that Soundwave isn't awake to see. He just... wants a bit of a look. Honestly, Soundwave is... beautiful. He's still not at full mental health, so his color nanites (usually reflectors of their owner's mental health) aren't fully operational, but he's already taken on a soft dark gleam- and those gorgeous bio-lights are much brighter now. Optimus feels a bit guilty about staring like this, he does, but... Soundwave is laying halfway on his stomach, displaying his back rather nicely... not to mention his aft. Optimus isn't staring at Soundwave's aft, he isn't, he just... takes a second to glance over the bio-lighting there. And, okay... he does have a nice aft. And nice legs. Nice everything.

Optimus should stop looking now. Clamping his armor down slightly in shame, the Prime glances away, then blushes slightly when he sees Jazz smirking at him. 

 

"Did it really take you this long to notice?" Jazz chuckles, gesturing slightly towards the napping spymaster. "He's not everyone's taste, but if you don't mind a certain creepiness, he's a pretty mech. Just... maybe don't tell him. Among mechs like the average Decepticon, 'complimenting' someone's appearance is really more of a threat than anything else." the saboteur notes, then reaches to pat the spymaster's servo when the slender mech stirs uneasily. "Shh, spook, yer fine. We're just quietly discussing the fact that Prime has apparently been oblivious to just how pretty you are. Go back to recharge... he's way too nice to try anythin'. Pretty sure he'd ask before kissing you." 

 

"I... haven't exactly been paying much attention to whether or not I find him attractive. I've been focused on helping him recover, not... ogling him." Optimus sighs, his voice soft and just slightly ashamed. He shouldn't be staring. Soundwave doesn't want his attention, doesn't want that kind of attention from anyone. "I really shouldn't have done that." 

 

"Oh, hush. You didn't do anything wrong. That wasn't  _ogling,_  you were just looking. Nothing wrong with taking a quick look at someone to appreciate 'em... especially if you don't intend to do or say anything creepy. Besides... you realize you're actually quite a catch, yes? You are literally fraggin' hot, you are ridiculously nice, and you also happen to be quite intelligent- rare to find all three in one mech. I'm not suggestin' you proposition the spook, but... if you manage to get the message across that you aren't going to do anything unpleasant, I really doubt he'd have that many objections to some attention from you." Jazz remarks, casually gesturing with a crisp in Soundwave's general direction. "Just... give it a try. Be gentle with him, offer him nice things, and... I guess keep doing what you're doing, but maybe a bit more so." 

 

"You... do have a point." Optimus mutters, though raising an optic ridge at the "literally fraggin' hot" comment. Jazz has always been the type to casually comment on things like this as applied to people he trusts, so it's no surprise... but Optimus has never really gotten used to Jazz just casually flirting with him without actually flirting. Strange mech. 

Before he can think about it much more, though, something distracts him. Quite a lot.

 

 

Soundwave wakes up screaming.

Not for long, though- his voicebox crackles and shorts out, allowing him to hear the sound of metal scraping on metal- and he suddenly registers the sensation of his claws tearing into something. Optics snapping open, Soundwave stares at nothing in particular for a moment, then shakes his helm and shuts off his voicebox's crackling attempts at making noise. No, it's alright... he doesn't need to make any noises. He's scared, his spark is racing, and he's not certain  _why_... but he's fairly certain that he's safe. He was.. probably just dreaming. Okay, he's... he's okay. Probably. 

Now, what is he- 

Uh oh. 

Oops. 

He's digging his claws into Optimus' already somewhat shredded chassis plating. Not just that... his visor is missing, presumably already loosened from before (can't eat crisps through a visor), and there's energon dripping down his cheek. Evidently he's cut himself on some corner of Optimus' armor- or possibly on his own claws. 

...what was he so scared of? 

Never mind that, he's hurt Optimus. Never mind himself, he just- he hurt- _no_ -

Giving an apologetic little whine, Soundwave slowly places a servo over a heavily shredded portion of Optimus' armor, his optics soft and sad as he looks the Prime's injuries over. Technically they aren't bad, they're mostly cosmetic, but... even with thick armor, that has to sting. Oh no, he didn't mean to- he didn't-  _I'm sorry!_

 

"...ow." Optimus winces, then smiles softly, pleased that Soundwave has stopped screaming and is no longer trying to- well, he's not entirely certain what the spymaster was trying to do. Either he was trying to scramble over Optimus' frame, or he couldn't think of any other way to fight. Oh, wait- never mind himself and his speculations, Soundwave looks incredibly guilty. "No, no, shh- it's okay." he croons, very gently pulling Soundwave closer and ignoring the sting from his clawed chassis. "It's okay, I promise. I'm fine. I shouldn't have grabbed you when you started clawing at the floor... that wasn't clever of me. I really should have found a better way to calm you. Are you alright? Is your vocalizer damaged?" 

 

Soundwave reboots his voicebox a couple of times, then swallows hard and shakes his helm, now looking down and away. No. He's fine. His servos hurt, probably from putting all of his strength behind shredding his claws against plating far more durable than he can ever cut with them, but... he's perfectly fine. 

Aside from his cut cheek, but he doesn't care about that. It's vaguely painful and mostly cosmetic. He's fine. Another scar or two won't do him any harm. But... but Optimus...

Optimus is bleeding from somewhere under his chassis armor. It's probably not serious, but- but Soundwave  _hurt_ him. And that's- that's not- that's not okay. Whining shakily in apology (his voicebox still isn't cooperating), the spymaster slinks away and hunches into a little ball in the corner, trying to express with his frame just how sorry he is- and also shielding himself with his arms. He's half-expecting Jazz to hit him for this. Optics soft and frightened and so very ashamed, Soundwave whines up at Optimus, then hides his faceplates again and _whimpers_.  _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry_ - 

 

"Easy, Soundwave, shh-" Optimus croons, slowly moving closer and gently pulling the trembling mech out of his hiding spot. "No, it's okay, I promise. This isn't your fault... I scared you while you were already upset, I should have been expecting this. I'm sorry. Here... let me see your cheek. Are you badly cut?" 

 

Jazz picks up Soundwave's visor and edges just a tiny bit closer, offering it to him. "Here. It's alright... you reacted about how I'd expect anyone to react. You didn't do anything wrong, spook. But- we should probably get the both of you to a medic. Neither of you is badly hurt, but we should still go... you're cut, and I've heard Optimus claim he's fine when he's missing a limb. C'mon... stand up, let's get a look at you both." he coaxes, then smiles slightly when Soundwave grabs his visor back. "You can put that on if you want. You'll have to take it off at the medbay, but I'll make certain that we can get you some privacy. Alright?" 

 

Okay. He doesn't want to go, but... he wants Optimus to go to a medbay, so... he'll go to be certain that the Prime actually gets some medical attention. Replacing his visor, Soundwave slowly stands up, cringing slightly into himself and still looking ashamed. He does have multiple apologetic recordings, yes, but... none of them seem right here. He wants to apologize for himself, not just give a recording of somebody else. That... probably won't be happening, though. He can't speak beyond just soft little noises, so... he might have to try to explain in little sounds that he's very sorry for what he did. "Chrrr..." 

 

"I know you're sorry... it's alright. You weren't trying to hurt me." Optimus croons, carefully standing up and looking himself over. "And, really... I'm alright. I do seem to have a wound somewhere under my chassis armor, but it's not too deep... you probably just nicked an energon line. Ratchet is going to grumble a lot, but I'm fine and that isn't going to change. I'm rather durable, you know... I don't think you could seriously injure me without a good bit of effort." the Prime points out, then very gently puts an arm around Soundwave, trying to comfort him. "Come on... I'll call a groundbridge, and we'll go to the medbay together. Okay? It's safe, I promise... and I'll keep everyone away from you, if you want. I'll stay with you." he whispers, then smiles when Soundwave nods slightly. "All right? Now... let's go." 

Keeping an arm around the slender little mech, the Prime walks carefully out of the room and down the hallway, ending up on an outside platform scarred by the marks of quite a few spacebridges. One quick COMM later, a bridge whirls to life, and the Prime smiles softly as Soundwave perks up a bit. "Have you been bored, then? I'm sorry, I haven't meant to trap you here. I've been looking for something you can do, but... I'm also trying be certain that no one who hurt you will ever get near you again. It's a bit tricky, given that we're not entirely certain who we're looking for, but... Jazz has made some progress. We can discuss that later, though... for now,  try to relax. You're safe now, alright?" 

 

Soundwave leans just a bit more on Optimus, nodding slightly, then gently pulls away and walks through the groundbridge. He freezes on the other side, though, his optics locking on the mech at the controls- then relaxes slightly when he identifies the mech as just a high-ranking Vehicon. They aren't threatening. In fact, they're afraid of him. Good. He's not in danger from this mech. 

 

Optimus steps through the groundbridge, giving a slight nod to the mech at the controls, then sets off towards the medbay. "This is one of our outposts. It's in fairly good shape, as you can see... we've gotten most of it operational. There's an old Insecticon living in the storage areas, but it's too old to be aggressive, and we think it might be at least partially sentient at this point. We've been leaving it any pests we kill, mostly wire-rats and the occasional turbo-fox. There's quite a few of those, of course- also a lot of traps set up for them. Be careful in the air vents, some of the traps are Wheeljack's design. We're here because Ratchet is here to help with a few mechs who've been caught in a cave-in, and I didn't think you'd be willing to let anyone new near you. And we are a bit low on medics... Ratchet did NOT approve of most Decepticon medics, and he is my CMO, so I trust his judgement. Now- here's the medbay. Come on... let's go see Ratchet." 

 

"See me about wh- Optimus, fraggit, what'd you do?" Ratchet complains, looking up from his position leaning over an unconscious Wrecker. "Did you try to carry an armful of turbo-foxes?" the medic questions, then pauses, his optics drifting over to the rather ashamed-looking spymaster hiding up against Optimus' side- and the energon staining the slender mech's claws. "Ah. What'd you do?" he sighs, his voice going a bit softer as he realizes that Optimus probably didn't do anything too stupid. "An' don't worry about this lot, they're all out cold and won't hear anything. They won't wake up any time soon."

 

Optimus closes the door behind them, then hums soothingly and gestures over towards a side room, gently leading the slender mech with him. "I took the wrong approach to waking Soundwave from a very unsettling dream. I'm alright, it's not too deep, but it is a bit painful. And Soundwave's managed to cut his faceplates somehow- I'm not certain how, possibly just on my armor. His claws may be wrenched, also- I don't think they're made to apply that much force to something that tends to be a bit unyielding." 

 

"Alright. Soundwave... how would you feel about me letting Patches work on you? I know you probably aren't terribly fond of the idea, but he's a good mech, and very sweet- he won't do anything. Besides, he used to specialize in younglings, which means he's very good with keeping scars from leaving a mark. Are you willing to at least give him a try? If he still bothers you, I'll work on you myself, but Optimus is my priority right now- he's bleeding more than you." Ratchet explains, his voice soft as he leads Optimus over to a berth. "Sit, Prime. Soundwave, what do you say?" 

 

Hmm. He's still not a fan of Patches, but... the little mech is harmless enough, most likely. Yes, that's okay. Nodding slightly, the spymaster slowly follows Optimus for a moment, then pauses when Patches approaches him. Right. He... probably has to go somewhere else. He'd like to stay in the room, but... he does know that he should follow the medic. It's best to keep the medics happy, it means less pain. 

 

Patches offers a soft little smile and bustles over, gesturing towards a chair in the corner reasonably close to Optimus. "Come on- sit down over here. Let me see, okay? I know you'd rather have your visor in place, but I'm fairly certain that keeping it on will just lead to you ending up with your face covered in energon... I can see it starting to pool at the bottom. Depending on the location, facial wounds tend to bleed quite a bit... let's get that stopped." he croons, patting the seat of the chair. Nervous people tend to be a bit more comfortable in chairs like this, in his experience- they don't have to be on their back, they can sit comfortably and guard themselves. "Now... let me know if you don't like what I'm doing, okay? You seem tense." 

 

Perceptive little mech. But... he is doing everything right. Soundwave slowly sits down, eyeing Patches for a moment, then tilts his helm back slightly and starts to take his visor off- then blinks in mild surprise as Patches quickly moves to catch the dripping energon with a soft cloth. Soundwave had been expecting to just end up with it trickling down his front- this is definitely better. Hm. Maybe he does like this medic, just a little bit... even if he is a weird little thing. 

Somewhat unwillingly, he turns to face Patches, defiantly staring into the small mech's soft lavender optics for a moment before tilting his helm a bit more to let the medic reach his wound. He'd... probably rather not have a thick scar on his face. It's not the appearance that bothers him, he could care less about that- he'd just rather not have a scar pulling at his cheek every time his expression changes. It seems like it would be annoying. 

Soundwave can't help but bare his fangs slightly when Patches touches his lower jaw, but he relaxes after a moment of nothing unpleasant happening. 

 

"Okay... I know you probably aren't a huge fan of me holding onto your face like this, but I do need to get a close look at this, and I need to keep your helm steady. And... I'd like to numb this, if you'll let me." Patches hums, withdrawing a small syringe from his kit and showing it to Soundwave. "I know this isn't a fun idea, but... I would have gone deaf a long time ago if I didn't know how to give injections without them being felt. Sparklings tend to make a huge fuss at even tiny pricks- it's a natural reaction to help protect them from anything potentially dangerous. So... are you willing to close your optics for just a moment? It won't work if you're looking, but I promise you won't feel it." he coaxes, then smiles when Soundwave (after eyeing him and the syringe in a rather suspicious manner) shuts his optics. "Thank you." 

 

Okay... he'll give this a try. He doesn't like the idea of a needle in his faceplates, but... it won't hurt more than having this wound poked at. Yes, he could stand this without the painkiller, but... if the medic really can do this without him feeling it... why the slag not. Soundwave shuts his optics, then tenses slightly at two sharp taps to a spot right above the cut- but that's all he feels. A bit confused, the spymaster opens his optics after a moment, only to see Patches holding the empty syringe. Huh. Now... how did that work? "Prr?" he ventures, hoping Patches is willing to explain. Soundwave can probably figure it out, yes, but- asking the source of this new little enigma is more efficient than searching on his own, and he does prefer the more efficient method of doing things. 

 

"A couple of taps at just the right pressure temporarily scramble the nerves in more sensitive areas like your faceplates. It's very brief, but I can give very fast injections if at all possible- see? This way, instead of screaming upset sparklings, you just get confused sparklings who are trying to figure out why you tapped them." Patches explains, setting the syringe aside, then picks up a very soft cloth and begins to clean the area around the rather heavily bleeding (for its size) wound. "Fairly clean, no contaminants... looks pretty good. The bleeding will slow a bit once that sedative sinks in a bit more, and... there. Okay, I can start on this. Keep your optics closed, alright? I'm using a very small blowtorch here, but it's still rather bright. And- let me know if you start feeling this, okay? Here-"

Pausing, he gently takes Soundwave's servo, placing it on the arm that he's using to keep the spymaster's helm still. "Just keep your servo here. If you start feeling that torch at all, tighten your grip a bit, alright? I don't mean to do that when it starts getting bad, I know you're tough and could take this just fine without the painkillers, I mean tell me if you feel it beyond just a bit of warmth. This will work better if the sedative is still in full effect. And... it's going to take awhile. I could do this quickly, but I want to be certain that it doesn't scar." 

 

Okay, he can do that. Soundwave taps two fingertips against Patches' arm, signalling his understand, then relaxes and goes perfectly still. Okay... he's ready, and he's feeling decent. This isn't a bad situation, weird medic notwithstanding. Sweet and strange is better than Hook's kind. 

The touch of the blowtorch isn't painful at all. It's barely there, just a tiny bit of warmth- and this really isn't anywhere near bad. It's... hmm. In another situation, the gentle warmth might actually be comfortable. 

Thing is, he starts getting bored after awhile. Sighing softly, the spymaster taps two fingers against Patches' arm, then clicks reassuringly at the medic's concerned look. He's fine, he's just- very bored. And he chooses to express as much with an annoyed little noise and a recording of a Vehicon grumbling "Booooored" in a highly exaggerated tone. 

 

"Ah. I'm not surprised... should have thought of that. Would you like me to... tell you a few stories? I kept quiet before because I wasn't certain if you wanted me talking at you, but... I might have a few interesting things to tell you, if you want." Patches offers, internally chuckling at the spymaster's choice of recordings, then flickers his doorwings happily when Soundwave clicks at him in an affirmative manner. "Alright- let's see. I mostly just have silly stories, honestly- what about something to do with my very rodent-phobic roommate and a large wire-rat?" 

 

Sure. Why not. 

Might be entertaining. 

Soundwave nods slightly, then shutters his optics again, smiling just the tiniest bit as Patches happily starts on the story in question. Okay, maybe... maybe this little mech isn't so bad. He's still weird, but... he is nice. And it's a good kind of weird, really... overly sweet and kind is much better than any alternative brand of weird that Soundwave can think of. And... if the war is really over, maybe Cybertron can use a few people like Patches. 

Unless he's secretly a serial killer. 

Soundwave hasn't yet ruled that out. 

 

 

Once Patches is done, he gently places a little bit of a particularly soft type of bandage over Soundwave's wound, smoothing it into place. "There. I'm done. Just leave that alone for awhile, and- maybe put this on it now and then." Patches orders softly, setting a small tin of a nanite-calming gel in Soundwave's servo. "It slows nanites down a bit. It'll take just a bit longer for your wound to heal up, but it'll heal without scarring- the slower your nanites work, the less scar tissue they form." he explains, then slowly reaches for one of the spymaster's narrow servos. "May I see your servos? I just want to be certain that they aren't damaged." 

 

Soundwave blinks a couple of times, his optics adjusting to the light again, then replaces his visor and slowly holds out a servo. He's in favor of keeping his servos in good shape, he needs them. 

Patches' touches to his servos are gentle, very gentle, and Soundwave really doesn't mind this happening- he has no issues with his servos being touched, as long as it's gentle. And... wow. He didn't know it was possible for an exam involving testing joints to be this gentle. He's impressed. 

 

 

"Okay... seems like you're alright. You do have a couple of fingers that are mildly wrenched, it looks like, but it's not bad at all- just don't try to claw someone's armor off again and you'll be just fine." Patches offers, his voice soft, then lightly pats Soundwave's arm. "You're done. Hop up. Looks like Ratchet is about done with Optimus- oh, here." 

 

Soundwave stands up, then blinks in surprise when he's offered a stick of candy. Slowly accepting it, he looks it over for a moment, then turns his attention to Patches. Is... is he being given candy for being good? He's not a sparkling. Soundwave fluffs his armor up just slightly in a vaguely annoyed gesture, clearly not entirely pleased, but he doesn't set the candy aside- he does like candy. Maybe he'll take it. 

 

"I'm not treating you like a sparkling, promise- though I guess it seems that way. It's... mostly habit at this point, I suppose. But mostly it's just... well, yeah, I suppose it's the same principle as rewarding a sparkling for good behavior. But, hey... nobody really likes medbay visits. I see no reason why adult mechs shouldn't get candy in return for being cooperative during something they don't much like." Patches shrugs, his voice soft and friendly. "I'm not trying to belittle you, I promise. You... don't have to take it if you don't want to." 

 

Oh, he's taking it. Soundwave dips his helm just slightly in a general gesture of thanks, then turns away, loosening the lower edge of his visor enough to get the sweet up under it and nibble on the treat. Why not. He'll take candy over just being unceremoniously thrown out of the medbay, which is usually what happens. And- it looks like Optimus is about done. He's not about to interfere, but Soundwave does wander over to stand a short distance away, where he can watch Ratchet without getting in the way. 

 

Ratchet applies a final bit of paint, then shoves on Optimus' shoulder, getting him off the berth. "Shoo. You're fine." he mutters, then narrows his optics slightly when Patches darts over and quickly presses a piece of candy into Optimus' servo. He doesn't protest, though. It's a bit silly, in his opinion, but rewarding cooperative patients with candy won't do any harm. Besides, Optimus smiles just a bit when he's offered candy, and that's not something that Ratchet sees often. It's cute. 

 

"There... see? I'm fine." Optimus hums softly, gesturing towards his newly repaired (and shiny) chassis, then pops the sweet into his mouth and heads towards the door. "Come on- do you want to see the rest of the base? You can stay behind me if you want, to ensure that you see everyone before they notice you. There aren't too many mechs on base at the moment, anyway." he reassures, then smiles softly when Soundwave cautiously follows him. "Come on- I think you might like it here. It's fairly quiet, there aren't too many mechs, and there's plenty to do." 

 

Soundwave cautiously follows Optimus out of the medbay, walking right up next to the larger mech and slightly behind him. This is how he tends to walk with Megatron... it's respectful, the proper attitude to show towards a leader, but it's not submissive- just not dominant. And, in this case, he likes it because he's shielded from anyone they might happen to encounter- and that's good, because here's a rather large mech walking past them. Soundwave hisses very softly, moving to stand with Optimus between himself and the other mech, but he doesn't fully try to escape- that's just a Wrecker, and the mech's frame and voice aren't familiar. He's fine. 

Now... why is that mech whispering something about a "Scraplet Queen" to someone in the next room? 

Oh, hang on... he  _does_ know that mech, very vaguely.  _I remember you. And I remember just what you're talking about._

_That was fun._

 

Optimus raises an optic ridge, glancing back at the two quietly whispering mechs, then looks down at Soundwave with the same vaguely amused look. "What exactly does he mean by 'Scraplet Queen'? I know you have quite a reputation, and I've heard the one about you being part Sparkeater, but... I'm reasonably certain there's no such thing as a Scraplet Queen, and I think I'd know if you were such a thing. I have to ask... _how_ did you get _that_ rumor going?" he asks, his voice soft and somewhat amused. "I mean... how does someone acquire a reputation for being something that doesn't even exist?" 

 

Soundwave tilts his helm slightly, raising one shoulder in a little shrug, then reaches into subspace (now that he has enough energy to properly activate his subspace compartments) and withdraws a reasonably large-screened data-pad. He keeps records of all the various rumors he's spawned over the centuries, especially any potentially useful ones that involve him supposedly being something fearsome. This one's a bit... odd. He has taken advantage of it a couple of times, though- and it was one of the more amusing rumors to kindle.

 

Optimus takes the data-pad from Soundwave, regarding the list of files for a moment, then selects the one labeled "Origin" and starts a video that appears to be a security camera feed. 

_In the video, Soundwave is standing with his back to a corner, calmly watching a half-dozen young Autobots cautiously approach him. All six of the young mechs are clearly apprehensive, but they're still approaching, evidently fueled by a confidence in their numbers. There's something putting them on edge, though, an ominous buzzing sound that's gradually growing louder and louder. As it gets louder, it becomes much more recognizable- it's the sounds of a hungry swarm of Scraplets. There don't seem to be any Scraplets in the room, though..._

_Until one of the Autobots shouts "SERVOS UP" and Soundwave pulls his servos out from behind his back. There's a Scraplet perched on each clawtip, buzzing and screeching angrily, jaws open and fangs whirring-_

_And then the camera angle shifts to show Soundwave's visor, just as an image of a Scraplet's mouth slowly becomes more clear on his visor... as if the visor was getting more transparent and showing what was underneath. And as his visor grows more and more transparent-seeming, the spymaster slowly starts to approach the young mechs in front of him, servos raised slightly and held out. And that buzzing is just getting louder and louder, the horribly unnerving sound filling the room-_

_The first Autobot to bolt is the one closest to Soundwave. When he runs, the others lose their nerve and follow, racing outside as if they were being pursued by something even worse than the Decepticon spymaster with two servos full of Scraplets._

_Once they're out of the room, Soundwave's shoulder blades twitch slightly in what seems like amusement, and the spymaster carefully flicks the Scraplets off his servos. When they lunge at him, he replays an ominous screech, and the Scraplets turn and flee. Evidently they took the sound to mean some sort of predator was incoming- though it would have to be something even worse than them. Even Sparkeaters are known to flee Scraplets._

Optimus blinks, clearly surprised, then smiles and hands the data-pad back. "Well, that was rather impressive... and also vaguely disturbing. Definitely explains that particular rumor." he chuckles, then hums soothingly when Soundwave looks vaguely apprehensive. "No, no, don't worry... I interact with Jazz on a regular basis. I know as well as anyone that vaguely... unnerving tactics don't mean that someone is a bad person. Besides... I'd much rather you terrify someone than hurt them. It's a tactic I approve of." he explains, then pauses and narrows his optics when he notices Soundwave's posture starting to radiate fear. "...Soundwave? What's wrong?" 

 

Soundwave isn't listening to Optimus any more. The instant he'd heard Optimus' reassurance, his optics had returned to their usual scanning of the area- and he's just noticed something.

The beginnings of confident body language immediately faded away as Soundwave's plating clamped down tight to his frame, as every cable in his body went tense and his bio-lights dimmed until they nearly went out in an attempt at not being seen. One narrow servo is suddenly wrapped tightly around a bit of Optimus' arm plating, and the spymaster's ventilations speed up as he edges closer to the Prime, an inarticulate little noise of  _fear_ tugging its way out of his throat. No... no no _no_ , not again-

_I need this- I need it to STOP. I can't- can't deal with this, not right now._

_Please._

_Make it stop._

_...Optimus?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering, they were watching the first Harry Potter movie. Soundwave solved that riddle with the potions in probably something like ten seconds.  
> Also, Soundwave is the master of spreading possibly-beneficial rumors about himself. The Vehicons are great for that- they're practically one giant rumor mill. He has approximately a third of them convinced that he's part Sparkeater, another few convinced that he's full Sparkeater, a good number thinking he's literally the spawn of Unicron (eerie frame, never speaks, incredibly deadly, sees EVERYTHING, bio-lights the color of dark energon- not the most ridiculous conclusion), and a couple convinced that he's actually a disguised femme. He's... not encouraging that last one. It does him no good. Said rumors are also circulating among the Autobots- especially the Sparkeater one. The Scraplet Queen one is Autobot-exclusive at this point, and there's only ever been a servoful of mechs who believed it.  
> Rumors can be helpful if they're properly steered. Convincing people that you just might be at least part indestructible soul-swallower can be very helpful to one's reputation.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The muse has decided to do other things for now, but I'm not abandoning this fic. Soundwave still has a lot of healing to do, and I fully intend to write about that.

"Soundwave, please... what's wrong?" Optimus whispers, very lightly placing his servo on the spymaster's shoulder, then follows his (approximate) line of sight until... oh. Hmm. Carefully kneeling, he very gently grips Soundwave's chin and coaxes the slender mech to look at him, his voice soft and soothing as he tries to coax an answer out of the trembing mech. "Hey... look at me. Do I need to have that mech arrested?" 

 

Yes. Yes,  _please._ Soundwave nods slightly, then, realizing that he's turned his back on the mech at the end of the hallway, whirls around- 

Only to see that the mech in question is gone. Presumably said mech had realized something was wrong and fled. That's... not great for him. Now one of his tormentors is in an unknown location, still free- still dangerous. Trembling slightly, he leans up against Optimus, a tiny whimper finally escaping his throat now that no one else is around to hear. No,  _please-_

 

"Alright, Soundwave. Just give me one moment to COMM Jazz..." Optimus croons, his touches gentle and soothing as he cradles the slender mech close. "Here... you're okay. Nobody's going to hurt you... I promise. I have you, and that mech won't be free for much longer. And, until then, I am going to keep you right here next to me... okay?" he whispers, then COMMs Jazz, doing his best not to sound as angry as he is. He'd gladly chase down the culprit himself, but he can't leave Soundwave here, and... he's not entirely certain what will happen if Soundwave ends up being forced to join a chase after one of his attackers. Bad things, most likely. Presumably bloody things. 

//Jazz. Longshot is somewhere in the corridors east of the medbay, presumably running. I need you to arrest him.//

 

//Got it, bossmech. I'm guessin' Soundwave pointed him out?//

 

//Yes. And he's fully aware that he's in trouble- he may be a bit difficult to capture.//

 

//Ain't no mech in the galaxy can escape me for long- I'll haul him in.//

 

//Relatively intact, please.// Optimus sighs, then (after looking around to be certain that no one else is nearby) gently scoops Soundwave into his arms. "Here- I have a bit of an office space, we can go there to be certain that no one will show up unexpectedly. And then, once we're safe, I can get a base roster and you can check if there's anyone else you... recognize. Alright?" he croons, then smiles when Soundwave goes from looking freaked out to just looking rather surprised. 

 

"...prr?" Soundwave ventures, optics rather wide as he looks Optimus over. Why... why is Optimus holding him? He's not exactly complaining (as long as no one else shows up), but... what exactly...

Oh, wait. His sparkrate is... is definitely lowering. He... hm. He likes this. It feels... safe. Good. "Trrr." the spymaster whispers, then just shifts slightly, positioning himself so that he's essentially just sitting in Optimus' arms. There. Now he has a fair bit of dignity, and he can get down quickly if he wants to. And... yes. That sounds like a good plan. He likes the idea of being in Optimus' space instead of out here, and he definitely wants to look that roster over. Humming very softly to himself, he leans back against Optimus- then twitches slightly as Laserbeak SCREAMS and buzzes over their helms at top speed. Well. Evidently she objects to her host being threatened. Understandable... and somewhat pleasing. Nevertheless-  _//Laserbeak, no. He's armed. Can't risk this.//_

 

 _//You worry too much but okay fine just give me one second to-//_ somewhere off down the hallway, the mech in question wails in pain, then Laserbeak pulses satisfaction over their bond as she turns back.  _//I got 'im! No, he's not dead, Optimus would get real mad- but I did shoot some parts he probably wants.//_

 

Optimus raises an optic ridge, just barely hearing the sound, then sighs softly and meets Soundwave's optics. Or, well- his gaze. Hopefully. He can't tell. "Please ask Laserbeak not to seriously injure or kill him. Her anger is understandable, but... I do need to maintain control here, and I don't want to give Ratchet any more work." he explains, his voice soft, very careful not to sound like he's angry or reprimanding the spymaster. He's not... he understands. He doesn't quite agree with what Laserbeak decided to do, but he's not angry. Slightly disappointed, maybe... not angry. 

 

Soundwave tenses slightly, expecting disapproval, then relaxes slightly when Optimus doesn't scold him. Oh. Optimus... isn't angry? Or upset? Good. Soundwave doesn't want to upset the Prime... he likes this mech, he genuinely likes this mech, and he wants to... 

He wants to make Optimus happy. It's not entirely a new desire... he's encountered this before, directed towards Megatron. It's... actually been useful. Praise is good for his self-esteem, and doing things right sometimes earns him praise. And... for reasons he isn't certain of, pleasing the few people he likes gives him a little burst of warmth in his chassis. It's weird, but... it's definitely not bad. He likes the feeling, and he likes... he likes how he feels when Optimus smiles at him. He doesn't want to upset the Prime. 

 

"Alright, Soundwave... let's go." Optimus whispers, then offers Soundwave his servo, smiling softly as the spymaster cautiously takes it. Optics soft, he very gently squeezes the narrow claws, then sets off towards his quarters. "I'm sure Laserbeak will follow us... let's go somewhere private. Jazz is going to capture that mech and lock him away... he won't ever get the chance to touch you again, I promise. I'll keep you safe." 

//Jazz- Laserbeak just shot at your target. Presumably he's still alive.//

 

_I'll keep you safe?_

Soundwave blinks, slowly raising his free servo to touch his chassis in a gesture of surprise as his spark pulses in a way that he can only describe as  _thrilled_. Wh- where did this feeling come from? Optimus has promised to protect him before now, but... but his voice is so  _earnest,_ and- there's something in his body language that- 

Optimus looks angry, but- but it's not directed towards Soundwave, it's... it's  _protective_ anger. Optimus is angry on his behalf, and... he has the feeling that the Prime would have been chasing Soundwave's attacker, if not for his attempts to comfort Soundwave. And, despite his anger, his touch is so  _gentle_ against Soundwave's servo... he's being incredibly careful. This is... good. Safe. It feels... feels good. And... and his spark is still pulsing happily, and it's very  _strange,_ but- it's good. 

And he's starting to wonder if it might not be just his own spark doing this. 

 

 

Soundwave hesitates at the door to Optimus' office, quietly observing the area, then slowly steps inside. Turning around, he watches the door slide closed, then taps the lock button on the door controls and tilts his helm slightly as he listens to the  _shnk_ of the lock sliding into place. Sounds like a very solid lock, not easily budged... good. It's probably safe here. Slowly turning around, the spymaster looks around the room again, taking in his surroundings. 

There's a fairly large desk in the center of the room, with a Prime-sized chair behind it and two smaller ones in front of it. Aside from a stack of data-pads, the desk is very neat, just... slightly cluttered. Unsurprising. Behind the desk are a set of shelves lined with data-pads, with cabinets on either side, and... there are two doors in the room. One is small and probably just leads to a closet, and the other is... hmm. That's probably another room, and it's not locked. Tilting his helm slightly, Soundwave regards the door for a moment, then glances up at Optimus and points to it. He'd like to know what's behind the door, and if anyone can walk in. 

 

"Oh- here." Optimus hums, walking over to the small door and opening it- just a closet. He then walks across the room and opens that door, though keeping an optic on Soundwave- just in case. "Just a small berthroom... I sleep here sometimes, if I run out of steam at an unexpected time or travel isn't a great idea at the moment. There are no doors in there, don't worry... no one can get in now that you've locked the door. And... this door locks from the inside as well. Would you prefer to have two locks between yourself and everyone else? If you aren't comfortable with that, don't worry, I won't make you come. Now... is there anything I can do for you, or would you rather just stay here and relax for awhile?" he asks, moving over to his chair and sitting down in an effort to not be intimidating. "Oh- tell Laserbeak that she can come in through the air vent. It's securely fastened, but you should be able to unscrew it easily from this side- just put it back after she comes in." 

 

Laserbeak is already in the ventilation system, and she's fluttering up against the grate the entire time Soundwave is unscrewing it. The second it's open, she flitters inside and immediately docks, her two little manipulator arms gripping tighter than usual in an attempt to comfort her host. _//I shot the guy, Master. He's alive, I can't kill him or Optimus will get mad, but... I did make him hurt. And he's not coming back... Jazz is busy tackling him. It's okay... he's gone. Besides, Optimus would probably punch him through the wall if he tried to get anywhere near you. It's okay... you can relax. We're fine.//_

 

 _//I **know**.// _ Soundwave huffs, then sighs, wrapping his arms around his chassis in order to hug Laserbeak a bit closer. It's not needed, she's very firmly attached to his chassis, but... it's comforting. _//I know it's okay. But... thank you anyway. Your vengeance is appreciated, as is your reassurance.//_ he whispers, then glances over towards the small berthroom, slowly edging towards it. Maybe he can... just rest there. The additional locks sounds nice. And... some energon would also be good. Glancing back at Optimus, Soundwave lightly taps a spot over his fuel tank, then slinks over towards the side room. 

 

Recognizing the gesture as one of the few they've established over the past couple of months, Optimus quietly retrieves a cube of energon, though he doesn't follow Soundwave- not yet. He doesn't want to crowd the spymaster or make it look like there's even a possibility that he might suggest something. He only walks into the room when Soundwave has settled on the berth, and he doesn't join the slender mech- he sets the cube down and leaves the room. "I'll leave you alone... if you need me, I'll be out here. Oh, and- this is the crew roster for this base. When you're feeling better, perhaps look it over and see if there's anyone who should be arrested?" 

 

Hm... Optimus didn't get too close. He just... just left the cube here and got out of the way. That's... good. Soundwave is only sitting on the berth, but even so, he's... not comfortable with the idea of sharing a berth with Optimus. Not at all. Maybe it's just because he's still shaken up, but... he'd still really rather not. So... he'll just stay in here, drink the energon, and look this crew roster over for people who need to die. 

 

 

Some time later, Soundwave starts at a sudden noise from nearby, then relaxes when he sees that it's just Optimus. Turning the roster around, he taps on one mech's picture, bringing up a quick profile on his visor as he does so.  _"No others on list. However, this mech is a possible concern. Very willing to sell out for any sort of reward. Also known to spy on and occasionally film others in shower. Not a rapist, but could theoretically escalate."_ he warns, handing the data-pad back to Optimus.  _"Could be problematic in future. Patches: seems easy to manipulate. Best kept away from mech in question."_ _  
_

 

"Understood... I'll let Jazz know to keep an optic on him." Optimus hums, then sighs softly, putting the data-pad aside. "I'm afraid I have to go... I know you don't want to be alone, though, so how would you feel about spending some time in the medbay with Ratchet? Not for anything medical, of course, he's currently a bit busy- just so you don't have to be alone. How does that sound?" 

 

Better than being on his own. He trusts Ratchet, at least somewhat, and... the mech does seem to be trustworthy. Soundwave nods slightly, standing up, and he doesn't resist following Optimus out of the room. This doesn't sound so bad, really... maybe he can poke around in the medbay a bit and quietly inspect everything. He likes to know where everything useful is, and medbays are usually full of useful items. 

He gets a bit sidetracked, though, by a familiar bluish light coming from the slightly open door of a small side room. UV light, usually used to find old scars that are no longer visible without aid. Under UV lights, repaired spots practically light up, and no doubt there are medical uses for that... he's just not entirely certain of said uses. And, since the door is open, he slinks inside to find out what's going on. 

 

"Oh, there you are- hey, spook. Patches, Soundwave is gonna be hanging around for a bit... got any objections to him watching? He looks curious." Ratchet asks softly, looking down at the mech on the berth in front of him. 

Patches is sprawled on his front, one shoulder propped up with something, optics dim and unfocused. "Mhh... hm? Okay, yeah, sure." he mutters, waving in Soundwave's general direction and flittering his winglets slightly. "Yep." 

"Figured he'd say that. You can watch, just stay outta my way, and do  _not_ lurk behind me like you intend to strangle me and rip my spark out through my back. And don't look at me like that, I have seen at least two people you've killed that way." Ratchet mutters, then carefully peels back a section of inner plating, exposing the works of Patches' shoulder. "Don't worry, he can't feel this. He's... well, he's pretty much just very high. He doesn't like being fully sedated, and I need him able to tense up anyway, so this is the best option. He's fine. Aren't you?" 

"Mhm. Tickles." 

 

Interesting. He wouldn't think that a young medic like Patches would have quite so many scars, but... he most assuredly does. The UV light is shining directly onto the shoulder that Ratchet is working on, and Patches' protoform is crisscrossed by quite a lot of scars, most of them glowing like they were quite deep when they were caused. The young mech's plating is almost completely clean of scars, though- apparently it's been replaced entirely, and recently. 

Soundwave settles himself into place in a spot where he isn't blocking the light or standing behind Ratchet, his helm tilted just slightly in a subtle gesture of curiosity as he watches the CMO masterfully peel back layer after layer of Patches' shoulder until he's reached the strut. He doesn't ask any questions, that seems like a good way to upset Ratchet, but the medic occasionally mutters something to explain what he's doing. Evidently Patches has some stiffness in this shoulder, probably caused by an old injury due to an incident that Ratchet won't discuss without Patches's permission. Said stiffness wouldn't be an issue for most mechs, but is a problem for a medic- they need extreme dexterity. Ratchet is attempting to pinpoint the exact cause and eliminate it. Which involves very careful dissection of Patches' shoulder in order to not cause any more damage. Said dissection happens to be quite interesting, at least in Soundwave's opinion. He's not squeamish, Patches is in absolutely no pain (he's mostly just staring at a wall and occasionally making questioning little noises), and there is absolutely no reason for him not to watch this. 

 

"There we go... see that? Scar tissue around the joint. He was probably using this joint while it was healing, which caused his self-repair nanites to go a bit overboard trying to keep everything in place long enough for it to heal. Everything's healed up now, so I just need to get this excess material here and here out of the way, and he'll be fine. Here- you aren't squeamish, hold this." Ratchet orders, passing the handle of a long-necked clamp to Soundwave. "Gotta keep that line outta my way. Just hold this thing still for a bit." 

 

Okay. Ratchet is correct, he is absolutely not squeamish, and he doesn't have any protests. Soundwave obligingly holds the clamp still, closely watching Ratchet's work, then releases the clamp when told to. He doesn't mind helping Ratchet with this, even if the medic is ordering him around rather than asking. The orders make sense, and Soundwave would have offered to do these things anyway, so... why not. 

 

Once finished closing Patches' shoulder back up, Ratchet gently runs a servo over the younger mech's shoulder, then puts a blanket over him and tucks it around the small mech. "There... done. I'm going to go get a few supplies, you stay in here. Keep an optic on Patches, don't bother him, and feel free to mess with the UV light. I assume you're smart enough to not break it." he mutters, walking out of the room and shutting the door behind him. 

 

Yes, he can manage not to break the light. And, hmm... there's a mirror on the wall. He's seen this in a couple of medbays- apparently looking at certain operations in a mirror can help to check for symmetry, so mirrors are sometimes mounted on walls for easy glances. Then again, he's also heard a story that the mirrors force medics to see themselves, so they know who's to blame if their patient dies. Which is nonsense, really- if a patient dies under the servos of a mech who cares enough to be upset at the thought, the medic was plainly trying their hardest, and it isn't their fault that they lose their patient. Breaking a medic's will is not a good thing. 

Suddenly curious, Soundwave repositions the UV light, shifting it so that it's reflecting off the mirror onto him. He can see his scars now, and... hmm. It's... it's _interesting_. 

His armor is free of scars, of course- it's been replaced. The rest of him, though, is covered in glowing scars. His legs are marked with knife lines and a couple of crush marks, his arms are absolutely covered in small wounds from using them as shields, and he has a few small (healed) gouges around his visor where someone tried to pry it free with a claw. His throat is gashed, too, rather badly... and his stomach is practically aflame. He has no armor there, so foes often aim for his stomach, and... he's had some very bad wounds to his abdomen. For one thing, he's had someone just outright rip his fuel tank from his stomach. It was... heh. It was NOT fun at all, but it did gain him a lot of reputation when he walked into the medbay like that. Yes, he was practically staggering, but he was upright despite how much pain he was in and how much energon he'd lost. The medic had spent the entire time muttering about how this wasn't physically possible. He'd accused Soundwave of being Unicron's spawn. No, that wasn't correct, but... heh. The rumor was useful. 

Slowly, he places one servo over the brightly glowing marks on his stomach, over the rent wound that should have killed him.  _They said I shouldn't have been able to stand up, let alone survive, but I did._

_I survived that. I got up and walked away._

_I've done that more than once... walked away from things I shouldn't be able to._

_I've survived._

There are scars on his inner thighs, too. Clawmarks. Bite marks. Torn area that should have bled him out through a major line in his thigh. 

_I survived when they did that. I killed them, too. I ripped their spark chambers out. And I... heh. I drove that one mech to jump from the ship._

_I do not die easily._

_I've beaten everything so far. I haven't died yet. I haven't gone insane. I'm not... I'm really not feeling great right now, but... I'm alive. I'm sane._

_I can beat this._

_I'll have more memories, but... I can do this._

_I'm alive. I'm sane. I'm not in pain. I'm safe._

_I can do this._

_They won't win._

_I will._

_I am going to recover._

_And I am going to..._

_I am going to stop being so afraid._

_Not right away, though. Never happens right away. But, eventually._

_And while I'm still afraid... I have Optimus._

_He wants to protect me. He's doing a good job of it._

_I'm okay._

_Optimus is here._

_I trust Optimus._

_I trust myself._

_I am stronger than this._

_I am stronger than THEM._

_I will track them down and ensure that they never hurt anyone else._

 

_Or perhaps I'll enlist someone else to track them down. That way I won't have to touch them._

_Yes, that's... that's what I'll do._

_And I know just the mech._

_Just need to be sure that Optimus doesn't find out, he wouldn't approve._

_I'm sure he'd understand, though._

_I'm sure he'd understand._

_They deserve it, after all._

_They deserve worse._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor/background characters in this chapter aren't from anywhere else, I just named them various things that sounded Cybertronian. If I copied a name from somewhere, it's accidental.  
> 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's been about 3 years.  
> I'm not going to continue this particular fic, honestly. To continue it beyond this little bit, I'd have to edit the entire thing to account for writing style changes. I have projects in progress that I need to put my limited injury into.   
> I might write a sequel to this fic, or just the "later" mentioned below.   
> Anyway, here's a short little finisher so things are left on a good note.

Suddenly feeling a bit better, Soundwave turns away from the mirror- then freezes when he sees soft lavender optics glowing up at him.

Patches is awake. And watching him. Patches can see every single one of his scars, lit up and practically glowing- he can see _everything._

Soundwave's first instinct is to cringe. He wants to hide, wants to curl into himself, wants to shield the bright lines and marks carved into his thighs- but he doesn't. Normally he would, but... he's realized something in the millisecond it's taken for him to understand his situation. Patches _knows,_ and cringing won't change that. Instead, the spymaster changes his stance, drawing himself up and holding his helm as high as he can manage without straining something. Standing completely still, he calmly meets Patches' optics, making it very clear that he is  _not_ ashamed. He is not ashamed to be alive. He's not at all proud of what happened to him, but... but he's not... he's not ashamed of being  _alive._

Hm. Apparently this is working. Patches looks... vaguely awestruck. Also dazed, but... definitely awestruck. Which might be at least partially from the sedatives, but it still feels good. Really good, actually, he loves seeing that sort of admiring expression aimed in his direction.

Soundwave holds the pose for a moment more, then stalks over and very gently pulls the blanket up over Patches, internally chuckling at the confused little "nrrh?" noise it earns him. That's cute, but it's probably best for him to sleep the sedatives off now. Very gently, the spymaster rubs two fingertips over Patches' audio fin for a few seconds, coaxing the round little mech down under the blanket, then hums softly and quietly creeps out of the room. 

And Ratchet seems fairly busy, so... maybe he'll just lurk in the background for a bit and watch. Ratchet is working on a mech who's apparently done something to his arm, and- 

Soundwave freezes at the sound of the mech's voice, then  _shudders_ and has to force down the urge to run. He  _knows_ that voice, and it fills him with absolute revulsion, but- 

But he doesn't run. He is  _done_ running. He is  _angry._ That mech has  _hurt_ him, and he is  _furious,_ and the urge turns from  _run_ to  _kill_ in less than half a second. Forget running. Forget hiding. That mech deserves to  _die,_ and Soundwave is very, very good at making people dead. 

He is going to tear that mech apart. 

Soundwave draws himself up, squares his shoulders, spreads his claws, and steps out of the shadows, rapping sharply on a nearby berth to get his target's attention. 

It works. Bright blue optics glance up at him, then  _lock_ on him, and Soundwave almost smiles at the sudden look in those optics. The look of a hunted thing spotting a predator. A look of guilt, and of  _fear_. 

 

And then it backfires, in a way Soundwave probably should have expected, in the target screeching "NO YOU DON'T" and lunging for Ratchet's throat. 

For everyone involved, the world slows down for just an instant as the adrenaline kicks in, almost freezing the tableau in place. Soundwave mid-leap, in midair, claws out and tentacles unfurling, and his target with a servo around Ratchet's throat, trying to use the medic as a shield. 

 

Optimus is starting to get used to overhearing chaos when he comes by the medbay. Someone or another is usually either being yelled at or announcing a creative injury. 

Someone being thrown through the door, as in  _through_ the solid metal door, is unusual. As is Soundwave landing on top of them. 

He's broken up far too many fights at this point, so Optimus knows how to do this. Reach down, scoop the smaller mech up, hold them in the air where they can't reach the other. A bit more complicated when the smaller mech is  _Soundwave_ and responds by wrapping himself around Optimus' arms, clawing at his plating and growling, but it works. "Ah- Soundwave! Soundwave, what in Primus' name are you  _doing-"_

Suddenly, it clicks. Soundwave's field is spiny, flared,  _furious,_ the spymaster is still trying to get at his target-slash-victim, and the mech currently screaming and bleeding all over the floor looks like someone has gutted him from the chassis down.  _Down._ And Ratchet, hurrying over, one servo to the lightly bleeding claw marks on his neck.

...ah. 

Keeping a firm grip on Soundwave, who is still squirming and angry but seems unwilling to actually hurt him, Optimus moves several steps away and puts himself between them. "Soundwave- I understand. Do you hear me? I understand. And I promise, he will not hurt you again, or  _anyone_ else, I will not allow it, but... I am afraid I cannot allow you to murder him. Even if he... did threaten Ratchet. The threat is no longer present, so I am afraid I cannot allow you to continue. Far too much paperwork, you understand." 

He's joking for the last part, though it  _would_ be a lot of paperwork, hoping that Soundwave will relax. It works. Soundwave actually manages to orient himself into something relatively dignified, despite still being held in Optimus' servos like a recalcitrant toddler, and growls one last time before going still and quiet. Not panicking, though. Not shutting down. Just looking up at Optimus, helm cocked, body language practically screaming "oh,  _fine"._

"Promise me you aren't going to attack him as soon as I let go? Not that I would be able to stop you if you really tried, I suppose." 

Soundwave nods, so Optimus sets him on his pedes, glancing over his shoulder to be sure that- yes, good, the screaming stopped because Ratchet did something involving what is presumably a dose of sedatives, not because the mech died. He's not sure he can legally excuse Soundwave murdering someone. The attack is reasonable, but not the murder part. 

 

Oh, Soundwave still wants to tear the mech apart. Completely. Starting at the hips and working his way out. However... Optimus does have a point. This area is a bit too public for him to successfully cover up a murder, and the Autobots aren't likely to tolerate said murder. He'll just... settle for arranging a quiet 'accidental' death. Not for awhile, of course, has to make it look unconnected- unless the opportunity is now, with his injuries? 

A point for further contemplation, but later. 

Right now, his adrenaline is up, but not overly so, and he feels  _good_. Bold, but not so hyped up on adrenaline that he'll do something stupid. 

So he doesn't do anything stupid, he does something bold. Soundwave purrs up at Optimus, retracting his mask, then taps on Optimus' automatically engaged battlemask. One tap, then two, looking for just the right spot- there. Trick the latch, pop the mask open- 

Lean up and kiss Optimus. On the lips. Then nip at Optimus' lower lip because he's...  _fairly_ sure that's sexy. 

Judging by Optimus' face and the sputter of his vents, it's sexy. 

 

Frankly, Optimus is vaguely surprised that Soundwave obeys him. It's probably at least half due to logic rather than respect for him, but that works. Optimus does try to give logical orders, after all. 

And then every sort of logical thought flees as Soundwave kisses him. A bit awkwardly, but  _kisses_ him, and then nips at him and sends a bolt of heat straight to his groin. It's not something he tries for, but, Primus, Soundwave has  _fangs,_ and  _why_ is that hot? Optimus' vents sputter awkwardly, and he knows he's blushing because, not only does he feel his faceplate heating, Soundwave  _smirks_ at him. 

Primus. 

It takes him a few moments to come up with a coherent response. When he does, it's definitely a thing to keep to COMMs. 

_.:Soundwave. I would like to pick you up and take you to my berthroom. What we do there is entirely up to you, and I am honestly aiming for nothing more than... that, again, please, but I need to make sure you have no objections. May I?:._

 

Optimus isn't about to get any objections from him. That sounds  _excellent._ Get Optimus in private, kiss him again... maybe try something else, once the adrenaline has faded and he can be sure the desire is more than impulse. He's not planning to interface with Optimus (though the idea is less than disturbing), but... some light groping might be fun. 

Soundwave replaces his visor, then wraps one datacable firmly around Optimus' waist and more or less climbs into the Prime's arms. He's hacked the security cameras already, within days of starting to explore the building, so he can quickly check all the feeds and see that, yes, the path to Optimus' room is clear. Granted, the local security probably knows about him, especially since Jazz is involved, but they don't seem to mind. So Soundwave keeps the feeds, for his own security, and he uses them for what is definitely a very important thing. Assuring his and Optimus' dignity. Definitely important. Vital. 

The height difference isn't very large, but his lighter mass fits easily into the crook of Optimus' arm, and he can easily hold the Prime's frame for support. His warm, solid, venting-louder-than-usual frame. 

...has he turned Optimus on? Yes, evidently, just a bit. 

And that doesn't scare him. It's not an unpleasant thought at all. It's...  _flattering_. And it feels safe. This is Optimus. Optimus won't hurt him, and is being very polite about this whole thing. Nor is it a high degree of arousal. Granted, that might change after the more kissing Soundwave has in mind, but... hm. 

 

 

By the time they get to Optimus' room, Soundwave's adrenaline surge has faded. 

He still wants to kiss Optimus, though. So, as soon as the berthroom door is shut, he wriggles out of Optimus' arms and pushes on his chassis until the Prime sits down in his berth. It's more than a large enough berth to fit both of them side-by-side, but it doesn't have to, because Soundwave immediately climbs into Optimus' lap to nuzzle his cheek. And strongly consider groping him. It's definitely not an adrenaline-fueled desire, it's genuine. No desire to  _interface,_ he just... wants to see how Optimus responds. More blushing? And his voice, mm... what would he sound like if he was moaning? 

Soundwave plans to find out.

Optimus, judging by the continued blushing, the servos starting to pet Soundwave's frame, and the tiny, encouraging noises, has no objections to finding out. 

Excellent. 

Soundwave has just half-gutted one of the mechs who hurt him and has a decent plan to finish the job, has lines on tracking down two more, and doesn't have to think about that right now because there is a Prime squirming and making encouraging little noises under him. Another mech's frame is pressed warm and firm up against most of his front, and he isn't afraid in the slightest. 

Life isn't bad.

 

 


End file.
